OffsideChanceFormat2 (30 page)

“Did
you rape her? No, I don’t believe that’s even possible. Not at twelve.” The
events of last summer came crashing back full force. The way Levi had shut
completely down during the investigation had never made sense to Jude. He had
thought at the time, like everyone else who knew about his double life, that
Levi was staying quiet because he was afraid to come out. But even after Tracy had
overridden that and given him an alibi, clearing him of all charges, Levi still
seemed… guilty. Looking back, Levi had always seemed to carry around some
burden, some guilt. “Does she… how do I even ask this? God, Levi, you said they
forced you did they… help me here please.”

He
could hear Levi’s breathing turn rough. He twisted his fingers in his jeans.
“She doesn’t blame me, but I can’t stop blaming myself. She said it was okay.
We both just wanted to go home. She was in a relationship with an older girl,
and her parents were hardcore fundamentalists. She and I were the hard cases,
neither one of us would break. They tried so hard to break me, Jude, but I
wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. She broke me. They forced us into a room
together for days. She stayed away from me while I dealt with it. I think it
was the third day before she realized they were feeding me shit. I didn’t know
anything about stuff like that. I tried not to hurt her, but I needed some
relief. You don’t know what it’s like with that stuff in your system and not
knowing how to control it.”

“Yes,
I do,” Jude interjected, thinking of his time with Will a couple of weeks ago.
“I thought you had to be physically aroused for the drug to work though. That
it wouldn’t work if you weren’t mentally in the mood.”

“I
was twelve, my own underwear aroused me. You remember being twelve when things
start doing weird ass shit. Controlling everything without chemicals involved
at that age is hard enough. And apparently I’m fucking easy. And I was twelve,
and they were giving me what amounts to an aphrodisiac in adult doses. Fucking
sick bastards. They watched us. After a couple of days of fucking like a couple
of good little bunnies, they separated us, and I guess she told them she was
cured. I didn’t see her again until after college. When I found her, she and
her partner were still together. They have a… they had a little boy. Back then,
they were struggling to make it work. Both of them working, the baby in daycare
all the time while they worked. Neither one of them had a chance to go to
college. Annalise’s parents kicked her out when she got pregnant. So I’ve taken
care of them. All of them. All these years. I helped them both go to school. I
helped them buy a salon in Birmingham. Their son has a college fund. She tries
to pay me back. I’m telling you this so that you know who she is and why I’m
leaving her a portion of my money. I haven’t told Tracy. I’m not going to tell
Tracy. Or anyone else.”

Silence
stretched between them. Jude had no idea how to process any of Levi’s story.
“How in the hell did you manage to hide that much money from me for years?” was
the only question he could get out.

Levi
snorted. “You, my adorable little brother are not the only great financier in
the family. I have contracts, endorsements, and accounts that you have never
even seen. I just give you enough to keep you happy and out of my hair.”

“I’m
not even going to pretend that didn’t just cut me to the quick. I thought you
trusted me.”

“I
do trust you. But I have things going in my life there are things that I need
to be in control of and I have—“

“Secrets.
Levi, you have too many secrets. So you did some commercials or whatever to
fund your girlfriend’s life. I get that. And you have a whole secret drag queen
persona that has a serious clothes fetish. And stripper friends all over the
city.”

“Country.
All over the country. In the off-season, Liv went on tour,” Levi said, smiling
his Liv smile, his mouth pulling into a pout when Jude glared at him. “Don’t
look like such a puss, Puss. I never did porn. Or stripped for money. Okay,
yes, but not like that. I did shows in

New
York for charity, and I
maybe
played some rich dude’s
arm piece a couple of times because

I
thought it was funny, but that was before I was famous. I haven’t done that in
years. I just conveniently forgot to include a couple of my bigger endorsements
when I turned everything over to you.”

“And
just when I thought we were starting to really bond, you have to go and stab me
in the back,” Jude said playfully as if none of this news bothered him. But
Levi’s lies and secrets... he couldn’t keep track of them all anymore, and he
was having a hard time convincing even himself that this new round of
revelations didn’t sting. “Are there any more secrets I need to know about?
Because, Levi, I’m not sure I can handle anymore bombshells.”

Levi
stopped, his pause lingering. He chewed his bottom lip, and his eyes darted
toward the river as he noticeably fought for control over features. “No. That’s
it. I’m gay. I’m a drag queen in my spare time. And my first sexual experience
was the stuff of nightmares.”

“I
guess it could be worse. At least you won’t have any surprise kids show up.”
And that led him back around to the source of his dilemma. “I’ve slept with seven
women. All of them hate my guts now. There’s only one with a kid and I’m very
sure it isn’t mine. Will… I slept with him, Levi. What the hell is wrong with
me?”

“Jesus,
Jude, are we back to that? You’re bi-sexual. Admit it. Embrace it. Stop being
such a prude. Fuck him as long as you want. Or admit you’ve fallen for him and
stop shitting yourself about it.”

Jude
leaned over and buried his face in his hands. “I think I’ve fallen for him. But…why
him? He’s—”

“Yeah,
he’s going to break your fucking heart when he goes back to boning bimbos. So
what are you going to do about it?”

“End
it. I’m going to end it. Before I really do fall in love with him.”

“If
you think that will be best,” Levi shrugged. “Maybe a clean cut all the way
around is the best thing.”

“Yeah.
A clean cut,” Jude nodded. He liked the sound of that.

“Come
home for Mardi Gras,” Levi implored. “I know you hate New Orleans during the
season. And this weekend is the big weekend. Take some time away to clear your
head. If you change your mind, he’ll still be here.”

Jude
thought about that for a moment. “Yes. I’ll do it. Will you pick me up at the
airport Friday?”

“Why
not just rent a car and drive? But yeah, I’ll pick you up.” Levi gathered up
the remains from their uneaten burgers and took the tray to the food court
trash. On the way out of the food court Levi pulled out his phone to glimpse
his texts. “Tracy wants to know if we’re coming back soon. He’s ready to go
home. Fuck, why in the hell am I calling that place home?”

“Because
it is home. For better or worse, it is home.” Jude took two steps into the
crowd before he remembered he wasn’t wearing his glasses.
The crowd that had grown while they
talked swirled around him making him dizzy as all of the colors in the distance
became one writhing mass. “I can’t see shit.”

Levi
linked their arms. “Don’t worry, Judy, I’ll get you home in time to torture
Slayer with Jeopardy. He likes it when you know all the answers. It turns him
on. I didn’t know he had a fetish for brains.”

“Well,
he is a knuckle-dragging zombie wannabe.” Jude sighed and shoved his brother
away. “And don’t call me ‘Judy.’”

“Only
because that’s Will’s sweet pet name for you and I wouldn’t want him to think
I’m moving in on his territory.” Levi shoved him back.

“Shut
up, Livy,” Jude teased, retaking his brother’s arm. “And steer me, I can’t see
shit.”

“Come
on, Judy. Let’s get you home to your brain lusting boyfriend before you turn
into a pumpkin or something.”

“I
hate you so much right now.”

“And
how is that different than before?” Levi asked, somewhat hurt.

Jude
stopped walking and pulled Levi to a stop beside him. The stream of shoppers
flowed around them, jostling the brothers as Jude explained, “I don’t hate you,
Levi. I’ve never hated you. In fact, I love you.”

“Fags,”
some asshole said as he passed them. Jude saw Levi flinch.

“Thanks,
Jude…for everything in these last few months. And for the record, you didn’t
fail me. I’m here and not in jail. And thank you for not making a huge deal
about… well, any of this. I’d kiss you, but well, you’re not my type.”

“Not
to mention that it would be incest. And that’s just wrong.”

“But
you were scoping me out when I came in.”

“You
are a sexy, sexy drag queen, Liv. A sexy, sexy beast…
gimme
a kiss.” Jude puckered up while Levi pushed him away. “I bet Slayer will kiss
me. But he’s not as sexy as you are.”

 
“Then we should really get you home so you can
get that kiss,” Levi laughed. He steered Jude through the crowd until they
finally found an exit. They made their way through the winter rain, Levi still
guiding Jude through the parking lot. The bleakness of the day began to weigh
Jude down now more than before he’d texted Levi. His head ached from
dehydration, his mind cloudy from lack of sleep. After the afternoon of revelations
from his brother, kissing or not kissing Will Slater was now the furthest thing
from his mind. Levi was having a surgery so risky that he feared for his life.
And on top of all that, Levi was still lying to him.

The
house was empty when they got home. Levi reported that Tracy had texted, and he
and Will would be back in a few minutes. He left Levi happily texting his
boyfriend and went upstairs. The bed still reeked of sex, but Jude didn’t care.
He covered his head with a pillow and tried to forget that the last twenty-four
hours had ever happened.

Chapter
Seventeen

Will
had been home for hours and hadn’t heard a single peep from the princess room.
Levi and Tracy were already back in Alabama, according to Levi’s text—he really
was becoming an old woman. Will paced the kitchen and attempted to resist the
urge to go check on Jude. He’d picked up a takeout pan of lasagna from the
little grocery he liked and it was currently filling the house with a wonderful
aroma. Food, his belly was screaming for food.
He ate and washed the dishes and still he waited. At seven
he decided he was pathetic. At eight he decided he needed a set of pearls to
clutch at his throat. At nine he went the fuck up the stairs and turned on the
bedside lamp.

Will
found Jude in the bed, immovable, fully dressed, still wearing his shoes, lying
on top of the comforter. This wasn’t his business. Who was he to care what the
man did,
after all he’d slept a couple of days
after a Super Bowl party before
? He should just leave Jude alone, let
him sleep it off.
This
wasn’t his business. The man in question still wore his fucking shoes. He
couldn’t very well leave him like that. Fully dressed and lying on the covers.
What kind of friend would leave someone in that condition?

Will
couldn’t decide how to wake Jude. One part of him wanted to jump on the bed and
scare the hell out him. That was the jock, the frat boy, the immature asshole
aspect of him. And if Will was honest with himself, he was still very much the
frat boy acting out in the locker room as he had been in college. His problem
would be solved, with little fuss on his part and a bit of hilarity.

But
this was Jude, not Levi, or Bo, or any of the other immature jocks he’d had the
pleasure of pranking over the years. Jude deserved more respect than that. He
went to the side of the bed and knelt down to brush Jude’s hair back from his
face. Jude breathed easily; his hair was damp with sweat. He looked so young
and so innocent when he slept.

“I’m
alive.” The words were barely a whisper.

“I
was wondering.” Since when was he so damned concerned about anyone but himself?

“There’s
lasagna if you want something to eat.”

“Not
hungry. Really tired.” Jude never opened his eyes, and Will wondered if he was
awake at all.

“You
still have your shoes on.” Will thought he needed to know.

“
Mmm
,
kay
. Guess I do. Will you…”

Will
didn’t wait for him to finish. He unlaced the beat up black boots and let them
drop heavily to the floor. “Socks too?” Will asked.

Jude
wiggled his toes as he extended each foot. “Thanks.”

Will
didn’t respond, and he didn’t stop his undressing efforts at the man’s feet. He
reached for Jude’s belt buckle and removed his pants, leaving him in just a
pair of boxer briefs and a long sleeve t-shirt. “That should help.”

“Mmmm.”
Jude reached for cover and came up empty handed. “Cold in here.”

“I’ll turn the heat
up.” Will straightened out the mess they’d made of the bed while Jude struggled
out of his shirt. Will tried to avert his gaze from the tight body now on
display. Something about Jude’s skin, the flawless perfection, his slim build,
just something… Will pulled the covers over him and turned to leave, but Jude
caught his hand.