After it was all over, Second Sister did not remove the red flower when she went to her drunkard brother’s home nearby. His wife, now over forty years old, had again added a boy to the Guo family and her month of post-parturition confinement had not been over for very long. The government was promoting births, for with many people came great power, and if the people were many they could defeat American imperialism. She was going to encourage her brother’s wife to keep up her efforts to continue raising the descendants of the Revolution.
Her oldest nephew, Gan’er, who had barely managed to pass out of grade school, now dug in his heels and refused to study anymore. But the drunkard had never forgotten the ancient precept of studying to become an official, and just then he was at home drinking and smashing crockery onto the floor trying to keep his son in line and continue studying. Second Sister kept thinking about going home to make dinner but was unable to get away for the moment and stayed on to adjudicate the matter.
When he had sent off the last patient, the sky was already darkening and still there was no sign of Second Sister. As he gazed across the intersection he smiled and repeated to himself the old saying, “Having too much fun to long for Shu, having too much fun to long for Shu.”
46
He walked into the kitchen where the fire in the oven had gone out. They had just begun to burn coal balls at home and these never burned right. He had to keep relighting the fire almost constantly. He put the little coal burner by the gate and used some old newspaper and small pieces of charcoal to get the fire going. People passing by invariably stopped to ask, “Dr. Lin, what are you doing making your own dinner?” The men in Old Town didn’t go “down” to the kitchen. They carried their teapots with them and waited for their wives to serve the rice and vegetables. The doctor couldn’t care less about what other people thought of this. He saw doing the housework as a repayment to Second Sister. He owed her so much, so very much, in this life, and however much he did for her, these were trifles hardly worth the mention.
This evening he intended to invite Pastor Chen over to enjoy a few cups of wine with him. Lately the pastor had seemed in low spirits. The pastor had really appreciated the bean curd potage that Second Sister made for him and the doctor got ready to feel his way through recreating this dish. By then, though, the vegetable market had closed so he went straight to Shuiguan’s house beside the river to ask for some bean curd. For two years now, Shuiguan’s wife had been running a bean curd stall. Nowadays, with each of their children gone off to seek a living from doing handicrafts, the husband and wife were enjoying a relatively prosperous life.
When the doctor arrived at his house, Shuiguan was hugging his teapot and waiting for his wife to serve dinner. Now he excitedly guided the doctor back outside. That very day Shuiguan had bought a new three-wheeler pedicab, and so now he just had to take the doctor out for a spin. Along their way, Shuiguan jingled the crisp-sounding bell as he pedaled the doctor all around the streets of West Gate. All this really appealed to the “little kid” in the doctor and he asked Shuiguan to let him pedal. As he had never learned to pedal anything well, this three-wheeler turned out to be even more intractable than a bicycle. The doctor had no sooner climbed aboard when it just took off and narrowly missed hitting a tree.
As might be expected, when the doctor was walking back home with the bowl of bean curd he was in excellent spirits and along the way he hummed a hymn. Then he looked up and saw the gate wide open.
Oh, Second Sister’s back. I’ll just get her to lead me through making bean curd potage.
“Has the heroic mother come home now?”
Suddenly a policeman and a man who had the look of a cadre popped up from the Eight Immortals table.
They must have come looking for Second Sister
.
“Director Guo has gone to the district meeting and hasn’t returned yet.”
The policeman’s face was taut and grim as he said, “Counterrevolutionary element Lin Bingkun, you are under arrest!”
For so many years now no one had ever addressed him by name, so the doctor felt the situation must be rather serious. He put the bowl down. “Comrades, aren’t you making a mistake? I’m classified urban-poor.”
“Cut the gab and let’s go!”
“Now?”
“Get moving!”
The doctor thought about his having once worn a Guomindang army uniform, but that history had already been explained countless times. That was his ineradicable stain.
Once I go away, will I be able to return? Oh Second Sister, you have just enjoyed a few days of happiness and now troubles are back again
.
“I’d like to leave my wife a note.”
The policeman and the cadre glanced at each other and neither said yes or no to this. The doctor found some paper and a pen and wrote: “Second Sister, the government has come here to invite me to go to make a report on some problem. You know I back the Communist Party. Don’t worry, and take care.”
My grandma returned and opened the door. The house was totally dark. She supposed that Ninth Brother had gone to the church to chat with Pastor Chen. She lit the lamp and first of all saw the bowl of bean curd on the table. She wondered whether Ninth Brother was perhaps waiting for her to make bean curd potage for the pastor’s dinner invitation. Next she saw that note. Immediately she realized that a catastrophe beyond all redemption had descended on her home. In that instant it was as if she had plunged from the end of a cloud into a deep abyss. This shock was too great. All the other calamities she had experienced, homeless wandering during the War of Resistance, hunger during the gold yuan certificate days, were nothing compared to this. She didn’t know how the government would deal with Ninth Brother, but
she
had already been given the death sentence. The note that Ninth Brother had left for her was the written verdict of that death sentence. A sharp pain and a chill spread from the depths of her heart throughout her whole body.
3.
H
OW OFTEN SHALL
I sleep like this every night, waking up every few minutes? And every time I awake I plunge into fog and mist. Has something bad really happened to Ninth Brother?
Second Sister reached out and felt for the icy cold pillow. It was the pillow that he had used for seven or eight years now and the embroidered flowers on it had worn off. She held the pillow tightly to her nose to smell his scent. And then awareness would come to her once again.
It’s true, something bad’s happened to Ninth Brother. Oh, Ninth Brother, where are you at this very moment?
Sometimes she would kneel in prayer but just couldn’t help feeling perplexed.
Is there really a God? O God, if you really are everywhere, why do you still let Ninth Brother suffer such injustices? Could it be this husband and wife still haven’t suffered enough in this life?
Opening the gate in the morning was the hardest thing. In those days Old Town folk did not close their gates during the daytime. If someone’s gate was shut and windows fastened during the day, the neighborhood would think that something had happened to that family. Beyond the gate was a vast ocean of shame and disgrace. Everybody would look at her with contempt and rejection.
So all along this revolutionary army dependent was secretly a member of a counterrevolutionary family
! And people would sigh over how complicated the class struggle was. In all the misfortunes she experienced in her fifty years, losing property and relatives had never hurt her dignity, a thing more valuable than life itself. But this calamity swept her dignity through the dirt. She thought of long-lost Third Sister. Over the intervening decades she had finally come to understand how her father felt at that time, unable to bear up under the shame Third Sister brought the Guo family.
Could I then go on living if I had to wear the hat of a counterrevolutionary family member?
Second Sister thought of dying. If a bullet ended Ninth Brother’s life, she couldn’t live one single day longer.
Ninth Brother’s message was “You know I back the Communist Party.”
Yes, long before Liberation he backed the Communist Party. But he did, after all, wear a Guomindang army uniform. According to government policy he could be considered as having engaged in the old-line counterrevolution. It didn’t matter whether it was the old-line one or the current one, once you wore the counterrevolutionary hat, that was that. Could our three children’s joining in the revolution cancel out Ninth Brother’s crime?
Though she had always possessed surpassing intelligence, Second Sister realized that she was actually extremely stupid. She couldn’t figure it out at all. She just couldn’t understand it. And the more she tried, the more mixed up she got.
That picture of her sending off Baoqing to war was still on the wall. Second Sister had the red flower in her hand and her smile was more eye-catching than the big flower. Every one of her tiny wrinkles proclaimed her happiness to the world. Beside that picture was the “Happy Family Portrait” taken in 1937 at the Drum Tower photo studio, before Ninth Brother went to fight in the War of Resistance. Who would have expected that out of the family of five, she would be the only one left? She stared blankly at the picture and over and over asked herself,
Ninth Brother, you scholar, too weak even to truss a chicken, why did you have to become a soldier? They always said a good man doesn’t become a soldier. How could you have abandoned a perfectly good family to do just that? How much misfortune has that uniform you wore brought to this family? We managed to survive hairbreadth escapes from death and thought we’d seen the end of it all. Who could have known that the real disaster lay hidden all along until it fell out of the heavens today? Can we survive it again?
The gate had to be opened, even if she dreaded seeing anyone. She forced herself to comb her hair and dress neatly, and she was more selective about what she wore than when Ninth Brother was at home. To disguise her haggard expression, she put on a little powder. Every day patients came looking for Dr. Lin and if it were just small ailments like headaches or slight fevers, Second Sister would wrap up a few “Somedon” pills for them. “Somedon” was a new medicine and Second Sister saw it as an all-purpose balm. No matter where the pain was, you just took two of these. This attachment lasted until she was over ninety years old. She couldn’t tell Baosheng from Baoqing, but she still remembered to call for “Somedon.” She told everyone who came looking for the doctor that “Dr. Lin had gone traveling.” People would say, “Oh, he’s gone to see his daughter” or, “Oh, he’s gone to see his son.” To all of these people she just gave a vague smile.
Harder even than opening her gate every day was attending meetings. She didn’t know if she was still qualified to attend meetings, and in order to avoid awkward situations, she sent a leave request to the leader of the West Gate neighborhood. Above the residents’ committee was the neighborhood committee, and above that was the district committee. The bookstore “boss” who had earlier brought Baosheng into the Revolution was now the deputy district head. That same day, this deputy district head went to the neighborhood committee to check on its work. When he asked about “Revolutionary Mother” Second Sister Guo, the neighborhood leader gave a full accounting of her circumstances. The deputy district head then said, “I believe she can make a clean break from her husband. Her son is in Korea defending China and at any time might give his life for our motherland. We can’t see her as an enemy.” The neighborhood leader then asked whether or not to let her continue with her committee tasks. The deputy district head expressed no opinion on this matter. All of this occurred at the height of the political movement and even someone as highly placed as he had to be extra cautious. The neighborhood leader had even less dared lay a finger on such a sensitive case. They revoked the positions of two other committee cadres and shelved the matter of Second Sister. Therefore, around West Gate there was no news about Dr. Lin and everyone believed that he was off traveling somewhere.
Second Sister mustered up all her courage and opened the gate. Shuiguan jingled his bell as he flew by on his pedicab. “I guess Dr. Lin’ll be coming back soon? If he sends a cable with the date of the boat, I’ll go fetch him. He didn’t ask me to take him when he left. That’s not the way friends should be!”
“If there’s news, I’ll be sure to let you know! But before, when Dr. Lin went traveling, he never cabled when he would be coming home.”
“Dr. Lin’s kind of funny that way. Now with him gone, if you need anything, just call me!”
Then Shuiguan rode off, jingling away. As she watched him go, Second Sister thought, “Shuiguan, if you knew that Dr. Lin was a counterrevolutionary, would you still be this good to him?” She really thought of asking him directly.
Everyone would inquire about Dr. Lin. Second Sister knew that every word she said was a lie, but there was no way around it for her. The longer it went on, the more frightened she grew. You can’t wrap fire in paper. At any time the paper could get poked through, and how would you fix something like that?
The postman brought the newspaper and a letter from Baoqing. Second Sister looked calmly at her son’s letter and then spread the newspaper out on the dining table. She placed a magnifying glass on top of it and painstakingly searched for Ninth Brother’s name.
As long as his name doesn’t appear in a newspaper, it means he is still alive. So up to today he is still alive and maybe even has been pardoned by the government
. This was Second Sister’s last hope.
Far off in Korea, Baoqing somehow sensed that things had happened at home, for the last letter had been written by his mother. He didn’t ask about anything happening to his daddy but filled the letter paper with concern toward his mother. He said that she and he had gone through so many difficulties and dangers. “Ma, you took us through every step of the way. I don’t believe that anything could bring you down. Everything can become things of the past.”
Tears streamed down her face as she held up Baoqing’s letter. Just at that moment, Elder Sister arrived. She didn’t ask her younger sister why she was so brokenhearted.
Probably she’s thinking of her son.
Well, she herself was the one with the hard lot in life and she sat down and chattered endlessly on about her own troubles.
Elder Sister’s only son had been insane for several years now and her oldest daughter who had recently been admitted to university suffered another breakdown and was persuaded by the school to return home. Elder Sister thought all this was retribution for all the many evil things the Zhang family had done. “I am their mother. I never did anything wrong, so why should I be the one to be punished like this? Back then Daddy preferred you and gave you away to Ninth Brother and married me off to the Zhangs.”
Second Sister grew so irritated she couldn’t stand it anymore. “Elder Sister, I’m not in the mood to hear you go on and on about ancient disputes.”
Momentarily stunned, Elder Sister said in an injured tone of voice, “Now that you’re in the Revolution you’ve become an official and earned a lot of glory. I’m not worthy of being your older sister now.”
“
Aiya
! Elder Sister, can’t you see how upset I am right now? Elder Sister cast a glance at the newspaper framed on the wall. “Who told you to be so heartless in sending Baoqing to Korea? I hear that a man’s lifeblood can freeze inside him there. Would it have been worth it, trading a son’s life for a newspaper picture?”
“Don’t talk nonsense!”
“All right then. And what about Ninth Brother? I’ve been having fierce headaches lately. Please ask him to come over and treat me.”
“Ninth Brother’s away. He’s off traveling.”
“He’s gone to Shanghai, am I right?”
“Mmh.”
Elder Sister had just stood up. Immediately she sat right back down again. “Now
this
is really something.
Ai,
so many years have passed and he still hasn’t forgotten Shanghai. You’re very generous, still letting him go to Shanghai. But what would you do if he didn’t come back?”
Second Sister was clear about where Elder Sister’s crazy mind was headed, and just looked at her, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry. “I have something I need to do. You stay here and read the newspaper.”
“Are you going to a meeting?”
“Mmh.”
Elder Sister clucked her tongue and shook her head. “And you still have the heart to go to meetings.”
Second Sister walked up to the church fence. She wanted to go in and tell Pastor and Mrs. Chen about what had happened at home and to ask them to pray for Ninth Brother. She hesitated for a moment, and then walked on. The pastor and his wife weren’t feeling very much at ease either. Enchun had married Huang Shuyi and troubles had been never ending over the past three years. Huang Shuyi was going everywhere in pursuit of her appeal, and several times en route to Beijing by train or ship, had been escorted back home by public security personnel. How could their Enchun have married such a restless and dissatisfied girl? He had risked his life for the Revolution, but now, after Liberation, why had he become so mute?
Second Sister passed by Little West Lake and without realizing it had walked right up to the neighborhood office. This startled her and she quickened her pace. Elder Sister said Ninth Brother had gone to Shanghai. Actually this wasn’t a bad pretext. Second Sister decided that evening she would write the three children and tell them that their daddy had gone to Shanghai. If Ninth Brother really had gone to Shanghai then it was all right, even if a woman was waiting for him there.
Up ahead were the commercial college and the Teachers’ Training College. Dimly in her mind she saw Baohua and Baoqing, each wearing their school uniforms, walking over toward her.
How good it had been in those days
. Second Sister sighed deeply.
Perhaps Elder Sister wasn’t wrong in saying I shouldn’t have sent Baoqing to join the army. Baoqing isn’t headstrong like Baohua. If I hadn’t agreed to this he wouldn’t have gone
. She felt deep regret over this, like a knife stabbing into her breast.
Just then a man pushing a bicycle came toward her. Second Sister quickly wiped away her tears and stepped to one side, but the bicycle kept coming in her direction. She looked up and saw a familiar face. They say that when a hard-luck type tries to drink water it sticks between his teeth. What you fear is what you’ll end up seeing. And if you are afraid of meeting someone you know, there’s no way you’ll ever avoid that person. Furthermore, this was no ordinary familiar person—it was Deputy District Head Bai, “Big Brother” Bai who had owned the bookshop.
“Aunt! It’s been a long time.”
“Oh, District Head Bai, greetings!”
“Don’t call me ‘District Head.’ I’m Baosheng’s friend, you know. He’s gone away to work, but we’re always in contact.”