OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (15 page)

Gran thinks she is Instagram.

She is not.

OMG – I cannot even believe I am writing this!!!

DIMPLE HAS A SECRET BOYFRIEND. I am the only person who knows and I cannot tell a soul on Earth ever. Even in 50 years. Even when I'm dead! If a psychic contacts me on stage I can't even tell her.

Dimple met this boy called Bhavin at a wedding. Their eyes met over hundreds of people doing mad arms-in-the-air dancing. They had a Sprite together and talked about “deep stuff”. Then they decided to meet up in secret! Dimple is meeting him in the park when she's meant to be at dance classes. DIMPLE IS HIDING IN ADVENTURE PLAYGROUNDS AND SNOGGING BHAVIN!

Or, as she calls him, “The Bavster”.

BUT IT'S CIA Top Secret
. I cannot even tell you the level of mentalness that Dimple's parents would reach if they knew. It would be SO over and Dimple would be grounded till she was at least 45.

She's TOTALLY in love. It HAD to happen – she's unbelievably pretty and she can't have her hormones removed. I'm sure her parents have looked into it. LOL!

Just want to say that Dimple's mum and dad are lovely. They are just really strict. They are not evil or anything. She gets more than me at Christmas even though she's Hindu!

YET AGAIN – have you noticed REAL love gets RUINED by families ALL of the time? They mess it all up. I think they should butt out!

Even when they DON'T know about the affair in the first place!

Family has ruined my love life.

No, I've ruined my love life AND my family life by being mental about Keith.

Me and Dimple have created a secret code word for all of this. We are calling it “Operation Bhavin”. It's SO obvious no one will guess. It's James Bond genius.

I'm part of a massive secret. It makes things really exciting even when nothing is happening except cornflakes!

Bit confused. I messaged Dimple this morning asking how Operation Bhavin was going. She replied:

Don't really get it.

OMG – SHE MEANS MEET BHAVIN!!!

CANNOT WAIT!!!

Princess (aka Gran) has been retweeted by Stephen Fry for the Tweet:

Oh. It's not the actual Stephen Fry. It's a bloke from Cardiff who's into StarTrek and lighthouses. He's got 23 followers.

Gran's a bit disappointed but she still thinks she's “on to something”.

Mum just discovered the savoury muffin in the airing cupboard.

I told her I didn't want to upset her so I'd hidden it in some beach towels.

Then Mum said, “Hattie, I appreciate that but you should tell me the truth. I can take it.”

I've noticed though that the truth can actually be a bit rubbish and if you can hide a craptacular
real dad
muffin somewhere you should.

Operation Bhavin starts tonight at the park, under the slide at 5 p.m. Dimple has to go to the community centre, run out the back, meet Bhavin, have a laugh, snog Bhavin, run back to the community centre and find out what dance moves they were doing at Bollywood class from her friend Kelsey. I am going to the park to find them.

I hope Bhavin is worth it.

HE IS WORTH IT!

Bhavin is gorgeous! It was amazing. When I turned up they were snogging under a tree near the public toilets. Even though they were under a massive orange street light it was TOTALLY romantic. He had bought her a Twix and then they pretended to have a sword fight with the bars. It's everything I've ever wanted. They stare at each other and eat chocolate. They don't even have to talk. It's BEAUTIFUL.

And Dimple got back in time.

I gave her some chewing gum so she didn't have Twix breath. Dimple's dad is the kind of man that would smell things like that and get suspicious.

I am living my actual life through someone else's relationship. I don't care. It's like watching
Romeo and Juliet!

The romantic, middle part of
Romeo and Juliet
– not the horrible double poison death at the end.

I do care. It's what I want. It's what I REALLY want.

OH, GOOSE! This could be US, you know. I'll take on your gecko like Rob took on me and Nathan. I think I could cope.

At school today Weirdo Jen started asking Dimple and me if she had offended us because we seemed a bit “distant”. Poor Jen – she is max sensitive but we can't tell her because she might accidentally spread it. Dimple told her it was NOTHING but she is a terrible liar too. It was really uncomfortable. I know Jen is going to ask her tarot cards what's going on.

LOL! Just looked at Twitter! Gran has been hacked – Princess is suggesting ways you can lose weight with guava.

Jen told us her tarot cards gave her “lots of wands and cups” – and told her that her friends were completely trustworthy.

I think she should stick to her runes. She has more of an affinity with them.

Gran has disabled her Twitter account. Gran said, “It's gone to Princess's head. She wanted tucking in twice last night. I'm not doing divas.”

She CREATED a diva.

I asked her about all the thousands she was going to make. Gran told me that there was, “No money in a fake pet Twitter account. It's a shame, Hattie, because I was going to use the profits to have a bit of a nip and tuck. I'll have to use my winter heating payment for Botox instead now.”