OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (39 page)

The Customs dog went completely mad at MGK's bag and she looked really guilty. I looked at her and said, “What have you done?!” She said, “NOTHING.” Anyway we were dragged over to a special table and this man rifled through ALL her clothes until he found a Waitrose carrier bag full of FOOD.

MGK had only sneaked some diet yoghurts and some Yakults in because she “didn't know if Australia did them or not” and she needed them to be sure that she “maintained her good figure” and “didn't bloat”.

The Australian man said, “So let's get this straight: you not fitting in your jeans is more important than bringing foot-and-mouth disease into the country, resulting in the slaughtering of millions of Australian cattle?”

MGK didn't apologize – she just said, “I think you're overreacting a bit.”

The Customs official just stared at her and said, “If you were an adult we would fine you – you're lucky you're just a girl!”

“Just a girl!” – LOL! For MGK this is the worst punishment ever.

My bag didn't arrive. We waited for ages near the conveyor belt then Keith and his hippy girlfriend met us. She smells of soup but seems really nice. Apparently my luggage is in Bangkok. The boring couple are probably telling my suitcase about the best-before dates on bread.

OMG – what day is it? Today has gone. It's like
Doctor Who
.

Keith's girlfriend offered to lend me some of her clothes. I now smell of soup too. We are sight-seeing tomorrow. I just want to sight-see my bed.

OMG – Keith's girlfriend's name is Butterfly.

She was born Tracey though – she had a renaming ceremony when she was reborn. In a forest.

Keith had a renaming ceremony – he didn't tell us because he thought it would freak us out. His name here isn't Keith – it's Storm.

He is right. It would have freaked us out!

Me and MGK tried not to laugh.

To be fair even Keith did laugh a bit till Butterfly/Tracey said, “There's nothing to be ashamed of, Storm.”

THIS MADE MGK and ME COLLAPSE WITH GIGGLES. Keith didn't say anything – just smiled. He actually seems really pleased to have us here.

I've been asleep all night!

OMG – it's 8.32 p.m. not a.m!

Keith has just been in and told me the time. They said I looked so peaceful they didn't want to wake me up.

And I'm STILL tired
.

Tasmania is mad from the window. It looks like
Jurassic Park
but without the dinosaurs. It's not like the Peak District at all. There are these massive plants and ferns everywhere and it smells like a massive cough sweet. Keith says this is because of the eucalyptus in the trees. It's the most foreign place I've ever been to. It's like landing in prehistoric Britain but with really nice houses and a massive casino.

Keith and Butterfly's house is the ultimate in shabby chic. MGK says it's actually just shabby but as usual she is being a tremendous cow bag. There are lots of wood thingies, armchairs with mad patches of fabric on them and compost bins everywhere. It's very … homely.

OK, it is a bit shabby but they've made our bedroom look really nice. Our bedroom. We are sharing. MGK was more horrified at this than me. She has her own walk-in wardrobe, remember. Now she has a walk-in clothes rail. LOL!

I just heard MGK telling Butterfly and Keith that I should have put my body on to Australian time like SHE did.

I can't help needing sleep.

Keith has put the Internet in specially so we can Skype.

Thanks, Keith, but right now I don't want to speak to anyone unless I'm dreaming about them.

Just dreamt about Goose. All his teeth had fallen out and I was trying to fix them back in with Blu-Tack.

He looked really good in the dream. Even with saggy gums.

Perhaps I should email him to check he is cleaning them for 2 minutes twice a day.

Perhaps I should get an actual life instead and stop thinking about Goose head-mess fest.

According to MGK, I SNORE. She says she just had to turn me over to stop me “making a noise like a pig”. I'd better tweet that I do not snore before she tweets that I do!

OMG – my phone doesn't work here! Apparently because I'm “pay as you go” I need a new SIM card.

MGK DOES have a phone that works here. There you go, Mum – now the whole world knows I make snorting noises because you are too tight-fisted to pay for an iPhone with global roaming!

To be fair I don't know if MGK has tweeted that I snore yet.

I HAVE A SIM CARD!!!

MGK has NOT tweeted that I snore yet. Perhaps she's frightened I will tell people her secrets.

I haven't found out any yet but it's only a matter of time.

OMG – they've arranged a welcome party for us! It's a green party.

WEIRDO JEN, WHERE ARE YOU? YOU'D LOVE ALL THIS!

All the food was from their garden and everything had peas in it. They have a really boring artist friend called “M” who just went on about his art and himself and the fact he hasn't got a girlfriend (surprise!) because women affect his productive vibe.

Then all these women arrived from Butterfly's creative poetry group. None of them wear make-up but they look quite good. They were talking about the death of trees and global warming. They sounded like Weirdo Jen before we tell her to give it a rest! Basically we are all going to die unless we go vegan and ban plastic and mobile phones.

MGK and me agreed – we will die without a mobile anyway. What about emergencies?!

OMG – MGK and me actually AGREE on something!