OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (28 page)

IT ALL KICKED OFF TODAY.

Dimple and Weirdo Jen admitted they have tried but they actually HATE Nicky.

Jen said, “Look, Hattie – he has a really negative vibe. You can feel it through a wall. Dimple feels the same.” Dimple nodded and started going on about how she doesn't like the way Nicky speaks to me and that he “picks me up and leaves me where he wants to”.

Dimple thinks because she has been out with Bhavin she knows everything about relationships. Bhavin, who just let her DUMP him because her mum was having a baby! As for Jen! She goes out with a total freak who has picnics in public, with aliens. Or something. I'm TOTALLY furious! How dare they tell ME that Nicky treats ME badly. They don't even see us together. They are BOTH too busy these days with their own lives and their own families. Nicky is lovely to me in his way. Just because he's not buying me presents every week like Simon (VOM!!!) or “being respectful”. That's not what I want. I want a REAL FULL-ON RELATIONSHIP and sometimes love does cause you a little bit of unhappiness. That's NORMAL. Someone who makes it OBVIOUS he likes YOU and takes a bit of control of the situation. Unlike … other people.

I didn't say all this. I just said, “Well, I love him and he's from a difficult family.”

I know they just say all this because they love me.

I'm sick of being understanding.

Dear Gran – I am so bored with the saga of your hedgehogs. I don't care that you can hear them “doing it”. Prickly porn is not what a nearly 70-year-old woman should be talking about. I do not care!

I need to know about men! Not “Bertram the spiky bull and all his girlfriends”!

I didn't say all this when Gran called me. I just thought it. I am OFFICIALLY calm and restrained.

I'm fed up with being safe and nice. I need to be more edgy. I think I'll start with my hair. Nicky will like it.

Just told Mum I was shaving my head completely. She was fine with it.

Gran says most boys don't go for totally bald. That's why Mum would be fine with it.

That's a NO GO then.

It's on! Today I was talking about going more edgy over lunch and Jade Montgomery said her sister needed models for her college course. She says I would be perfect as a model. So she's cutting my hair straight after school. She's only 4 years older than me but apparently she's really good and does a lot of stuff for magazines.

When they say “magazines” she was actually in the local paper once. When I said, “What for?” Jade said, “A drawing competition when she was 7” – but it's all artistic. That's the thing. If you can draw a castle and a knight well you can do a decent haircut!

I've told Jade to ask her sister to be experimental. I think my face shape can take it. Jen thinks it's exciting but Dimple said she likes my hair the way it is. It's all been a bit tense since they told me they didn't like Nicky. How can I trust people who've got him SO wrong?!

OMG – it's pretty OUT THERE.

OK! OMG – it looks FOUL.

I can't go out looking like this. If you want to achieve the Hattie Moore look…

•   Put a bowl on your head.

•   Close your eyes.

•   Use blunt scissors.

•   CUT!!!

I just sent a photo to Jen. She thinks it's “brave”. I daren't show Dimple.

Mum says, “Amputees doing the London Marathon are brave, Hattie – not someone with a bad haircut.”

So it's officially a BAD haircut.

Thanks, Mum.

Today I found out what it must feel like to be a celebrity with a wardrobe malfunction. Everyone was staring at me. Some were giggling in their hands. Some were LOLing (MGK – PREDICTABLE!). Dimple said, “If you don't like it you can just wait till it grows back.” How long will that take??!

Didn't see Nicky. I was pleased about this fact. I haven't heard anything from Nicky. I am not happy about this fact.

My brother thinks I look like a medieval monk! He keeps singing hymns behind me and every time I finish a sentence he says, “Amen”.

The sooner he goes travelling and gets stuck for ever on a bungee jump off a bridge in Thailand, the better. The idea of my brother boing-ing up and down for ever is a beautiful thought!

My hair is not the main thing people at school are talking about any more. It's the fact that there's a film of Laura Tynan doing a One Direction song at her mum's wedding and screaming, “Harry, I LOVE YOU!” over and over. She has to be helped off stage by the best man as she “gets emotional”.

Rob said, “Hattie, your haircut is just a drop in the ocean.”

Found out tonight that Gran has an arrangement with Mrs Braun over the road. If Gran's curtains are not open before 8 a.m. she's either dead or seriously ill. Mrs Braun knows to call an undertaker or a doctor.

She'd be dialling 999 every weekend if it were me! Why do old people get up when they don't have to? When I retire I'm going to stay in bed for ever with my laptop and a box of crisps.

My husband can wait on me!

Gran says, “Men don't live as long as us. Always marry them younger, Hattie!”

Apparently male immaturity is a small price to pay for toast and marmalade in bed every morning.

TEXT FROM NICKY!

1 kiss?!

I don't want to write this … but Nicky is acting … horrible.

He came over, and the first thing he said was that I've put on a bit of weight. He called me Fatty 3 Seats.

I think he was sort of joking.

Then he hated my hair. He says it makes me look more masculine and less cosmic sexy goddess.

I don't think he was joking about this. When we were kissing there was less tongue and I caught him looking over his shoulder at
The Great British Bake Off
.

I might just eat apples for the rest of this weekend.