Once Upon a Spy (Humorous Cozy Mystery) (9 page)

He smiled to himself as he shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his overcoat. The only way to get Yvonne out of his head, was to get to know her. He was pretty sure the real Yvonne would make the imaginary one shrivel up and die and then he could finally get on with his life. And his work.

He crossed the street, dodging cars, and was walking along the park when he thought he detected movement from the corner of his eye. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that he was being followed. He didn’t know why he thought this, but years of experience in the field had developed in him an instinct for these things.

It was a man, he saw, all dressed in black, weaving through traffic the same way he’d just done.

He gritted his teeth. Probably one of Fatik’s men. They must have found out they were tailing Grant and sent a man after him.

He was still thirty yards away from the entrance to the park, so he quickly jumped the low hedge dividing the park from the sidewalk, and ran full-out in the other direction, then hid behind a tree.

The man in black, his collar up high to protect his face from the cold—and recognition—kept on walking, then seemed to realize his target had vanished into thin air. Picking up his pace, the man disappeared from view, and Matt, after waiting a couple of seconds, stepped back onto the dirt path meandering through the park.

He rubbed his hands and doubled back. He’d be late for the meeting, but he didn’t want to take any chances. Harridan would have his hide if he brought Goriamanese spies to their meeting.

Five minutes later, Fortune Tower loomed up through the foliage, and after another quick look around, he set foot for the bench placed directly across from the tower.

Kathleen Harridan was already waiting for him, darting impatient glances at her watch.

With her long, blond hair and cool blue eyes, Kathleen was a beautiful woman. He’d only met her once or twice since she’d put him in charge of ASS, but if the countless emails and phone calls they’d exchanged were any indication, she was definitely a force to be reckoned with.

He quickly took a seat next to her on the bench. “Miss Harridan.”

She didn’t look up, just kept staring straight ahead. “Matt. What took you so long?”

“I thought I was being followed so I decided to take a detour and lose the tail.”

“And did you?” She sounded irritated, but then that was her standard mode of conduct.

“Affirmative.”

“Look. I don’t have much time so I’ll get straight to the point. The old man sprang a surprise on me this morning. What do you know about the EYE project?”

“Invisible drones. Last I heard, Aaron Chinn was involved.”

“You heard right. Aaron is heading up the project. And now Pyke wants him to join forces with ASS.”

Matt frowned. Aaron Chinn was a troublemaker. Linked to CIA brass by blood—his dad was someone high up in the chain of command—he always got what he wanted, even if it meant other, better projects had to be canned. He didn’t like the sound of this. “But I thought EYE was still on the drawing board?”

“It’s not. They have a working prototype and are moving into production. And what’s more, Pyke wants to deploy the drones in our inner cities.”

“Inner cities? I thought they already did?”

“American inner cities, Matt. New York, LA, Detroit, Philly…”

Matt was so surprised he broke protocol and gave his overlord and master a long stare. “What!”

Kathleen returned his stare, and what he saw in those cold blue eyes worried him. Kathleen Harridan actually looked perturbed. “Pyke’s got it into his head that he can use drones to fight the war on crime and drugs in inner cities. He wants to bomb the slums, Matt. Actually drop bombs on projects where he thinks the gangs are hiding out. Places the police can’t venture. And he needs your intel to do it.”

Matt felt a cold sweat breaking out. “He wants to integrate ASS and EYE.”

“That’s right. I’m meeting Chinn this afternoon, and I want you there.”

“This is crazy, Kathleen. He can’t drop bombs on American citizens and get away with it.”

“Try telling him that. The only thing we can do is provide the best intel, so no innocent lives are lost when the bombs start to drop.”

“Right.” Matt felt light-headed. This wasn’t really happening.

“We need to be operational as soon as possible, Matt. You need to plug the Grant hole. How far are you on that?”

Matt hadn’t yet updated Kathleen on the most recent fiasco. He did so now.

Kathleen remained silent for a spell. “You need to fix this. We’re running out of time. Taking care of the Grant situation is priority number one, you hear me?”

“I’ll put every available man on it, Kathleen.” And woman, he thought.

Just then, a loud holler in his rear reminded him of that woman. Apart from uncommon strength, Yvonne also possessed a very powerful voice.

“Matt! Get out of there! Now!”

Twisting his neck to look behind him, he realized that it
was
Yvonne, and she was tearing through the shrubbery like a bat out of hell, tracking a path for him and Kathleen.

“Yvonne? What are you—”

He didn’t have time to complete his sentence, for the next moment, Yvonne had hurled herself through the air, and, taking both his and Kathleen’s heads in a vice-like grip, she propelled them from the bench and into the small duck pond located to the left.

As Matt was dunked into the water and submerged, he thought he heard a deafening explosion rocketing through the air, and he felt, more than saw, a shockwave blast its way over the pond.

When finally he resurfaced for air, he was surprised to find that Fortune Tower had been razed to the ground. All that remained was a pile of smoldering rubble.

Next to him, Kathleen also emerged from the pond, a frog nestling on top of her head. Wiping the water from her eyes, she emitted a strangled cry.

“ASS just saved your ass, Matt.”

Matt whirled around and found Yvonne panting behind him. Then his gaze dropped to her shirt, which was soaking wet. Clearly displayed beneath the flimsy fabric, he could see a lacy red bra, and the obvious swell of her breasts. He swallowed, uncertain what to address first, his strong desire to accost her and worry those luscious lips with his, or find out what the hell had just happened.

Kathleen beat him to the punch.

“What the hell just happened!”

“Someone tried to kill you.” Yvonne gestured at the demolished Fortune Tower. “And they damn near succeeded.”

Yvonne stood staring at the wreckage of Fortune Tower. Nothing much remained. A big chunk of masonry had been catapulted into the air when the missile struck, and had flattened the bench Matt and Kathleen had been sitting on.

Good thing she’d trusted her instincts and decided to follow Frank as he set out in pursuit of Matt. As was customary, Matt had switched off his cell, so Frank had been unable to reach him and warn him of the impending doom. Frank had rushed out of the building, and had spotted Joe’s retreating back in mid-morning traffic and immediately run after him.

Yvonne and Izzy, who’d rushed after Frank, had seen the man risk his life by dodging cars, and had decided that different methods were required if they were to reach Matt in time.

Luckily, just about every hour of the day a garbage truck can be found blocking traffic somewhere or other. And since to Yvonne and Izzy practically every garbageman was a family member, it hadn’t taken them long to get in touch with the one taking care of this particular neighborhood. As luck would have it, it was Yvonne’s very own brother Randall who was operating the vehicle.

Bulldozing his way through traffic by operating his bullhorn, it hadn’t taken Randall long to reach his little sister and her friend, and both women had hopped in.

“Follow that man!” Yvonne had hollered. She’d always wanted to say that.

Randall had been moderately amused—picking up the trash can get a bit tedious at times, and he’d more than welcomed the entertainment.

“Why aren’t you on the job, V? Day off?”

Yvonne hadn’t yet told her family about her change of jobs, and she directed a censorious look at Izzy. Her friend mimicked zipping her mouth shut, and stared out ahead of her, all wide-eyed innocence.

“Um, we got off early today. DeLantern told us to see a man about a thing, um…” Dang. She’d never been a good liar, and now seemed like a bad time to start trying.

Then suddenly Izzy piped up. She pointed through the windshield. “That man has been stealing garbage!”

Randall, a big, burly guy with a head the size of a pumpkin, guffawed. “Stealing garbage? What are you? Garbage police?”

Izzy turned those big, innocent eyes on Randall. “That’s exactly what we are, Randall. V and I? We’ve been promoted to trash police. We’re catching trash thieves now.”

Randall frowned. “Trash police? Ain’t no such thing, Iz. At least I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s a secret. A big secret. DeLantern didn’t want us to tell anyone.”

Randall’s lips curled up into a smile. “And that’s why you just told me.”

Izzy clasped a hand before her mouth, her eyes widening even more. “Oops!”

Randall shook his head good-naturedly as he maneuvered the big rig through traffic. “Don’t worry, Iz. Your secret’s safe with me.” He then directed a sly gaze at his sister. “But I think you better tell Pop. He’s bound to find out sooner or later. You know how he is.”

Yvonne sighed. “I know.” It wouldn’t take her dad long to find out she’d quit her job. In fact, he probably already knew. And that secret trash police thing? He’d never go for it. There wasn’t a thing about the DSNY Pop didn’t know, and he’d laugh her right out of the room if she tried that line on him.

“Oh, V! Matt just hopped the hedge. He’s in the park!”

Randall frowned. “Matt? Is that the trash thief’s name?”

“Yeah. Matt. He’s a regular. Steals garbage all the time.”

“Recidivist, huh?”

“Yeah. That, too.”

Randall pulled over, blocking all traffic and almost causing a pileup. When angry shouts reached their ears, he leaned on his horn. The thunderous roar of the souped-up car horn drowned out all other sounds.

Yvonne and Izzy quickly exited the truck, and slammed the door shut.

“Thanks, Randall. See you tonight!”

“Be careful with that trash thief!” Randall hollered after her.

“Will do!”

Inside the park, she didn’t see a sign of Matt, and neither did Izzy.

“We’ve got to split up,” she said, panting. “You go left. I’ll go right.”

“Right!”

They both took off, and Izzy hadn’t run three yards before she bumped into Frank.

“Oomph!” the latter cried as they went down in a heap of flailing arms and legs.

Yvonne would have loved to preside over the extrication process, but if ASS was right, Matt was about to meet his maker any minute now. No time to waste! So she hurried down the path, checking left and right for a sign of her new boss.

She didn’t like to admit it, but the leader of ASS had stirred deep feelings in her. He was resilient and cut from the right cloth. Only yesterday, she’d punched him in the face three times, and yet each time he’d managed to crawl back up. She didn’t know a lot of guys who could do that. Yvonne had always been a strong girl, what with wrestling eight brothers from an early age, and then hauling trash for the last couple of months. She wasn’t as strong as her brothers, but she was definitely stronger than most men.

In the bar the Assenheimer family frequented none of the patrons even wanted to arm-wrestle with her anymore, knowing they’d only face a humiliating defeat. And yet here was this man who got up each time she knocked him down.
 

Only that morning, he’d taken a severe beating, and yet here he was, up and about and taking care of business.

She wasn’t a girl easy to impress, but Matt had managed that unique feat two days in a row now.

She’d ignored the feelings tugging at her heart, but now that the man was facing mortal danger, she couldn’t deny that his demise would leave a hole in her heart the size of a dumpster.

And then she saw him. He was sitting on a bench on the other side of a large shrub. And he was talking to some skinny blonde.

She frowned, annoyed. Then she felt annoyed for feeling annoyed, and was about to walk away and let Matt have his little rendezvous with Miss Thin, when she thought she detected a weird whistling sound drawing near. Looking up to establish the source of it, she saw a small object homing in on her with considerable speed.

It wasn’t a bird, it wasn’t a plane, it was… a missile!

Without a second’s delay, she plunged into the shrubs and hurled herself at Matt and his female companion, then yanked them both into the small pond next to the bench.

A policeman had placed a blanket on her shoulders, but she still shivered. Then Matt came walking over, with the thin woman by his side.

Miss Thin stuck out a bony hand, and Yvonne reluctantly pressed it.

“Kathleen Harridan.” She gestured to Matt. “I’m Joe’s boss. I wanted to thank you for saving our lives, Miss Assenheimer.”

Yvonne’s eyebrows shot up. Joe’s boss? So she wasn’t his girlfriend. Immediately a hot flush mantled her cheeks. “Oh, that’s all right, Miss Harridan. Just doing my job, you know.”

The woman didn’t smile. “I know. I’ve heard a lot about you, Yvonne, and I want to tell you that Matt made the right decision when he hired you.” She gave Matt a curt nod, and then stalked off to talk to the police officer running the scene.

As she stood there with Matt, Yvonne was lost for words.

Finally, Matt broke the silence. “Coming from Kathleen Harridan, that’s high praise.”

“She… seems nice.”

“She’s not. What she is, is efficient.” He gave her a scrutinizing look. “You keep knocking the wind out of me, Assenheimer.”

“You keep showing up in my line of sight, Halloran.”

“You shoot?”

“Huh?”

Matt cleared his throat uncomfortably. “How about the gun range?”

“What about it?”

“Goddammit, Assenheimer. Do you want me to spell it out for you?”

“If you insist in speaking in riddles, that’s exactly what I want you to do.”