Read Once Upon a Spy (Humorous Cozy Mystery) Online
Authors: Nic Saint
Once Upon a Spy (Humorous Cozy Mystery) (18 page)
Yvonne and Izzy quickly descended from the vehicle, and jogged over to where the stricken agent lay. They stared down at the man.
“He looks dead. Is he head?”
Yvonne stirred him with her foot. No response. Then she placed her finger on the man’s throat, like she’d seen in the movies. No pulse. “He’s dead.”
“Serves him right. After all that smack he was talking about us?”
Suddenly, Brian groaned, and both women jumped a foot in the air.
“He’s not dead!” screeched Izzy.
“I guess not.” Weird. She’d felt no pulse before. Perhaps she’d put her finger too much to the left or right? She knelt down and jabbed her index finger against Brian’s throat again, this time making sure she covered a good acreage of skin. She looked up at Izzy and shook her head. “I don’t feel anything, Iz. Maybe you try?”
Izzy knelt down beside her, and pushed her finger down on the left side of the man’s throat. She scrunched up her face in a puzzled expression. “No. I don’t feel anything either.”
They both jerked up when Brian moaned again, and moved his head.
“Well, it’s obvious he’s not dead.”
“Oh!” Izzy speared her eyes wide. “Maybe he’s a vampire! You know. Undead? That would explain everything!”
Yvonne rubbed her thumb and index finger together. The touch of Brian’s skin had been… weird. Almost as if…
Frowning, she knelt down again, and felt the man’s throat. “Don’t you think his skin feels weird?”
Izzy also reached in and padded the man’s face with her fingers. “Yeah. It feels… rubbery.”
Yvonne pinched her fingers together, took a slab of skin between them and pulled. The skin came off easily, and she squealed a surprised yelp, falling back on her buttocks.
Izzy shook her head. “You don’t think…”
“Try it. Just pinch him.”
Izzy closed her eyes, her face contorted in disgust, and gingerly let her fingers take a piece of skin and pull it. It came loose under her touch, and she pulled it a little harder still, then let go. It snapped back into place like a rubber band.
“Oh, just do it already,” growled Yvonne, and used both hands to lift Brian’s skin and pull it over his head. The whole thing came off under her hands, and when next they stared down at the man’s face, they were both surprised to see it was a different face altogether. Yvonne stared from the mask in her hands to the real man as revealed to them…
“Aaron!” cried Izzy.
“Chinn!” echoed Yvonne.
“Aaaargh!” yelped Aaron, suddenly awakened from the dead. He stared at the two women, then noticed the mask Yvonne was holding, and for a moment, no one stirred. Then, with a loud growl, Aaron sprang to his feet, and made a run for his car.
“Oh, no, you don’t!” Yvonne was on the man from EYE in milliseconds, and even before he could reach his car, she’d grabbed hold of the scruff of his neck, then dunked him against his own car. The sound of his head hitting the top of the car was hollow, and when she jerked him back up, Aaron sported a large bruise on his head, and seemed to have lost the will to fight. He reminded Yvonne of one of her chickens, and remembering how this man was responsible for the death of her beloved Bessy and Betty made her angry all over again.
“Why?” she cried, giving him a shake that rattled his bones. “Why did you kill my chickens?”
“Hold him still, V. The man’s trying to speak.”
With all the shaking, the words had come out all garbled, so Yvonne slammed the man down on the hood of his car.
“Ouch!”
“I think we should arrest him, V. You know? I think I saw some twine back in the truck. Lemme just…”
Yvonne stared down at the beat-up agent, shaking her head in dismay. “So you’re Aaron posing as Brian. Why? Why the masquerade?”
The man didn’t respond, but simply stared up at her. Then he smiled. “You think you got me, but you don’t, Agent Assenheimer.”
“Oh?” She folded her hands across her chest. “From where I’m standing, it looks like I got you licked, buddy.”
“Oh, no, you don’t.” And before Yvonne could stop him, he’d reached inside his vest, and brought out a small black container the size of a ring box. With a sly grin, he depressed a button on the surface of the box, and before Yvonne’s very eyes, disappeared into thin air.
“You know? It’s nice to be back here.”
“I know what you mean. Comfy. Familiar.”
“Exactly.” Yvonne stared out the passenger window while Izzy backed the truck up into the alley. When she switched off the engine, she heaved a deep sigh. “Back to work, I guess.”
“I guess.” Izzy picked up the crossword puzzle she’d been working on. “Strong adhesive. Four letters. Starts with G. Any ideas?”
“Nope.” Yvonne swung her legs from the cabin, and landed on the pavement. Fastening her gloves, she ambled over to the cluster of containers waiting to be emptied. Another day, another pile of trash to be taken off the streets. After all the hubbub surrounding the disappearance of Aaron Chinn aka Brian Wright had died down, Matt had suggested they take some time off to recuperate. Yvonne had wanted none of that. Back in the saddle, that was the only way they’d get over what had happened.
As luck would have it, the gun range drama had resulted in no lives being taken. Before the second missile had hit, everybody had managed to escape the structure more or less unscathed.
Matt had taken the news of Aaron’s betrayal hard, as had Kathleen Harridan, who’d apparently dated the man at some point in the past. The EYE program had been turned inside out, and the drones had been temporarily grounded to avoid any more mishaps.
It made absolute sense now why ASS hadn’t discovered anything wrong. Aaron had Oswin Grant build a module into the software that granted both himself and the scientist absolute immunity. And in spite of Matt and his team’s best efforts, none of the man’s steps had been retraced. He’d vanished all right, and whatever invention had made his disappearance possible had vanished along with him.
Matt had busted his gut trying to figure out who Aaron had been working for, but all to no avail. The only clue he’d discovered was on Aaron’s cell. Apparently, the man had been in frequent contact with a contact he’d dubbed ‘Marquis’. But when they tried to trace the connection back to a physical person, all leads died. Whoever this ‘Marquis’ was, he, too, had effectively managed to stay off the grid.
Yvonne whistled a soft tune, as she took a firm grip on the first dumpster, and maneuvered it in place for the truck’s powerful claws. Punching a button, she watched as the dumpster was lifted and upended into the truck’s interior.
Just then, a soft voice spoke in her ear.
“Go time, Alpha Team.”
“Roger that,” she muttered under her breath, and punched the button again to release the dumpster from the truck’s jutting maw.
A man and woman both dressed in business attire came waddling up from the street. They halted a few paces from Yvonne, but didn’t even seem to notice her as they started kissing passionately.
Next, seemingly out of nowhere, a man jumped up from behind a pile of garbage bags, and screamed like a banshee as he turned on the man and woman, a big butcher knife clutched in his hand.
“Robert!” the woman cried, her face contorted in fear and surprise.
“Take this, you bitch!” the man screamed, and was about to descend upon the couple with the big knife. Just then, a hefty garbage bag landed on the man’s head, and he went down hard, the knife clattering on the pavement. Next, Matt and Frank popped up from a dumpster right behind the kissing couple, and quickly spurted some gaseous substance in the unsuspecting couple’s faces. Instantly, they stood stunned, effectively frozen in time, the last five minutes of their lives wiped from their memories.
Izzy, limberly descending from the truck, knelt down beside their knocked-down attacker, expertly outfitted his hands with a pair of handcuffs, and yanked the groggy man up.
“He’s all yours,” she grunted as she handed him over to a waiting Matt and Frank.
Frank gave her a grateful wink. “Thanks, Iz. We still on for that date?”
Izzy gave him a radiant smile. “Of course!”
He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, then started hauling the dazed attacker away. “See you at the office.”
“Later, Frankie.”
Promptly, he did an about-face. “Oh, before I forget? The results on the coffee machine finally came back from the lab.” He gave her a look of devotion. “You were right all along, Iz. That thing was riddled with bugs. Probably Aaron’s handiwork.”
Izzy punched the air with her fist. “I knew it!”
Yvonne walked over to Matt, who stood eyeing the businessman and his ladylove as they picked their way out of the alley and back to the hustle and bustle of the big city. They’d never know how close they’d come to their premature demise, and never would.
“So? What do you think?”
Matt stared after the couple. “I think that went pretty well.”
“ASS is a go?”
Matt nodded. “If Kathleen says we’re a go, we’re a go. You know I don’t decide about these things.”
She still stood with her arms folded across her chest. “So what
do
you decide on, then?”
“This?” Before she could respond, he’d turned to her, and pressed a kiss on her upturned face. She could have jerked back if she’d wanted to, but that was the thing. She didn’t want to. Instead, she kissed him right back. When finally their lips parted, she panted a little, having trouble catching her breath.
“I wonder what Kathleen will have to say about that,” she murmured, her breath coming in quick gulps.
Matt grinned from ear to ear. “Trust me. She’ll never know.”
She eyed him in wonder. “You didn’t…”
“Oh, yes, I did.” He shrugged. “I mean, if Aaron can build backdoors into the system, so can I, right?”
“I guess as long as it’s for a good cause…”
Once again, he covered her mouth with his, more passionate this time, deepening the kiss until she felt herself floating on air. When he finally released her, she thought she could hear little birdies tweet all over the place.
Matt placed a hand on the small of her back, and steered her back to the truck. “Oh, it’s definitely for a good cause.”
As she staggered into the cabin, Izzy eyed her wearily. “Are you all right, V? You look a little hot under the collar.”
She gulped. “I am. Hot, I mean.” Then she leaned back against the headrest, and trailed her fingers along her lips. If Matt kept this up, she’d need ice packs soon.
As Izzy drove the truck back to the depot, she hummed a happy tune.
“Do you think we made the right decision, V? About not telling Matt and Frank that we aren’t the super spies Aaron made us out to be?”
“Aaron’s gone, Iz. And I’m pretty sure we’ll rise to the occasion.”
Izzy smiled. “Matt and Frank do seem to be happy with us, huh?”
Yvonne remembered Joe’s kisses. “They sure do.”
Izzy stretched her arms over the steering wheel. “Then let’s not disappoint them by telling the truth.”
“Let’s not.”
As Izzy expertly maneuvered the truck through traffic for the last time, both women smiled softly before them. Not only had they landed themselves the job of their dreams, it looked as if they’d both found some men to match it, too.
Suddenly, the sun broke through the clouds.
Yeah, all of a sudden, life was pretty damn good, Yvonne thought.
Then it hit her. “Glue!”
“Huh?”
“Strong adhesive—four letters—starts with a G? Glue!”
“Hey, thanks, hon! I think you might be right!” She reached out a hand and gave Yvonne’s arm a little squeeze.
Yvonne looked over to her friend, and realized this was what held them together. The glue of friendship. The invisible bond they shared. Through thick and thin, through hardship and triumph, Izzy would always be there for her, and she would always be there for her friend.
Yeah, life was pretty damn great.
ABOUT NIC
Nic Saint is the pen name of husband and wife writing team Nicole and Nick Saint. The Saints have been writing together since 2007, initially focusing on cozy mystery books about cat sleuths and bumbling spies, later funny/scary books for kids and finally settling on what they like best: writing romance.
When they’re not tugging at the heartstrings, they enjoy their daily dose of yoga, a great movie, healthy food and a good book.
You can find us at
nicsaint.com
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LINKS TO OTHER NIC SAINT BOOKS
Felicity Bell
Humorous Romantic Mystery
Russian Enforcers
Romantic Suspense
Russian Enforcer’s Reluctant Bride
Russian Enforcer’s Virgin Captive
Russian Enforcer’s Feisty Lover
Russian Enforcer’s Resistant Rescue
Russian Enforcer’s Burning Obsession
Russian Enforcer’s Dangerous Game
Russian Enforcer’s Royal Engagement
Standalone Novels
Contemporary Romance/Romantic Suspense
The Billionaire’s Valiant Rescue
Billionaire Novelist’s Fiery Debutante
Cozy Mystery
Novellas
Romance
The Thorntons
Dark Romance
Copyright © 2015 by Nic Saint. All rights reserved.
Published by Puss in Print Publications.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this publication can be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from the author or publisher.