Operation Soulmate (11 page)

     Geraldine closed her door silently. She could hear Ben using his coaching voice and the mystery woman replying and giggling intermittently. She shook her head and sighed. Ben needed her help just as much as she needed his. She switched on her ipod to block out the sound of their chatting and fell asleep, listening to India Arie singing
I am Ready for Love
while imagining Toby being all masterful and commanding, in a staff meeting, discussing meta-learning and motivational strategies ...or some such.

     Thursday evening rolled around too quickly, with its promise of speed dating and now, the added complication that she was just going through the motions with Operation Soulmate, simply because she’d promised Ben she’d "play full out." 

    As they stood outside yet another hotel, she felt strangely nervous. Not because she thought she might meet someone but just because of the whole nature of the thing and the fact that she was slightly uncomfortable in these brassy and demanding social situations, at the best of times. Situations that called for her to be ‘a bit of an extrovert,’ always left her feeling nervous. Not because she lacked the required ‘social skills’ (as, simply being human and nice, had now been aliased) but because certain situations seemed to just cry out to a person to
prove
that they possessed them, even, when all they really felt in the mood for was to secrete themselves away and spend time alone, being who they really were. Or to even stand in the midst of a crowd, being who they really were.

      How would
that
go down, she wondered. Surely it just wasn’t allowed yet. She smiled quietly, took a deep breath and decided to be as uninteresting and disinterested as she really felt and see what happened. But as soon as the first nice guy approached her for a brief pre-event chat, her resolve crumbled and she found herself wanting to be giving and warm and infectious with love and lovingness. Toby’s call had made her feel like this, as if she was walking on air and just wanted
everyone
to be loved-up and happy. She had a boyfriend; she was sure of it. And now, here she was betraying him by using up
his
love-vibe on a bunch of random strangers. She smiled graciously when her new companion asked if he could get her number, and was just about to say “I’m sorry, but I’m already seeing someone,” when she suddenly remembered where she was and that this was probably
not
a cool thing to say at a speed dating event!!! From across the room, she could feel Ben’s eyes on her, and turning fully in the direction of his benign glare she could see him giving the guy a discreet, thumbs up. She reluctantly gave him her number.

    Carl was a tall, fiercely good looking guy of mixed heritage with piercing, green eyes, set against an absurdly rich backdrop of honey-coloured skin. Normally, Geraldine would have been blown away, just on the basis of how he looked, but not tonight. Not with Toby’s call still ringing in her ears and his deep, soulful, spine-tingly, self-assured voice filling up her senses.

     Carl worked for an organisation involved in outreach work, mainly bringing spirituality practices, therapies and creativity into homeless shelters, women’s refuges and children’s homes, through talks, seminars, mindfulness workshops, theatre projects, healing sessions, goal-setting exercises and assertiveness-training. It was amazing work, he was a beautiful human being and Geraldine decided it would probably just be nice to stay in touch with him anyway, whatever happened. She was just about to shake his hand, warmly, and walk away in search of Brogan, when he suddenly moved his head close to her ear and said. “I’d really love to see you again, Geraldine...I mean, take you out some time. Would you be into that?” Geraldine was genuinely stunned. So much for being uninteresting! What the heck, she thought. Let’s just see what happens.

      “Okay,” she said, suddenly, feeling wildly attractive. “That sounds nice.” It
wasn’t
being a player, it just ...giving a friend a number they could reach you on...if they needed to contact you about something...like taking you out on a date. No!! Like discussing the merits of outreach work with you...

       Over in another corner of the room, Brogan was chatting to two gorgeous personal-trainer types. She seemed to be having the time of her life. Ben raised his eyebrows expectantly as Gerry walked briskly towards him. “Okay, before you ask me, there’s nothing to say. Yes, I gave him my number but, no, I’m not going out with him, I’m going out with Toby.”

      “Stop fixating and just see what happens.” Ben looked as if he was enjoying himself as well. A small group of women had gathered fairly close to him and were all checking him out
thoroughly
. Geraldine was quick to notice that he seemed to have little or no interest in any of them, although he was blushing deeply and clearly aware of the stir he was causing. Maybe things with the mystery woman were more serious than she’d previously thought.

      Brogan, suddenly appeared between the two of them looking hot and flustered. “Phew, I can’t believe it,” She said excitedly, “This thing hasn’t even gotten going yet and I’ve got three phone numbers off three different guys already. I’m coming here again!”

      Ben looked as if he was suddenly struck by an idea. “You don’t need to” he said, grinning knowingly. “I know the
perfect
guy for you! My friend Danny, he’s a great guy and he’s just your type. You’ll love him. I’ll fix you up.” Brogan hated being fixed up. There was just something so....desperately awkward about it... and desperately desperate! And friends who were always so sure they were fixing her up with, ‘just the perfect guy’ were always so, so, horribly wrong, it just left her wondering whether they really knew her at all... She cleared her throat.

      “Wow, thanks Ben, but you know what, I’ve been fixed up loads of times before. Not putting you down mate,
or
your friend, but I think I’ll take my chances here for a while. This is brilliant!!” She added, as she darted off to check her immense mass of hair in a nearby mirror.

     Ben reeled slightly as if a hurricane had just rushed past him. “Wow,” he said under his breath, “That is one out of control woman.” Geraldine laughed. Ben smiled. “Danny would
love
her...” Geraldine nodded enthusiastically and laughed again. She knew exactly what Ben meant.    

     Danny and Brogan were made for each other. Both full of irrepressible fun and life and, despite having been treacherously betrayed in the past, both still holding on to a blazingly honest capacity to love deeply, open-heartedly and with the same fiery intensity...and endless, fearless hope.

                     “We
so
have to get them together,” Geraldine agreed.

The rest of the evening went smoothly. It wasn’t quite as scary as it might have been. It was a bit more laid-back than regular speed dating. For one thing, the evening began with everyone spending thirty minutes or so on ice-breaker games and continued by slowly easing the assembled crowd into the laid-back speed-dating session itself, which was made much easier by the fact that all of the chatting and bonding took place on comfy sofa’s strategically arranged, to create a feeling of cosiness and privacy for each couple. Then there was the fact that, with each ring of the bell, a new topic of conversation was given by the organisers. This meant that everyone had an opportunity to share some of who they were, through what they thought and felt about other things, rather than just crassly displaying who they wanted everyone to
think
they
were. There were incense sticks, candles and aromatherapy oils burning around the room, and beautiful, evocative music was piped through speakers at just the right volume, all night long. There was none of the awkward banter or the stilted silences, that appeared when two otherwise sane people were suddenly commanded to announce themselves for ten uninterrupted minutes.

     Geraldine actually had a great time. It was lots of fun, especially when the topics were
life after death
and
the definition of a soul mate
...two of her favourites. Ben looked happy, as well, and Brogan was practically delirious by the time they left. Geraldine had been quite excited by her discussion with Carl on
Atlantis
and, of course, by some bizarre twist of fate, she’d ended up sharing her speed-discussion on soulmates with Ben. And she’d actually been, quite surprised and inspired by some of his insights, to the point where she’d even thought of making some additions to her twin-flame checklist. He never ceased to amaze her. How could it be that you could live with someone for two years and learn more about them in ten minutes sitting on a couch in a room full of strangers than you’d previously learned in all that time? Geraldine couldn’t help wondering what other surprises there were to come from Ben. It was almost worth continuing with Operation Soulmate just to find out.

      After dropping Brogan off, they chatted happily and easily about the evening, on the drive home. “So did
you
get any phone numbers then?” She asked Ben, playfully, knowing what the answer would probably be.

      “Not really,” he said. She could feel him clamming up again. It was getting to be a bit annoying not being able to get him to talk freely about his love-life anymore. Perhaps he didn’t want to show that side of himself to her now that he was coaching her. Maybe he wanted to set a good example. Maybe it was something to do with his stupid, professional code. She suddenly wanted to shake him vigorously but had no idea why... It was weird.

      “So how are things going with that mysterious woman you keep bringing home? Two dates in one week...sounds promising.” She stared at him pointedly, daring him to wriggle out of such a direct enquiry!

      “Yeah, it’s good...I think,” he said smiling shyly and looking slightly uncomfortable. Gerry shook her head and smiled. He was so good at what he did, so in charge and on top of things, it was such a contrast seeing the way could sometimes be in relationships, so shy and unsure of himself. It was adorable, really. “Bit too soon to say for sure....” Geraldine didin't know how much longer she could she just watch him suffer like this? How could she leave him wandering around aimlessly, in this relationship desert, when he’d done so much to help her? It was just, plain, wrong.

     “Did I imagine it,” she continued, “or did I hear you coaching her the other night?” Ben sighed, his face breaking into a frown and his shoulders dropping ever-so-slightly.

      “OH BEN!!! You’re
hopeless
! I thought you said you weren’t going to
do
that anymore. Ugh! Next she’ll be asking you to water her plants, while she goes on a weekend break with some ...sleaze, who doesn’t
do
coaching, or plant-watering for that matter. Stop being so NICE!!! Let them get to know you first,
YOU
,
BEN
the gorgeous guy, not Ben who fixes everything and everyone in sight.” Ben said nothing for a worryingly long time, as they drove the rest of the way home in silence. She let the silence in; she could tell he was thinking about what she’d said...wrestling with it. When they finally arrived home, he turned to her and said, quietly,

      “The thing is, Gerry, coaching is not just what I do, it’s who I am, and I just don’t
know
any other way to be. I can’t stand to see people in pain.” He paused before speaking again. He wasn’t sure he really believed what he’d just said.

      “
Is
it that Ben,” she said sympathetically, “or is it just that you don’t think you’re worth loving for any other reason?” Ben sighed and sat thinking about it for a second or two, searching his heart and soul for the answer. “It’s both,” He said. “I can’t stand to see people in pain, and they sense that. So they come to me to get them
out
of pain. And then, when they’re not in pain anymore, they leave. So I suppose, maybe on some level, I always expect people to loose interest in me if I’m
not
... helping them in some way. Ugh, I don’t know...”

      Geraldine smiled, sadly, as she took in his gentle, almost Angelic face, his dark and sensitive eyes, his Divine intelligence, immaculate dress-sense and infinitely loveable presence. “Ben, how could
anyone
lose interest in you? You’re the most smart, funny, gorgeous and kind ...and ...
fascinating
man I’ve ever met. Why don’t you
trust
that?” Ben was slightly taken-aback by Geraldine’s sudden, heart-warming and absurdly arousing appraisal of him. What did it mean?! Why the heck couldn’t
she
just, “
trust
that?!” And what was he, even, thinking! What was going on?! What did any of it mean? It suddenly occurred to him that they were both completely full of crap, but he allowed that thought to drift away as quickly as it had arrived.

       “Okay, I’m going to use one of your own clever little NLP phrases on you and tell you right now that you are running a pattern, my friend.” She continued. “And until you stop doing it, you’ll get the same old stuff happening, over and over again. But you
know
that, don’t you?!!” Ben laughed hollowly. She was a fine one to talk. Even he could see how Geraldine fell into exactly the same trap, time after time, with the men in her life. It didn’t matter what she was working on, what was happening for her, what difficulties she was going through or how many people were making demands on her time, she always seemed to have endless amounts of time for everyone....everyone but herself. And he hadn’t seen
her
doing any of the belief-change exercises he’d so carefully prepared.

       “Gerry, you really don’t have to do this. I’ll work it out with
my
coach tomorrow.”

Wow, Ben had a coach!! What on earth happened in
those
sessions! It was so great that Ben had someone helping him to wade through some of
his
dysfunctions and distinctions. But he was still her friend, and of course she had to help him if she thought she could in some way. How ironic, that the person she wanted to help the
most
in the whole world was being too proud or too stubborn or too...whatever... to let her.

     “Ben, would you agree that I am, probably, the person who knows you better than anyone else in the world right now?” She said, looking straight into his world-weary eyes.

     “Probably,” he shrugged.

     “And would you agree that you have helped me,
enormously,
over the past couple of weeks?”

     “Well, I certainly hope so,” he said grinning, “Although I’m not altogether sure I’m getting the message across...about the whole multiple-dating thing...”

     “So then please,
please,
” She said, imploring him with every inch of her being, “In my capacity as a woman, and as an intuitive, let me help you!!!!” Ben smiled his twinkly, beautiful smile and put his head to one side as he took in her pleading face.

     He realised that he’d be breaking the habit of a lifetime by allowing someone he wasn’t paying handsomely, to help him with
anything
. And suddenly, perhaps for the first time ever, even the thought of it felt good. Perhaps a leopard
could
change its spots. And, after all, everything he believed in, spoke about, wrote books about and had studied, hungrily over the years was based on a deeply held premise that change: infinite, life-affirming, lasting change was possible for every, living, human soul, no matter where they’d been or what they’d done in the past. Now it was time for him to start walking the talk and living it.

     "Okay,” he said. “Fair’s fair, I suppose.” Geraldine beamed at him. She already had the beginnings of a plan forming in her mind.

     “Great! Look out for your coaching file tomorrow.” She said, laughing triumphantly as Ben locked his car and they entered their cosy retreat.

    She was just about to head off to the bathroom, to get ready for bed when something struck so deeply at the core of her that she, just,
had
to say it. All evening, it had been slowly creeping up on her in the form of a growing realisation of something she’d perhaps always felt, but had somehow never expressed before. And now suddenly she had no choice but to express it, perhaps just when it was needed most... She stopped in the hallway and turned to see Ben’s striking face, deep in contemplation.

       “Love you...” She said, smiling reassuringly. Ben almost smiled back, but then a moment of confusion followed, and finally, he somehow managed to look sadder than she’d ever seen him look before. Her first impulse was to hug him tightly, but she had the strangest feeling this would just make things worse. Ben must have been hurt, so, so badly by love, in the past. It was almost unbearable to watch. How ironic that he should now devote his entire life to creating endless opportunities for everyone else to experience so much love. He was the classic, wounded healer. Pure textbook. Geraldine decided she’d work all night on his pattern-breaking file if she had to. That way he’d have plenty to think about tomorrow while his pattern and his hastily made promise to let her help him, were still fresh in his mind.

The next morning, when Ben finally emerged from an unusually, deep, sleep and a ridiculously late lie-in, Geraldine had already left for work.

      “Well that’s a first,” he muttered to himself. He must have just missed her. She’d even made coffee and done the washing-up; it was a complete role-reversal. He reached over for a cup and, at the same time, grabbed the colourful folder, which suddenly caught his attention. It was just lying there on the kitchen table; a purple, cardboard, display-pack, decorated with brightly coloured fairies and serene-looking Angels. He smiled and looked closer to see what was hand-written on it, in gold ink.  He rubbed his eyes a couple of times to slowly reveal the words.

Ben’s Pattern-Interrupting Love-Zone File

“Oh, no” He couldn’t help smiling as he opened it slowly and to reveal the first page:

To the Love-Zone and Beyond!

Ben’s studiously-contrived guy-rules for getting (and staying)
out
of the Friend-zone

1. Do
   not
   discuss your work with prospective girlfriends for more that 5mins during dates 1, 2 or 3. If you must discuss it, briefly, during the allotted five minutes you should simply be issuing a series of stock, passing remarks. Remember, dating is about finding out all about a
   person
   and not all about their work. If the subject comes up too often, have one stock phrase ready that you can use as often as necessary to redirect the conversation onto more date-friendly topics. For example:
   Yes, I love my work, but it’s really nice to leave it behind at the end of the day. Do you know what I mean?
   Wait for a response...
   
2. Do
   no
   t listen to endless conversations about exes or poor relationship patterns.  This will only tempt you into coaching. Remember, you’re looking for someone who does not need fixing up before they can become your dream-girl. Look for someone who is
   ready.
   
3. Do not agree to any daytime dates. Remember: a daytime date is just the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Therefore, meeting for a quick coffee, shopping, checking the libraries and bookshops for the latest self-help books, are all activities made for
   friends.
   She will see you as a friend if you do these things with her within the first 6 dates. Go to dinner, take her dancing, to the cinema, the theatre or anything else artsy and/or romantic. Open doors, pull out chairs, and generally be a man..
   
4. ...but
   not a
   handy-man. Do
   not
   offer to fix things: broken taps/cars/squeaky door hinges/career issues/relationships with siblings, colleagues or parents, until you have been going steady for at least a month. Obviously if you’re staying over at her place and she has a burst pipe, be a gentleman and help out but do
   not
   respond to midnight
   “I didn’t know who else to call”
   calls when you don’t even know her middle name yet. This will place you very quickly and securely into the friend zone.
   
5. Do not mention your ex-wife
   
6. If you are forced to mention your ex-wife, keep it light and move the conversation on quickly
   
7. Do not talk about
   any
   of your exes in any detail
   
8. Refuse to listen to any moaning. Remember that you don’t
   like
   listening to moaning, so you will be tempted to endlessly advise someone who whines incessantly, in order to get a positive outcome, also known as...COACHING! Everyone deserves a second chance, however and one whinge does no a whiner make. Your date might have had a bad day (or just turned thirt
   y
   ). Try a second date but give habitual moaners a wide berth.
   
9. Do
   not
   rush into becoming physically intimate, but show that your intentions are romantic by your choice of dates and by making an effort to dress nice/smell nice/be nice. (These usually come naturally to you anyway).
   Never
   dress down on a date in an attempt to be cool. You’ll look like her bored younger brother and a definite, friend-zone-dweller
   
10.                     
    Call when you say you will. Do
    not
    play games; it will make you look childish, insecure and untrustworthy. Believe it or not, there are still some very shy women who just don’t feel comfortable calling men. However, do not call regularly about mundane things or to discuss what sort of day you’re having until things get very serious. It’s boring, friend-ish and decidedly lacking in the magical and mysterious element needed to ignite and keep alight, the romantic flame that’s so commonplace among inhabitants of the love-zone.
    
11.                     
    Refuse to discuss the following topics with her until you are married: