Operation Soulmate (8 page)

      Sandra sighed deeply....  “I see complications here. I see you becoming deeply involved with
two
men. Be careful..... You could end up losing both of them...” She sighed again. “Start to be honest with yourself Gerry, about what you really,
truly
want ...or you’ll end up losing the one you truly desire.”

      Geraldine was torn between wanting to simply have a great relationship with a great guy who was great relationship material and just wanting to have her twin flame at any price, regardless of whether or not he was going to be fully able to step up. Two things were worrying her slightly, one was the prospect of spending too much time with Toby, knowing full well that he probably wasn’t her twin flame, and the other was that her twin flame sounded like a bit of a workout.

       She decided on the way home, that the most important thing Sandra had said was that Toby was a really nice guy. And anyway, no one had an absolute 100% accuracy rate, did they? Surely, it was as impossible to
consistently
predict life in its entirety with all of its inherent probabilities, the ever-increasing vagaries of cosmological irrationality and the random variants of free-will, as it was to escape loving someone you were born and destined to love. When Toby called
....if
he eventually called, her twin-dar would be turned up full. He could still
be
her twin flame. And if he was, surely the universe was bound to bring it to their attention at some point, in no uncertain terms. She already had a number of clues. Sandra had said they’d been together in previous life-times. Then there was the proximity clue, a sign of universal conspiracy if ever there was one! Geraldine lived in Crouch End and Toby lived in Muswell Hill, which was just five minutes away, even though the seminar - the scene of their initial and portentous meeting - had been miles away in the centre of town. Then there was the magazine feature in Times Ed....
twin
features on the same page, both reflecting similar values from slightly different perspectives. If that wasn’t a metaphor for twin flames, what
was
?! Maybe they’d both even been reading about each other on the same day, at the same time, as the universe and telepathy and synchronicity had tirelessly conspired to bring them together. She was sure there were more signs to come, somewhere along the way. All that needed to happen now was for him to phone and everything would be just fine.
That
would be a really
good
sign.

      Sandra had said her twin was ‘already around her now’, but what did that mean? She made a mental note, to herself,
never
to use that phrase again in readings. It was just too confusing. Did it mean her twin flame was the unkempt yoof who worked in the downstairs part of the shop? Did it mean he was actually
in
her life somewhere, physically, or was he just
energetically
around her, perhaps living on some Caribbean island but connecting with her, psychically, because he was also petitioning the universe for a twin-flame reunion? There was just no way of knowing. There were no other men in her life, apart from Ben... and the guy in the fish and chip shop...who
was
always, admittedly, very friendly and
did
often give her very big portions. No! She decided there and then, that even though it might seem very un-evolved to admit it, her twin-flame had to be hot. She wasn’t here to learn that particular lesson this time around. She knew that everyone was beautiful in the eyes of God, and that there was something lovable in everyone, but she also knew her twin flame had to be hot, and that was all there was to it.

     When she finally arrived home that night, the flat was extremely quiet and there was no sign of Ben. She was so tired after the high-energy antics of the previous day that for a minute or two she couldn’t even remember what day it was. She glanced at the wall calendar, and was almost amazed to see that it was still Monday. Ben’s karate night. Tonight was looking like a good candidate for an early night.

     On her way out of their large, airy communal kitchen, Geraldine happened to spot her coaching file, gleaming provocatively at her from the kitchen table. She sighed. She was almost certain she’d left it on the coffee table in the living room. She grabbed the small blue post-it note that was attached to the top left-hand corner. It simply read,

Hey G,

You’re doing great!

See page 5

Hugs, B x

Geraldine wasn’t sure she was really ready for a page five. There was a Toby now! Surely a page five wasn’t what
Operation Soulmate
needed. Why did there need to be a page five!! A call from Toby was,
surely,
all that
Operation Soulmate
needed!!! She quickly turned to the back of her folder to see what Ben had up his sleeve next.

Soulful Speed Dating

♥
∞
♥

Speed-dating

With a Difference

Cosy get-togethers for discerning,

spiritually-minded, people

who wish to make

meaningful, conscious connections
...

Great
, thought Geraldine, that’s all I need, a room full of really spiritually-aware guys I won’t fancy. She had no idea why, but despite wanting to find a deep spiritual connection, she always seemed to imagine that guys who shared her interests were just never the kind of guys she’d share any real chemistry with. What was that about? Of course, she couldn’t be sure about
all
of them, but certainly the ones she’d met so far just seemed so....sensible, intense, serious and, ironically, quite stodgy and 3D in their thinking.

    Geraldine had an infectious laugh, a youthful, unlined face and an almost inexhaustible sense of fun. She was looking for a man who could laugh, at himself, at life and at anything even remotely funny, without adopting the strange attitude that laughter was a gross indulgence in such troubled times: a man who refused to ever give up on the quest of sucking every drop of life
out
of life, even until he breathed his last breath: a man of courage, a man of action, a fearless love-warrior of a man, whose heart was pinned firmly onto his sleeve, where it could easily brush against hers every now and again, as he reached for her hand to take her to stare at an ocean with him. She tried to picture Toby staring at the ocean for hours. He didn’t really seem the staring-at-the-ocean-for-hours type. But she could definitely see him laughing a lot ...and that was a nice thought.

       Geraldine suddenly remembered her coaching promise, and the fact that she’d also promised herself that she’d trust Ben completely and commit, whole-heartedly to whatever the process demanded. What the heck. Thursday night was a
good
night for speed-dating. She could see if Brogan was free, and maybe just treat the whole thing as a bit of fun. There was no way Ben was going to let her off the hook, and he was probably right. So she decided to go along with his ‘
more is more’
dating theories for the time being...unless, of course, Toby called before Thursday, in which case, she’d just
have
to put her foot down and refuse to go.

       By the time she heard Ben’s key turning in the lock, she was drifting off to sleep. She thought she could hear a woman’s voice ...and giggling. Ben had company. Good for him. She glanced at the clock, briefly, before snuggling into her pillow and asking the Angels to watch over her and bring peace to the Earth, and to the hearts of the sick, loveless and lonely. It was just coming up to ten, the perfect early-night time. She’d probably feel great in the morning, after luxuriating endlessly in the evening’s imminent sleep.

      At eleven-fifteen she glanced over at the clock again and realised that she’d spent over an hour trying to catch snippets of Ben’s conversation with the mystery woman. She didn’t recognise the voice, and she knew most of Ben’s female friends.
Good for him!

Lovely Ben, he
so
deserved to be happy. At one point, she thought she'd heard her name being whispered, but common sense told her that from the general tone of the conversation, they probably had far more important things to be discussing. Finally, at twelve twenty-three, she heard more restrained giggling and sound of the front door closing, followed by the clinking of glasses in the sink and, finally, Ben’s tooth-brushing noises and the closing of his bedroom door. She sighed and wondered whether maybe Ben might need
her
help.

       In the morning though, he was looking as cheerful as ever. “Morning,” he said, when she entered the kitchen.

       “Morning,” she said, as she wondered in, in pyjamas. It was a writing day, and Geraldine loved writing days; they were so peaceful. Just a couple of pieces to write: one for her regular column, and a feature for a new publication, then lots of lovely time left for working on her book on psychic development.

       “Sleep well?” He asked, curious about her early disappearance the night before.

       “Hmm, lovely,” she said, making a point of not mentioning the mystery woman from the night before. “Just sooo needed an early night. How about you? Thought I heard voices. What did you get up to last night?” There it was; She just couldn’t help herself.

       “Oh, just went out for dinner with a friend, came back for a quick drink afterwards.” Ben was being disappointingly vague.

      “Oh. Okay....” she said, peering at him, as he handed her a cup of freshly-brewed coffee. He smiled.

       “Just a friend, a colleague actually, a fellow coach...” He said, reaching for the wall calendar and scribbling something onto it.

      “Ugh! So why are you being so.....I don’t know, so
weird
about it?”

      “What do you mean weird?”

      “I don’t know, just all ...
secretive
...” she said, gesticulating half-heartedly.

       “I’m not being secretive; there’s just nothing else to say about it ...just yet.” He added, briefly turning around to face her and raising his eyebrows, slightly before returning to the calendar.

      “Ooooh, this sounds interesting.”

      “No, it’s not interesting.”

      “
I’m
interested!!”

      Ben stopped scribbling for a second and looked straight into her eyes. “Are you?” He said playfully.

       “Oh, Ben, stop being so ridiculous.” She said, but for some reason, her heart leapt irrationally for just a second. She chose to ignore it. He was just so hard to figure out sometimes. “Look, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine, I’m off to make a start on my pieces.”

       Ben sighed. “Okay, we met up after karate, had dinner, came back here for a drink. I'm sure you know the rest.. Oh yeah, that reminds me,” he said, deftly changing the subject. “Are you okay for Thursday night?”

       Geraldine sighed, “Yes, I’m okay for Thursday night. I
have
to be, don’t I; it’s in my contract...” Ben winked at her, and smiled his twinkly smile, happy to have the attention taken away from the subject of his own love-life, once again.

       “Gerry,” He said, pouring himself a second cup of coffee, “I’m sensing a distinct lack of enthusiasm here. What’s up Hon?”

    “Oh, nothing...” Geraldine checked her phone again for missed calls and pouted sullenly. Then quickly decided that there was probably no point whatsoever in being vague with her own love coach. “Okay, Toby still hasn’t called.”

       “Huh? Who’s Toby?” said Ben, rolling his sleeves up and buttering some toast.

      “Toby, the guy from the seminar!!!?!?”

       “Oh, great!” He said without irony. “He’s thinking it through. So
while
he’s thinking, let’s get back out there again.” He added, rubbing his hands together, briskly. Geraldine stared back at him, blankly. Why was it was so easy for him to just dole out such glib advice in this blunt and detached way? Did he ever really
think
about what he was saying? He was such an odd combination. So emotionally distant sometimes, and, yet, at the same time, he was so kind, thoughtful and sweet. There were times when it was almost impossible for Geraldine to even reconcile these two very contrasting sides of his personality. They just didn't sit well together.

       “Ben I really,
really
want him to call, I really
liked him
.”

       “Look Gerry, and I’m going to have to get tough with you now.” He said, resting his toast and coffee on the table and rolling his sleeves even further up his arms. Geraldine was momentarily distracted by the healthy covering of thick, dark hair as it contrasted with his crisp, white shirt and pale skin. There was something striking about it. Not attractive per se, but definitely striking. She quickly shook herself to attention and brought her focus back onto the topic at hand. “You don’t know anything about this guy. It’s too soon for you to get all ...involved and invested like this.
Is he going to call, when is he going to call, why hasn’t he called yet, should I call him, maybe he lost my number, maybe he was kidnapped by Martians...
.just forget about him! Until he calls you, he no longer exists.”

       “Oh my God, that is so
cold
! How can you say that? You saw him. You
liked
him. You said he was a good guy. You gave him the thumbs up...remember...?”

       “I
said
he was a
potentially,
good guy. It’s just potential at the moment. He's no one until he fulfils that potential. Step back, detach, keep looking, that’s all I’m saying.”

       “But Ben, I just know he could be the one. I can feel it.”

       “Okay.” Said Ben, patiently, “I hear you. Can I just ask you a few questions, though, just to get a bit more clarity on this? Just humour me...” Geraldine thought about it for a minute.

       “As a coach or as a guy?”

      “As a coach.”

      “Oh...okay,” She said, sitting up to attention.

       “Hmm, interesting,”

      “What?”

      “You trust me as a coach but not as a guy....”

Geraldine thought for a second. “No!!!!” she said, “I do trust you as a guy, I mean as a friend-guy...
implicitly
, but I
respect
your opinions and your methods as a coach. As a guy, I think you’re as clueless as I am sometimes. But when you slip into coaching mode, it’s as if something else takes over...something, I don’t know ...wiser. It’s like you’re channelling or something... And I suppose I trust that more... That’s all...” Ben looked slightly hurt for a second, but recovered quickly.

      “Okay, so, I’m going to pretend you never said that and just move on.... in ...
coaching mode,
  avoiding at all costs, my baser and clearly more flawed perceptions as a mere human being.”

       “Yeah, okay whatever. Moving swiftly along...!” Ben rolled his eyes in a show of exasperation for a second, before sighing and slumping his shoulders in mock-defeat.” They both started giggling.

     “Okay, so when you gave him your number, did you think to yourself,
this is it!! This is the one?
”

      “Well, no...not exactly, but I don’t think I necessarily
will
think that straight away, will I?”

    “I don’t know; it’s your process...your story.” Geraldine cringed slightly. Ugh! That word again. “Okay, when you thought about him yesterday, did you get all ...excited at the thought of him calling you?”

     “Yes, of course...
very!
! I’m not sure what you’re getting at here.”

     “Okay, just stay with it, that’s good. Excitement is good. But is he beginning to seem more attractive, more exciting and even more like he’s
the one,
with each hour that passes without a call from him?”

     “Oh my God, yes!!!”

     “And yet, absolutely nothing has changed. Except that your affection for him has doubled.”

     “Well, yes, I suppose so.”

     “Okay, last question. Apart from
not
calling you, has he done
anything
at all to
earn
this deepening of your affections...?”

     “No. No, he hasn’t, has he? Wow!”

     “And what do you remember about him? What was it that you found so appealing?”

     “Well, he had nice eyes, a lovely smile and he seemed to have a really nice energy and to be a really good person with similar values.”    

    “Okay, all good, all positive things. I can understand you learning to love him for those things, when you’ve spent a lot of time
really
getting to know him, and figuring out if those things are for real. You know... when he’s earned your trust and proven that he really is who you believe him to be. The person he
appears
to be in a ten minute seminar coffee-break!!

But so far, you’ve spent a lot more time
away
from him, wanting him to call, than the time you've actually spent
with
him. And yet, you've almost convinced yourself you're in love with the guy! So what you’re actually saying is that the most attractive thing about him right
now
...is his unavailability to you? Once again - and this isn’t a criticism in any way - you’re falling in love with an idea and not a real person. You’re simply intoxicated by the myth of Toby... and the thrill of the unattainable.”