Ours Is Just a Little Sorrow (17 page)

John pushed his father away from Elizabeth Winston and they both went down to the floor. The monster that used to be a wife and mother saw me and howled,
shambling towards me with a super human speed. I screamed as she grabbed my shoulder and howled in my face.

Her grasp crushed against my bone, causing me to slump. She shook me like a rag doll and stared into my eyes as her lips slipped off her face and on onto
the floor. She kept saying the same syllables over and over until I recognized that she was trying to form words.

Words. Words from a corpse. Dear Lord, she was sentient.

"What? What do you want?" I cried. When would this nightmare end?

"Kay may! Kay may!" And she looked at my knife with what I can only describe as longing.

Kill me. Kill me.

She wanted me to put her out of her misery.

"You want me to kill you?" I asked.

"Kay may!" she affirmed.

I raised my knife but hesitated.

"Kay may!"

"Violet, no. Please." John had left his father on a pile of the floor. "Please, don't."

John seemed suddenly like himself, like the friend I'd counted on. I knew it wasn't real, but if there was any part of him left in what he'd
become…could I help him?

"I need to get her back on the machine. If I don't, she'll decompose quickly. Please, it will be agonizing for her."

Her mottled skin was sliding around and her stench was becoming unbearable. I lowered the knife. He would likely bring her to life again anyway. What used
to be Mrs. Winston cried out and grabbed my wrist tightly, impaling herself on the knife.

Over and over she used my hand to stab her own heart…well, maybe it wasn't her heart. Maybe it was Shelby's heart, or Marisol's, or any of the
nameless women he'd stolen. Her grip became looser and she fell to the floor in a heap. I dropped the knife in time to see John fly at me with eyes red
with rage.

He dove into me and a shot rang out. He shook my shoulders, as his mother had, and then he crumpled to the floor on top of her, a round bullet hole in his
back.

The Colonel held the smoking gun pointed at me.

Chapter 14

T
HE COLONEL'S HAND shook, but he did not lower the gun.

I stepped back without taking my eyes from him.

From the doorway, Gideon called my name. "Violet?"

I wished I could keep him out. I didn't want him to see all the blood and carnage of his family.

"Father?"

The Colonel snapped out of his trance and lowered the gun. I turned slowly. I saw the play of so many emotions cross Gideon's face as he looked at me. "I
heard a gunshot." He was oddly transfixed to his spot in the door. "Sprite," his voice broke on my name. "Please tell me you're all right."

I looked down at the blood coating my robe. I took a step towards him, but my legs shook badly, and the world began to tilt. Gideon ran to me, clutching me
tightly and holding me from a fall. I could scarcely draw breath, he held me so hard.

I clung to him, twisting his shirt in my hands in an effort to make myself inextricable. "Don't let me go."

"I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

I pulled back enough to see his face. My dark rogue. The safest place I'd ever been. "I love you. I should have told you before. I know you don't want my
love, but you have it anyway. I'm not asking for you to change, I swear. You only need know that you have my heart."

I kissed him. I kissed him with all the love I'd thought I could never feel, with all the hope I thought I didn't have.

"Marry me," he said against my lips.

I pulled back. "Marry?"

"I can't think of anything I want more than to be shackled to you for the rest of my life. At least then maybe I'll have a chance of keeping you out of
trouble."

"Don't wager on it," I whispered and kissed him again.

Hours later, in my room, Gideon was quietly concentrating while he stripped the bloody gown from me and helped me into the tub.

"You shouldn't be in here. Half the house is awake."

"My brother is a homicidal psychopath who's been shot by my father. I don't think anyone in this house gives two figs if I attend to my fiancé's bath.
Are you sure you're all right?"

I sank deeper into the bubbles. "If I don't think about anything I saw, I'm fine." Fiancé. "I won't hold you to it, you know. If you change your mind
after the crisis has passed. You needn't marry me."

"Violet-"

"I didn't tell you I loved you to force your hand. I told you because I realized that if my life were to be cut short, I wanted you to know."

He winced. "I don't want to think about a life without you in it." He held my hand and kissed my scraped knuckles. "I know you say you're a governess, but
I'm sure you've put some kind of hex on me. You're all the things I never wanted tied up in a sturdy, serviceable, gray bow and I'm prostrate at your feet
with longing for them."

I didn't want to interrupt, which was rare when it came to Gideon, but I was enjoying listening to him fillet his heart open to me.

"When I saw you tonight, covered in all that blood, I went mad for a moment. I never want to come that close to losing you again, Vi. But, I should warn
you, it's you who'll get the poor end of this bargain. I haven't a clue how to be a husband. I'll muck it up, that much I'm sure of. I don't deserve you."

I reached a sudsy hand to his face. "Everyone deserves love. You're actually the one who taught me that."

"Me?"

"When I came to this house, I believed that I had a station in life that was below other people…people like your family. You showed me a life where
people accepted each other. Women are equal to men, rich are equal to poor. You taught me to value myself."

"You're better than anyone I know, Violet."

"Not better. More stubborn, perhaps."

He kissed the top of my head. "I know I hurt you when I pushed you away. I'm sorry. I realized I was getting in over my head with you. I thought it would
be easier on my heart to break things off before I ruined us both."

"I had told you I needed no promises."

"When I went crazy thinking you might have disappeared I knew I loved you. When I made love to you that night, I knew it and I wanted so badly to tell you.
But the light of day reminded me that you deserved so much more than I was capable of giving." He huffed. "I thought you'd be better off with John. I'm so
sorry that I pushed you away."

He rested his forehead on mine, and I closed my eyes, letting go of the pain best I could. There was light rapping at my bedroom door.

Gideon stood. "I'll see to it."

I blushed in the hot water, wondering what they would think of Master Gideon answering my door. And then I decided not to care. I was starting a new life
now. There were no actual laws forbidding me a man in my chambers. I was tired of living by everyone's moral code but my own.

Gideon came back, holding a clean wrap. "I'm afraid we need to cut your bath short. We've been summoned by the Colonel."

The bath water felt suddenly cold. So much for my bravado.

Though it was not yet dawn, I dressed in my serviceable brown dress to meet the Colonel in his chambers. The frock felt a little more like armor than my
nightclothes, and I doubted I would be returning to sleep any time soon.

On the way to the Colonel's wing, I made Gideon stop at the nursery to check on Phillip.

He'd slept through the entire debacle, even as the Constable and his men were still carrying on in the laboratory above us. I tucked the blanket around him
snuggly, pleased that he could remain innocent a bit longer, but dreading the conversation we'd have to have tomorrow.

If I were still allowed to be his governess tomorrow.

Gideon held my hand through the halls, daring anyone who came upon us to say a word. As a champion, I couldn't have asked for a more stalwart one. It would
be harder to face the rest of the world's censure than it would be the staff that relied on his family for their livelihood, however. A man of his station
simply did not marry the governess, regardless of how many men may have tarried with one.

And then there was the Colonel.

We took a deep breath and entered his dark room.

The massive furniture was as imposing as the Colonel himself. It positively screamed that it was as immovable and resolute as its owner. The high ceilings
and gargantuan pieces made a person feel small, insignificant. My breath hiccupped in my throat, and Gideon caught my hand and led me to his father.

The physician was still attending him, but the Colonel waved him out. "I'm fine."

"You had a heart attack, sir. You're not fine. You must rest, and I'd like to make an appointment to replace one of your artificial valves." The doctor
looked to us. "I don't know why I bother, but if you can keep him calm, please do. Excitement isn't good for him."

"How is John?" Gideon asked, and I shuddered.

"The sanitarium is in charge of his care now," the doctor answered. "If they are able to remove the bullet, he'll likely make a full recovery. Unless of
course the tincture he's been self-dosing has lasting side effects."

"Surely they won't release him," I cried, forgetting that his family may very well want him back.

Gideon's strong arm pulled me close. "He'll never get near you again, Violet."

The doctor shook his head. "I was referring to his physical rehabilitation, Miss Merriweather. It's doubtful that his mind is repairable."

The doctor made his farewells, and the Colonel waved us closer to his bedside. Though imposing, he wasn't nearly so bad when he was lying down and I was
standing upright. Still he glowered at us and my heart picked up a swift chase in my ribcage.

"Father, you should be resting. We can talk tomorrow," Gideon said in his best imitation of respect.

"It's already tomorrow," the Colonel answered gruffly. "After they replace the faulty Atrioventiculator in my heart, I'm leaving Thornfield." He took on a
faraway look that I was unaccustomed to seeing on the man. "There is a scouting mission for other suitable planets, and I've been asked to join. I'd
thought to turn down the offer, but New Geneva cannot continue to grow without a plan for a sustainable future. We can't have another Earth, but more than
that, I can't stay in this house another day. I'm leaving Thornfield to you, Gideon."

"Me?" Gideon asked incredulously. "What am I to do with an estate?"

"Learn to run it, I imagine," the Colonel replied. "You'll either run it to the ground or you'll learn some responsibility."

"And either way, you don't care, isn't that right?" Gideon remarked wryly.

"Gideon," I admonished.

"Pshaw, Miss Merriweather, let him speak his mind. He's been dying to for some time."

"I want nothing to do with this house."

"Then it can rot."

The men glowered at each other, no closer to repairing their relationship in the aftermath of the tragedy upstairs. Ever the pragmatic one, I thought of
all the servants that would be displaced if the house was closed up. And though Gideon may not want it, there was Phillip to consider. It was his
birthright also.