Out of Control (19 page)

But for now, he decided to play along with her strange notions. “Okay, so you're not one bit serious about me? You just like kissing any man who's to hand—is that it?”

Her arms crossed and she began tapping her toe. “No, that's not it. Don't act like this is my fault.”

“But it is your fault. What's more, it's just common sense that we'd get married.”

“Common sense that I marry a man I've known for only a couple days who invites a preacher out, buys land”—her voice started to rise—“and plans to build a house and move me in . . .”

Rafe thought he could count this as shouting now.

“ . . . 
and does this all without mentioning it to me?
”

Definitely shouting.

Rafe found he had no taste for being hollered at. “You need someone to take care of you.”

“I take care of my
self
. I always have.”

“You always had your father.”

Julia snorted in a way that was purely rude. “My father—”

“Even if he wasn't around much.” Rafe cut her off. “He bought the cabin.”

“It's a wreck.” Her hand flew wide. “It can't have cost anything.”

“He brought supplies for you.” Moving closer, he glared down at her shadowed face. Rafe knew how to control a situation, and he knew he had a glare that made grown men take a step back.

She took a step forward. “He brought barely enough for us to get by.”

She was a brave little thing. Rafe had to admire that. Although foolish might be a fair description instead. “He earned the living for your family.”

“Which he never shared with us.” The look in her eyes was the next thing to shooting burning Apache arrows into his hide.

“Can you hunt? Can you bring down a deer and butcher it and tan the hide? Can you snare a rabbit or even catch a fish?”

“I can fish and I can plant a garden.”

“Mostly you just sit and write about old bones, and climb around in dangerous caverns.”

“I can earn money with that writing.”

“Money you can't get because you can't get to town without leaving Audra alone while you ride out in a dangerous country.”

Her jaw got so tight, Rafe worried that she might break her teeth.

“If you survive the ride to town, and get your money for your writing, you've still got to chop enough wood to keep you warm and cook your food.”

“I can swing an axe.”

“Can you build a better cabin? That one”—he jabbed his thumb over his shoulder—“is going to be pretty small for the four of you. And even if you don't mind the size, it's too drafty to keep you warm through a Colorado winter, no matter how much wood you chop and burn. Can you do
any
of those things while you've got a frail stepmother, one baby in your arms and another around your knees? You've got one horse between what will soon be four people. You couldn't ride anywhere for help now, not all of you. And come winter you'd have to do it with snowdrifts higher than your head. You won't be able to go for a doctor if one of the little ones gets sick.”

“Audra isn't that frail.”

“You need a
husband
. A woman in the West doesn't survive without a husband. And if not you, then Audra. And considering all the smooching we've been doing, I thought marrying you was the better choice.”

She gasped, and Rafe noticed she'd made a fist. He braced himself for her to let it fly. This wasn't the marriage proposal of a man's dreams. Of course, maybe it wasn't what a woman dreamed of, either.

He forced himself to control his temper. He pulled in a deep breath and blew it out. “Julia, honey, I don't want to argue with you. I want to marry you.”

The fist relaxed. The temper faded from her eyes and she got a sad look, hurt. It reminded Rafe too much of his mother, and he realized he'd rather have her yelling at him than crying.

He realized that at the exact same second the first tear streaked down her face.

“Now, Jules, don't go crying. I don't like it when a woman cries.”

She sniffled and swiped the back of her hand across her face. “A woman wants nice words when a man asks for her hand. Not orders. Not talk of common sense. Not being informed that the preacher is coming before the man so much as asks for her hand. She wants kindness and affection. She wants to hear talk of
love
, Rafe. I lived all my life with a father who never said a word about love, and now you want me to give myself over to a man for the rest of my life who talks of marriage with less excitement than he talks of buying a mountain meadow.”

“You want me to bring you presents? Or posies? You want talk of love?” Rafe was real disappointed in her. She seemed like such a sensible woman. “You're a practical, reasonable woman. I think we're alike in that. I'll make a good husband to you, but I'm not going to spout a bunch of pretty lies about love. You wouldn't respect me if I spoke of such. Instead I'll talk about what's important.”

“Love's not important?” Another tear rolled down her cheek.

Rafe gritted his teeth to keep from saying anything, speaking any words he could that would make her stop. “Life and death are important.”

“Of course.”

“And to me, getting married looks like a choice between life and death for you and Audra and the babies. Can you say I'm wrong?”

“I . . . I . . . I know life would be easier with help. But—”

“Good.” Rafe cut her off before she could talk more nonsense. “I want honesty between us.”

“Honesty? Then maybe you should know that I have a dream I want to follow. It doesn't include being a rancher's wife.”

Scowling, Rafe asked, “What could be better than being a rancher's wife?”

For some reason that jiggled a small smile out of her. “Did you know there's a man writing a book listing all the dinosaurs ever found? I have his address. If I send him the information about that cavern, he might use some of my findings in his book. He might pay me and give me credit for my discoveries. They won't be named a Julia-saurus, but I could support myself and earn some respect for my work studying dinosaur bones.”

“Again you're talking about dinosaurs, Jules?” He raised his arms like a surrendering outlaw. “What's the big deal about a bunch of animals that're all dead?”

“I could get more papers published. I can earn money doing that. I can support Audra and the babies.”

“You won't need money if you're married to me.”

“But there's more than that. The things I've found in Seth's Cavern. The fish.”

“Someone's lunch.” Rafe raised his eyes to heaven asking for patience.

“No, there's more than fish. There are layers in the stones. There are fish overhead, where no one ever ate a meal. It's the flood.”

“What flood?”

“Noah's flood!”

Stunned, Rafe couldn't quite say the next word. He managed to get his jaw to quit gaping open. “Look, sweetheart—”

“
I'm not your sweetheart!
”

He leaned over her and roared, “
Yes, you are!
”

She should have backed down. Rafe knew his temper, and he knew any sensible person backed away when he started yelling. Instead, Julia jammed her fists on her hips and poked her little nose up so it almost touched his. “You can't yell at me to get me to say I'll marry you. That's just about the worse way to convince a woman to marry you that I've ever heard of.”

Rafe's chest heaved. He wanted to yell again. Julia had to marry him. Why didn't she see reason? She was breathing just as hard. Her eyes flashed. Suddenly, instead of fury, he had a glimpse of the fear he knew lived inside him. As if all this fire had thawed out the worst part of himself.

She
had
to see reason. She
had
to understand. She
had
to marry him.

Whatever he had to do, to get her married to him, he'd do. And he could only think of one thing that she wanted badly enough to pay almost any price. It didn't suit him. In fact, it felt so wrong it bordered on a sin. And he knew this was the thing that would drive Ethan away. Rafe swallowed hard as he tried to figure out how to tell Ethan, or how to sneak this past him. But he had to get her in front of a preacher. His need to marry her went so deep it was like a hunger, and he was a starving man.

So he said it. The stupidest, sinfulest, wrongest thing he could imagine. “If you marry me, I . . . I . . .” He forced himself to go on. “I'll let you explore that cavern.”

The fire went out in Julia's eyes, replaced by a gleam of excitement. “Really? You really believe in what I'm doing? You want to find out about the dinosaurs, too?”

“No, of course not.”

Her eyes narrowed.

Before she could start nagging at him again, he said, “But it's important to you, and I want you to be happy. So, if you make me some promises so I can be sure you're safe, I'll go down there with you.” He felt a chill so cold it hardened in his gut. “First, we have to find whoever stranded you down there. That's promise number one.”

She looked undecided. Which Rafe thought was a big improvement over
Absolutely not
. So, to distract her from all the thinking she seemed bent on doing about what seemed simple and obvious to him, he did the one thing that seemed to make her cooperate. He kissed her.

When she got to kissing him back with her usual enthusiasm, Rafe risked lifting his head. “What do you say? Will you marry me?”

She sniffled.

Rafe braced himself for more tears.

Instead she nodded.

All his talk of logic and practical matters didn't explain the almost explosive relief he felt when she accepted his proposal. He hoisted her up into the air and spun her around with a laugh of pure happiness.

Then he kissed her because he was afraid of what she'd say next if he gave her a chance to talk.

He decided that'd be his approach to all their disagreements.

Three days and still the circuit rider hadn't shown up. It was driving Rafe out of his mind.

Ethan had gone home yesterday to see how the Kincaid Ranch was running.

Not being able to go and see to his ranch was driving Rafe out of his mind, too.

His whole life was generally shaping up to turn him into a lunatic.

Ethan returned from the ranch in the early morning hours with two horses in a string, loaded down with supplies.

“Steele hired on a few more men.” Dismounting, Ethan grinned, his usual charming self. “He wasn't happy when I told him I was taking over. I think Steele might want to come and work for you at your new ranch.”

Rafe figured that had to pinch, but Ethan didn't show it. “You keep him over there. He knows how I run things.”

“I thought I was running things.” Ethan said it like he was joking, but Rafe remembered Ethan's resentment and knew his little brother wasn't real happy.

“Sorry, yeah, sure. I expect you to do things your way.” Except Ethan didn't always do things the best way. He was too casual. Rafe couldn't just turn the reins of the ranch over to him completely. “Just ask Steele if you want to know how it was before. I might want a few men working my place after we start running cattle over there. But first I've got to figure how best to drive the cattle in. I didn't even get a chance to scout the big gap on the south.”

Because he'd been running like a scared rabbit
.

“But hired hands and cattle both have to wait until we've caught that varmint who's skulking around. Are the men coming today?”

“We had a chunk of the herd run off last night during the thunderstorm. A couple of men will come as soon as they can. But they had to do some rounding up. None of us got more than a couple hours of sleep.”

Rafe looked closer at Ethan and realized that under the usual grin, his brother was exhausted. The lines of fatigue were there, but Ethan had shown up just as Rafe had ordered. He'd started out long before sunup to get here this early.

“Were any cattle hurt?” Rafe almost grabbed a horse and ran for his ranch. He should be there. He should just drag Julia and her family home and forget that beautiful mountain meadow. But it was a long, rough ride for Audra. She hadn't had any more labor pains, but they were all making an extreme effort to keep her sitting down.

Still, he itched to manage his ranch. Handing it over to Ethan wasn't easy.

“None we've found. But about two hundred of them ran until they were tired out. We're still combing them out of the woods and moving them home. Steele said he'd come with a few of the men as soon as he could.”

Rafe didn't like it. Especially since he needed to go in that blasted cave again. “We'll wait a while to explore the mountain valley. Otherwise I'll have to go alone. We can't both go because someone needs to stay here and watch the women.”

“No one”—Rafe winced at the sound of Julia's voice—“is going to
watch
the women.”

He squared his shoulders and turned to face her. Her red hair was loose, curling around her shoulders, and her green eyes flashed with annoyance and intelligence and stubbornness.

Where is that parson?

“Now, Julia, honey—”

“We're coming with you.” She jerked some no-nonsense riding gloves on her graceful hands. She had a satchel hanging from her wrist that Rafe suspected contained her hammer and chisel. She had on the same worn shirtwaist she'd put on to replace her green one with the bloodstain, and her same green skirt. The woman needed some more clothes, and Rafe couldn't wait to buy them for her.

“That's not a good idea.” He used the same tone to calm a nervous filly. “I don't want you and Audra and the baby over there until we're sure it's safe.”

“Well, if you don't want us there”—Rafe relaxed; she was going to be reasonable—“then you are doomed to be disappointed.”

He sensed he was facing a lifetime of disappointment.

“Because we're going.” She tossed her head and raised her chin defiantly.

She was a contrary little green-broke filly, and he still wished the parson would hurry so he could toss a lasso on her for good. A gust of wind sent her red hair to curling and dancing. Rafe clenched his fists to keep from reaching for her. When he'd kissed her, every time he'd kissed her, he hadn't spent enough time touching her hair. Her temper sent a little thrill of fear up his spine, and he knew he was gonna have his hands full teaching her about how a wife needed to obey her husband. But she was a bright little thing. She'd admit that was the way things should be.

Eventually.

He hoped.

If he was real lucky.

He looked at those pink lips and knew he was. Real lucky.

When he caught himself wishing that Ethan, who'd been waiting for him impatiently, would go away, Rafe knew he was turning into a locoweed.

“Fine.” Rafe was already learning which fights to bother with. He'd pick a nice, safe cave with no tunnels and no breakable floor, and set her to chiseling. He'd explore it thoroughly for danger before he left her there with Audra resting and Maggie napping and a posted guard—Ethan.

She'd be fine. Probably.

Rafe thought of that black tunnel he was going to have to explore today. And it looked like he'd have to do it alone.

For a few seconds he wrestled with a fear so strong, he wasn't sure he could control it.

It occurred to him that maybe it wasn't fear. Maybe it was a warning from God. Which might mean the devil really was in that cave.

Rafe had a very unmanly urge to give the whole idea up and drag the womenfolk back to the Kincaid Ranch for good.

But he wanted that mountain valley, and he couldn't move Julia and her family there until he was sure it was safe.

“Can Audra make it over there?” Ethan asked.

“Probably, if we go slow.” Rafe was worried about Audra, too. “And you carry her on your lap and Julia carries the baby.”

“I don't want to carry that woman on my lap.” Ethan's scowl looked strange on his face. Ethan never so much as frowned.

“And I don't want to sit on your lap, Ethan Kincaid.” Audra came around the corner, looking so fragile and overburdened that Rafe started forward to take Maggie.

Julia beat Rafe there, handed Maggie off to Ethan, and slid an arm around her stepmother's waist.

Rafe thought of that meadow and the vents. That man he'd barely seen with the heavily bearded face. He thought of Julia and Audra and little Maggie in some tunnel with a madman climbing up out of a pit to drag them down. The chill that raced up his spine wasn't a bit like the cool control he liked.

Maggie grabbed for Ethan and yelled, “Papa!”

Ethan almost dropped her. He thrust the little one back into Julia's arms. “I'll unload these supplies.”

Ethan led the packhorses toward the cabin at a near run. Since his own was still saddled, along with the two he'd led over, that left one horse to get ready, unless Maggie started hollering that she could ride alone, too.

As Ethan walked away, Maggie waved wildly, whacking Julia in the face. The little tyke screamed, “Bye-bye, Papa!”

Papa?

It was an idea with merit. Someone needed to marry Audra. Rafe decided he'd get himself hitched to Julia first, then turn his attention to his brother. Who'd be the father of two about the same time he got married.

That oughta wipe that fool grin off Ethan's face.

That was a distracting enough thought that Rafe shook off his dread of the mountain meadow. He was smiling as he saddled his horse.

Rafe had as good as dragged her through that vent without giving her a second to study what she was sure was a large fish.

The tyrant.

She also really wanted to explore the tunnel Rafe had abandoned her in chasing that man. There were quite possibly more vents to be found. Perhaps more fish. At the top of a mountain. How did it get up here except maybe during a massive flood? The Great Flood. Noah's Flood.

She'd write a book.

It made her almost desperate for the cavern she'd gotten stuck in the day she'd met Rafe. She hadn't been back, and it made her edgy to think of all she wanted to see in that bigger cavern.

Instead they'd rushed through the vent and ridden straight to the big arched gap they could see all the way through. There were no tunnels or fossils to be found here, though she hadn't examined it closely.

Smiling, she realized she could happily live in this area for the rest of her life.

“Look at that.” Rafe pointed down the slope. “No one would know you could ride up here. But it'll be easy. We can drive the cattle with no problem.”

The four of them stood beneath a stone arch ten feet high and twenty feet wide. The rock overhead looked solid though it was only a few yards wide. It reminded Julia of the rainbow God had sent as a covenant with Noah.

“I can't believe someone hasn't climbed in here before to settle.” Ethan shoved his hat back on his head and studied the steep mountainside. “But from down there, I'll bet this opening isn't even visible because of the ledge.”

“Such a beautiful place.” Audra stood beside Julia.

Ethan had Maggie sleeping in the pack on his back.

“Audra, let's find a spot where you can sit down and rest while Maggie takes her nap.” Julia rested a hand on Audra's shoulder.

“We're going to make this work.” Rafe nodded, no doubt planning every minute of their lives for the next fifty years. Julia felt a bit savage as she wondered when he'd inform her of how things were going to be.

“But first we need to find whoever is skulking around this place.”

The man clearly had a list of their activities all laid out. She thought scornfully that if she chose, she could live quite nicely without ever having to think again.

Rafe turned from the beautiful view in front of him to look across the meadow. Julia turned with him. The whole thing was oval-shaped, with edges reaching up all around nearly one hundred feet to the jagged top of the caldera.

This big opening was on the south. The vent they'd come in through was on the east side within a couple of miles of her cabin. Julia wondered where else they'd find caves in here. Rafe wanted to live here. Her heart began pounding to think of all she could find. A caldera—she could research that for a long time.

She had some ideas about volcanoes and earthquakes and the Great Flood. The Bible said water had come from rain, but it had also erupted from the deep. Who was to say this was formed by a volcano. Maybe floodwater had exploded upward with the force of lava.

It would be easy to spend her life writing it all down. Definitely a book of her own, instead of contributing to magazines and books written by others. Or maybe someone would serialize it. A lot of magazines and newspapers carried stories that way.

She'd agreed to marry Rafe. Or at least she hadn't put a stop to the idea. Her heart sank as she thought of tying herself to another man who didn't love her. It had taken her years to shield her heart against her father. Now she needed to make this choice so there would be a safe place for Audra and the children.

Rafe . . . Well, Rafe wanted her. But mainly he wanted to run her life. He was protective by nature, and he'd decided she was his responsibility. Whether he would ever love her, Julia didn't dare to hope. Julia pictured the years ahead in a loveless marriage. She'd write. She'd explore. She'd care for Audra and Maggie and the new baby.

If she didn't marry Rafe, she'd have to leave this mountain, which dashed her dreams of writing a book. She'd have to get to a town somewhere, find a job, earn enough money to care for her little family. It wouldn't be easy. In fact, it might well be impossible.

She needed help and Rafe was willing to give it. Her chin lifted. It was practical. Julia knew a dream was dying. The dream of one day finding a man who would love her. But she wasn't a woman for foolishness.