Out of Control (20 page)

Audra needed what Rafe could give her, and Julia loved Audra and the babies enough to do what needed doing. At least she wouldn't be as lonely as she'd been growing up.

She looked around the valley that was very possibly going to be her home, and her eyes were drawn to that dark crack in the east side where Rafe had been so scared. It might be another cavern like the one she'd been exploring when Rafe found her.

“I want to go look down there.” It was truly a wondrous place they planned to live.

“This is a terrible place.” Rafe turned to look where she pointed, and his jaw stiffened. “How can I ever make it safe?”

Julia shook her head at Mr. Dark Cloud. “Let's go. You're determined to explore all of it. Hunt down the man we saw, right? We might as well start there.”

How many caves might there be? How many fossils. Yes, they'd seen a man. And someone had been in that cavern with her and frightened her badly and tampered with her rope so she couldn't escape. But they'd hunt that man down. Run him off or have him arrested. Then this treasure trove would be hers, all hers. Well, and Rafe's, but he'd be busy with cattle. Just like her father, he'd be gone more than home, even if they were both in this valley together. All she lacked was a way to get to town and mail her papers back East. Rafe could run that errand for her.

She struck off toward that low cave. She had so much to explore, she almost couldn't get it done in a lifetime.

But only almost.

She had a feeling being married to a bossy man who didn't love her was going to make for a very long life—she'd find time for everything.

Her pulse picked up, as she got to the clump of aspens. There had been some fossils right inside. Glancing behind her, she saw Rafe glaring at her, almost daring her to charge in without him.

Giving him her sweetest smile, she did her best to conceal her impatience, though she caught herself standing with her arms crossed and her toe tapping on the stony ground. Would Rafe notice her impatience?

If it had just been Rafe, she might have scolded, even gone in. But what could she say when he had Audra leaning on his arm?

“Just calm down.” Rafe didn't seem to have a problem scolding. And yes, he noticed her attitude. That didn't exactly make him a genius.

“I'm perfectly calm.” Well, she wasn't going in without him, which wasn't the same as calm, but it was the best he was going to get.

“You and Audra stay out here.” Rafe let go of Audra, took a step toward the crevice, and pulled his gun from its holster. There was a loud metallic
crack
as he cocked the pistol. A shiver of fear touched Julia for the first time. His eyes fixed on the dark opening.

She grabbed at Rafe's arm as he approached the cave. “Do you really think you need that gun? I don't want you to be in danger.”

The intense expression on his face relaxed as he turned to look at her. “Worried about me, sweetheart?”

Julia huffed but held on. “Of course I'm worried about you. If you think you need to be ready to shoot, then there's something to worry about.”

Rafe shrugged. “We saw a man in here. A man who ran when he spotted us. Not only that, but a cave can hide a bear or a mountain lion or a rattlesnake. It makes sense to be braced for trouble.”

Ethan came up, still carrying Maggie. He'd staked the horses to grass and stripped their saddles, all with a sleeping baby on his back and that vapid smile on his face. “Got shootin' trouble, big brother?”

“Stay with the women.” Rafe turned back to the cave.

Julia hung on to Rafe. With one impatient look at her grasping hand, Rafe yanked himself free and headed for the cave.

Julia took one step after him.

“Oh no you don't.” Ethan's hand landed on her shoulder.

Rafe looked back, saw Ethan had a hold of her, and smirked before he headed on.

Julia tugged against Ethan's grip. He held on. “Just give him a minute.”

Then, still holding her shoulder and toting a baby, he turned to Audra. “Why don't we get you settled on the grass by those trees?”

“I don't need to sit down all the time.” Audra plunked her fists on her greatly expanded waist.

“Well, could you take the baby?” Ethan's smile faded.

Julia wondered why the man who never stopped grinning was suddenly gruff with poor little Audra.

“I'm tired of carrying her and I thought you could help.”

Audra pinked up with temper and a bit of embarrassment. “Of course I'll take my baby.”

“Well, sit down first. We're gonna be here awhile and you don't want to try and sit once you've got her. I'll just have to take her again while you settle in.”

Somehow Ethan made it sound like Audra standing made more work for him and it'd be a kindness to him if she'd sit.

Audra sat on the plush grass in the shade of the aspens. Ethan arched one brow at Julia. “Can I let go of you without you running into that cave?”

Which reminded Julia of how much she wanted to run into that cave. “Of course.”

Ethan's eyes narrowed, but he released Julia to gently swing Maggie around and ease her out of the carrier. Then he knelt in front of Audra.

“How are you feeling?” Ethan's words were spoken so quietly they might have been to not bother the sleeping baby, but Maggie hadn't stirred and he'd been speaking in his regular voice before. Now, it sounded . . . intimate.

“I'm fine.” Audra sounded exasperated as she reached for Maggie.

“I know you're fine.” Ethan kept murmuring as he crouched beside her. “Why do you have to fuss at me so? I'm just trying to make things a little easier for you.”

“How would you like everyone treating you like you were incompetent? A burden. How would you like it if no one would even let you make your own decisions?”

Ethan smiled and went from crouching to kneeling. “You mean like a bossy big brother?”

Audra reached for Maggie, and as their arms touched, bound together supporting the little toddler, Audra looked up. Her irritable expression faded and she smiled. “Yes, I guess it's just like that.”

Julia wondered if a bossy stepdaughter qualified.

“I know
just
how I'd feel.”

“You'd hate it. You'd try and stand on your own.”

Nodding, Ethan said, “I'd light out and wander the world. I'd try to prove to everyone, especially myself, that I could run my own life. But that doesn't mean it's wrong for me to encourage a woman who's most of the way toward having a baby and who seems to be threatening to rush that baby into the world, to take it a little easy on herself. It doesn't mean I think you're a weakling.”

“Really?” Audra whispered the words.

“Yeah, really.” Their eyes met. Their arms stayed entwined.

Julia felt like she was intruding.

Ethan was a kind man.

“Julia, get in here.”

Unlike his brother.

“Hurry up.” Rafe's voice echoed in all its tyranny from the cave. Then his head popped out. “It goes back a long way. We need lanterns. Ethan, you fetch the lanterns from the supplies and bring me a lasso. Audra, stay put and try to take it easy on yourself, and tend the baby. Ethan, once you get those lanterns, bring 'em in to me and Julia. The tunnel splits a few yards in. Stay to the higher path. Then you get back out here and look out for Audra. She needs to get some rest, and someone has to stand guard. Hurry up with those lanterns. We can't go deeper without light.”

Ethan and Audra exchanged a look that spoke volumes as he eased his hands free of holding Maggie. Then he rose. “I'll get those lanterns right quick, boss.” He gave Rafe a short, hard salute, and that smile was back. A smile that almost concealed the angry glint in Ethan's eyes.

He headed for the horses.

They'd brought a lot of lanterns. Julia had already noticed the Kincaid men liked a lot of light. They'd all learned that lesson the hard way.

She eagerly climbed behind the aspen trees, where she and Rafe stepped back into the cave. Her eyes went to that fossil she'd seen last time, but Rafe caught her wrist and dragged her past it. Rafe's broad shoulders almost brushed the sides of the cave, his head skimming just under the roof.

“There's light up here.” Rafe kept moving. Julia knew they should have left all light behind by now, yet she could still see.

“There's a hole overhead. See that tunnel, the one that goes down?” Rafe pointed.

“Yes.”

“I went that way last time because I heard running. But in this direction, there's a good-sized hole overhead. It acts like a window in the cave roof.” Rafe turned another corner, and Julia saw him stand straighter. The tunnel was lighter and wider. He stopped. Julia came up and stood beside him. Once there, she saw a beam of light shining down on the stone floor. And on the floor were the remains of a fire.

She gasped. “Someone's living in here.”

“A buffalo robe and a bedroll.”

“No saddle.” Julia realized what else was missing. “No horse. He'd have kept it in the meadow. How did he get so far from town?”

“There's more. At the cave entrance I saw fresh footprints overtop of the ones we left.”

Julia looked back toward the tunnel. “So he's still here.”

“Yep. Which means you can't come in here. And, Jules, I've thought it through. This just isn't safe to have this cave here. We need to . . .”

“Oh, Rafe, look.” Julia turned to study the wall. “On the wall here.”

“ . . . close it off.”

“It might be another fossil. These caves are a wonder. I could explore for—”

“To be safe, I think I should get some dynamite.”

“What!” Julia turned from the rock. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Nope, pretty sure I'm not. I'm wondering about you though.”

Julia abandoned her latest find. She battled with the idea of just yelling at Rafe until he saw reason. But considering his complete lack of respect for fossils, she doubted she'd live long enough, even if she died an old, old woman. She would try to use honey instead of vinegar. Though she'd never had much use for that approach—nor success with it.

“Rafe, that would be a sacrilege.”

“Now, Jules, I heard what you said about Noah's Ark before, but—”

“Don't you see?” She stepped close and rested a hand flat on his chest. “I could write a book about this. We might have, right here in this cavern, scientific proof of the Bible. Of a sort never found before.” As she spoke, she gained enthusiasm for her project. “I could bring people to a better understanding of God. I could lead lost souls to the Lord with my work. It's not just about my interest in fossils. It's about God allowing me to see a . . . a miracle.”

Rafe looked around the dingy cave. “God isn't here, Jules.”

“Of course He is. He's everywhere.” She clutched the front of his brown broadcloth shirt, her thoughts rabbiting around, trying to think how she could stop him from the travesty of sealing this cavern.

“No, I don't mean that. Of course He's everywhere.” Rafe rested his strong, deeply tanned hand on hers, where she held him. “There are people in the Bible who witnessed a miracle and still didn't believe. There were people who
received
a miracle and didn't believe. You think if you write a book about Noah's Ark, that you found evidence of water in the high-up mountains, people will read it and be forced to admit there is a God and they should worship Him?”

“That's exactly what I think.”

“It doesn't work that way.” Rafe's arms came around her.

She felt his strength. She knew he was a good man. But he just didn't understand. “I can change the world with the knowledge to be found in this cave. I can help open people's minds to God. I can—”

“This is not about God.”

She stared straight forward into his chest and felt a stubbornness welling up in her. “Yes it
is
.”

“No.” Rafe caught her chin and lifted until she had to look him in the eye. “It's about you being alone.”

“What does that mean?” Julia tugged at his grip, but she realized his hand on her face was warm. She liked it. More quietly she said, “I'm not alone.”

“You've always been alone.”

“I've got Audra and the baby.”

“Now maybe, but you've spent your life trying to fill empty hours. And you've found something that is meaningful to you.”

“There's nothing wrong with that.”

“This is about you wanting to be—” Rafe swallowed hard—“wanting to be
worthy
of your father's love.”

Julia felt like she was being forced toward something she wanted to avoid.

“I know because I spent my whole life doing the same thing.”

Their eyes met, and Julia realized she was being held in the arms of a man who might understand her better than she understood herself.

Rafe went on. “All my life I tried to get my father and mother to love me. Now, even with them both gone for years, I think I'm still trying. I'm still trying to be good enough, smart enough, hardworking enough to make them love me.”

“And you think I'm doing the same thing,” Julia asked, “by searching for . . . for . . .”

“For God in a cave?”

Shaking her head, Julia said, “That's not what I'm doing.”

“Searching for proof written in stone that there's really a God, when you already know in your heart He exists?”

“But it's not proof for me. It's proof for the world.”

“The world's got all the proof it needs. All that's left is for them to accept it or reject it.”

Julia let her eyes fall shut. Silence stretched between them. At last she said, “You think I've wasted my life.”

“No.” He pressed a kiss on her forehead. “I think you've found a way to fill the empty hours. But you don't have to do that anymore. A ranch wife has all the work she can handle. And there are people around who care about you and depend on you. And love you.”