Out of Control (29 page)

Then she thought of just how frightened she'd been the day she got stranded down here. Fear tightened her throat.

“God flooded the earth in Noah's time.”

“I know. It rained for forty days and forty nights. How would that create these huge caves and tunnels?” Rafe straightened, and a few steps later, Julia stepped out into a cave about three times larger than her cabin, which wasn't all that large.

“It didn't just rain.”

Rafe stopped and turned to her, which jerked Seth to a stop.

“Let's keep going.” Seth pulled on the rope.

“It didn't?” Rafe knitted his brow.

Julia decided it was a good time to rest awhile. She drew an arrow on the wall right next to the cave tunnel they'd just come through. She didn't know if there were multiple openings in this cave, but to be safe she marked it. “No, we think of the rain, but God sent fountains of water up from the ground, too.”

Rafe frowned. “I don't remember that.”

“Genesis says on the day the Great Flood started, ‘were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of the heaven were opened.' The windows of the heaven, that could be rain, although I wonder about that. A very strange rain, I'd think. The rain came for forty days and forty nights. But the part about the fountains of the great deep—I think of the way a volcano erupts out of the deep, and I wonder if water didn't sort of erupt in the same way.”

“And formed these tunnels and caves?” Rafe looked at the cave they were in at the moment. The three lanterns did a good job of lighting it all the way to its edges.

“That would explain the fish, Rafe.”

“You have fish?” Seth came up beside them. “Because I'm hungry.”

Rafe's eyes fell shut as if he was slightly pained.

Julia was surprised by her willingness to help, even if just for Rafe's sake. She didn't like the untamed look in Seth's eyes, but with Rafe right here in case Seth showed signs of being dangerous, and the heavy rope in case Seth took it into his head to run, things seemed well under control. “It feels like it's mealtime, doesn't it? I don't have fish, but I have sandwiches from last night's venison and a can of peaches.”

“More peaches?” Seth reached for the bag Julia carried over her shoulder. She took a step back, then regretted the telltale movement.

Seth wiped his hands on his pants as if he was nervous. “I love peaches. My mom used to give me peaches.”

She jerked her head toward a level spot in the floor, against the cavern wall. “Let's eat.”

“So you think water maybe came . . .” Rafe hesitated. “Uh . . . blasting up from deep in the earth somehow?”

Julia unwrapped sandwiches thick with venison and handed them to Seth and Rafe. “It would be one explanation for these tunnels. And if the rain came down and the water came up and the earth was covered, then it stands to reason that fish, normally found in rivers and oceans, usually the lowest ground around, would be up here. They simply swam here. Then, when the waters receded, they were stuck. How else do you explain the fish?”

“An Apache—”

“It's not
lunch
, Rafe. Who would come all the way down here to eat lunch?”

Rafe held up his sandwich and smirked at her.

“They've found fossils in an Arizona Territory desert that are a type of shark.”

“What's a shark?” Seth spoke around a mouthful of food.

“It's a large ocean fish. It only lives in salt water. And I think this fish I've found might be one, too. I've seen drawings of sharks, and the teeth look similar. What Apache rode his horse to the ocean, rounded himself up a shark and brought it across the mountains, then climbed down here to eat it?”

Rafe swallowed, so Julia knew she was in for more of his ridiculous opinions.

“Maybe they were using the bones. They could've carried them a long way if they kept them as tools. Indians use all parts of what they catch. With the buffalo they—”

“But they don't leave it intact! This skeleton I saw wasn't cut up. No, there had to be salt water, ocean water, up here.”

Rafe shook his head and chewed.

“I've seen bones in these walls.” Seth relaxed, stretching out, crossing his legs. He was really at home down here.

“Really?” Julia was starting to like Seth. “Where?”

“There are some in the room I'm taking you to. Up high. Strange to see them up there. My friend looked at them for a long time, and we talked about how they got up there.”

A chill raced up and down her backbone. “About this friend, Seth. Tell me about him. Did he come here with you or did you find him here?”

Seth eased back as if he was preparing to spin a yarn.

Rafe moved in the exact opposite manner of Seth. He tensed up. Sat straight. His jaw chomped up and down as if he were at war with his food. Julia braced herself to be told to not bother Seth, but instead Rafe kept quiet.

“He came with me.” Seth quit chewing and rubbed a palm against his pant leg.

“From Andersonville?” Julia tried to eat and question Seth at the same time since he seemed willing to talk at least somewhat rationally for once.

“No . . .” Seth's brow furrowed like it was painful to think. “We met in town.”

“In Rawhide?” Rafe asked.

Julia realized that Rafe knew as little about Seth as she and was no doubt eight thousand times as curious.

“Yep. I rode in on my horse.” Seth sat up straight. “What happened to my horse, huh?”

“We'll find him,” Rafe soothed. “We haven't had much time to look yet. So, what's your friend's name?”

Seth looked around the cave as if he hoped someone had written the name on the wall. “He was tracking someone. Tracker. I told him I was from out this way and we rode out together. But he didn't go home. I told him I wanted to go home, but he wanted to go a different way. Follow some trail. Then I recognized this mountain and knew there was an entrance to the cave, and I showed it to him.”

“When was that?” With a shiver, Julia wondered how long Seth had been hanging around. Maybe he'd been watching her explore for days.

Seth ate the last of his sandwich and seemed to be searching around inside his muddled head for an answer. When he swallowed, he said, “I don't know. Once we were down here. There's no . . . no day or night. Time doesn't mean much. And every time I talked about going home, I ended up being so tired I just wanted to rest. This is a good place to rest.” He eased back again, and his eyes drifted shut.

“Just like you were always good in the dark. You knew this cave better than any of us, Seth. And even after your accident, you were never scared.”

“I came down because . . . well . . . because it was peaceful. The cavern eased all the wild thoughts in my head. I felt whole down here. I felt like . . . like . . .” Seth's eyes flickered open, and he absently rubbed his hands up and down on his legs, drying his palms, or maybe it was just a nervous habit.

“Whole? What does that mean?” Rafe sounded bewildered. “You made Ethan crazy worrying about you. I had to come after you and I didn't want to. But I was so afraid you'd fall and need help.”

Seth closed his eyes and was silent for so long, Julia wondered if he would answer. She felt sorry for the poor man. She did. And she knew Rafe loved his brother.

Seth finally whispered, “I left my soul behind when I fell. I needed to find it.”

Goose bumps rose on Julia's arms.

Seth crossed his arms and eased back until he was nearly lying down. Julia watched, waiting for Seth to speak again or Rafe to say something.

Suddenly a slow, steady noise rose from Seth. It took Julia a minute to figure out what it was.

Snoring.

She looked away, no idea what to make of Rafe's brother. Wounded, scared, lost, dangerous. Her gaze met Rafe's.

“He's asleep.” Rafe shook his head. Then he looked at Julia, frowning, and slid closer to her, the rope only giving him a few feet of distance from Seth. “I don't know what to do for him.”

“Neither do I.”

“I think . . .” Rafe said, swallowing hard. “I have to stay with him, Jules.”

“And I think he's not safe to have around Audra and the children.”

“We're not . . .” Rafe closed his eyes, and Julia wished it didn't have to be said. More than that, she wished she didn't have to say it, but Rafe didn't seem capable of it.

So it had to come from her. “We're not going to be able to be together. At least not until you've seen to Seth and made sure he's okay. You have to help him because that's the man you are. You can't fail your brother.”

“Not again. I can't fail him again.”

“And I can't let my family live in a house with him if he's dangerous.”

With a sudden move, Rafe grabbed her arm and dragged her to meet his lips. His grip was gentle iron, but she wasn't trying to escape. Instead, she leaned closer and held on tight. He lifted her and sat her on his lap. The kiss deepened, and she knew it wasn't the kiss of a promise and a future. It was good-bye. Long moments later, he said, “I don't want to give you up. How can I give you up?”

“But how can we be together?”

They both turned to look at Seth.

“Just give me time. We'll figure something out. I'll take Seth home and—”

“And,” Julia cut him off, “I want to stay and explore. Except I can't with Audra and two little children. So we'll search down here today . . . and maybe a few more times. Then I'll take my family and go. Maybe I'll have enough research to write my papers. Maybe even a book. But whether I have it or not, my family's safety has to come first. We'll go somewhere civilized, where I can find work and the children can go to school and there's a doctor nearby and a store to buy food.”

“No,” Rafe said, then shut her mouth with his lips, and Julia couldn't bear to push him away. She wanted him so badly that she had already given up on asking for his love. Now she would need to give up on her cavern and even give up on a life with him. It was everything that mattered most to her, except God and her family. She had to do what was right by her family, and God would give her the strength.

Rafe wouldn't have been the man she loved if he'd been able to turn his back on Seth. He finally pulled away, when her lips felt swollen and her heart was so softened toward him it could be torn apart with no effort at all.

“I have to take care of him.”

“I know.”

“He needs to go home.”

“I agree. And I can't come.”

Rafe's gaze burned through her like lava. Finally he eased her off his lap. “But you can go somewhere safe. Somewhere I can find you.”

“When, Rafe? A month? A year? How long do I sit somewhere while you battle for your brother's sanity? No, you have to commit to him and forget me.”

“I can't.”

“If you work with him all the while knowing I'm waiting somewhere, it will make you treat him differently. You'll either resent me or him or both. And I'll wait for my life to have meaning until you come to me. That's a sad, empty life for me. And I want Seth to be well. I have compassion for him. We can't ever hope to find happiness built at the cost of your brother's sanity. You have to help Seth, don't you?”

She made it a question because somehow, if he never said it out loud, she
could
wait. She could pretend not to, but wherever she went, she could make sure Rafe could find her. And she could go on with her lonely life, only less so now caring for Audra and the children. And find new places to explore, and through it all she'd wait and hope and pray that Rafe would come.

A heartbreaking way to live.

“No! It burns!” Seth suddenly cried out. “Stop. Help. Rafe, help me!”

He thrashed in his sleep, slapping at his arm as if it were on fire. Kicking and rolling side to side. “Rafe, help me. Ethan, save me!”

“Yes, for now at least, I have to take care of my brother.” He held her gaze as Seth's nightmare drove home the point. The brutally sharp point.

She'd forced Rafe to say those words. And now she had to live with them. Even if they cut so deep she wanted to die.

Rafe turned away from her and shook Seth. “Wake up.”

Julia waited as Rafe struggled to pull Seth out of his nightmare. It wasn't easy, but it was a reminder of all that stood between them.

At last Seth awoke fully, and Rafe spoke quietly to him while Julia packed up their food from lunch. They needed to go back to the surface. What good was this fascinating cavern when she was crying inside.

“Let's go.” Seth stood, apparently over any lingering effects of his dream.

“You want to keep exploring?” Julia had thought Seth would wake up scared and want daylight.

“I think we need to stop with the exploring for the day.” Rafe looked more shaken than Seth.

“No. I want to show you a special room. It's beautiful.” Seth turned his wild blue eyes on Julia, and they seemed to burn in the lantern light.

Julia looked at him and wondered,
If we headed for the surface now, will Seth even come? Or will we have to restrain him and drag him up to the surface?

“All right.” Julia felt as if the weight of the world were on her shoulders. She didn't have the will to make a decision, so she let Seth make it. “Let's go.”

Julia started forward. She passed Rafe, and the rope jerked her to a stop at the same moment it stopped Seth. They both turned to face him.

He looked like a mountain under pressure. She wondered if it was the end of their plans to marry or his dislike of the cave.

“Can't you feel it?” Rafe asked, so quietly that Julia came a step closer to hear him, Seth with her.

“Feel what?” Seth asked.

“This place. It's like I can feel the weight of the mountain on top of me.”