Out of Left Field: Marlee's Story (21 page)

Lisa said, “Geez, I can’t believe she told off Christy Loveland like that. And this was last night?”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “We bailed like a bunch of cockroaches in the bathroom light when we heard things start breaking inside the house. Beer bottles, I think. I don’t know how she did it, but Susie stayed with her until her parents came home. And they were in California.”

Jeri said half seriously, “Sounds like Christy’s got some issues. Hello! Therapy!”

“Ain’t my job. Thank God,” Sam responded. “But P, Susie came over to my house this afternoon. She knows I’m seeing Lisa.” Sam’s eyes softened when she looked at Lisa. “And she knew I was coming out here tonight. She gave me something for you.”

Sam went to her car and popped the trunk. She pulled out an expensive-looking teddy bear. It had a leather nose and leather padded feet. Susie had attached a card to the bear with curling ribbon.

Sam handed the bear to Marlee. “She told me to give you this cutie and that she’d wait for your answer at our game on Tuesday when she can see you in person.”

Jeri, gleeful, said, “C’mon Marlee, let me take you home. You need privacy, but then you have to call me as soon as you read the card.”

Jeri and Marlee said their goodbyes to Lisa and Sam and then Jeri ushered Marlee into the Mustang to whisk her home.

“MARLEE, IS THAT you?” Marlee’s mother called from the living room.

“Yeah, Mom. We called it an early night.” She stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room where her mother was watching television.

“Oh, how cute. Who gave you the bear?”

“Oh, uh, Susie.”

“Get well present?”

Good one, Mom.
“Yeah, something like that. I’m going upstairs.”

“Okay, take Patches with you. My lap is now officially closed, little girl.” Her mother nudged the cat off her lap.

Patches ran toward Marlee, chirped, and pranced up the stairs toward Marlee’s room.

Her mother said, “I think she’s been worried about you. Get a good night’s sleep, honey.”

“’Night, Mom.”

Marlee climbed the stairs slowly. The butterflies in her stomach multiplied with every step. When she finally made it to her room, she flung the bear carelessly on the bed. She hung her sweatshirt up carefully.

“Hey, Patches.” Marlee stroked the cat’s head. “Let’s see what Susie has to say, okay?” She yanked the card off the bear, but left the bear face down on the bed. She plopped into the recliner and put it into the full recline position. Patches jumped up on Marlee’s lap and circled.

“C’mon, girl, find a spot. There’s some crazy stuff going on in East Valley and I’m not sure I want to be part of it.” She coaxed Patches into a prone position. “That was easy, right girl? Let’s see if this is.”

Marlee took a deep breath and willed her stomach to stop doing somersaults. The envelope was blank. She pulled out the card. The front of the card showed a tearful teddy bear and read, “I’m Sorry” in ornate script.

Marlee wasn’t sure what she should feel at that moment. Part of her wanted to leap for joy and call Susie right away. Another part of her remembered Sam’s story. They were practically inseparable until I came along. How could Susie ever think that Marlee would forgive her for dumping her like that? And for some weird friendship with Christy?

She opened the card anyway. What would it hurt? The card inside was blank, but Susie had written a letter on several sheets of loose-leaf paper. Marlee smiled in spite of herself when she recognized Susie’s handwriting. Without reading it, she put the pages down and said to Patches, “Are you ready?” When Patches didn’t answer, Marlee said, “Clearly, you’re not as invested in this as I am, little kitty.”

Marlee took another deep breath and opened the folded pages of Susie’s letter.

Marlee (
mi vida
),

I hope I haven’t blown it with you. I’m so sorry about what I did to you exactly two weeks ago. This is my feeble attempt to explain myself. I owe you that much. Before I do, please know that I truly do love you. I know we haven’t really known each other for very long, but you’ve touched my heart in a way that no one has ever done before. I think about you all the time and I kick myself every day for hurting you and for letting Christy hurt you. Somehow, you just got caught up in the middle of things. The look on your face when I said I couldn’t see you anymore broke my heart and I’ve been miserable without you.

Marlee’s chest tightened. She felt a lump forming in her throat. “Patches, she’s miserable. Hooray. She’s as miserable as I am.” She took a deep breath and read on.

You know I don’t like to talk about Christy, but this time I have to. You see, Christy flies into rages when she’s angry. I’ve always been the only one of all our friends who could calm her down. But lately, as you know, her rages have hurt people, literally. You. Me. Marlee, the reason I broke up with you was because I didn’t think I could control her anymore. I figured if I just kept giving her all of my attention, like I always had, then she would calm down and not want to hurt you. She can’t handle me not being there for her. She can’t handle the thought of me spending time with someone else. And, like I said before, she and I are not going out. It’s not like that. It’s different.

You see, I kind of feel responsible for her. Well, responsible isn’t exactly the right word, I guess, but I always felt like I was the only one who could help her. Probably because I was the one who found her. I’m the only one who knows. Nobody else was home (as usual). When I got to her house, I went upstairs thinking she was in her room. She wasn’t. I found her in the bathroom. There was a lot of blood. Thank God she hadn’t cut too far through her wrist with the razor blade. Honestly, I don’t think she had the nerve to do it all the way. I bandaged her up and I wanted to take her to the hospital, but I only had my bike. She begged me not to call anybody. I didn’t. That was my first mistake. The bleeding finally slowed down on its own. I was so scared. I was fourteen. She was fifteen.

She made me swear to never tell anyone. Ever. And I haven’t. Until right now as I write you this letter. She also made me swear that I would stay with her forever and be her family since she had none. Her older sister, Lauren, practically raised her and then when Lauren left for college Christy ended up spending most of her time alone in that big house. I guess she kind of lost it.

You know how her parents are, they’re never home. Shoot, they go away on three to four week vacations and don’t take her with them.

But then, Marlee, you came along and I found that I didn’t want to spend all my time with Christy, keeping her safe, taking her rage. Marlee, I’m telling you all of this because she’s going to get help now. It seems that your coach called Coach Gellar and Christy is going to counseling for her anger. I don’t think anyone knows about her suicide attempt. Not yet, anyway. Her parents cut their trip to California short to come home. I stayed with Christy until they got home early this morning. It was funny. They thanked me for being a good friend to Christy, but I’m not so sure I was. I should have told someone back then instead of trying to fix it all by myself. Marlee, I don’t know what you said to your coach to make her call but I think you and your coach saved Christy’s life. She was spinning out of control.

You were brave. I was a coward. I broke up with you because I couldn’t handle a face-off with Christy. So, Marlee if it’s not too late and I haven’t scared you off, would you give me a second chance?

Marlee reached for the bear she had unceremoniously dumped at the bottom of her bed. She hugged the bear to her chest. “Patches, I’m getting nervous. I think she’s gonna leave it all up to me.” She swallowed around the lump in her throat. Marlee braced herself and read the rest of the letter.

Chapter Fifteen

The Verdict

SOMEHOW, AND MARLEE wasn’t sure how, Clarksonville had drawn home field advantage for the North Country League championship game against East Valley. The winner of the game would be crowned League champion and represent the North Country in the New York State playoffs. Marlee, Jeri, and Lisa sat on the Clarksonville team bench getting ready for the game.

Jeri retied her cleats, leaned over Lisa, and said to Marlee, “Coach’s speech was short, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, really,” Marlee agreed. In her best Coach Spears’ imitation she quoted, “You’ve worked hard all year, ladies, and now it’s time to show East Valley that you are the better team. This is the one game you’ve worked for all season. I’m sure our seniors would appreciate a trophy and a shot at States. It’s time to put up or shut up, ladies.” Marlee winked at her friends.

Lisa laughed. “Good Coach Spears, Marlee. Nice wink. Now, let’s go over your strategy for the game. When you’re pitching, what do you do?”

Marlee spoke in a monotone voice and repeated the memorized discourse. “I look at you and only you. I do not look at any batters, especially certain batters, and I definitely do not look at the other team’s bench. I only throw those pitches you call for because Lisa is the catching goddess of the universe.”

“Good. Very good. What do you think, Jeri?” Lisa asked.

“With you leading her around by the nose, she’ll be just fine.”

“Hey,” Marlee protested. “I can think for myself, you know.”

“We know,” Lisa and Jeri squealed together.

“That’s been your problem,” Jeri teased.

Lisa continued, “Now, what is your strategy when you’re up at bat?”

Marlee sighed. “I don’t know how I’m going to pull this one off, but,” she switched back to her monotone, “I’m hitting against that Northwood pitcher, the one who serves up better meatballs than D’Amico’s restaurant.”

Jeri feigned outrage at the slight. “You insult my family! I’m willing to let it go under the circumstances, but only if you tell us about Susie’s note again. She wants you to give her a sign?”

Lisa leaned forward, eyes wide. “What kind of sign?”

“She said that if I took off my hat today and nodded my head yes that’ll mean I’ll give her another chance. Otherwise, if I don’t give her the sign, she’ll just stay in East Valley and leave me alone.”

“What are you gonna do?” Jeri and Lisa said breathlessly. They leaned in closer, anxiously awaiting Marlee’s answer.

“Oh, c’mon, you guys. Honestly, I really don’t know.” It was the truth. She didn’t know. Susie’s rejection had shaken her so much that she didn’t know if she could ever trust her again. And she hadn’t made a decision yet. Her heart and her head were still battling it out.

Jeri kicked the dirt with her cleat and said, “Fine. Don’t tell us. But I think...nah, it’s your decision.” She stood up. “Gotta throw. See ya.”

Marlee smiled. She thought she knew how her friends felt, but she wasn’t there yet. And right then she had to put her energy into the game. She would imagine the Northwood team getting off the bus, not the East Valley team. Since she didn’t know any of the Northwood players there would be no reason to look at them. None at all.

Her heart lurched when she saw the big luxury bus from East Valley pull into the parking lot. They were early.

“Breathe, Marlee, breathe,” Lisa said. “It’s just the Northwood bus.”

Marlee smiled in gratitude at her catcher.

Lisa added, “Uh, nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?”

Marlee laughed. “Yeah, it’s a top-ten spring day.” She was grateful for the warm weather, with hardly any wind to bother a pitcher, but couldn’t help remembering that this was the kind of day she had envisioned for the first time her team played Susie’s team.

She deliberately ignored the flow of East Valley players as she ran through her warmup pitches with Lisa. Marlee mentally thanked the field designers for forcing her to face away from the East Valley team’s bench as she warmed up. She fought hard to ignore Susie, but knew she’d have to look at her sooner or later. Susie had to bat, after all.

An overwhelming number of Clarksonville and East Valley fans filled up the bleachers. She even thought she saw a newspaper reporter.
Today’s a big day. I’ve got so much more to worry about than my love life.
Marlee, with all her might, commanded her stomach to remain calm. She forced a smile and waved to her mother in the stands. For some reason no captains’ circle was called. Marlee thought Coach Spears had something to do with that decision.

“Home team, take the field,” the umpire yelled.

Marlee threw her five warmup pitches. Her shoulder felt good. Strong. Now if she could only get her nerves under control.

“You’ve got a no-hitter going, Marlee. Perfect game. Keep it up!” Lisa called to Marlee. This was their private joke because every pitcher had a no-hitter/perfect game before a game started.

The umpire called for the first East Valley batter. Marlee tried hard to imagine Northwood batters instead of East Valley batters, but the red and black East Valley uniforms made her self-deception difficult. She knew that if any one of these first three batters got on base she would have to pitch to Susie. One line in Susie’s card came unbidden.
Please know that I truly do love you.
But then, just as quickly, Marlee remembered Susie saying, “I can’t see you anymore.” Marlee inhaled deeply and exhaled forcefully. She looked at Lisa for the sign to start the North Country League championship game.

Marlee struck out the first batter of the inning. The next two batters, including Sam, grounded out. So much for Sam’s theory that Marlee would strike her out every time. Marlee was relieved that she did not have to pitch to Susie that inning. Out of the corner of her eye, she had seen Susie in the on-deck circle warming up. Marlee’s willpower was waning, but she held on and didn’t look.

Jeri, Clarksonville’s lead-off hitter, was up and Marlee took a quick breather on the team bench. The pull to look into left field was strong, very strong, but Marlee did not look. Not looking at Susie was one thing, but not thinking about her was another. Marlee couldn’t stop the memories bursting through the dam. She remembered the first time Susie kissed her behind the shed. Her face flushed at the thought. But then she remembered what Sam had said about Christy and Susie. “They were practically inseparable until you came along.” Were you thinking about Christy when you were with me? She groaned out loud and forced herself to focus on the game.