Out of Left Field: Marlee's Story (18 page)

Marlee tried to concentrate on the mathematics, but the automatic movie projector turned itself on again and her mind shot back to Lake Birch. Susie kissing her neck and working her way up to her earlobe. Susie biting her finger. Marlee sighed. Almost too audibly. She realized where she was and checked herself.

Marlee took a deep breath and focused on her teacher. Mrs. Stratton was passing back their latest test. Marlee was not looking forward to getting this one back. She had been so preoccupied with Susie that she hadn’t studied for it. Not really.

“Jeri.” Mrs. Stratton sent Jeri’s test down their row. Marlee reached for it from the boy in front of her and snuck a peak at Jeri’s grade. 93% with a “Great job, Jeri” written in Mrs. Stratton’s nice handwriting.

“Marlee.” Mrs. Stratton said without emotion. When the test reached her Marlee could barely bring herself to turn it over. She prayed for something to go right in her life since everything else had turned sour the last couple of days. Unbelievably, her mental movie projector turned itself on again. She saw Susie in her room saying, “Look, it’s complicated.” Susie saying, “If I just stay away from you, then you and Christy will both be safe.” And, the one that seemed to make everything hurt all at once, Susie saying, “You know I love you.”

Her head hurt. Her shoulder hurt. And most of all her heart hurt. She turned her test over in an attempt to clear Susie from her mind. The front page of her test was covered with red pen. Mrs. Stratton had written on the top “58% F. See me after class.”

Marlee couldn’t get enough oxygen. If she didn’t get out of that classroom immediately, she’d make a fool out of herself in front of everyone. She flew out of her seat, startling Jeri, and hurried toward the classroom door. A sob escaped before she reached it.

She ran toward the closest girls’ room. Her sobs echoed off the walls of the blessedly empty bathroom. She knew she had to get a grip on herself before somebody walked in. She hid in one of the stalls and rocked herself against the closed door. She wanted to bang her head against the door, but decided against it. One concussion in a lifetime was enough.

She stifled her sobs when she heard the door to the girls’ bathroom open. She took several quick deep breaths in an attempt to get herself under control.

“Marlee?” Jeri’s voice echoed off the tile. “Are you okay? Mrs. Stratton sent me after you.”

Marlee managed to catch her breath and choked back the most recent flood of tears. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “I’m okay.”

At Jeri’s urging she came out of the stall but made a beeline for the sink. With her free hand she splashed cool water from the tap onto her face and with water dripping off her chin turned to face Jeri. “You must think I’m a raving lunatic.”

Jeri handed her a paper towel from the wall dispenser. “You’re kidding, right? I thought you were a raving lunatic way before you hit your head.”

Marlee knew Jeri was trying to get her to laugh, but she couldn’t find the energy. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw her red-rimmed eyes, her blotchy face. Tears started rolling down her cheeks again.

“Marlee, what can I do? Want me to drive you home?”

Marlee wanted to say yes, knowing she couldn’t return to her math class in her present state. She wanted to forget about this day altogether, but she shook her head no. She regretted the physical movement because it caused her head to ache. She knew where she had to go.

“Take me to Coach’s office.”

“Okay. A plan. Cool.” Jeri grabbed Marlee by her good arm and led her down the hall as if she were blind. “I’ll tell Mrs. Stratton I took you to the nurse.” She pointed toward Marlee’s head. “Banged your head and all.”

They walked to the gym in silence, and when they got to their coach’s office the lights were off, but the door had been propped open as if one of the coaches would be returning any second.

“Coach isn’t here.” Jeri flicked on the lights.

Marlee shielded her eyes and asked Jeri to leave the lights off.

“Okay, but should I stay with you?”

“No. I’m all right.”

“I’ll get your backpack and, uh, I guess I’ll just put it in your locker, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Jeri patted Marlee’s good shoulder and left.

Marlee grabbed a tissue from her coach’s desk. She sat in the same chair she had used after her breakup with Bobby and smiled at the coincidence. She looked up when she heard someone step into the office.

“Marlee, you startled me. I didn’t expect to see anybody in here.” Coach Spears walked into the Girls’ Physical Education office holding a cup of coffee. She left the lights off perhaps instinctively knowing Marlee wanted them off. “How are you? When I spoke with your mother yesterday she said you were determined to come to school today.”

Marlee couldn’t answer. Fresh tears leaked out of her already swollen eyes.

“Open door policy?”

Marlee nodded.

Her coach went back and closed the door to the office. “Okay. What’s up, kiddo?” She sat down next to her pitcher.

Marlee knew her coach was waiting for her to say something so she swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

While she exhaled, Coach Spears said, “You know I’ve said this before. You can say anything you want in here. I won’t judge you.” She put the cup of coffee on the edge of her desk. “I’m here to help, so whatever it is, tell me. You’re obviously upset.”

Marlee thought she had finally gotten enough of the lump out of her throat to speak, but her voice cracked. “Coach, I...” It was all she could get out.

“What’s wrong Marlee? You’re breaking my heart.” She handed her pitcher another tissue and said, “We seem to be doing this a lot lately.”

They both laughed, and Marlee rolled her eyes.

“Go on, Marlee, you’re doing great.”

The dam burst and the words poured out in a long continuous stream. Marlee confessed everything. She told her coach about her fledgling relationship with Susie and how amazing Susie made her feel. How she couldn’t get Susie off her mind. How Susie had called her beautiful. She more than half expected her coach to cringe in disgust and throw her out of the office, but she had to take that risk. She had no one else to talk to, and besides, she had to let it out before she exploded. She forced herself to go numb while she waited for her coach’s reaction.

“Marlee,” her coach said. “She sounds wonderful. remember her. Pretty good hitter, too.”

“Yeah. Grand slam, remember?” Marlee couldn’t believe she wasn’t being shown the office door.

“I do remember.” Her coach nodded knowingly.

Marlee was stunned to be talking to her coach like that. She asked tentatively, “Coach, do you understand me and Susie? You know, our relationship?”

When her coach hesitated, Marlee added barely above a whisper, “Am I some kind of freak? I mean, I like, love, another girl.”

Coach Spears didn’t hesitate this time. “No, no, Marlee. No, you are not a freak. You’re a normal teenage girl. You’re just...discovering yourself. That’s all. And I do understand your relationship with Susie. There are a lot of people like you in this world, in this town, and even in this school.”

An uncomfortable silence grew between them and Marlee wasn’t sure what to do. Her coach stood up and reached in a drawer on the other side of her desk. “I want to show you something.” She pulled out a 4” x 6” picture in a frame and handed it to Marlee.

Marlee focused on the two women in the sailboat. One of the women was her coach, but with brown, not gray, hair. And the other woman in the photo looked familiar. “Oh, I saw you with her that night at the East Valley game. Who is she?” Before her coach could reply, realization hit her like a Christy Loveland fastball.

Coach Spears cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “Uh, well, her name is Anne, and she is my life companion. She and I have been, um, a couple for more than fifteen years. We own a house together and have two cats and a dog.”

Marlee didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t every day that your softball coach told you she was gay. And it wasn’t every day you said the same thing. She managed to ask, “She’s your girlfriend?”

“Yes.” Her coach nodded and placed the photo on her desk facing them. “Marlee, the reason I told you this is so you’ll know that you’re not a freak and that you’re not alone. Okay?”

Marlee nodded. She stared at the tissue box on her coach’s desk and blurted, “Coach, Christy threw those pitches at me on purpose.”

Her coach’s expression turned more serious, if that was even possible. “Really? Do tell.”

“Well, Christy’s got some kind of hold over Susie. I can’t figure out what it is, but Susie said that we’d all be better off if she broke up with me. She said that if she stayed away from me that me and Christy would be safe.”

Her coach raised an eyebrow. “You and Christy? What do you think she meant by that?”

“I don’t know, but Susie broke up with me on Saturday. The day I got back from the hospital with my concussion.” Marlee’s voice rose as she vented her anger for the first time. “Nice timing, right? But Susie had a cut under her eye. Coach, I think Christy hit her.”

Her coach looked at her, alarmed. “Marlee, these are some serious accusations. Do you think Christy threw those pitches at you as some kind of warning? Some kind of retribution?”

“I guess. Like a warning to stay away from Susie or something. Susie said that when Christy found out about us she got mad. Real mad.” She gestured at her sling and head.

Her coach looked perplexed. “Are they together? A couple?”

“Well, according to Susie, they’re not. Christy’s straight.”

“Straight, hmm?” Marlee detected a sliver of doubt in her coach’s voice.

Marlee still could not believe she was having this conversation with her coach. She said, “Yeah well, if Christy’s straight then I don’t get it. Why would Christy even care about me and Susie? I mean Susie said it was complicated, but why would Christy want to hurt me? What did I ever do to her? I’m so confused and...my head hurts.” She looked down at her hands.

“Marlee, we have to take this threat seriously. Maybe Christy got jealous of your relationship with her friend. Jealousy, even in friendships, can get ugly. Maybe Christy was used to having Susie all to herself, and then you came along and threatened that.”

“You think so?”

“Perhaps. And you’re both pitchers, too. That could be another factor. Maybe she’s threatened by how well you’re pitching this year.”

“Maybe. That’s what Jeri and Lisa said.”

“Well, Marlee, we have no way of knowing for certain, but I think I need to put in a call to Coach Gellar over at East Valley and see if she can shed any light on this.”

Marlee looked up with alarm. “Coach, I don’t want to get anybody in trouble.”

“I understand that, Marlee, but we have to act on the safe side.” Her coach shook her head. “What I don’t understand is why Susie said that Christy would be safe, too.”

“I don’t know, Coach. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Her coach looked at her watch and stood up. “Well, I think the bell’s about to ring to end third period and I have a class. I suspect you do, too. I’ll put in a call to East Valley later, but all I want you to do is concentrate on getting better. And, hey, you haven’t cried in what, over two whole minutes?”

“Coach!” Marlee exclaimed at her coach’s attempt at humor.

“Oh, and by the way, Marlee,” Coach Spears looked at Marlee, “you do realize that the world is not as enlightened as you or I would like. Keep my secret and I’ll keep yours. It’s best that we let people know in our own way.”

Marlee walked toward the office door. “Okay. I totally get that. And thanks, Coach. I’m glad I came to you. I....” She was once again at a loss for words. “Well, just thanks, I guess. Oh,” she pointed to the photograph on her coach’s desk, “you should put that away so nobody sees it.”

Coach Spears picked up the photo and winked at Marlee. “Actually, I think I’ll keep this on my desk, in the open, from now on.”

Chapter Thirteen

The Truth

MARLEE KNEW SHE should have called her mother to pick her up after school, but she wasn’t about to miss softball practice because of a little headache. She didn’t think her headache was only due to the concussion, either. Thoughts of Susie, her coach’s confession, and, oh, yeah, her shoulder wrapped up tightly in a sling as she tried to navigate classes, all contributed to her woozy feeling. Of course, Marlee had conflicting feelings about the news Coach Spears had entrusted her with that morning. She felt honored that Coach Spears told her that secret, but she also felt frustrated because she couldn’t share the news with anybody. Just like she hadn’t told anybody about her short-lived romance with Susie.
So many secrets
. No, her pulsing headache had little, if anything, to do with her concussion. But her headache and her exhaustion were not going to keep her from softball practice. She hadn’t celebrated beating the East Valley Panthers with her teammates yet.

Marlee took a deep breath of the fresh spring air and soaked in the warm sun on her face. She was grateful for a reprieve from the seemingly never-ending cold of the North Country. It was the middle of May, but she kept her Cougar softball sweatshirt on since she wouldn’t be as active as her teammates. The right sleeve dangled lifelessly by her side.

She caught up with Jeri and Lisa as they finished their last warmup laps. Jeri wore a short-sleeved t-shirt. Her winter-white arms almost blinded Marlee. When she said as much to Jeri, she received a playful smack on her good arm for the effort. Lisa wore a more practical three-quarter-sleeve softball shirt with Cougar royal blue sleeves.

One of their teammates jogged by and said, “Good to see you up and around, Marlee.”

“Thanks, Johnna.”

“Yeah,” Jeri kidded. “It’s good to see you moving, instead of taking a nap at home plate.”

Marlee rolled her eyes at her friend.

Lisa laughed. “You know how lazy pitchers are, Jeri. But, thank God, we have the two easiest teams in the league this week.”