Out of Left Field: Marlee's Story (14 page)

MARLEE WAS PROUD of herself. She didn’t know how she had the power to concentrate only one day after her fantastic time with Susie at Lake Birch, but not only did she get a head start on her calculus homework for the following week, she also studied for the SAT’s and was finished with everything by seven in the evening. She would be fine with the math section of the SAT’s the following Saturday, but her guidance counselor had politely suggested that Marlee improve her verbal score. Studying vocabulary wasn’t her favorite thing to do, but she had to because she didn’t want grief from her mom when she called Susie, because technically, Sunday was a school night.

She picked up the phone and plopped her vocabulary-weary self into the recliner. She should call Jeri, since she hadn’t talked to Jeri since the game the day before. She wanted to tell Jeri what was happening to her, about how happy she was, and about her amazing evening at Lake Birch with Susie. Well, maybe she’d leave some details out, she thought wryly, but Marlee wanted to believe she could tell Jeri just about anything. But as far as Jeri knew, Marlee had been home all Saturday evening doing calculus homework. No, she’d just wait and see Jeri in school tomorrow.

Marlee dialed Susie’s number. She was relieved when Susie and not Susie’s grandmother answered the phone. Marlee didn’t know much Spanish, and communicating with Susie’s grandmother was nearly impossible. Susie had taught Marlee just enough Spanish so she could ask for Susie if her grandmother answered the phone.

“Susie!” Marlee exclaimed over-enthusiastically.

“Marlee! It’s been so long,” Susie teased.

“Stop it. I missed you all day.” Marlee pouted.

“I missed you, too. I’m glad you thought me more interesting than SAT studying. I know it was a close contest.”

“Oh, stop. I got pretty far ahead in my homework, too. Mrs. Stratton is gonna have to leave me alone this week.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I, uh, had fun last night. I think I’m still shaking.”

“I’m glad I have that effect on you.”

Marlee could hear the smile in Susie’s voice. “So, when can I see you again? I wish I could see you during the week, too, not just on the weekend.”

“I know,” Susie said. “Listen, when school’s out in June we can see each other whenever we want, mi vida. It’s just too far to drive during the week, and besides I have softball and homework. Just like you do.”

“Tell me about it,” Marlee conceded.

The impracticality of seeing each other during the week made Marlee restless. She felt as if something dormant had awakened inside her, deep inside, something that needed fulfillment. It scared her a little. No, it scared her a lot.

“
Aay, corazon
,” Susie continued, “I’m afraid we can’t see each other this weekend coming up, either.”

“Why?” Marlee sat up in the recliner. The footrest banged back in place. “Why can’t I see you?”

“Marlee, I know it’s hard.” Susie seemed to pick her words carefully. “I don’t like it either, but I told you before that my cousins were coming up from Brooklyn for the entire weekend. My mom would kill me if I left during the reunion. Some of my cousins are almost my age and I haven’t seen them in a few years so after my SAT’s on Saturday I’ve gotta hang out with them. I hate not being able to see you, too, but you understand, don’t you? Family obligations?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Marlee said reluctantly. “I just forgot they were coming. And I have the SAT’s too. But what about the night before? Friday? Maybe you could come over? Or I could take a bus out there or something.” Marlee knew the desperation showed in her voice, but she couldn’t help it. She was desperate. She wanted to see Susie next weekend. No, she wanted to see Susie right then and said so.

“I know. I want to see you, too. But I have an away game on Friday. Don’t you have an away game, too?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“And besides, Christy’s folks are home so we can’t hang out there. Remember?”

“Yeah, I guess. But I reserve the right to be officially bummed about it,” Marlee grumbled. “This means I won’t see you for two whole weeks. Do you realize that the next time I’ll see you is the next time we play you guys?”

“Yup.” Susie also sounded glum, but then her voice perked up. “Hey, what about that weekend?”

“What? Anything,” Marlee pleaded.

“That Friday you guys come out here to play us...”

“Yeah, what? What?”

“Why don’t you go with your team on the bus, but then stay here, overnight, with me?” The excitement in Susie’s voice was catching.

“Stay overnight? With you?” This was new territory for Marlee. When she was dating Bobby, she could never say to her mom, “See you tomorrow, Mom. I’m having a sleepover at Bobby’s.” Not going to happen. But it could happen with Susie. The very idea of a sleepover scared her to death, but she kind of liked the secrecy of the whole thing.

“Okay.” Marlee’s mind revved at a thousand miles a minute. “I mean, I’ll have to ask my mom first.” What would she say to her mom? What would she say to Jeri? Lisa? Her coach? Her teammates? What should she wear? What should she bring? “Where will I sleep?”

“That’s easy,” Susie said confidently. “In my room. I have an air mattress and a couple of sleeping bags.”

“Oh, okay.” The reality of their plans hit her. “Oh,” she said in a voice low with understanding.

“Aay, don’t get nervous now. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But my room’s over the garage. It’s the old caretaker’s apartment. Not that we ever had caretakers,” she amended. “The people who had the house before us used it for storage. It’s separate from the house, way on the other side of the driveway. Now it’s my room. And you know what that means?” Susie asked.

“What?”

“Complete privacy. We’ll have all the privacy we want. Even Miguel, my brother, won’t bother us.” Susie’s tone was reassuring. “You can meet my grandmother and Miguel and my mom and dad, if my parents are home, that is. They’re always working.”

“I’d love to meet your family.” Marlee, still trying to wrap her mind around their plans, said, “But I’m going to miss you until then.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Marlee brooded silently on her end.

“Marlee, c’mon. You know this is the way it’s gotta be for now. We’ll more than make up for everything weekend after next. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“And then soon we’ll have the entire summer. You’ll get your driver’s license and you can come out here whenever you want.”

Marlee’s spirits lifted with Susie’s optimism. “Yeah, okay. I guess I can handle two weeks without seeing you, but I want to talk to you every day.”

“You can’t, Marlee. Remember?”

Marlee had forgotten. “Oh, man. That sucks. I can’t talk to you because I suck at calculus.”

“I’m sure you don’t suck at it, but I tell you what. I’ll call you tomorrow after practice. Maybe your mom will let me talk to you now that she knows me. What do you think?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Marlee wasn’t hopeful, though.

“But get your homework done anyway. Sleep tight, mi amor.”

Marlee hung up and thought about the sleepover plans they had just made. She laughed when she realized that she was more excited about the sleepover than she was about the crucial Clarksonville-East Valley game beforehand.

Marlee patted her lap. “Hey, Patches, share the recliner?” The cat jumped up on the proffered lap. Marlee scratched Patches behind the ears absentmindedly. Her mother knew that she and Susie had become fast friends, so convincing her mother to let her sleep over at Susie’s shouldn’t be too hard. Of course, Mrs. Stratton probably would have to put in a good word for her, too. But telling Jeri was another matter. She missed sharing things with her best friend. She was going to have to come up with something.

Susie had said, “Tell Jeri the truth.” The truth. The truth wasn’t going to be easy. She looked down at Patches and said, “Hey Jeri, I’m in love with Susie.” Patches’ eyes were closed. “Hmm, you’re right. Too abrupt. Saying it out loud even scared me.” She stroked the cat under her chin. Patches purred. “How about this. Hey Jeri, I’m attracted to a person’s personality. I was attracted to Bobby for a while and now I’m attracted to a different person who happens to be female. But I’m not...gay.” She whispered the last word. And despite the fact that Patches continued to purr, the words rang false in Marlee’s ears.

I can’t be gay. If you’re gay,
she reasoned,
you have to have short hair. I have short hair. But wait, you also have to wear flannel shirts.
She looked down.
Phew, no flannel. But I have at least five flannel shirts in my closet. Oh no. But wait
.
You have to march in gay parades and ride a motorcycle. Aha,
she thought satisfied.
I don’t have a motorcycle and I have never been to a gay parade.

She said the words out loud again, “I am not gay.” She repeated the words a few more times as if to convince herself of their truth.
Remember Christina?
Marlee had sat behind Christina Larson in Mr. Cole’s Chemistry class the year before. Marlee thought that Christina was the most beautiful girl in the entire school. She remembered Christina’s long blond hair. Her hair often rested on Marlee’s desk, but Marlee never minded.

Marlee recalled the day when Christina turned full around and put both hands on Marlee’s desk. Christina’s blue eyes locked on to Marlee’s, inches away. Christina asked, “Hey Mar, can I borrow your notes from yesterday? I was absent.” Christina was the only one who called her “Mar.” And that was okay, because, after all, she was Christina. Naturally, Marlee knew that Christina had been absent.
I noticed everything about her, didn’t I?
Marlee remembered fumbling with her notebook, cursing her own clumsiness, and then ripping out the notes. She handed them over.

“Oh, Mar, I could have xeroxed them. You didn’t have to rip them out of your beautiful notebook.” Marlee remembered getting even more flustered and mumbling something incoherent. She was sure she had turned beet red. Christina had given her a puzzled look, but followed it with a broad ear-to-ear grin. “You’re great, Mar. Thanks.”

Marlee continued to pet Patches absent-mindedly.

And what about ninth grade,
she asked herself. The school’s homecoming queen, senior Katy Morgan, played third base during Marlee’s freshman year. Katy was going out with Shaun Kramer, one of the best-looking guys in the senior class. Marlee just adored the two of them. But then, everybody loved Shaun and Katy. Katy was one of those nice people you went out of your way to please.
Or was I the only one who did that?

Marlee remembered the time when Katy seemed very upset after an away game. She was crying and seemed inconsolable. Coach Spears finally found out that Katy had somehow lost Shaun’s school ring during the game. The bus driver was asked to wait while every member of the Clarksonville softball team scoured the field. Marlee longed to be the one to find the ring and present it to Katy. She wanted to be Katy’s hero. They never did find the ring, and Marlee was as crushed as Katy.

Two crushes in the past two years. Two crushes on girls in the past two years, Marlee amended. She went another year back in her memory and recalled the eighth grade. All her friends were attracted to boys, but she had absolutely no interest, none at all, but pretended she did. In fact, until Bobby showed up this past New Year’s, she still hadn’t been interested. And way back in sixth grade, she dreamed about living with her best friend, Sarah, forever. But Sarah was boy crazy, even then. And Marlee remembered panicking that Sarah might get married, move away, and leave her all alone. The fear partly became truth when Sarah’s family relocated to Arizona the very next summer. Marlee cried many nights in her room over that one.

She had always been called a tomboy. As she got older people called her an “athlete.”
Will they call me ‘dyke’ from now on?
She frowned. She wasn’t sure she wanted that label. Dykes go to the city on their motorcycles, wear those flannel shirts, and go to bars to meet other dykes. She didn’t have a motorcycle and she wasn’t sure she wanted one. And if she’d never met any gay people before, how did she know so much about them?

“Patches,” she said to her cat, “you’re lucky you don’t have to worry about stuff like this. And we still have to figure out what we’re going to say to Jeri. Okay, fine. What I’m gonna say to Jeri. Too bad you can’t do it for me. I’ll give you extra milk. No?” She had about two weeks to come up with something. Plenty of time.

THREE DAYS AWAY from the big game and the even bigger sleepover, Marlee sat on her bed and wracked her brain trying to come up with something to say to Jeri about her planned overnighter at Susie’s. Mrs. Stratton had called home the day before and given Marlee a positive review so her phone privileges had been restored. Marlee wondered if Mrs. Stratton had graded the math test Marlee had taken that morning. Marlee knew she hadn’t done very well on it. Even though she had been doing her homework, so many other things invaded her mind that she didn’t retain much of the information. She’d had to think about things like Susie and their sleepover on Friday, the SAT’s, her lack of phone privileges, pitching, and, of course, finding a way to tell Jeri about her overnight weekend with Susie. When her mom finally okayed the trip to Susie’s, a small part of her finally relaxed. The positive phone call from her math teacher probably had something to do with it. Her mother had just written the note to Coach Spears giving her permission to stay in East Valley after the game. At least that part had gone well.

Since Marlee couldn’t spend time with Susie over the past weekend, Marlee was able to spend a lot of time with Jeri and Lisa and their other softball friends. On Friday night they went to a movie at the Roxy and then to Stewart’s afterward for ice cream. The next day they went to the Valley Lanes Bowling Alley. Marlee didn’t realize how much she had missed hanging out with her friends. But her fun was always tempered by the task looming ahead of her. She had to talk to Jeri, somehow, some way. But she could never seem to find the right moment to tell her. Somebody else was always around or Jeri was in the middle of telling a really good story. Mainly, Marlee didn’t want to break the mood. Honesty was hard. Really hard.