Out of Mind (17 page)

“Right for what?” I asked, shoving my hair out of my eyes. “I really don’t want to go to a party. I’m tired. And there’s—”

“‘No other Finns out there.’ Yeah. I got that loud and clear the other twenty times you told me.” She rolled her eyes and pulled out one of her black dresses. I hated black dresses now. They reminded me of
him
. “How’s this?”

“No.”

She rolled her eyes and pulled out a dark green one. “This?”

“Marie…” I met her eyes. “Don’t make me go. I-I’m not ready.”

“You’ll never be ready.” She sat down beside me and hugged me so tight I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t mind one little bit. “But all you’ve done is sleep, hang out with me, study, and study some more. The only person you get dressed nicely for anymore is Riley, and even that’s a chore for you. Do you really want your life to be like this forever? To be stuck in mourning like this?” She squeezed my shoulder. “You broke up with him, he didn’t
die
.”

It felt like he had. I hadn’t heard a word from him since he’d packed up and left my parents’ house in the middle of the night. Lately, I kept thinking I’d seen him here and there. Outside of my classes. At the gym. At the cafeteria after dinner. But then I’d look again, and he wouldn’t be there. His ghost kept haunting me, even though he was still alive.

Hernandez was my guard now, and by unspoken agreement we didn’t discuss Finn at all. I didn’t ask, and he didn’t tell. Heck, I didn’t even know if they still talked. It was better that way…or so I kept telling myself.

Maybe Marie was right.

Maybe I needed to stop being so darn sad all the time. It had been four months, and he’d obviously moved on with his life. Maybe I should try to do the same, no matter how dull and boring it might be now. “Where’s the party?”

“At Sean’s fraternity.” Marie’s eyes lit up at the mention of Sean. All I knew about the dude was that he was loud when they made out, and he had a hell of a smile that Marie couldn’t shut up about. “You in?”

I sighed. “Yeah, I guess so. I’ll have to let Hernandez know.”

I’d told her who I really was two months ago, when I’d finally stopped moping around long enough to actually form a coherent sentence. We’d gotten even closer since she knew the real me. It was so refreshingly fun to not have to hide my identity from someone like Marie.

“Oh.” Marie’s smile faded. “Does he
have
to come? He ruins the fun with that frown and serious disposition of his. And those judgey eyes.”

“He’ll stay back,” I said, grabbing my phone. “And he won’t stare at you. Why do you hate him so much?”

“He’s Finn’s friend. That makes him the enemy in my book,” Marie said. She stood, the dress still in her hands, looking less than convinced. “I wonder if Riley could come down to meet us? What do you think?”

I pulled up Hernandez’s number and jotted off a quick text.
Going to party
. “I doubt it. He’d need more notice than twenty minutes.”

“Well, about that…” Marie fidgeted, her gaze skittering away. “I kind of sort of invited him down yesterday. Thought it might be time for you to open your eyes and see the boy’s in love with you.”

I tightened my grip on the phone. It vibrated, but I didn’t look at it. “No, he’s not. We’re friends. That’s it. Why does everyone keep shoving us together like we’re suddenly going to fall in love or something?”

Marie snorted. “
You
might want to be friends, but
he
wants more.”

“No, he doesn’t.” My stomach twisted at the thought. “He really doesn’t.”

“Yeah. Sure he doesn’t.” Marie pulled out a clean—maybe?—towel and chucked it at me. I caught it reflexively. “He’ll be here in ten minutes, so you better go shower and shave.”

“I don’t have to shave,” I said, my voice low.

“Have you seen those legs?”

“Yeah, it’s not that bad.” I lifted my leg and looked at my calf. Then, well, I flinched. “Okay, you’re right. I’ll shave.” I looked at my phone and opened Hernandez’s text.
Address?
I gave it to him before I tossed the phone aside. “’K, off I go.”

“Is Sourpuss coming?” Marie asked, applying her eyeshadow.

She acted as if she hated him all the time, but every time we got together with him, Marie came to life. I’d bet my bottom dollar that she got off on their arguing. “Yep. Wear red. He likes it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Now
you’re
the crazy one.”

I laughed and headed for the showers, feeling a little bit lighter for the first time since I’d gotten my heart broken by the guy who’d sworn he would always love me. I tried not to think about it much, but it was hard. Especially when my new guard was his freaking BFF. At first, I’d tried to avoid Hernandez out of principle. Dad kept sending him after me, though, and I’d realized I wasn’t punishing Dad or Finn by avoiding the tail. I was punishing Hernandez, because he was getting in trouble for losing me.

So now I played along. I hated it.

I turned on the water, stripped, and stepped under the stream. The hot water woke me up even more, and I shaved and cleaned up as fast as I could manage with the jungle I’d been growing on my legs. As I dried off, I looked down at my tattoo. I wish I could say I regretted it, but I didn’t. It represented a short period in my life where I’d been happy—really, truly happy—and even if he didn’t love me anymore, he had.

And I’d loved him, too. So freaking much.

My heart wrenched, and I wrapped the towel around myself before making my way back to my room. I passed a few people on the way, but for the most part the halls were empty. When I opened the door, I called out, “You win. I’m no longer a hairy Amazon beast.”

A man cleared his throat. “Uh, that’s good.”

“Riley?” I scanned the room and found him sitting on the edge of Marie’s bed, his cheeks red. “You’re early.”

“You’re naked.” He raised a brow, looking me up and down casually. “Call it even?”

I clutched the towel tighter to my boobs, swallowing hard. It was longer than most dresses, yet I felt horribly exposed. “Uh, where’s Marie?”

“Someone knocked on the door, and she left.” His gaze dipped low again before slamming back up to my face. His gaze heated significantly, making me shift on my feet. “I guess I should do the same so you can get dressed. Or are we wearing towels to this party? I could totally rock that.”

I laughed. “Yeah, you probably could. But I kinda need to get dressed, so…”

“I don’t suppose I could sweet-talk you into letting me stay?” He stood up and crossed his arms. “I make excellent company.”

“Bad boy,” I said, laughing and pointing at the door. “Out.”

He laughed and held his arms up in surrender. “Yes, ma’am.”

“I’ll call out to you when I’m decent,” I said, grinning.

“You already look decent to me.”

I cocked my head. “Are you flirting with me?”

“And if I am?” He brushed past me on his way to the hallway, his arm rubbing against my bare one. “Would that be so bad?”

I rolled my eyes and closed the door in his face. I couldn’t answer that. Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like Riley flirting with her, but I wasn’t
any
girl. I might not be with Finn anymore, but I knew I wasn’t ready to fall for someone else.

I wasn’t even sure if I could.

I slipped into my panties, bra, and then slid the dress over my head. It was soft, short, and sexy. For a second, I debated taking it off and changing into my usual jeans and loose T-shirt, but then I shook off the urge. I refused to be that girl anymore. Marie was right—enough was enough. It was time to move on…

Even if I still felt like I was dead inside.

“You can come in now,” I called out, walking up to the mirror where all our makeup was. “I’m dressed.”

As I applied light gray eyeshadow, Riley came back inside and sat down on my bed this time. He whistled through his teeth. “Damn, girl. You look good.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I leaned closer to apply my eyeliner. His gaze dipped down.
Oh my God, he’s totally checking out my ass
. “Hey. Eyes at face level.”

He met my eyes in the mirror. “They are at my face level. That just happens to be at your ass. It’s a nice one, you know.”

“Sorry to bail, I had to lend my curling iron to—” Marie stopped in the doorway, a smirk on her face as she took in me at the mirror and Riley on my bed. “Oh. Am I interrupting something?”

“No,” I said.

“Yes,” Riley said at the same time. Then he grinned. “I was staring at her…dress.”

Marie snorted. “Yeah. Sure you were.”

“He’s being a typical dude. Staring at anything in a dress.” I looked at Marie as I slammed the lid back on my eyeliner. She had on a short red dress that barely skimmed mid-thigh. “Speaking of which…”

She flushed. “Oh, shut up. It’s the only one I had.”

“Mmhm.” I applied mascara, grinning the whole time. She had it bad, she just didn’t want to admit it. As if on cue, my phone buzzed. I glanced at it and put the finishing touches on my lashes. My hair was still wet, so I grabbed a hair elastic off the shelf. “He’s outside waiting for us.”

“How much longer are you going to be?” Marie asked.

“Three minutes tops.”

She backed toward the door. “I’ll go let him know.”

And then she was gone. I rolled my eyes. “She’s half in love with him, you know.”

“Who?”

“My new bodyguard, Hernandez.” I checked out my hair. For once, my updo managed to look decent. I’d done a half-up, half-down twist. “He replaced…Finn.”

I flinched. Even saying his name hurt.

“How are you doing with that?” He came up behind me but didn’t touch. “Have you heard from him at all?”

“Nope, when we broke up, we broke up. I woke up the next morning, and he was gone. Haven’t heard from him since. It’s over.”
Yeah.
Even though I still slept with his shirt, I was so over him
. I smoothed my hair for lack of something better to do. I didn’t like talking about it. It hurt too much. “How have you been?”

“Good.” He studied me. “But you didn’t tell me how you’ve been.”

“I’m fine,” I said softly. “Really. I don’t like talking about it, or him. That’s all. It hurts too much, you know?”

“I know. Hey, I like the darker red.” He gave a small nod toward my hair. I’d dyed it a little darker after the breakup, and I had side bangs now. I was still adjusting to the darker red. “It’s nice.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I like the bangs, too.” He stepped closer. “Ready to go?”

I smiled at him gratefully. One of the best things about him was that he knew when not to push. “Yeah, just let me get some shoes.”

Once I had a pair of heels on, I walked out into the hallway with Riley. Cory was walking down it at the same time as we left. He looked at Riley, and then stared at me. “Oh. Hey.”

I gave him a little smile. We might not be friends anymore, but he
did
know my secret. I hadn’t forgotten about that. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Good.” Cory held his hand out. “I’m Cory.”

“Riley Stapleton.” He shook Cory’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Cory nodded and looked back at me. “Where’s Finn?”

“We broke up.” I swallowed. “We’re on our way to a party, so I’ll catch you later?”

“I’m going, too.” Cory grinned. “So, yeah, you will.”

Great.
I nodded. “Bye.” I headed down the stairs, grimacing. “Remember the guy I told you about who Finn hated?”

“That’s him?” Riley asked dryly. “I can see why. I don’t like the way he looks at you.”

“Now you sound like
him
.”

Riley shrugged and opened the door at the bottom of the steps for me. “Sorry, but it’s true. He’s sleazy.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s harmless as a—”

“Oh, don’t be such an ass,” Marie snapped. “God, why did I come out here at all?”

“I’m simply pointing out that if you wanted to wear a short dress, you should have put on—” Hernandez cut off, his eyes narrowing on me. “Oh. Hey, Carrie. What’s he doing here?”

“Put on a what?” I asked, my eyes wide.

“Nothing,” Marie snapped.

“Pair of underwear,” Hernandez said at the same time. “That doesn’t leave ass cheeks hanging out.”

“I…I see.” I looked at Marie, whose face was bright red, and she looked as if she wanted to punch Hernandez. I forced myself not to ask how he knew what she had on under her dress. Forcing my attention back to Hernandez, I smiled. “And
he’s
here to go to the party with us.”

Hernandez frowned. “You come down here an awful lot, considering your school is so far away.”

“Yeah. I came down for the weekend to see Carrie.” Riley eyed him, his blond hair reflecting the full moon. “Is that a problem?”

“No, of course not. It’s just a long way to travel for a little party when you’re going to school for law. How long did it take? Five hours?”

Riley laughed uneasily and rubbed his jaw. “Yeah, something like that.”

I frowned at the way Hernandez was watching Riley. To quote Marie, he was looking at him with
judgey eyes
. “How do you know where he goes to school, and what his major is? From my dad?”

“No, from—” Hernandez hesitated. “I mean, yeah. Sure. Your dad.”

My heart stopped before painfully speeding up. If he hadn’t heard about Riley from my dad, that meant he’d spoken to Finn. Was he here, in Cali? I looked over my shoulder, half expecting to see him behind me. He wasn’t. “You talked to him.”

It wasn’t a question.

Hernandez flexed his jaw. “Let’s not do this. You ready to go?”

“Y-Yeah, of course.” I took a steadying breath. “You’re right.”

“Carrie?” Riley placed his hand on my lower back. “You still want to go?”

No
. “Of course. Let’s go have some fun.”

Hernandez looked at Riley’s hand, stiffening. “After you guys.”

I walked by him, Marie on my other side, trying to resist the urge to shrug Riley’s hand off. It was an innocent enough touch, and despite what everyone seemed to think…

He wasn’t in love with me.