Out of Mind (18 page)

The music was so loud I couldn’t hear myself think, let alone carry on a freaking conversation. But I guess that was the point of a party like this. You were supposed to let loose, stop thinking, and just drink. Dance. Have fun. Be young and free.

I was trying so hard to do all of those things.

I lifted my cup to my mouth, draining the last of the wine. It tasted okay, but I missed my pink wine coolers that Finn had always kept stocked for me. I paused, the cup still pressed to my lips. That’s the first time I’d thought about Finn without wanting to cry in…well, since the breakup.

Maybe that meant something.

“Want to dance?” Riley asked me, leaning down to shout in my ear. “With me, that is?”

My head spun a little bit from the amount of booze I had already. The last thing I should do is dance, yet that’s exactly why I would. I’d been living my life doing all the things that I
should
be doing, instead of being crazy every once in a while.

Maybe it was time for a change of pace.

“Sure, let’s go. But first…” I took his drink and finished it. When he looked at me with wide eyes, I laughed, tossing my head back and everything. “What?”

“Nothing at all. I like seeing you happy, is all.”

He grabbed my hand and led me to the dancing area—which, in all reality, was nothing more than a cleared out living room. Couples danced all around us, half of them caught in the moves, and half of them caught up in each other. Some had stopped with the pretense of dancing, and were just plain old getting it on without caring who saw.

It made my cheeks go all hot, and it made me miss how Finn had made me feel when he touched me like the dude in the corner was touching his girl.

“Who says I haven’t been happy?” I called out to Riley. “I’m good. Excellent. Wonderful.”

And a horrible liar.

He pulled me in his arms and moved to the music without hesitation. Turned out, he was a pretty amazing dancer. Was there anything this guy
wasn’t
good at? His hips swung to the music, mimicking sex, almost, and it was hot. Damn, the boy moved like Bruno Mars. The urge to fan my cheeks hit me strongly. “Since when do you dance like that?”

“Since forever. You just didn’t notice before because you weren’t looking.” I stared at him in surprise, and he grabbed me and pulled me closer. “You going to dance, or stand there moping about Finn?”

I gave him my back, moving my body to the music. He brushed up against me, all hard muscle and hot skin. “Stop talking about him,” I called over my shoulder. The tempo picked up, and we matched it effortlessly. Grinning, I moved closer, feeling so freaking alive. “He’s not here, but you are.”

“About time you noticed.”

I looked back at him, ready to make some sarcastic remark, but he was watching me with a weird look in his eye. As soon as he saw me looking, though, it faded away and he grinned. I swallowed hard, realizing he’d been looking at me as if he
wanted
me. How often had he done that, and I missed it? Was I really that blind?

The song ended, and a slow one took its place. We both stood there awkwardly, staring at each other. I might be able to break it down with him, sexy style, but I couldn’t be that close to him. I fanned my face with my hand. “I’m going to head outside for some fresh air. Want to get some more drinks and meet me out there?”

He nodded. “Don’t wander off far.”

“I won’t. Besides, Hernandez is out there.” I shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

I walked away without waiting for an answer, needing to get away from him and all the possibilities that look he’d given me represented. It made me nervous and anxious at the same time. My stomach fisted into a knot, making me wonder if I was about to puke up all the wine I’d just drank. That would be a fitting end to this night, wouldn’t it?

I stumbled out into the cool night, taking a big gulp of air. I could still hear the music, so I moved away from the doorway, wanting some peace and quiet. Someone stepped out of the shadows and I jumped, my hand to my chest. For a second, a split second, I thought it was going to be Finn.

It’s how we met, after all. Outside a party.

But I was wrong. It was Cory. “Where are you going?”

“Nowhere. I needed some fresh air.” I dropped my hand back to my side. “You scared me.”

He laughed. “Sorry. Where’s Riley?”

“Getting us some more drinks.” I wrapped my arms around myself, eyeing him. I could tell with only one glance that he was drunk. Last time he’d gotten drunk at a party with me, it hadn’t been pretty. “He’ll be out any second.”

“I’ll only take a second.” He walked right up to me, his jaw hard. “You’re single again, and you’re with a guy who looks like me. He’s basically me, but not. Is he a senator’s kid, too?”

I laughed, unable to stop myself. I’d been caught off guard by the cocky statement. “Um, I’m not with him. And he doesn’t look like you at all.”

“Yeah, he does. He comes from money, like us.” He stumbled a little bit. “Answer my question, Carrie.”

I backed up a step, stalling for time. Riley would come out soon, I was sure. “Which one?”

“Is he a senator’s kid, too?”

I blinked. Why did he care? “Uh, yeah. He is.”

“Of course.” He smirked. “You had enough of playing on the wrong side of the tracks, huh? I don’t blame you. Finn was a huge mistake.”

I frowned at him and backed up. “Someone should really lock up the alcohol so you can’t get a hold of it. When you drink, you don’t play nice.”

“I’m not drunk.” He stumbled again, totally ruining the denial. “I’m just telling the truth. Finn was horrible for you. Stay on this side of the tracks,” he slurred.

“Finn wasn’t from the wrong side of the tracks. He was a good guy.” I curled my hands into fists, taking another step back from him. He was pissing me off now, talking badly about Finn. He had no right. No right at all. It was deja vu. “Better than you’ve ever been.”

Cory laughed and followed me, backing me up to the beach. “Doubtful. He’s gutter trash.”

My heart sped up, and I finally saw what Riley and Finn saw. For the first time ever, Cory creeped me out. “You’re scaring me. Stop following me like that.”

“Why? Because your big bad ex isn’t here to beat me up? You don’t have him here guarding you anymore. I could kidnap you now,” he whispered, grinning evilly. “You’re used to that, I bet. Being stolen away by ruffians. I bet you like it, too. You like it rough, don’t you?”

“God. You’re such an idiot,” I snapped. “Leave me alone.”

He grabbed my hand and jerked me closer. His breath reeked of cheap beer and even cheaper vodka. “You know, you
should
be nicer to me. I know things about you that no one else knows. And I’ve kept all your secrets…for now.”

I tried to pull free, but he tightened his grip. “Let
go
of me.”

“Fine.” He released me and ran his hands down his face. “You treat me like I’m the enemy.”

“You were mean to Finn,” I said, rubbing my wrist. “And you’re being mean right now, too.” Where the hell was Hernandez, anyway? Shouldn’t he have come out, even though I’d warned him only to show himself if it was life or death?

I scanned the shadows. Nothing.

“Well, he’s not here anymore, is he?” He shrugged. “So why hold it against me? I was obviously right about him, or you’d still be with him.”

“Just because he’s gone doesn’t make it okay to talk crap about him,” I said, frowning at him. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

He stepped closer and ran a finger over my jaw. “I never got what you saw in him, no. You should be with someone like me.”

Over my dead body.
“Stop it.”

“You deserve so much better. Someone like me.”

He lowered his face and kissed me before I could even remotely guess what he was going to do. His tongue probed my lips, making me gag. I gasped and shoved him back, swiping my hand over my mouth while trembling. “Don’t do that again. We’re not together, and we will
never
be together.”

“That’s why I did it. I had to do it just one more time.” He balled his hands at his hips. “Before you’re with that Riley guy next.”

A scuffling sound came from the shadows. Hushed voices, too. Footsteps approached rapidly before slowing down. “Everything’s fine, Hernan—” I broke off. It wasn’t Hernandez; it was Riley. “Oh, hey.”

“Hey.” Riley held two bottles of water in either hand. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I was just leaving,” Cory muttered. He gave me one last look before walking away. “See ya,” he called out over his shoulder.

I let out a sigh of relief and looked at Riley. He was watching me closely. “Did he kiss you? I thought I saw…”

“He did. I told him not to do it again.” I sat down on a big boulder and looked up at him. “He’s always liked me, I guess. Which is why Finn hated him.”

Finn
.

“You still love him, don’t you?” He perched next to me on the rock. “You’re not over him even in the slightest.”

I swallowed hard. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be
over
him, really. What I felt for him isn’t something that just goes away with time. It’ll always be there.”

“Yeah. I get that.”

I looked over at him. He looked pensive. “Are you still in love with your ex, too?”

“No.” He laughed. “God, no. I don’t think I really ever loved her. She was a girlfriend, but that’s it. Nothing more.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Well…” He looked over at me, and his eyes latched on to mine. “I think I could be, easily, but it’s not the right time.”

I sucked in a shaky breath, my heart wrenching. Darn it, I’d been a blind fool. Everyone was right. He wanted more from me, and I couldn’t give it to him. “Riley, I can’t—”

He leaned in and placed his fingers over my lips. “Don’t. There’s nothing to say. I know already.”

“But—” I pulled his hand away from my lips, but didn’t let go of his fingers. “There is. You’re such a good guy. The perfect guy, really. I wish that things could be different. That I could be different. I’m just not ready to try again.”

“I know.” His fingers flexed on mine. “Do you think, once you are, that maybe we could, I don’t know, get a coffee? Go to dinner?”

“You have to understand, the love I had for Finn?” I shook my head, not dropping his gaze. His eyes looked even greener in the moonlight. I didn’t even realize that was possible. “I’m not sure it will ever fully go away. That’s not fair to you. You deserve more than half a heart from a girl.”

He reached out and cupped my cheek. It felt good. “Let me decide what I deserve, okay?”

I’d said something similar to Finn once. He’d pissed me off by deciding what was best for me without asking. Is that how Riley felt now? Frustrated and angry at me for trying to decide what’s best for him? I didn’t want to do that to him.

“Okay.” I forced a smile, still holding his hand. “You really are a great guy, you know. If I’d met you first…”

His gaze dipped to my lips. “But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t.”

He set the water down, and framed my face with his other hand. “May I kiss you? Just a little kiss to see if we’re compatible, before I try to win your heart?”

“I don’t know.” Speaking of hearts…mine picked up speed at the thought of kissing Riley. I’d only ever kissed Finn and Cory. There was no comparison there. Maybe with Riley it would be different. “I guess we could try if you want.”

He grinned. “You make it sound like a prison sentence.”

“Sorry.” I laughed, reaching out to grasp his wrists lightly. “It’s just—”

He leaned down and kissed me, cutting me off mid-sentence. His soft lips touched mine, applying the perfect amount of pressure. Perfect setting. Perfect weather. Perfect touch. Perfect guy. The gentle way he held me. The way he tilted his head just right to get access to my mouth. Everything about the kiss was
perfect
.

But he wasn’t Finn. There were no explosions or fireworks.

It just felt nice.

He pulled back, resting his forehead on mine. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“N-No.” I tightened my grip on his wrists. I wished I were different. Wished I were healed already so I could try this again with an open mind. “It was great.”

“Good.” He grinned down at me, looking way too happy. It made me feel guilty. “I can wait for you to be ready now.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

He shrugged. “Then you’ll never get to kiss me again.”

“Ouch.” I laughed. “That’s harsh.”

“I’m just kidding. You can kiss me anytime.” He let me go. “You wanna kiss me again now, don’t you? Admit it.”

I smiled at him. He was so freaking charming that it was hard not to. “Actually, I think I’m going to go back to my room now. I’m tired.”

“I’ll go with you,” he said quickly.

“
No
.” I winced at how harsh that sounded. I just needed to be alone right now. Kissing Riley and kind of liking it was like putting the nail in the proverbial coffin that held my relationship with Finn. I needed time to recover. “You stay and have fun since you drove this whole way down. Don’t leave for me.”

He studied me. “I want to, but I can tell you want to be alone, so I’ll stay. Maybe we can have breakfast in the morning before I head back?”

“Sure, where are you staying?”

“With a buddy here.” He quirked a brow. “Why? You offering to let me stay with you? ’Cause I could ditch him and crash with you instead.”

“Ha! You could totally—” Something scratched on the concrete behind us, and a crashing sound broke the relative quietness of the night. I whirled around to look. “Hernandez, is that you? Are you okay?”

A shuffling sound, and then Hernandez came stumbling out of the shadows, tripping over his own feet. “Sorry, I, uh, I kicked a potted plant by accident.”

I squinted at him. “You kicked a…plant?”

“Yep. That’s me.” He glowered over his shoulder. “Always being a clumsy asshole.”

“Oookay.” I stood up and picked up the bottle of water Riley got me. “Well, you’re just in time. I’m ready to go back to my room, so you can walk me, and then go home.”

He eyed Riley. “Alone, I assume?”

“Yes, of course.” My cheeks heated. “If I wasn’t going to be alone, I wouldn’t ask you to walk with me.”