Out of Turn (18 page)

“Hey, you’re here!” he said in wonderment, reaching out to clumsily pat my uninjured cheek until he saw the bruises on the other. “I want to kill him.”

His tone was menacing, much different than how he’d been speaking previously.

“What?” I asked warily.

“The fucker who did this to you,” he said, his eyes widening and blinking as he tried to focus. “I want to kill him.”

“I don’t want you to do that,” I said, crouching down to remove his shoes. “You beat him up—that’s enough.”

“You bet your ass I did,” Kade said. I had to hide a smile. He sounded like a kid who’d gotten a good grade on a report card and was proud of it. “Broke his fucking hand.”

Okay, that was news.

I pushed the thought aside—there was nothing I could do about it anyway, and I didn’t know if I would have if given the choice. It struck me then that I was more cavalier, and perhaps more bloodthirsty, than I used to be. Maybe I’d seen too many bad people doing too many bad things to turn the other cheek anymore. Punishment and justice seemed in short supply these days, and I found myself resolutely glad that Kade had meted out both, frontier style.

I stood up with a sigh, dragging Kade’s T-shirt over his head. His arms fell back to his sides, like he didn’t have the strength to lift them. He stared at me as I folded the shirt and set it aside.

“What?” I asked. “Did you need something?”

Kade grabbed my hand and tugged me between his spread knees, resting his head against my stomach. I took the opportunity to bury my fingers in his hair, always soft to the touch. His hands moved to settle on my hips.

“You okay?” I asked softly. “Tired, I bet.” I remembered his raw knuckles and untangled myself to go get a washcloth. I came back and reached for his hand, carefully dabbing away the dried blood.

“This is a dream, right?” Kade asked, staring at me again, completely oblivious to what I was doing.

I smiled a little. “I hope not,” I joked. “Surely you can do better.”

“Don’t call me
Shirley,”
he said automatically. I laughed at the joke, overused though it was.

He closed his eyes and tipped his head back slightly. “I love to hear you laugh,” he murmured. “Makes me think of springtime, and carnivals, and being happy.”

My smile faded. The things Kade said sometimes—they made my heart hurt.

“Aren’t you happy?” I asked.

His eyes opened, their piercing blue captivating me.

“I am when I’m with you.”

My heart seemed to skip a beat and the small smile I gave him was watery. “Me, too,” I whispered, my throat clogged with emotion.

“No, no, no, don’t cry,” he said, his dismay evident. He got to his feet before I could react, though he seemed slightly steadier now. Cupping my face in his hands, he pressed light kisses along my cheeks and around my eyes. “Don’t cry,” he softly repeated, the words brushing across my skin.

My arms were trapped between our bodies and I tentatively rested my hands on his bare chest. Kade pulled back slightly to look at me, but I couldn’t meet his eyes. My gaze dropped to his chest.

This close to him, I could see a thin white, jagged scar that was about four inches long, running in a slice down toward his abdomen. I traced it with my finger, wondering how he’d gotten it. If it, like the cigarette-burn scars on his back, was a bleak memento from a crueler time in his life.

Without warning he placed his hands around my waist to pick me up, then turned and laid me on the bed. Surprised, I tried to sit up but was trapped by him hovering over me. He was on all fours, his arms and legs a cage. Then he kissed me.

He tasted of bourbon and Kade, forbidden and sweet. I became lost in sensation, my mind replaying his declaration from earlier.

You won’t see me again
.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, kissing him back with everything I had in me. Tears leaked from my eyes, trailing down my face to the pillow underneath my head.

Kade made a noise, the sound a low rumble in his throat. His hands began to fumble with the buttons on my shirt, but after a moment, he gave up and tore the fabric free. Buttons flew everywhere.

His mouth covered my breast with no preamble whatsoever, making me gasp even as he moaned. He licked and suckled my breasts as though starved and unable to get his fill. My nipples ached, sensitized to his slightest touch, while the flesh between my legs grew plump and moist.

I clutched his head to me, rubbing my thighs restlessly together to relieve some of the ache. Kade’s fingers latched into the thin elastic around my hips and he tugged my panties down, sitting up on his haunches to pull them off my legs.

I had a brief moment of clarity. Was I really going to do this? Kade was drunk, but I had no excuse.

It was one of those moments that seemed frozen in time even as a barrage of thoughts raced through my head. I knew
in my bones that what I was contemplating was probably wrong—knew that I should stop Kade and just leave. Guilt would no doubt consume me in the cold light of day, adding to that which already dogged my every waking moment.

And I was suddenly tired of it all. Tired of feeling guilty for coming between Blane and Kade. Tired of seeing my hopes and dreams vaporizing into dust. Tired of losing people I loved. Tired of the heartache I endured each and every day and the regrets I had for trusting a man who couldn’t trust me in return. But mostly I was tired of doing what I was
supposed
to do, what I was
expected
to do, when I got
nothing
from it but pain and a broken heart.

And in the moment of time it took for Kade to strip off his jeans and settle back between my legs, I made my decision. I was going to be selfish and take this slice of happiness and not think about the consequences, just this once.

Kade lay between my spread thighs, his body covering mine. He kissed me again, cradling my jaw as though I were made of delicate porcelain. I felt him at the entrance to my body and I was more than ready. But he surprised me, sitting back while drawing me up onto his lap, all while still kissing me.

He pushed inside me in one strong thrust, settling me astride him. I tore my mouth from his, choking on a gasp. It had been a while and Kade wasn’t a small guy. His shirt was still hanging off my shoulders so I let go of him long enough to push it off and fling it away. Kade took the opportunity to wrap his arms underneath mine and pull my shoulders back. I whimpered as his mouth closed again over my nipple, his tongue doing things that made me dig my fingernails into his arms.

I couldn’t move. Everything overwhelmed me. The hard thickness of Kade inside me, his mouth tormenting me, his arms surrounding me. His hands moved to my hips, lifting me nearly off him before letting me slide back down. A sound I was sure I’d never made before escaped me.

I pried open my eyes, trying to focus on raising myself up. He was going to think I was completely inept at this if I just kept sitting there like I didn’t know what to do. My legs trembled but somehow I managed to lift up before coming down again. We both moaned at the sensation.

Kade took my mouth again, his hands easily helping to raise and lower me as we found a rhythm. My breasts were crushed against his chest, their sensitive tips creating a delicious friction as we moved.

It grew heated between us and our skin grew sweaty. My hair was plastered to my neck and I had to tear my mouth from Kade’s so I could breathe. He buried his face in my neck, licking the salt from my skin.

My orgasm crashed over me in a sharp explosion of pleasure. I cried out with the force of it, my body gripping Kade’s, contracting around him.

“Ah God,” he gasped, his voice choked. His hands dug into my hips, holding me still. “Not yet,” he breathed. “Don’t want it to end yet.”

After a moment, he seemed to regain control. In a quick motion, he turned me so I was facing the other direction. My thighs were pushed even farther apart in this new position, angling him deeper inside me.

His lips brushed my ear. “You’re perfect. Everything I’d imagined,” Kade whispered. His hands roamed over my body as I rested against him, one at my breast, the other
skimming down my stomach to touch softly between my legs.

His hips moved steadily beneath mine while his hand gently stroked me, and all the while he whispered things in my ear, things that made me blush, but I didn’t want him to stop. He whispered about how beautiful I was, how my body was flushed and hot, how I tasted and how he wanted to put his mouth between my legs, how he’d dreamt of us like this, how much he loved me.

My eyes flew open.

“God, I love you. Waited for so long…” Kade swept my hair to the side and pressed openmouthed kisses to my neck. His hips moved faster, as did his hand, and I couldn’t think anymore, my body coiling inside with tension. He thrust harder and I twisted so I could kiss him. Our tongues tangled as he jerked into me, his whole body seeming to convulse. Kade losing all control was a heady thing. I could smell his own distinctive scent mingled with mine, the combination tinged with our sweat. My fingers dug into his hair, holding him so our mouths stayed as connected as our bodies. The feel of him pulsing inside me sent me over the edge again.

I would have collapsed if he wasn’t holding me up. My hair lay half covering my face and I was too weak to even lift a hand to push it out of the way. I sucked down air, my heart still thundering in my ears.

Kade was brushing kisses along my neck and shoulder, our bodies still connected. I leaned my head back on his shoulder and raised my arms to comb through his hair, now damp and clinging to his own wet skin. His hands cupped
my breasts, gently rolling the sensitive tips in his fingers. I felt an answering quiver deep inside.

His finger dipped down to touch where we were joined, smearing some of the fluid there on my clit. I jerked in his arms, overly sensitive.

“No,” I breathed. “I can’t again.”

“Yes, you can,” he said, his voice dark as sin. “I want to feel your body reach that ecstasy again, watch your face when you come, and know I’m the one doing it to you.”

His touch was expert, knowing, and just when I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle any more, he would change it—harder, softer, faster—until I was panting in his arms. Impossibly, he grew hard again inside me. Sooner than I would have believed possible, I was coming again, more intensely than before.

Kade’s moan was one of both pleasure and pain, then he was rearranging us, laying me on my back and moving my legs up until they rested, one on each of his shoulders. He entered me again, his hips driving hard as he leaned his weight on his hands, pushing my legs closer to my chest.

It was hard and fast, my positioning erotic and making me feel very exposed. He was deep inside me and his eyes were glued to mine, the look in them branding his possession and adoration. I couldn’t blink, couldn’t look away. The bond between us felt as though it were being forged in heat and sweat and flesh.

Only when his orgasm took him did he close his eyes, cries and gasps falling from his mouth in a moment of utter vulnerability. I watched, awestruck by how beautiful he was.

He collapsed next to me on the bed, sucking large gasps of air into his lungs. I couldn’t help a smile. So I’d finally found out what made Kade Dennon out of breath.

His eyes cracked open just a fraction and he pulled me closer to him, his arm heavy on my waist. Slanting his lips across mine, he gave me another deep kiss before resting his head on the pillow of my breasts, his eyes falling shut again.

“Love you,” he murmured, and I knew he was already half asleep.

I reached down and pulled the sheet up over us, though Kade was already out, and cradled him to me, my fingers running through his sweat-dampened hair. I felt content and safe, and I had no trouble finding my own way into slumber.

When next I woke, it was late morning. Kade was still out cold. I figured it would be a while before the booze he’d drunk would wear off. Getting out of bed, I grabbed Kade’s torn and discarded shirt off the floor and went to shower.

I stood under the streaming hot water for a long time, thinking. Hearing Kade tell me he loved me was shocking, overwhelming… exhilarating. I’d known we were friends, known for a while that he wanted to sleep with me, but I never would have known or guessed that he loved me… or that he’d ever tell me so.

But did I love him?

I didn’t think I had an answer for that question. I cared about him. A lot. I didn’t want to lose him. Making love with
him had been… incredible. My body still tingled and I blushed at some of the things we’d done.

But… Blane.

It always seemed to come back to him. The guilt, the pain, the heartache, the betrayal. He was still controlling my life even though he’d pushed me from his. What did I have to offer Kade except being the wedge that would constantly drive him and Blane apart? And I couldn’t even tell Kade that I was no longer in love with Blane. I wouldn’t lie to him.

Kade certainly deserved more than his brother’s leftovers.

That cynical thought made me go still, the water streaming from my hair, over my shoulders and down my back.