Outing of the Heart (101 page)
Read Outing of the Heart Online
Authors: Lisa Ann Harper
âNow listen, Ten. Your dancing days are not necessarily over. I think you're being too defeatist over this one. Look how much progress you're making every day,' she pointed out rationally.
âThat's all well and good for you to say,' she replied, somewhat argumentatively, âbut I know what it takes to be able to pull off that fast footwork and I just won't have it, unless I devote all my waking hours to building up the muscles and developing the skill.' Her cheeks heated from the intensity of her feelings.
Sid said nothing in response, not wanting to make an issue. She took off next week and these last days should be harmonious. âOK Babe, I know it's a sore point. How about we just wait and see?' She drew her into her arms and gave her a long and loving kiss. Ten melted into her, as their bodies moulded together and the kiss went on and on until they were both drowning in pleasure.
It was time for Sid to get ready for bed, although too soon for Ten. While Sid dropped off, she liked to read, loving this quiet time next to her. The day's work done and nothing left, but to relax and get sleepy with a good book. Historical biographies were a favorite, but currently she was into âThe Well of Loneliness', having been told by Lyndall, who had lent her the novel, that her lesbian awareness was incomplete until she'd read it. After this she was going to move her on to âPatience and Sarah'
.
Did she feel it her responsibility to take this part of her education in hand? She was getting to like Lyndall the more she knew her and was always looking forward to their interactions. An intelligent woman; the encounters were challenging and she depended heavily on her guidance. Fortunately, Lyndall was willing to give it.
“Funny, when I first met her at the party, I never expected to get to know her so well,”
she ruminated. A firm friendship was being forged.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
When Ten awoke, strong shafts of light were streaming into her eyes from the gap in the new drapes where they didn't quite meet. An imperious rain was drumming on the roof, while an insistent wind buffeted the tops of the trees. She lay still, somnolent, not yet ready to start the day, but her mind was busy with disturbing thoughts. Only three days left, then the pattern of their lives would be totally disrupted. She was trying to be brave, but was still apprehensive about being alone. Sadness engulfed her like a dense cloud. She'd not minded at Mrs Sandrelli's, but now was different. Sid had become an integral part of her happiness.
In some way she couldn't fathom, Sid's love gave meaning and shape to her life. She was more capable of taking on board new endeavors; more ready to try her hand, strong in the certainty of her loving support, she would always be there to save her.
Her wonderful Sidonie. She wished though, they could wake up together. Every morning she was alone in the bed, Sid having slipped quietly away, not disturbing her. How did she do it, every day, get up at four-thirty, no matter what time she went to bed? Well, she wouldn't have to do it after Saturday. Then she could start to live normal hours, just like regular people. Unfortunately, she still wouldn't be waking up with her by her side. She wouldn't even be going to sleep with her.
“Get out of the doldrums,”
she advised herself. It was just as well she was going to be involved in other activities â carrying on like this â Sid hadn't even left yet.
Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she felt with her toes for her slippers. After a trip to the bathroom she returned to throw on some clothes. The first hint of cold was in the air, a touch of the winter that would not be long in coming. She pulled her soft navy sweater over top of a white polo neck and on the way to the kitchen, turned on the TV. She liked its company and was in time to catch the tail end of Canada AM. The topic under discussion was the prospect of sovereignty for Quebec. People were gearing up to vote in the referendum at the end of October. Monique Simard, vice president of the Partie Quebecois and Lucien Buchard, who had been so instrumental in resurrecting interest in the idea of separating from the Confederation, were being interviewed by Vicki Gabereau. If Quebec obtained its unilateral independence, it still wanted the trade links with Canada to continue. The province would maintain its borders and control its customs, but wanted to keep the Canadian dollar and free trading privileges with Canada. While Ten made coffee and ate muesli, she listened with interest to the various points of view. She thought it would be very upsetting to see the two founding cultures diverge to such an extent. Surely the result would be the slow, but inevitable disintegration of Canada's national identity? Its bilingualism, she couldn't speak French herself, (but admired those of non-French background who could), was something which made the country unique. Without these special qualities Canada would be more vulnerable to cultural threats from the US of A. Already such a powerful influence over the country, she felt sure it wouldn't take long for the American way to become the Canadian way too. A very sad eventuality in that case. As it stood, it appeared the outcome of the referendum was very much in the balance. They would all have to wait and see. As she set about the morning's tasks, laundry today, she wondered why Quebec felt the need for independence at all? They were already so autonomous with their own newspapers, TV, sports teams, both the Montreal Expos and the Quebec Nordiques. Their religion kept them united and their language protected them from the Americans. Yet, despite all this they must still feel their identity and culture under constant threat, she surmised.
Thursday and Friday, Ten worked the afternoon shift one 'til nine She didn't like it, but it was the best way to get back, part-time. And she appreciated Phyllis' willingness to slot her in. Two days per week were better than no days at all. As a result, they didn't see much of each other those days, but once Sid was at Guelph, she'd be glad of the distraction ⦠and the money. Sid drove her to work, to save her foot, but she made her own way home. It wasn't fair to make Sid lose sleep when she, herself, could sleep in.
After completing the daily chores around the apartment, Ten felt a little at loose ends. On impulse, she gave Devon a call. For ages now she'd been meaning to get in touch, but somehow something had always gotten in the way. Devon could take calls at the office; working for her dad had its advantages. Her phone was in the kitchen but it had a long lead, so she carried it over to the dining table and propped up her foot.
âArmstrong, Bousquet and Issner,' came briskly over the line. Not even a
âgood morning'.
Ten guessed Devon's day had gotten off to a bad start.
âDevon, it's me. How are you?' She waited, not sure of her reception. There was silence as the realization sank in.
âTenille â¦? is that really you?' She heard the lift in Devon's voice.
âI've been meaning to phone you. I wanted to give you my new number.' How hollow this sounded. After all this time, was that all she could come up with?
âTenille. It's lovely to hear from you. How are you? How's the leg? Still in a cast?' Devon was eager with her questions.
âThe leg's coming along fine. The cast is off and I'm walking much better. How're things with you, still dancing?' This was what Ten most urgently wanted to know. Now she was talking to Devon again, her mind had gone straight back to her dancing days.
âActually ⦠no. There was a bit of a falling out between Raoul and me so after the tour we had our parting of the ways.' Her voice had dropped and Ten could tell she regretted this turn of events.
âOh Dev, what a pity. You haven't given up altogether, have you?' She realized that it had been very important to her, the thought that Devon was still involved; that she might â just might, get back into it, through her. Now Devon wasn't dancing she felt let down.
âWell ⦠shall we say, âtemporarily on hold'. When I got back, Belen had gone into summer recess, so I didn't see any of the old gang. I'm sure she's probably started up by now, but I've not gotten my act together. Truth to tell, I'm not sure at the moment if I want to get heavy into it again. You know how it takes over your whole life.'
âYes it does that if you take on performance.' Ten agreed. âWhat about just for fun?' She wasn't ready to throw in the towel yet.
âI know. But when you've experienced the bright lights, it's hard to go backstage. Know what I mean?' Ten could hear the resignation settling at the other end of the line.
âSo what have you been up to these days?' she knew she wouldn't be idle. Not her style.
âNothing much,' came the reply which took her by surprise.
âHard to believe, Dev.'
âWell, I met someone and he's pretty much taking up all my energies. Nothing left over for independent pursuits.'
âAh, now I understand. A man in the picture makes all the difference.' Ten liked this. Devon, romantically involved meant they could remain friends and her being with Sid wouldn't be a problem.
âPretty serious, eh?' she ventured, not wanting to appear to be prying , but intrigued all the same.
âOh Tenille, he's the one for me. You know how I could never make up my mind? He's changed all that.' Devon sounded very committed. It was good to hear the excitement in her voice instead of that constant fractiousness of old. She heard some commotion in the background and guessed she would be needed.
âListen Dev, I'll let you go, but give me a call when you can. Here's my number.' She rattled it off then continued: âI work evenings except Monday and Wednesday, OK? Perhaps we can get together some time?'
âCool,' Devon enthused. âYes, I have to go now but I'll be back in touch. Thanks for calling.'
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Sid got home between twelve and one, depending on the traffic, but it usually wasn't too heavy at that time of day. Ten was lucky, if she were a little late Phyllis didn't mind too much, understanding the value of a ride. Now Sid was getting to know the others quite well. They liked her, but she never stayed long, not wanting to be a disrupting influence.
As usual, when Sid drove up it was a bit of a scurry, collecting last minute things, so they only had time for a quick embrace, then they'd be on their way. The two would exchange news on the drive, but for some reason, Ten didn't have time to work out, she didn't tell Sid about her phone call. Perhaps it was just an uneasy feeling, knowing Devon was not one of her favorite people.
Sid on the other hand was full of her suspicion that the grooms, exercise riders and hot walkers at her stable were planning something she wouldn't like, for her last day. âThey all shut up when they see me coming.'
âOnly two more days' of suspense, darling. Do you think you can handle it?' Ten joked.
âNo choice,' Sid grinned in turn. She pulled into the alleyway alongside the store where she was permitted to park for thirty minutes. They let themselves in at the side door, then proceeded to the little back room everyone used for their own purposes.
âSee you tonight, Babe. Are you sure you don't want me to collect you?' Sid enquired. âReally, I don't mind coming down,' she assured her.
âNo Sid, I'm good. Jocelyn's on tonight so she's going to drop me off at the St. Clair streetcar stop. Now don't worry I'll be fine.' She checked there was no one about then planted a loving kiss on Sid's mouth. âSee you tonight.' She went out to report to Phyllis. Sid followed more slowly to say, âHi' to the others.
On the return journey she conceived a plan for their last day together; no need to wait 'til she got back. It had been a long time since either of them had been to Niagara Falls and then it was to entertain out-of-town visitors. They would make a day of it. After the Falls, out to Niagara-on-the-Lake for lunch. They could take their time coming home. She would put it to her tonight.
Back in the apartment she completed the last minute packing. Not clothes this time, just a sort through of her possessions for those little things she would like to have to brighten her room. In going through the knickknacks she realized she had no photo of Tenille and there were no photos of them together. Neither of them had a camera. She got on the phone to Thea.
âReine here.'
âReine, Sid.'
âHi good buddy, how're ya doin'?'
âGood, thanks Reine. How're you guys?'
âGreat. Listen, thanks for an excellent evening, Saturday. We really liked Moira and Rani. Did Tenille go for that radio announcing, or whatever?'
âYes. She's decided to give it a try. She's gotten to know Rani better. They came out over coffee and that sealed it.'
âDid they now?' Sid could hear the wide-eyed wonder in Reine's voice. âWell I had my suspicions, that's why I was a bit provocative Saturday, but they didn't bite.'
âBy the way it's newscasting and ⦠she gets to write it too.'
âTrue.' This time Reine was genuinely impressed. âWell that sure will keep her out of mischief. When will she be on and we'll give a listen.' She knew Thea would be interested. Sid gave the details then went on to her request. There was no problem so she arranged to pick up the camera, just a little idiot-proof jobbie, the next day on her way back from Mississauga, or on Saturday after work. Everything taken care of, she couldn't wait for Ten to get home. If she slept now, it would pass the time, then she could get up for a brief visit when she got in.
It was only a little after nine thirty when Ten put the key in the lock. She found a note propped against the coffee plunger.
âDarling, please wake me when you come in. Love Ya. XOX'
Intrigued and not a little concerned, she hoped everything was all right. Coffees in hand she carried them through to the bedroom, then a gentle shake to Sid's shoulder and the eyelids flew open.
âThat's all well and good for you to say,' she replied, somewhat argumentatively, âbut I know what it takes to be able to pull off that fast footwork and I just won't have it, unless I devote all my waking hours to building up the muscles and developing the skill.' Her cheeks heated from the intensity of her feelings.
Sid said nothing in response, not wanting to make an issue. She took off next week and these last days should be harmonious. âOK Babe, I know it's a sore point. How about we just wait and see?' She drew her into her arms and gave her a long and loving kiss. Ten melted into her, as their bodies moulded together and the kiss went on and on until they were both drowning in pleasure.
It was time for Sid to get ready for bed, although too soon for Ten. While Sid dropped off, she liked to read, loving this quiet time next to her. The day's work done and nothing left, but to relax and get sleepy with a good book. Historical biographies were a favorite, but currently she was into âThe Well of Loneliness', having been told by Lyndall, who had lent her the novel, that her lesbian awareness was incomplete until she'd read it. After this she was going to move her on to âPatience and Sarah'
.
Did she feel it her responsibility to take this part of her education in hand? She was getting to like Lyndall the more she knew her and was always looking forward to their interactions. An intelligent woman; the encounters were challenging and she depended heavily on her guidance. Fortunately, Lyndall was willing to give it.
“Funny, when I first met her at the party, I never expected to get to know her so well,”
she ruminated. A firm friendship was being forged.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
When Ten awoke, strong shafts of light were streaming into her eyes from the gap in the new drapes where they didn't quite meet. An imperious rain was drumming on the roof, while an insistent wind buffeted the tops of the trees. She lay still, somnolent, not yet ready to start the day, but her mind was busy with disturbing thoughts. Only three days left, then the pattern of their lives would be totally disrupted. She was trying to be brave, but was still apprehensive about being alone. Sadness engulfed her like a dense cloud. She'd not minded at Mrs Sandrelli's, but now was different. Sid had become an integral part of her happiness.
In some way she couldn't fathom, Sid's love gave meaning and shape to her life. She was more capable of taking on board new endeavors; more ready to try her hand, strong in the certainty of her loving support, she would always be there to save her.
Her wonderful Sidonie. She wished though, they could wake up together. Every morning she was alone in the bed, Sid having slipped quietly away, not disturbing her. How did she do it, every day, get up at four-thirty, no matter what time she went to bed? Well, she wouldn't have to do it after Saturday. Then she could start to live normal hours, just like regular people. Unfortunately, she still wouldn't be waking up with her by her side. She wouldn't even be going to sleep with her.
“Get out of the doldrums,”
she advised herself. It was just as well she was going to be involved in other activities â carrying on like this â Sid hadn't even left yet.
Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she felt with her toes for her slippers. After a trip to the bathroom she returned to throw on some clothes. The first hint of cold was in the air, a touch of the winter that would not be long in coming. She pulled her soft navy sweater over top of a white polo neck and on the way to the kitchen, turned on the TV. She liked its company and was in time to catch the tail end of Canada AM. The topic under discussion was the prospect of sovereignty for Quebec. People were gearing up to vote in the referendum at the end of October. Monique Simard, vice president of the Partie Quebecois and Lucien Buchard, who had been so instrumental in resurrecting interest in the idea of separating from the Confederation, were being interviewed by Vicki Gabereau. If Quebec obtained its unilateral independence, it still wanted the trade links with Canada to continue. The province would maintain its borders and control its customs, but wanted to keep the Canadian dollar and free trading privileges with Canada. While Ten made coffee and ate muesli, she listened with interest to the various points of view. She thought it would be very upsetting to see the two founding cultures diverge to such an extent. Surely the result would be the slow, but inevitable disintegration of Canada's national identity? Its bilingualism, she couldn't speak French herself, (but admired those of non-French background who could), was something which made the country unique. Without these special qualities Canada would be more vulnerable to cultural threats from the US of A. Already such a powerful influence over the country, she felt sure it wouldn't take long for the American way to become the Canadian way too. A very sad eventuality in that case. As it stood, it appeared the outcome of the referendum was very much in the balance. They would all have to wait and see. As she set about the morning's tasks, laundry today, she wondered why Quebec felt the need for independence at all? They were already so autonomous with their own newspapers, TV, sports teams, both the Montreal Expos and the Quebec Nordiques. Their religion kept them united and their language protected them from the Americans. Yet, despite all this they must still feel their identity and culture under constant threat, she surmised.
Thursday and Friday, Ten worked the afternoon shift one 'til nine She didn't like it, but it was the best way to get back, part-time. And she appreciated Phyllis' willingness to slot her in. Two days per week were better than no days at all. As a result, they didn't see much of each other those days, but once Sid was at Guelph, she'd be glad of the distraction ⦠and the money. Sid drove her to work, to save her foot, but she made her own way home. It wasn't fair to make Sid lose sleep when she, herself, could sleep in.
After completing the daily chores around the apartment, Ten felt a little at loose ends. On impulse, she gave Devon a call. For ages now she'd been meaning to get in touch, but somehow something had always gotten in the way. Devon could take calls at the office; working for her dad had its advantages. Her phone was in the kitchen but it had a long lead, so she carried it over to the dining table and propped up her foot.
âArmstrong, Bousquet and Issner,' came briskly over the line. Not even a
âgood morning'.
Ten guessed Devon's day had gotten off to a bad start.
âDevon, it's me. How are you?' She waited, not sure of her reception. There was silence as the realization sank in.
âTenille â¦? is that really you?' She heard the lift in Devon's voice.
âI've been meaning to phone you. I wanted to give you my new number.' How hollow this sounded. After all this time, was that all she could come up with?
âTenille. It's lovely to hear from you. How are you? How's the leg? Still in a cast?' Devon was eager with her questions.
âThe leg's coming along fine. The cast is off and I'm walking much better. How're things with you, still dancing?' This was what Ten most urgently wanted to know. Now she was talking to Devon again, her mind had gone straight back to her dancing days.
âActually ⦠no. There was a bit of a falling out between Raoul and me so after the tour we had our parting of the ways.' Her voice had dropped and Ten could tell she regretted this turn of events.
âOh Dev, what a pity. You haven't given up altogether, have you?' She realized that it had been very important to her, the thought that Devon was still involved; that she might â just might, get back into it, through her. Now Devon wasn't dancing she felt let down.
âWell ⦠shall we say, âtemporarily on hold'. When I got back, Belen had gone into summer recess, so I didn't see any of the old gang. I'm sure she's probably started up by now, but I've not gotten my act together. Truth to tell, I'm not sure at the moment if I want to get heavy into it again. You know how it takes over your whole life.'
âYes it does that if you take on performance.' Ten agreed. âWhat about just for fun?' She wasn't ready to throw in the towel yet.
âI know. But when you've experienced the bright lights, it's hard to go backstage. Know what I mean?' Ten could hear the resignation settling at the other end of the line.
âSo what have you been up to these days?' she knew she wouldn't be idle. Not her style.
âNothing much,' came the reply which took her by surprise.
âHard to believe, Dev.'
âWell, I met someone and he's pretty much taking up all my energies. Nothing left over for independent pursuits.'
âAh, now I understand. A man in the picture makes all the difference.' Ten liked this. Devon, romantically involved meant they could remain friends and her being with Sid wouldn't be a problem.
âPretty serious, eh?' she ventured, not wanting to appear to be prying , but intrigued all the same.
âOh Tenille, he's the one for me. You know how I could never make up my mind? He's changed all that.' Devon sounded very committed. It was good to hear the excitement in her voice instead of that constant fractiousness of old. She heard some commotion in the background and guessed she would be needed.
âListen Dev, I'll let you go, but give me a call when you can. Here's my number.' She rattled it off then continued: âI work evenings except Monday and Wednesday, OK? Perhaps we can get together some time?'
âCool,' Devon enthused. âYes, I have to go now but I'll be back in touch. Thanks for calling.'
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Sid got home between twelve and one, depending on the traffic, but it usually wasn't too heavy at that time of day. Ten was lucky, if she were a little late Phyllis didn't mind too much, understanding the value of a ride. Now Sid was getting to know the others quite well. They liked her, but she never stayed long, not wanting to be a disrupting influence.
As usual, when Sid drove up it was a bit of a scurry, collecting last minute things, so they only had time for a quick embrace, then they'd be on their way. The two would exchange news on the drive, but for some reason, Ten didn't have time to work out, she didn't tell Sid about her phone call. Perhaps it was just an uneasy feeling, knowing Devon was not one of her favorite people.
Sid on the other hand was full of her suspicion that the grooms, exercise riders and hot walkers at her stable were planning something she wouldn't like, for her last day. âThey all shut up when they see me coming.'
âOnly two more days' of suspense, darling. Do you think you can handle it?' Ten joked.
âNo choice,' Sid grinned in turn. She pulled into the alleyway alongside the store where she was permitted to park for thirty minutes. They let themselves in at the side door, then proceeded to the little back room everyone used for their own purposes.
âSee you tonight, Babe. Are you sure you don't want me to collect you?' Sid enquired. âReally, I don't mind coming down,' she assured her.
âNo Sid, I'm good. Jocelyn's on tonight so she's going to drop me off at the St. Clair streetcar stop. Now don't worry I'll be fine.' She checked there was no one about then planted a loving kiss on Sid's mouth. âSee you tonight.' She went out to report to Phyllis. Sid followed more slowly to say, âHi' to the others.
On the return journey she conceived a plan for their last day together; no need to wait 'til she got back. It had been a long time since either of them had been to Niagara Falls and then it was to entertain out-of-town visitors. They would make a day of it. After the Falls, out to Niagara-on-the-Lake for lunch. They could take their time coming home. She would put it to her tonight.
Back in the apartment she completed the last minute packing. Not clothes this time, just a sort through of her possessions for those little things she would like to have to brighten her room. In going through the knickknacks she realized she had no photo of Tenille and there were no photos of them together. Neither of them had a camera. She got on the phone to Thea.
âReine here.'
âReine, Sid.'
âHi good buddy, how're ya doin'?'
âGood, thanks Reine. How're you guys?'
âGreat. Listen, thanks for an excellent evening, Saturday. We really liked Moira and Rani. Did Tenille go for that radio announcing, or whatever?'
âYes. She's decided to give it a try. She's gotten to know Rani better. They came out over coffee and that sealed it.'
âDid they now?' Sid could hear the wide-eyed wonder in Reine's voice. âWell I had my suspicions, that's why I was a bit provocative Saturday, but they didn't bite.'
âBy the way it's newscasting and ⦠she gets to write it too.'
âTrue.' This time Reine was genuinely impressed. âWell that sure will keep her out of mischief. When will she be on and we'll give a listen.' She knew Thea would be interested. Sid gave the details then went on to her request. There was no problem so she arranged to pick up the camera, just a little idiot-proof jobbie, the next day on her way back from Mississauga, or on Saturday after work. Everything taken care of, she couldn't wait for Ten to get home. If she slept now, it would pass the time, then she could get up for a brief visit when she got in.
It was only a little after nine thirty when Ten put the key in the lock. She found a note propped against the coffee plunger.
âDarling, please wake me when you come in. Love Ya. XOX'
Intrigued and not a little concerned, she hoped everything was all right. Coffees in hand she carried them through to the bedroom, then a gentle shake to Sid's shoulder and the eyelids flew open.
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