Outing of the Heart (69 page)
Read Outing of the Heart Online
Authors: Lisa Ann Harper
This event had been pivotal to her future decision-making and formed one of the imperatives by which she lived her life. When the time had come to select a career; to choose the subjects she needed to attain her objectives, she had not had to wander around helplessly, at the whim of each fancy, steadfast in her resolve, continuing unerringly toward her goal. Other school friends went through an agony of soul searching on those career days, but not she. Still today she knew, deep within her, the rightness of her decision. Only one problem lay before her â doing well enough in her studies to make the grades.
Studying had never been Sidonie's strong suit. Her bent had been outside with the rest, involved in sports or a project of some sort; like making fishing tackle from âfinds'; fixing up old bikes, or helping her buddies build a fort. Good with her hands, she was too impatient to keep her nose in a book. There were times when she could read avidly, but the subject had to capture her imagination; hold her attention completely, otherwise ⦠forget it.
The exercise schedule went smoothly and was enjoyable this morning, no hold-ups. Going round the circuit, people exchanged comments, making her feel truly a part of the horse world. Seldom did she come in contact with the punters. One Saturday afternoon she had gone front side to watch Dewar's Uncle run; a big gangling gelding with a bit of a temper, but when he was on, could really leave the field behind. He raced from the front, enjoying the challenge. She had been curious as to how it all worked. Large stables dominated the winning stakes and usually reaped the successes. The secret lay in the depth of the talent they had. Not all horses reached their peak of readiness just at the right time for a race. However, if a trainer had call of thirty horses, it was odds on there would be one ready for entry in the next, upcoming race.
That Saturday had been an exciting experience. The anticipation and tension in the air was palpable. Horses being shown off in the parade ring, she recognized from other stables. Comments flew between excited onlookers, bets laid sometimes solely on the basis of appearance; something about the horse catching the punter's eye, past form or record having little bearing on the decision-making process. A name was sufficient to cause the parting with hard-earned cash.
After lunch, two hours were devoted to the gym. Since the decision not to enter the competition, Sidonie stuck to a low kilogram/high repetition rate, going all out on the swim. The post exercise high, with her natural endorphins taking over, left her body at a peak of fitness. The fatigue was positive, her mind, bright and alert.
Arriving at Tenille's, later that afternoon, she was surprised to encounter another visitor, introduced as Marissa, one of Belen's dancers. She seemed tense, her sensitive face showing lines of strain. Looking across at Tenille, she speculated hers could be quite photogenic. It was surprising she hadn't been approached in this regard. Well now, perhaps she had, but the subject had never been brought up.
Refraining from her usual embrace, she settled for a cheery greeting, which Tenille seemed to appreciate. She picked up a sense of strain from her, too. Some tension on both sides, maybe? Since Marissa appeared to be ensconced for the duration, she left them to their visit. It seemed certain Tenille would be discharged tomorrow, making Sidonie's heart soar. Just one anxious request from Tenille; a fancy box of quality mixed nuts, a parting gift for the nurses. So often they were given chocolates, but there were a number of them seriously weight-conscious. All this arranged and the pick up time settled, Sidonie left the two women and drove to Riverdale for her Softball.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Noontime on Thursday found Sidonie watching the clock and hoping to get away promptly. Unfortunately, it was just today Enzio picked to ask her to dubbin the tack, since the stable lad had let them down. Still, she had her three days off; nothing could deflate her. In fact she worked away with a carefree will, a joy about her for all to see. Since Enzio had deliberately selected her, he was quite disgruntled she'd not been more put out. He could have gotten someone else, but he was being bloody minded.
Eventually, all her obligations met, she was on her own time. She couldn't think with clarity regarding her needs for the next few days, but she reckoned whatever was missing could be picked up at the store. Anyway, she didn't want to spend one more moment in this room when she could be on her way to Tenille.
She drove downtown with a singing heart. The radio was playing Rita McNeil's CRAZY LOVE and she couldn't help but sing along. She was wearing her currently most favorite T-shirt, âWhat Part Of NO Don't You Understand?' and very old, beige shorts, looking good in them, despite their age. They followed the contours of her hips and ass without being too clinging; not part of the aggie-baggy style, in vogue at the moment by most of her crowd. In consequence, she looked the superb athlete, muscular, trim; nothing in excess, all muscles well defined. With her mid-summer tan, really ⦠she had never looked better.
Just after two o'clock on a weekday, there was no trouble parking close to the hospital entrance. The smile on Sidonie's face couldn't be broader as she approached the nurses' desk and enquired if Tenille Fenech was ready to leave.
âOh yes, she's all dressed and packed. You'll find her in the sunroom at the end of the east wing corridor.'
She turned back on her tracks and passed the bank of elevators she'd just left. She'd not had occasion to go down this side before. There were a number of stainless steel trolleys lined up outside the sluice room with all kinds of hospital-type paraphernalia. She didn't like the look of this, walking past as quickly as possible. Approaching the dayroom she saw her angel standing by the window, caught in the crystal clear light of a sunbeam, like a spotlight giving honey-warm hues to her flesh, as she looked out in the direction of Church Street. She had lost weight and did not yet look her usual self, but this new frailty was even more endearing.
She wore a sleeveless, pale blue, summer top. Not a color she had seen her in before, but it seemed to accentuate her fragility. She guessed, because of the cast almost to the knee, she had chosen to wear a long skirt. This was basically black, relieved by a scattering of little blue flowers. Yes, a skirt would make dressing a lot easier. Her hair, clipped up with a double comb at the back, ran in a cascade of glossy curls, down to her shoulders. With washing its rich lustre had returned.
âTenille.' she called out.
Turning on her crutches, Tenille began to hop, covering the ground surprisingly fast.
âHidy,' she greeted, but there was no answering smile, her face ashen.
âHave you been waiting long?' Sid's eyes swept her. âI tried to get here as soon as possible but Enzio kept me back,' she explained, flustered. Had she disappointed her somehow? âHere's the gift you wanted. I hope it's all right,' rushing on anxiously. Tenille still didn't look pleased.
âOh yes, it's fine,' but she hardly gave it a glance.
âOK,' responded Sidonie with celerity: âLet's get outta here. I can pick up shopping after I've gotten you home.' She rubbed her hands together, wanting to put the hospital behind them. Tenille would be better once she got her away from all this.
âNo, Sid ⦠come and sit,' she requested, moving away as she spoke, towards an upright chair near the table.
Things weren't right and she was beginning to worry. Had the doctor given out bad news? Understanding came in a flash and her spirit nearly failed her â they were not going to be together. Something had come up. Tenille didn't want to be with her? She had experienced a change of heart. Could it be this? She sat down slowly, not taking her eyes off that strained face; reluctant to exhale her breath. It was holding her together.
âTell me what's happened,' she spoke resignedly, as one already overburdened by this new knowledge.
âSid, I'm so sorry about this.' She gulped back the catch in her throat. Sidonie's expression did not change. âMother called last night. She's insisting I go home to Lindsay. She and Dad are coming to pick me up. They can't get away 'til a bit later so I'm to wait here for them. My bed had to be given over to a new patient. I sort of feel like a displaced person â my meagre belongings around me and no place to lay my head.' Dolefully, she looked down at her hands and Sidonie reached out for her.
âYou mean we can't be together after all,' she whispered.
Tenille looked up and spoke with wet eyes. âI'm afraid that's what it means.' She got the words out disjointedly. Together they sat, isolated on their island of sadness, from the bustle of activity around them.
âYou can't explain you'll be taken care of?' Sidonie asked, feeling it only needed her to try a little harder, for them to understand. She wanted to turn the clock back to their happy time. Her dejection was intense, riding such a high before, now this letdown.
Tenille was looking across at her through swimming eyes, as an avalanche of emotion overcame her. Sidonie looked so fantastic. So virile and desirable. Here was everything her mind and body desired. Their time together a reality at last ⦠not the recurring dream of lonely nights. Oh fate was too cruel. Parents especially.
Depressed spirits were submerging her deeper and deeper when suddenly, a warm hand, firm on her arm, made her look up. Strong fingers, a muscular forearm with fine, blonde hairs catching the sunlight like an aura of energy, were gripping her.
âWhat Sid?'
âI know this is a bit bold, but ⦠I do have the time off ⦠I could drive you up, stay over for the weekend â¦?' She lifted her right eyebrow in enquiry. âWould your parents put me up? It would save them a trip and you'd still be home with them.' Hopeful overtones suffused her voice.
The face she was watching instantly brightened. âYou are a legend, Sid. What a marvellous solution.' The earlier mood of dejection was completely shed. âLet me phone right away. They were not to leave 'til dad got off work.'
âGood, good. Where's the phone? I'll get some change,' Sidonie offered.
âNo need. I'll make it collect.'
They moved off towards the elevator where the public telephones were located. âI'll wait here,' said Sidonie, as she propped herself against the plexiglass shell, while Tenille made the call. It didn't last long. By the time she replaced the receiver, her face had regained its happy mien, the smile playing once more at the corners of her mouth. She was like a different person.
âWe'll still be together, darling ⦠not quite the same as we'd planned but ⦠at least in the same house.'
“No not like it should have been, but this was better than nothing.”
She used the thought as an anodyne.
âAh Honey, it's OK with me,' Sidonie consoled her. âI was so disappointed over not being with you, now this sounds like heaven.'
âMm..m,' was Tenille's response: âYou haven't met mother yet.' The two women returned to the dayroom and resumed their seats.
âTen, it's going to be fine with your parents. You know, I get on very well with the chronologically disadvantaged.' They both laughed at this, tension expelling with each breath.
âI'm sure your mom and dad and I will become good buddies in no time, you'll see.' She had every confidence in her ability to charm. Her thoughts moved on.
âWhat next? Over to the apartment and pack you up?' A momentary concern marred her sunny disposition. âHow long will you need to stay with your folks?' She threw a frowning glance in Tenille's direction, suspecting she'd not like the answer. Tenille took a deep breath, reluctant to say the words, but knowing she must. âSid ⦠they want me to convalesce with them.'
Sidonie groaned, then blurted out in a fit of temper, her feelings of frustration getting the better of her: âThere's always something isn't there, to spoil things.'
At the gentle touch of a restraining hand on her arm, she felt ashamed of her outburst and her face softened. âI'm sorry Angel,' looking apologetic. She pressed her hand over Tenille's where it lay against her skin, the warmth and delicateness of that touch piercing through her obduracy.
Tenille slid her hand out from under, the contact too intimate in this public place and for what she had to say. âIt's just 'til I'm able to get about easily and can cope on my own. Don't make me feel worse over this,' she complained, trying to control her own emotions, but suffering the stress nonetheless. She banged the crutches against the chair in front. âI hate being so incapacitated.' she expostulated. âThis damned leg is ruining my whole life' exaggerating the situation, but unable to stop.
âOK â OK, Ten. Let's both settle down,' Sidonie soothed as she sat back. âWe're getting carried away here. Let's look at what we've got,' she suggested, trying to be reasonable; seeking co-operation. The latter responded with a mechanical: âYes,' but the glare on her face did begin to dissolve.
âOK, we've got the rest of today and three more days, which includes a nice drive to the country. This will be a welcome change for me and I get to meet your folks. I'll return to Toronto Sunday evening, knowing you'll be in good hands and well looked after while you're there. Even though I won't get to see you, it'll be a worry off of my mind.' Tenille said nothing, just nodded.
âNow, let's look at it from your side. Shoot.' she commanded.
Already Tenille was feeling better, just listening and watching her animated enthusiasm, the pupils of her eyes, so small in this light, they made the blue of her irises startlingly intense.
âDarling,' she whispered. âI love you so much.'
âIt's not what I asked for, Sweetheart, but I like it for openers,' she encouraged. Now she smiled and waved her hand: âCarry on.'
Studying had never been Sidonie's strong suit. Her bent had been outside with the rest, involved in sports or a project of some sort; like making fishing tackle from âfinds'; fixing up old bikes, or helping her buddies build a fort. Good with her hands, she was too impatient to keep her nose in a book. There were times when she could read avidly, but the subject had to capture her imagination; hold her attention completely, otherwise ⦠forget it.
The exercise schedule went smoothly and was enjoyable this morning, no hold-ups. Going round the circuit, people exchanged comments, making her feel truly a part of the horse world. Seldom did she come in contact with the punters. One Saturday afternoon she had gone front side to watch Dewar's Uncle run; a big gangling gelding with a bit of a temper, but when he was on, could really leave the field behind. He raced from the front, enjoying the challenge. She had been curious as to how it all worked. Large stables dominated the winning stakes and usually reaped the successes. The secret lay in the depth of the talent they had. Not all horses reached their peak of readiness just at the right time for a race. However, if a trainer had call of thirty horses, it was odds on there would be one ready for entry in the next, upcoming race.
That Saturday had been an exciting experience. The anticipation and tension in the air was palpable. Horses being shown off in the parade ring, she recognized from other stables. Comments flew between excited onlookers, bets laid sometimes solely on the basis of appearance; something about the horse catching the punter's eye, past form or record having little bearing on the decision-making process. A name was sufficient to cause the parting with hard-earned cash.
After lunch, two hours were devoted to the gym. Since the decision not to enter the competition, Sidonie stuck to a low kilogram/high repetition rate, going all out on the swim. The post exercise high, with her natural endorphins taking over, left her body at a peak of fitness. The fatigue was positive, her mind, bright and alert.
Arriving at Tenille's, later that afternoon, she was surprised to encounter another visitor, introduced as Marissa, one of Belen's dancers. She seemed tense, her sensitive face showing lines of strain. Looking across at Tenille, she speculated hers could be quite photogenic. It was surprising she hadn't been approached in this regard. Well now, perhaps she had, but the subject had never been brought up.
Refraining from her usual embrace, she settled for a cheery greeting, which Tenille seemed to appreciate. She picked up a sense of strain from her, too. Some tension on both sides, maybe? Since Marissa appeared to be ensconced for the duration, she left them to their visit. It seemed certain Tenille would be discharged tomorrow, making Sidonie's heart soar. Just one anxious request from Tenille; a fancy box of quality mixed nuts, a parting gift for the nurses. So often they were given chocolates, but there were a number of them seriously weight-conscious. All this arranged and the pick up time settled, Sidonie left the two women and drove to Riverdale for her Softball.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Noontime on Thursday found Sidonie watching the clock and hoping to get away promptly. Unfortunately, it was just today Enzio picked to ask her to dubbin the tack, since the stable lad had let them down. Still, she had her three days off; nothing could deflate her. In fact she worked away with a carefree will, a joy about her for all to see. Since Enzio had deliberately selected her, he was quite disgruntled she'd not been more put out. He could have gotten someone else, but he was being bloody minded.
Eventually, all her obligations met, she was on her own time. She couldn't think with clarity regarding her needs for the next few days, but she reckoned whatever was missing could be picked up at the store. Anyway, she didn't want to spend one more moment in this room when she could be on her way to Tenille.
She drove downtown with a singing heart. The radio was playing Rita McNeil's CRAZY LOVE and she couldn't help but sing along. She was wearing her currently most favorite T-shirt, âWhat Part Of NO Don't You Understand?' and very old, beige shorts, looking good in them, despite their age. They followed the contours of her hips and ass without being too clinging; not part of the aggie-baggy style, in vogue at the moment by most of her crowd. In consequence, she looked the superb athlete, muscular, trim; nothing in excess, all muscles well defined. With her mid-summer tan, really ⦠she had never looked better.
Just after two o'clock on a weekday, there was no trouble parking close to the hospital entrance. The smile on Sidonie's face couldn't be broader as she approached the nurses' desk and enquired if Tenille Fenech was ready to leave.
âOh yes, she's all dressed and packed. You'll find her in the sunroom at the end of the east wing corridor.'
She turned back on her tracks and passed the bank of elevators she'd just left. She'd not had occasion to go down this side before. There were a number of stainless steel trolleys lined up outside the sluice room with all kinds of hospital-type paraphernalia. She didn't like the look of this, walking past as quickly as possible. Approaching the dayroom she saw her angel standing by the window, caught in the crystal clear light of a sunbeam, like a spotlight giving honey-warm hues to her flesh, as she looked out in the direction of Church Street. She had lost weight and did not yet look her usual self, but this new frailty was even more endearing.
She wore a sleeveless, pale blue, summer top. Not a color she had seen her in before, but it seemed to accentuate her fragility. She guessed, because of the cast almost to the knee, she had chosen to wear a long skirt. This was basically black, relieved by a scattering of little blue flowers. Yes, a skirt would make dressing a lot easier. Her hair, clipped up with a double comb at the back, ran in a cascade of glossy curls, down to her shoulders. With washing its rich lustre had returned.
âTenille.' she called out.
Turning on her crutches, Tenille began to hop, covering the ground surprisingly fast.
âHidy,' she greeted, but there was no answering smile, her face ashen.
âHave you been waiting long?' Sid's eyes swept her. âI tried to get here as soon as possible but Enzio kept me back,' she explained, flustered. Had she disappointed her somehow? âHere's the gift you wanted. I hope it's all right,' rushing on anxiously. Tenille still didn't look pleased.
âOh yes, it's fine,' but she hardly gave it a glance.
âOK,' responded Sidonie with celerity: âLet's get outta here. I can pick up shopping after I've gotten you home.' She rubbed her hands together, wanting to put the hospital behind them. Tenille would be better once she got her away from all this.
âNo, Sid ⦠come and sit,' she requested, moving away as she spoke, towards an upright chair near the table.
Things weren't right and she was beginning to worry. Had the doctor given out bad news? Understanding came in a flash and her spirit nearly failed her â they were not going to be together. Something had come up. Tenille didn't want to be with her? She had experienced a change of heart. Could it be this? She sat down slowly, not taking her eyes off that strained face; reluctant to exhale her breath. It was holding her together.
âTell me what's happened,' she spoke resignedly, as one already overburdened by this new knowledge.
âSid, I'm so sorry about this.' She gulped back the catch in her throat. Sidonie's expression did not change. âMother called last night. She's insisting I go home to Lindsay. She and Dad are coming to pick me up. They can't get away 'til a bit later so I'm to wait here for them. My bed had to be given over to a new patient. I sort of feel like a displaced person â my meagre belongings around me and no place to lay my head.' Dolefully, she looked down at her hands and Sidonie reached out for her.
âYou mean we can't be together after all,' she whispered.
Tenille looked up and spoke with wet eyes. âI'm afraid that's what it means.' She got the words out disjointedly. Together they sat, isolated on their island of sadness, from the bustle of activity around them.
âYou can't explain you'll be taken care of?' Sidonie asked, feeling it only needed her to try a little harder, for them to understand. She wanted to turn the clock back to their happy time. Her dejection was intense, riding such a high before, now this letdown.
Tenille was looking across at her through swimming eyes, as an avalanche of emotion overcame her. Sidonie looked so fantastic. So virile and desirable. Here was everything her mind and body desired. Their time together a reality at last ⦠not the recurring dream of lonely nights. Oh fate was too cruel. Parents especially.
Depressed spirits were submerging her deeper and deeper when suddenly, a warm hand, firm on her arm, made her look up. Strong fingers, a muscular forearm with fine, blonde hairs catching the sunlight like an aura of energy, were gripping her.
âWhat Sid?'
âI know this is a bit bold, but ⦠I do have the time off ⦠I could drive you up, stay over for the weekend â¦?' She lifted her right eyebrow in enquiry. âWould your parents put me up? It would save them a trip and you'd still be home with them.' Hopeful overtones suffused her voice.
The face she was watching instantly brightened. âYou are a legend, Sid. What a marvellous solution.' The earlier mood of dejection was completely shed. âLet me phone right away. They were not to leave 'til dad got off work.'
âGood, good. Where's the phone? I'll get some change,' Sidonie offered.
âNo need. I'll make it collect.'
They moved off towards the elevator where the public telephones were located. âI'll wait here,' said Sidonie, as she propped herself against the plexiglass shell, while Tenille made the call. It didn't last long. By the time she replaced the receiver, her face had regained its happy mien, the smile playing once more at the corners of her mouth. She was like a different person.
âWe'll still be together, darling ⦠not quite the same as we'd planned but ⦠at least in the same house.'
“No not like it should have been, but this was better than nothing.”
She used the thought as an anodyne.
âAh Honey, it's OK with me,' Sidonie consoled her. âI was so disappointed over not being with you, now this sounds like heaven.'
âMm..m,' was Tenille's response: âYou haven't met mother yet.' The two women returned to the dayroom and resumed their seats.
âTen, it's going to be fine with your parents. You know, I get on very well with the chronologically disadvantaged.' They both laughed at this, tension expelling with each breath.
âI'm sure your mom and dad and I will become good buddies in no time, you'll see.' She had every confidence in her ability to charm. Her thoughts moved on.
âWhat next? Over to the apartment and pack you up?' A momentary concern marred her sunny disposition. âHow long will you need to stay with your folks?' She threw a frowning glance in Tenille's direction, suspecting she'd not like the answer. Tenille took a deep breath, reluctant to say the words, but knowing she must. âSid ⦠they want me to convalesce with them.'
Sidonie groaned, then blurted out in a fit of temper, her feelings of frustration getting the better of her: âThere's always something isn't there, to spoil things.'
At the gentle touch of a restraining hand on her arm, she felt ashamed of her outburst and her face softened. âI'm sorry Angel,' looking apologetic. She pressed her hand over Tenille's where it lay against her skin, the warmth and delicateness of that touch piercing through her obduracy.
Tenille slid her hand out from under, the contact too intimate in this public place and for what she had to say. âIt's just 'til I'm able to get about easily and can cope on my own. Don't make me feel worse over this,' she complained, trying to control her own emotions, but suffering the stress nonetheless. She banged the crutches against the chair in front. âI hate being so incapacitated.' she expostulated. âThis damned leg is ruining my whole life' exaggerating the situation, but unable to stop.
âOK â OK, Ten. Let's both settle down,' Sidonie soothed as she sat back. âWe're getting carried away here. Let's look at what we've got,' she suggested, trying to be reasonable; seeking co-operation. The latter responded with a mechanical: âYes,' but the glare on her face did begin to dissolve.
âOK, we've got the rest of today and three more days, which includes a nice drive to the country. This will be a welcome change for me and I get to meet your folks. I'll return to Toronto Sunday evening, knowing you'll be in good hands and well looked after while you're there. Even though I won't get to see you, it'll be a worry off of my mind.' Tenille said nothing, just nodded.
âNow, let's look at it from your side. Shoot.' she commanded.
Already Tenille was feeling better, just listening and watching her animated enthusiasm, the pupils of her eyes, so small in this light, they made the blue of her irises startlingly intense.
âDarling,' she whispered. âI love you so much.'
âIt's not what I asked for, Sweetheart, but I like it for openers,' she encouraged. Now she smiled and waved her hand: âCarry on.'
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