Authors: T.C. Avery
Does it get any better than this?
What ugly duckling?
The ‘night life’ here sucks!
The world is mine Oyster!
1 plus 4 equals a lot more than 5
It's the uniform
Trojan (w) horse
Boys and their toys
Its all in the Music
Mixing business with pleasure
relaxing on a traditional teak steamer in the shade of her Bure (pronounced
a remote and exclusive island in the Yassawas off the North Western coast of
the Fiji mainland (Viti Levu). It would take less than ten minutes to walk
around the whole of this palm tree paradise and, as in all the best picture
postcards, its golden sand all the way round.
bi-fold doors are open to the elements and to the spectacular view at one
strategically private end. Jody has her second margarita of the afternoon in
her right hand, waving gently back and forth, lightly caressing the air and is
quietly gazing out over the breathtaking turquoise sea, with some strong and
local hunk lapping
diligently between her legs.
up for air (as he occasionally does) with a
big sticky smile on his face and blocks her unrestricted vista of tropical
perfection. Just a little! After all she can still see around the outside of
her knees and her open Sulu, which has now slipped down her soft, tanned and
shining thighs like a delicate chiffon scarf in a leg waxing advert.
finished with you yet." She says in an assured yet mockingly scolding
to work!" She snaps.
Jody revels in her "nether pleasures" she rolls her tongue around the
straw a few times then draws in a little more citrus and alcohol and wallows in
the decadence of her situation with a huge and glorious sigh.
reminiscing on how she ended up here.
came over her. Then an upwardly diagonal and unfocussed glance together with a
light pursing and squashing of her lips in a questioning but enjoyable moment.
followed by a momentum-gathering, thoroughly confident, multi-nod and a
comprehensive, self-gratifying, mental acceptance of a monumental achievement
worthy of "back slap" and accolade.
had she done well!
Best in class?
Banner’s vehicle is just arriving at his pre-arranged destination.
Spacious and comfortable.
No expense has been spared here.
very smartly dressed, and deservedly so, like the businessman he's made of
Full suit and regalia.
One of his assistants
attends to the passenger door on his behalf and then stands to attention, one
eases himself out onto the ancient, weathered and charactered cobblestones. He
always did like the feel (and sound)
of a ‘good
quality’ leather sole on stone. He arches his back, rises on the balls of his
feet, then down again. Stretching after his long journey without extending arms
but instead keeps them behind his back.
a look up and down his smartly dressed and regimented audience and then his
grand yet unfamiliar surroundings before being ushered towards the imposingly
large gates. He couldn't help thinking to himself how incredibly well
maintained and presented they were.
Majesty awaits" A deep and particularly common but authoritative accent,
.” He thinks to himself.
fuckin’ move on
you?” The common, and
authoritative accent now
decides to show his true colours and spoils the moment for everyone. Well
especially Luke. And now the romance of prison is over before it ever had
chance to begin.
trying to deal with his predicament in his usual irreverent manner.
gotta be a joke.”
got to be a fucking joke.”
fuck can this have just happened?”
days, 5 hours and 17 minutes earlier, Luke's unwelcome and unfathomable ordeal
began. Or so
far, far earlier for Jody.
rabbiting on to yourself and get a fuckin’
know the one about the "ugly duckling". Well I wouldn't call what
happened to Jody a fairy story but it did happen and, "Oh my God",
was it a big surprise? And not just to her.
back, she really didn't know how she made it through high school or rather
"Grammar School" as the chief nun insisted on calling it. It was
“Chiefy’s” way of harking back to the days of a "proper education" at
a "proper establishment", and although I say chief nun, she had heaps
of other names:
was an obvious and funny reference to her habit (excuse the pun) and the way
she glided around like “Doctor Who's” nemesis.
Madge". A rather derogatory dig at the fact she ran the school as a
Dickensian dictatorship and gave off the whiff of an absolute "legend in
her own knickers" or the reincarnation of the somewhat revered biblical
sinner turned good (true or otherwise). Mary Magdalene that is, and the very
name by which her penitentiary was known. I mean school.
who must be obeyed."
An obvious one.
Bitch." Not really called for but it seemed appropriate at the time.
And at least several hundred more.
also seemed spectacularly appropriate, especially in the light of Maggie
Smith’s stellar performance in the old classic “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie”.
But the mentor like role, as it was, and the legend that actually is “Maggie
Smith” gave this term of endearment
. It was consequently outlawed for use as a nickname in the
rules of school”
As I was
saying Jody really didn't have a clue how she made it through high school. She
wasn't particularly tall.
Not exactly popular.
Couldn’t be classed as attractive. Not even to
With her mirror! Not even when she pleaded
with it (the mirror that is) with all her heart. She did think about the whole
thing, back then, but
didn't have the guts to go through with it. There were too many "Bloody
Snow Whites" anyway. She wouldn't have been able to keep up with the lies
and the cover stories, even if she could have conjured them up. Too much of a
‘prig’ you see.
At the time.
although not particularly attractive, or tall, or popular, Jody did have a certain
intellect. Above average but not a complete book wrangler. Smart but not super
Clever but occasionally lacking in wisdom (or
rather “street smarts”).
underlying issues and consequently the cause of all her troubles revolved
"right and wrong" thing, and the logic, or rather the lack of it, in
bad behavior, breaking the rules and injustice.
collecting her thoughts, Jody turned to what used to be the happiest day of her
life. The day she finished high school.
as if a two-ton weight had just been lifted from her chest and she could
immediately start to rise again. Resurface above her deep and dark river of
shame and ridicule and finger pointing and sniggering and bullying and just
about everything else you can curse an average downtrodden teenage misfit with.
unusual of course but in Jody’s case this wasn’t your average teenage self-pity,
borne of pretend shyness and a defiant reluctance to actually meet the world
head on, and say “Hi.”
real! It was real enough to touch. It was real enough to see and smell. And it
had left a lingering, festering, malignant anger ingrained in her psyche.
today, the day of her release, it would all disappear. She would be cleansed.
Washed with a spirit so heady it would make her lips curl upwards. It would
make her cheeks glow. It would make her eyes light. It would
make her smile!
collected her exam results from the Dean of year, Miss Jett, or “Suffra” as the
girls called her, on the grounds everyone under her command went through hell.
It was as though word hadn’t reached her yet that women had
got the vote
so everyone was treated to
her opinions on equality, and women's rights, and challenging the system, and
blah, blah, blah.
right of course, but she just came
across as some sort of “Super dyke”.
results were good.
fantastic, but enough to get her where she wanted to be, which wasn’t just out
of school. It was out into the real world.
from all this.
Somewhere new. Somewhere where nobody knew her.
A chance at a fresh start.
A chance to be
A new Jody.
phoenix of a girl.
her “A” in Math’s and a “B” in English wasn’t too bad either. A couple of “C’s”
in General studies and Spanish completed the list. She was hoping for better in
Spanish but “Never mind. It’ll do.”
good as we were hoping for Jody. Is it?” said Miss Jett.
had been brought up to respect her elders, not answer back, do as she was told,
and to always do the right thing.
last few years, however, her sadly dwindling resources of respect for others
had been metaphorically and literally beaten out of her.
first retort that came to mind was torturously held back before it caused any
, cara mea, mea nil refert.”
Latin for “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”
not going to be prudent at this juncture.
she slowly looked up from her results sheet and rested her gaze on “Suffra”.
With closed lips she extended her jaw forwards, took a deep breath and snorted
looked down, again, at her results. Then, without lifting her eyes toward her
‘superior-no-more,’ bent her knees, reached to her side and picked up her
school bag. She turned around and huffed and puffed her way out of Miss Jett’s
office. Then, down the corridor, left into the cloakroom, out the other side
and through the double entry/exit doors, down the eight concrete steps, she
knew better than herself, and then counted her footsteps to the school gate.
hundred and seventeen purposeful paces later she was one step outside the
gates. Jody turned around and, in traditional “Three Amigos” fashion, she crisscrossed
her hands alternately between shoulders and hips and gave the best hip-thrust
she could muster.
this school, and all who sail in her.” She shouted, and then produced a host of
one and two fingered salutes, for good measure.
the first time Jody had ever uttered anything stronger than “Piss, Bastard,
Bloody or Shit”. It felt good! And it showed!
then got a little carried away with the moment. Her derisory jubilance was
taking her places she had never been before. Knees bent and wide apart, tartan
skirt riding high up her thighs, she was now grinding out some challenging
tribal confrontation with all guns blazing and fingers firing obscenities. Even
the “All Blacks” would have been proud of this performance.
qualifications were enough to secure her position with a big travel agency in
London. She’d already received the job offer three weeks earlier but everything
was riding on these results.
never interested Jody. School was
She wasn’t going to subject herself to any more of ‘that crap’. So a career,
straight out of school, was the target. There were not many firms taking high
school leavers at the time so she’d been very lucky to find one to take her on.
The agencies had come up trumps and although not her first choice, out of those
available, Jody’s soon-to-be employer was at least:
In the City. Which fell in
nicely with ‘her new life’
On the map. Which meant she
could ‘have a real career’
International. Which meant she
could really ‘go places’ and ‘do stuff.’ If she played her cards right.
little sheet of paper she now had in her possession, with the A’s, B’s and C’s
in all the right places, was her ticket to a new existence. The actual
certificates came later but the results were all that counted right now.
for some burning.”
been planning this for ages. The thought of a fire was always exciting but this
occasion was a world way from ‘warm glows, marshmallows and introspective
reflection’. This was flame licking, heat seeking, memory wiping and
re-birthing all with a hint of sadism and ritualistic pleasure thrown in.
meticulous. She didn’t just throw a pile of books and uniforms onto some
burning wood. She spent the best part of a day making sure each and every
was connected somehow to “Those Bastards” and
remembered in all its shame, before watching it fall, darken, shrink, curl,
glow, burn, smoke and die in the flames. Some providing a myriad of extra
colours as the various prints and inks on the pages within gave off their own
little versions of the Aurora Borealis.
uniform’ provided her with
memories. The actual clothes she was wearing when “it” happened were marked and
could not be mistaken. These would be saved for last. Indelible ink had been
used to inscribe each and every item of clothing worn when “it” happened.
“W.A.I.F.A.” and it was meaningless to all except Jody.
everything to her.
her reason to be.
following day Jody buried the ashes and embers from her ‘private ceremony’.
Somehow ‘deep in the dirt’ seemed a final and fitting end to that ‘bygone era’.
She would have preferred to bury them at sea, but that was
going to happen. Not only did they not deserve such an
she lived too far away. And anyway “what
did she know about boats”. And she didn’t want any bibles involved either.
Which were “probably a pre-requisite”, she thought, when you organize something
formal like this at sea.
spent the next two and a half weeks metamorphosing into her new self. It was
going to be “a mission” but she had mentally pre-prepared herself for the task.
days are over for good and in her own words “It was time to get all grown up”.
luck would have it, Jody’s family wasn’t poor. They weren’t wealthy either but
the ‘Hoolah’ required for a transformation of this magnitude wasn’t going to
hurt daddy’s retirement fund. He kind of expected it anyway. So, when his
‘little treasure’ asked for the coinage for a new wardrobe and makeover, he
“A reward” as he put it, for her success in
her exams and a ‘leg up’ to start her new career on the right footing.
you’ve probably guessed, Jody
well versed in the art of 'girly' stuff.
At least, not the
‘grown up’ version of 'girly' stuff.
A lot of homework was required,
which was, once again, per chance, well within her capabilities, given her
previous stereotypical (but practical) activities in her very recent and
already forgotten past.
all now know, the Internet is a great place to start for everything, but
somehow, there was so much more to be gleaned at the coalface.
Hairdressers, Nail Salons and Beauticians that is.
enlightened like never before. She discovered what incredible places they are
for whiling away the time, ‘ear-wigging’ on gossip, joining in and even
creating more gossip, browsing, studying and mentally downloading magazine
after magazine on ‘what and what not to wear’, ‘how and how not to look’, ‘what
and what not to say’, ‘how and how not to act’, do, eat, sleep, shit, fuck and
everything else. Especially if you wanted to ‘get’ and ‘go’ places or
as in Jody’s case.
the pages of these ‘
Power to the Pussy’
magazines Jody’s already growing confidence took an escalator ride to the
five hairdo's, three nail jobs, countless massages, facials and waxing’s, forty
four clothing sessions (at least) and two jewellery parties, the new and
improved "Jody Mark II" had, not just been well and truly R & D’d
(researched and developed), she’d been put into production and constructed!
would be no more bad hair days, duffle-coats, boring outfits, cheap shoes, bras
that didn't fit, one color make-ups, unbranded handbags, men's watches, CND
badges, bobble hats, student seconds or charity shop specials. Never again!