Painting Sky (20 page)

It took me almost half an hour to find the best position, but I was pleased with the outcome. I sat on the floor, with a comforter between me and the hardwood floor, and a body length mirror in front of me against the wall. One of my legs was bent and the other was on the floor. I wouldn’t make the drawing pad disappear—on the contrary, I was going to make the fact that I was drawing myself the main theme of the portrait, like Keith’s pained expression from yesterday.

The most I would be revealing of my body would be my naked breasts. The rest was covered by a slight twist of my bent leg.

My drawing took as long as Keith’s and I’d gotten to the place where I could focus on my work and forget the entire world. The music coming from my phone was the only thing that poured into my brain here and there, when a song I really related to played.

When I was pleased with the outcome, I dressed in a robe and sat on the bed, staring at it. After staring long enough, I turned the page back to the previous one and ripped Keith’s drawing out to place it on the bed next to mine.

Something in them related to each other, not only because they were both made by me, but because some of the hollow vibe I’d gotten from Keith was present in my eyes, too. I had never noticed it before.

I
had always been a happy person—not outgoing or exuberant, but optimistic and smiley, even with the ever-present pressure my parents exercised over me.

I was the middle child: the one they’d thought was salvageable. My brother had always been a trouble maker who had never gotten good grades, and who’d had detention every other day. It had come as a surprise when he’d received a couple of college acceptance letters.

Ryan was only good with computers, and my parents were the kind of people who still thought computers would get you nowhere, no matter how many millionaires they saw on TV who got rich from them.

Matilda, our little sister, was Ryan’s female version. She’d gotten into trouble as often as he had, and, being a girl, got on my father’s nerve every day. She was his little girl no matter what—his youngest—while my brother was his only son. This left me, literally, in the middle. I didn’t feel less loved, but I’d always worked harder for their love.

My brother and sister had received attention every day—almost never for a good reason. They had been such troublemakers that, no matter how many As I’d earned, or how many recommendations letters I’d received from teachers, it was never enough to get their attention on me. It didn’t help that I hadn’t had their talent to connect with people, captivate everyone around them, or make friends with a simple greeting.

My father was just waiting for me to fail my art classes so he could convince me to go to medical school. He thought this was my rebellious phase and he was giving me a semester to get it out of my system—his words. I was supposed to think about a way to earn money from my work, even before the end of the year. At this rate, I wasn’t even sure I would pass my Representational Drawing class.

What had turned Keith, though? Had it been his father’s indifference toward him? I knew how much that could hurt, not that my father had been indifferent toward me. On the contrary, his pressure for me to always be better had almost been asphyxiating. I never thought that Carl could favor Cody over Keith, as they had always been so different from each other. One was all shine and light and the other was dark and mysterious. They were even different in their appearances.

I left the drawings, got dressed, and went to see if either my brother or Cody had arrived, yet. They crossed the door at the same time, shaking the rain from their coats and laughing. The scene gave me a ray of hope: this was my family now, at least while I was in college.

“Hi, guys,” I said, rubbing one foot against the other to keep them warm. Walking with only socks on my feet when, outside, it was freezing, wasn’t smart, but I had always been a sucker for walking with only socks on my feet.

“Hi, baby.” Cody hugged me gently, trying not to get me wet, and placed a light kiss on my lips, which made Ryan grumble.

“Watch it, Hale.”

Cody rolled his eyes, still hugging my waist. “Oh, come on. That was the chastest kiss ever.”

Ryan threw his coat over the couch, not bothered by the water seeping into the fabric, and jumped to the next one. “She’s my sister: even if she was in a convent, it wouldn’t be chaste enough.”

I laughed at that one. It was so true. Curiously, with Matilda, he didn’t get so bothered. Maybe he was so used to her being friendly with boys that he didn’t mind, anymore.

There was something warm in the look he gave me that made me jump to his lap and hug his neck. Maybe it was because I missed home so much. “I love you, Ry. You know that, don’t you?”

He laughed and hugged me back. “What’s the matter? Are you PMSing or something?”

I slapped his chest. “Can’t your sister tell you ‘I love you’ without you thinking it’s period-related?” I jumped before he could hug me again.

Okay, sentimental moment over. It just got on my nerves when he thought every emotion I felt was related to that time of the month. If I was mad, sad, or emotional, it didn’t matter. Come on.

“Everything about you chicks is period-related.” Of course, that statement could only come from Keith, who was coming down the stairs, still pulling a shirt over his torso.

“I don’t want you walking around the house naked with my sister here.” By Ryan’s tone, he wasn’t joking. He didn’t even use the bored voice he’d used earlier with Cody’s kiss. This time, he was serious, and Keith knew it. He waited for Cody to sit next to my brother, focused on the TV, to silently laugh. I smiled, too—it wasn’t possible not to. I had drawn him naked in front of a class. If Ryan and Cody found out, all hell would break loose.

I almost forgot to reply to Keith’s comment, but a comeback surged. “And everything with you guys is dick-related.” I turned and went to the kitchen, laughing at the cough my brother couldn’t hold back.

I started taking ingredients from the fridge, almost missing Keith’s approach. I should have been used to him helping around the house, unlike Cody or Ryan.

“What’s for dinner today?” He propped himself against the counter, crossing his legs at the ankles.

“I was thinking homemade lasagna. What do you think?” I looked over my shoulder, watching him grin and nod in approval. I turned to the task at hand and smiled, pleased with his appreciation. I wasn’t a professional cook—not by a long shot—but I could manage alright in the kitchen.

After we ate, I was given several minutes of praise over the food from all three boys, which made my ego grow an inch or two. It was good, and they complained that I didn’t make enough to have thirds. I swear I didn’t know how they could eat that much and not get fat.

Cody helped me wash the dishes, surprising me with his loving glances and kisses. I was still mad with what he did on Halloween but, when he invited me to go watch a movie upstairs, I couldn’t say no. After all, I was always complaining about the lack of time he had for me. When I got to my bedroom door, though, I remembered the two drawings on my bed. It wouldn’t sit well with my boyfriend to see his naked girlfriend beside his brother’s almost-naked body. Even if they were on different sheets, they were both made in the same room: mine.

“Let’s go to yours today,” I suggested. He looked surprised, but shrugged and walked in front of me.

His bedroom was a mess and the bed wasn’t even made. At least he felt sheepish. “Sorry. This is a guy’s room, you know.”

Cody threw me to the bed, stood over me, and kissed my neck. I should have still felt mad about Alexis, but I couldn’t gather the passion to fight when Cody was trying to make up for lost time.

It was that pathetic. I couldn’t find the passion to fight, just like I couldn’t feel that tightness in my belly I’d used to feel in the past. I loved Cody, but I was starting to believe I wasn’t in love with him, anymore. That thought scared me endlessly.

He was part of my plan—my plan of living in this city, in this house, and majoring in art. If I lost him, I would probably lose everything else.

After the movie ended, I decided it was time to go to bed—alone. Cody groaned and rolled in his bed, but never got up to say goodnight. On Friday night, I would have gone all the way with him. I’d felt brave, even though I was mad because of Alexis. Tonight there wasn’t enough passion—love or hatred—to get me in the mood.

I brushed my teeth in the bathroom and dragged my feet across the hallway, noticing my bedroom door was cracked open. A dim light cast under the door. I hurried the rest of the way and shoved the door open.

Keith was standing next to my bed, with his back to me, staring at both drawings.

“Keith, what the hell are you doing here?”

He jumped and turned to me, looking guilty. “Sorry. I came here to tell you something, and…” He looked down to my neck and turned his head. I buttoned up the two buttons that Cody had undone and crossed my arms over my chest before remembering I was in my own bedroom: he was the one who should leave.

I scooted both drawings and placed them inside the sketch pad. Keith hadn’t moved. He’d only turned when I groaned out of embarrassment and eagerness for him to leave.

“Your portrait—it’s really good,” he whispered. If I didn’t know better, I would say he was embarrassed. When he turned around to face me, I saw a little blush over his cheeks, but also some darkness in his eyes, as if he wanted to say more. We had a staring contest for a minute before the pressure inside me became too much.

“You should’ve knocked. Leave.” I crossed my arms again.

“I did knock. I didn’t know you were with my brother.” That condescending and disgusted tone had gotten on my last nerve. He had no right to feel upset.

“I’m not a little girl, anymore, despite what you and Ryan think. I’m eighteen.”

“I know, believe me,” he snickered, rubbing some invisible dirt on my floor with the toe of his black sneakers. “Your drawing is really good, as I said. You should show it to Elizabeth.”

I jumped to my feet. “No way am I showing this to anyone. I’m already mortified that you saw—” I clapped my hand over my mouth. He wasn’t supposed to know that. His usual smirk was his answer. Of course he would enjoy my shyness.

“You shouldn’t,” was his only answer, before leaving me standing in the middle of the room, wondering about the meaning of his statement.

That was one very restless night. I kept waking up, turning, and dreaming about Cody and then Keith. I kind of woke up feeling grumpy. I didn’t say good morning to anyone in the kitchen the next morning, which granted me a lifted eyebrow from Ryan. I had always been the polite one, obeying all the rules, including acknowledging people.

“Morning, sis. Ready for school?”

“Ugh,” was my answer, while I poured milk all over my hand and cereal on the counter. In a few minutes, I would be losing toothpaste to the sink and stumbling on the stairs, for sure. This was going to be one of those days.

“Keith, will you give Jane a ride? I have a test in a few minutes and I’m already late.” Cody didn’t even ask me. After a quick kiss, he left the house without waiting for his brother’s answer.

“Sure, little brother, I have nothing else to do,” Keith said to the empty living room.

Ryan chuckled beside him, but said nothing. He didn’t even offer me a ride. He patted Keith on the back and kissed my temple before following Cody.

“Guess it’s just the two of us,” he said, picking up my empty bowl and rinsing it. My face must’ve been so surprised that he laughed out loud. “Don’t be that surprised, Keaton. Not all men are pigs.”

“Keaton? That’s your new name for me?” I felt a little sting of pain—I would miss being called Sky.

“Nope,” he brushed against my side. I was sure he was about to shoot his good deed out the window with some remark. “You will always be my Sky.” He left to his room, probably to brush his teeth and pick up his books, although I never saw him carry anything to his classes.

I sat on the stool for a minute longer than I needed to, thinking about his words. I should have felt outraged by his assumptions, but I wasn’t. I caught my reflection in the living room mirror when I went by it, and a smile was plastered on my face.