Passion (11 page)

Carrie

Michael took me to the
airport in Port Angeles.

“You’re sure Joshua knows you’re leaving?”

“Yep.”

“You’re sure, because he called and told me you were spending
thanksgiving with him and Margaret said I should come by after my shift.”

“It’s fine dad, we talked about it, besides it was a last-minute
thing.”

“Okay kiddo, so I guess I’ll see you Sunday at six right?”

“Right dad.”

I
kissed his cheek quickly and exited the car.

Sitting on the plane, I was
afraid Joshua was gonna come strolling down the aisle to drag me off. I kept
looking around every other second, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

We took off twenty minutes later without incident but I was still
nervous as fuck though. Now I’d done it, there was no turning back I’d made the
play.

I might have feelings for Joshua, but I’m not his fucking kid, he
can’t just do shit like that and get away with it. I’ve been taking care of
myself for too long for someone to come along and rule me now.

I’d seen him the last couple of days and never once let on that I
was going to pull a fast one. In fact, last night he slept in my bed before
climbing through my window this morning to go home.

This is probably a fucked up thing to do, but it’s all his fault.

Paula’s driver was there to
pick me up at the other end. I have no idea if Joshua knew where exactly Paula
lived, but the way he seemed to just know things, I wouldn’t be surprised.

I’d turned off my phone and planned to leave it that way, teach
his ass a lesson.

Renée was her usual annoying self; she had a houseful of guests
which is why she needed her little puppy to trot out to impress the masses.

“Oh Carissa you’re here.” She hugged me with her air kisses
bullshit. Fake bitch.

“I’m
checking my account as soon as I get upstairs, the money had better be there,
or I’ll walk.” I whispered that in her ear with a smile of my own as she hugged
me. That put a damper on her megawatt smile.

She introduced me to her jet
setter buddies, her husband was cordial as usual, and I was already missing a
certain someone.

I checked my phone because I couldn’t help myself any longer. Hmm,
no missed calls from Joshua, five from Vanessa though. I smiled and put the
phone away again, I’ll call her later, if he was using her to get to me, let
him sweat a little, it’ll do him good, bring him down a notch or two.

As promised I checked my account online and saw that Paula had
deposited the two grand into my account. Good, Christmas is almost here that
will come in handy. Every time she wanted to trick me out the price was going
to go up. All actresses deserved to be paid for their work after all.

I spent the next few days
including Thanksgiving playing the dutiful daughter and bemoaning the fact that
I didn’t ask for more money. This chick was off her nut.

There were times I thought I would just lose it and rip her a new
one, especially when she tried to play the devoted mother, she was so bad at it
she always overdid things.

There
was lots of eye rolling and bitch please grumbles that’s for sure.

By Sunday I was ready to pull
my hair out. Thank God her guests had left the night before and I could breathe
again.

It was almost time to leave for the airport anyway.

“Why are you such an ungrateful bitch?”

“Excuse me, don’t you know how to knock, and what the hell are you
talking about anyway?” 

“I’m talking about you moping around here like a lost fucking
puppy, you made me look bad in front of my friends.”

“Friends huh, did you know that at least two of your friends are
screwing your husband?”

“That’s just not true how dare you?”

“Listen Paula, this little farce is almost over so you can kill
the act already. Don already knows I can’t stand your ass and he’s the only one
here so kindly get the fuck out of my room.”

“How dare you speak to me in such a fashion?”

“I
dare because you’re a selfish bitch who only remembers she has a daughter when
she wants to use her for her own fucked up purposes. I fucking hate you.”I was
screaming and close to tears by the time I was done.

Okay, I’ve had it out with
the monster mom before but I never really told her I hated her. 

I knew this anger and frustration was coming from another place. I’ve
long been over Paula and her bullshit. 

The reason I was so out of sorts was because I hadn’t heard from
Joshua in five whole fucking days and when I tried to return Vanessa’s calls,
all ten times, they had gone straight to voicemail, so no I was in no mood to
deal with Paula’s bullshit.

We
pretty much left things as they were since Don came back from his golf game or
whatever and she needed to save face.

On the flight home I was on
pins and needles, I didn’t breathe easily until I saw Michael waiting for me, I
remembered that he’d said something about Margaret inviting him to Thanksgiving
dinner, maybe he had information.

I’d resisted calling him because I didn’t want him to know I’d
lied.

I have
no idea if crazy boy had said anything to him.

In the car he didn’t say
anything and I didn’t quite know how to broach the subject. Finally I could
take it no longer so I took the plunge.

“So how was your Thanksgiving?”

“Oh it was okay I guess, except......”

“Except what?” My heart started beating really fast waiting for
him to say something about Joshua that would help me understand why I haven’t
heard from him or why Vanessa seemed to be avoiding my calls.

“We’ve had a spate of attacks in the last few days out of nowhere.
The profiler thinks the perpetrator has escalated his attacks, it’s not the
first time he’s done this but he seems to have gone off the rails, maybe
because of the holidays or something happened to trigger it, either way I need
you to be careful. Some of the attacks were local; some in Port Angeles, there
was even one out at Dormer’s Beach so please be careful, try not to go anywhere
alone after dark. I know I don’t have to worry since you’re always with Joshua
anyway, but still be on the lookout, and tell your little girlfriends at school
as well.”

“So I guess you didn’t have much of a Thanksgiving dinner then
huh.”

“Nope, had to work late, I missed you though kiddo.”

“Thanks dad missed you too.” 

I felt really sad and alone all of a sudden.

When we got home I sent
Vanessa one last text but again there was no reply. I was almost tempted to go
to their house; I had a really bad feeling about this, like the kind of feeling
when you’ve made a life altering decision that wasn’t necessarily the best one
for you.

That night I tossed and turned miserably, I must’ve gotten five
hours of sleep total. In the morning my stomach hurt from anxiety.

I waited for him to show up at his usual time to take me to school
but somehow I knew he wouldn’t be here.

“Carrie is everything okay, where’s Joshua this morning? I missed
my morning entertainment.”

“I don’t know dad, maybe he’s sick or something.”

“Well didn’t you talk to him when you got home last night? I’m
surprised the boy wasn’t camped out on my couch waiting for you.” He grinned as
he came down the stairs.

All of this just made me feel worse, what the hell was going on?

“I need a ride dad; I haven’t driven the truck in so long I’m not
sure it’ll even start.”

“Not to worry kiddo, I’ll give you a ride and have someone look at
your truck in the meantime. You need me to pick you up or have someone come get
you?”

“I’ll
call you if I do.”

In the school parking lot,
seeing Joshua and Vanessa’s cars were like a death knell. I hoped Michael didn’t
notice and start asking embarrassing questions.

 In
the halls the kids were their usual noisy selves, no one said anything to me,
there was no pointing and whispering behind their hand.

I was shocked when Joshua was
absent from biology first period though.

That feeling in the pit of my stomach just kept getting worse as
the morning wore on.

By lunch period I think I got the message, but not as loudly as
when I entered the cafeteria and found the Steeles and Patricia at the usual
table but my chair was missing somehow, in fact the chair was there, but it was
stacked with their stuff.

People were starting to look and the whispers began as I stood
there with my tray in hand.

There were some snickers and giggles and Patti gave me a smirk and
the finger. Matthew said something to her and she frowned and turned away.

I swallowed the bile that was beginning to rise in my throat as I
made my way to a table in the corner where no one sat.

Carrie

Okay now I’m pissed, I mean
who does he think he is? What the fuck ever, he wants to play that role so be
it. I was fine before I met him and I’ll be fine when he’s gone.

He’s the one who took an innocent joke and turned it into
something more, why the fuck should I feel guilty.

So what the other hayseed fucks in this town wanted to laugh
behind their hands, I didn’t give a fuck what they thought before and I’m not
going to start now.

That angry fume got me through the rest of the day and into the
evening while alone in my room doing my homework.

Michael had picked me up from school, I didn’t say anything to him
but when he saw Joshua getting into his car he’d given me a questioning look
which I chose to ignore.

With my eyes focused straight ahead we’d driven out of the school
lot to home.

Thank God Michael had to drop me off and go; I couldn’t stand to
answer any questions right now especially since I didn’t have all the answers
myself.

Right now anger is my friend I’ll hold onto that bad boy for as
long as I could because to do anything else might break me.

I kept myself busy, but in the back of my mind, somewhere in my
subconscious, I knew I was on autopilot.

My
movements were somewhat mechanical as I geared myself up for the next step.

Homework done, shower over
with, I made Michael dinner but nibbled on a carrot stick which I fought to
keep down.

By seven o’clock I was curled up in bed under the covers.

I have no interest in my Facebook page or calling any of the
friends I’d left behind in Arizona.

I have
no friends here to speak of except for the Steeles and I learned today that
they weren’t my friends after all.

Vanessa hadn’t even looked at
me, Matthew had given me a few furtive glances here and there as I sat at that
table alone and chewed my way through an apple, fighting nausea every step of
the way.

Joshua, well....... he took the cake.

It’s as though I never existed, he passed me in the hall on the
way to one of his classes which I’d gathered he’d somehow changed to get away
from me.

I looked; I couldn’t help looking at him that one time to see if
there was anything there anyway to reach him.

He’d been stone cold; I could only wish to be that merciless.

I finally fell asleep after anger had kicked the shit out of
melancholy and won.

Fuck him then, the whole fucking school could fuck off.

The next day I drove my piece
of shit truck since Michael had had his guy look at it  and they’d decided
other than the fact that it was an eyesore it was drivable.

 I got a sick sense of satisfaction out of knowing that Joshua
hated the truck, he was going to hate my outfit even more.

Not that I was dressing with him in mind but my gear is my armor
and the princess bitch was back in full force.

My thigh high, low heeled Hermes boots over skinny jeans, an off
the shoulder Cashmere sweater in my signature winter white with large diamond
hoops and matching bracelets, hair flowing down my back and blown pin straight,
lips glossed to a high sheen. This bitch was fierce. Fuck if I needed someone
else to tell me that shit.

I
have a mirror, I have eyes I can see that shit.

Mother fuckers knew to stay
out of my way when I walked down the halls with my Chanel shades and attitude
popping off of me like neon signs.

Bitches better not say anything loud enough for me to hear, the
little mouse Steele tried to turn me into was nowhere to be found.

I was me again, the fact that I had to fight to hold onto that
attitude didn’t faze me, I pushed that shit back hard.

I was back to saying fuck you to everyone and everything.

Three
and a half hours later when I walked into the cafeteria I found out I’d gone
through all that for nothing. He wasn’t here.

In fact he missed the next
two days as well and each day was a stab to the heart.

I almost preferred to have him here giving me the cold shoulder
than not seeing him at all.

I missed the fuck out of him, his laugh, that cocky smirk smile of
his, his wild as fuck hair, even his annoying bossiness.

I wanted so badly to know where he was, what he was doing, was he
back with that Josie bitch?

That thought made my stomach feel like I’d swallowed battery acid
it also made me livid.

This was so unfair, he’d fucked up so why should I pay, why should
I bend to his will?

What
had I done that was so bad? I had no answers and no one to turn to to get them.

I felt like getting the fuck
out, like just packing my shit up and heading out.

I had a nice little nest egg from all the times I’d made Paula pad
my account when she wanted something. Shit she could afford it, or at least Don
could.

I could just disappear somewhere, leave all this craziness behind,
forget I’d ever met the golden boy of the beautiful eyes and the hot as fuck
body.

Yeah,
I had about as much chance of doing that as I did forgetting my own name.

The weekend was the worse
this fucking rinky-dink town had nothing to do to begin with, add a touch of
the blues and I was fucked.

Sunday evening I just decided to drive around Sea Crest, no
destination in mind just something to do to break up the monotony.

I ended up at the diner where some of the other kids from school
were hanging out.

Over a plate of Pasta Primavera which I barely touched, I listened
to the snickers and hoots of laughter around me.

I was
just about to throw a glass of water in this one dude’s face when I heard a
gruff voice say from behind me.

“Leave her alone guys.”

Matthew pulled up a seat next to me as the assholes piped down.
For some reason I felt like crying, he was the closest I’d come to Joshua in
almost two weeks.

“What’s going on lil C?”

“So you can actually speak to me, that’s allowed?” 

I was feeling bitchy, so sue me.

“Something you missed about our family, we’re clannish, if one
breaks away we all break away, we might not all agree but that’s just the way
we are, family sticks together. That doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t all try to
get the other person to see the error of their ways if it’s warranted but, I’m
sorry

 lil
C, I think you really fucked up, he’s not playing, and when he gets like this
only God knows what he’ll do next, I’ll try to reason with him but I can’t
promise anything, when lil bro gets like this not even mom and dad would fuck
with him so......”

I took a deep breath as my
brow furrowed in confusion, could he really be this pissed off at what I’d
done, would he give up on me that easily on us, the us that he swore he
wanted? 

“Where is he Matt, why hasn’t he been to school?”

“He went away for a few days to clear his head but he’ll be back
at school tomorrow. He really loves you, I know this, there’s no doubt in any
of our minds so I’m thinking he’ll come around eventually, but please for the
love of God don’t do anything else to piss him off, at least not any time soon.”

He loved me still, hearing those words from someone else, someone
that would know, was like balm to my soul, it eased the pain just a little.
Until.....

“Oh shit.......”

Matthew jumped out of his chair his attention focused in the
doorway; I turned my head to see what was going on and looked into the ice cold
eyes of a very pissed off Joshua Steele.