Passion (15 page)

Josh

She’s been home for a day and
a half already and I’m having withdrawal issues, last night I barely spent half
an hour in my bed before I was back here, couldn’t sleep.

I think I’m going to have another talk with Captain, we’d had one
after Paula was shown the door, but that was a more heavy subject about our
future, Carrie’s and mine, I think I need to let him know we can’t be apart,
how he’ll take it, I have no idea but I know she can’t be without me either
because when I came through her window last night she’d been tossing and
turning and whispering my name in her sleep.

I’ve been a very busy boy,
after all, the shit I have to do in the upcoming days will affect a lot of
people, I only cared about her.

It’s almost like my whole focus had shifted, it was no longer just
about me, or even us, it was all about her.

I’m beginning to see her in a new light, I’ve always known she was
broken, I just didn’t realize how badly, until this.

I’m not a little boy, never have been, I see things in a way most
don’t and never will, I don’t look at life through rose tinted glasses, fuck
that shit, I’ve noticed in my observation of people, that they hardly ever do
what they say, or what they want to, everyone’s too busy trying to fit into a
pigeon hole that society has set for them.

That’s not me, I’ll be true to myself and live my life the way I
want to and fuck what others think. Now I’m taking her on board with me.

Where
I go, she goes.

I looked over at her as we
lay on her bed doing homework, I’d already fixed my classes for the next term
after the holidays, Stevenson at the school office must think I’m nuts the way
I’ve been back and forth with this shit, I didn’t care about that shit either.

She’s biting that lip of hers again and I realized I hadn’t kissed
her, really kissed her in weeks.

Pulling her lip away from her teeth with my thumb, I brought her
face down to mine so I could taste her lips.

Soft and sweet, just the way I remembered.

Books were crushed, papers crinkled as we devoured each other,
arms locked tightly around one another.

I eased back when things started getting heated, now was not the
time, I needed her whole, needed us whole, and complete.

Now that she was out of the woods I could admit to myself the
depth to which she’d scared me.

When she’d collapsed in my bedroom that night I think I died a
little, there’s nothing like the jarring of your soul to put things in
perspective.

Now I
have to mend the broken pieces and get things back on track. Starting now.

“Carrie, I know you’re pissed
off at Matt and Nessa, but there’s something you have to understand, that’s our
family, that’s the way we’ve always been together. What you don’t know, is that
for the first time ever, they fought me, they didn’t agree with the way I
handled things and they let me know it. They never once said anything against
you, because they knew all along how I felt about you. If you need time to get
over your hurt I understand, but understand that you’re now a part of this
family, that bond extends to you. For us, that’s the way family is supposed to
be, now ask yourself what the alternative would’ve been, they side with you or
anyone else against one of their own, where’s the loyalty in that?”

“But I had no one, you guys are the only people I really
associated with here and you all turned away from me at the same time, in front
of the whole school.”

“Baby, you gave me the impression that you were tougher than this,
do you think if I’d known things would turn out this way that I would’ve let it
go this far? If I’d known what I know now a lot of things would’ve been done
differently and you would’ve never gotten on that plane. I’m not apologizing
for what happened in the woods, you pissed me off throwing that guy in my
fucking face and you know it, but I will apologize for not taking better care
of you, for not seeing before it was almost too late, just how vulnerable you
really are. That’ll never happen again, I already told your father, now I’m
telling you, I’m taking responsibility for you, for our relationship, no more
fucking games, we’re together, that’s it, no more one-upmanship, you have some
serious issues we need to take care of and I have to learn how to live my life
in a way where you are my first priority and I don’t lose my mind when you do
some shit I don’t like. We’re young, I’m sure we’ll figure it out, but the
bullshit stops here. We’re together, in case you don’t know what that means, it
means you’re mine and I’m yours, exclusively. You don’t keep shit from me, I
don’t keep shit from you, if something’s bothering you come to me that’s it. I
know about your mother, about her neglect among other things, you don’t deal
with her unless you want to on your terms, I’d prefer you didn’t see her at all
but that’s your mother and people change their minds about this shit all the
time, as a matter of fact something happened yesterday while you were asleep.

Your father found out some things that happened while you were
living with her.....”

“Joshua.......”

“Ssh, it’s okay, he handled it, he’s actually trying to figure out
how to bring charges against her since you were a child then and you’re still a
minor in Arizona, we’ll see, that’s up to you anyway, if you want to drop it,
that’s what we’ll do, just know that we know a little more about your life with
her. There’re some other things I need to take care of and then we’ll move on
from this. I’m not going to change lamb, and I don’t think you really want me
to but I will be more careful with you, that I can promise you. Now, is there
anything you want to say?”

She fidgeted a bit as she looked at me, probably amazed that I was
talking so much.

“How do you find out so much about me?.......I mean sometimes you
seem to know things that there’s no way you should know, do you still have your
investigator following me?”

“He hasn’t been for a while, not since you went away actually.”

“So who followed me from the diner that night you caught me and
Matt talking?”

“That was me, as pissed as I was I still didn’t want you on the
streets that late at night alone, you’ve seen the flyers I’m sure and if not
your father would’ve told you about the attacks.”

“He did but it didn’t look like your Rover.”

“I was driving the Bugatti.”

“Oh, okay, so you still haven’t told me......how do you know these
things?”

“That’s my secret to keep, just know I’ve always got your best
interest at heart, I need to know everything that’s going on with you, it’s
just who I am, we’ll call it one of my quirks.

Is there anything else that you need from me, anything bothering
you?”

“Not right now, I’m sleepy, maybe later.”

“You can sleep after you’ve eaten something.....”

“I’m not really hungry.....”

“I didn’t ask it’s been hours since you ate anything, you’re
eating.”

“I see my near death experience didn’t change your bossy ways.”

“Yeah it did, now I’m going to be even bossier, sucks to be you.”

She rolled her eyes at me but I noticed the color coming back to
her cheeks. I’d see that she ate if I had to spoon feed her every morsel, and
when her body was healed we’d get to work on her heart.

One thing was for sure, no one or nothing was ever coming between
us again.

Carrie

Okay, what the hell happened?
Seriously, I have no idea what the fuck happened, I’m not sure how to deal with
this love shit.

How do you go from looking out for number one to including someone
else in your every thought, your every decision?

Joshua is way ahead of me in the relationship stakes; he seems to
have a better handle on the whole dynamics of it than I do.

One
thing’s for sure, I can never be as cold as he proved he could be, guess I won’t
be pissing him off to the extreme anytime soon again.

He’s been really good since
this whole thing happened though, in ways I never thought he’d be, it’s fucked
that it took this almost tragedy for me to see the heart of him, but I’m glad I
did.

It makes it worth it; it makes all the craziness that I know will
be part of our lives okay. With Joshua I know there will be rocky roads, he’s
so.....volatile, and I’m so....me, there’s no way to avoid the bumps and
bruises along the way, but I learned the most important thing for me.

He was there, when things got out of control, when I was at my
worst, he never left me.

He’s always going to be an ass about certain things, he’s always going
to be his bossy, Dom like self, and I think I need that.

I don’t need a daddy, not like that, but I do need someone strong
and secure for all those times I’m not so strong and secure myself.

He
was sweet and soft for like one day, that was nice too, but I need my over
bearing crazy boy, that’s who I fell in love with, that’s who I want on my
side.

I’m not quite sure what
happened with Paula, don’t even know why she was even here, but I know Joshua
would never let her near me, I’m pretty sure he’s been reading my journals, I’m
glad someone else knows, it’s a weight off my shoulders, and I’m glad that it’s
Joshua.

I don’t feel so young anymore, not so afraid, I hadn’t even known
that I was afraid, and angry, and so hurt, she’d fucked up my life, made me
almost as bitter as she is, but I’d almost destroyed the best thing to ever
happen to me, on my own.

He says I was testing him, maybe I was, all I know is that
everyone leaves, everyone disappoints, that’s what I’m used to, with Joshua I
don’t feel like I have to worry about that anymore.

I know now that if I fall, he’ll catch me even though right now he’s
working my nerves with this nasty ass steak and potatoes, what teenage girl
eats this shit?

Those doctors don’t know what the hell they did letting him get
his hands on my nutrition sheet, now he’s trying to rebuild my immune system in
one day.

Mr. Know it all watches everything I put in my mouth, I wanted
another burger but he won’t let me have one, and he’d threatened Matthew
apparently, because although I was still pissed at him he would so sneak me
another one, but no, Joshua decided steak was better and everyone else agreed.

Even Michael had stopped giving him kill rays and was now more
often than not, whispering and conspiring with him when they thought I was
asleep.

I hadn’t seen Patti thank God, I don’t think I could stomach
looking at her hateful face right now, and if she was a part of ‘the family’ as
Joshua claimed I was, I wasn’t too sure I wanted any part of it, hopefully I
wouldn’t have to keep her in order to keep him, we’ll see.

Josh

It’s her first day back to
school and I’m like a father taking his toddler to day care for the first time,
fucking gutted.

She looked unhappy as fuck and I hated doing this to her, but she
had to get back into life.

She’d been home for a week and she’d gained back a little of the
weight she’d lost, her doctors thought it was okay for her to go back and I
agreed.

This morning the Captain and I had had a hell of a time getting
her out the door.

I’d dressed her myself since she became stubborn and refused to do
anything more than brush her teeth.

The Captain had called it quits after she’d thrown one of her fits;
I wasn’t fazed so he left me to it.

One smack on her ass and she’d calmed the hell down, now I’m
feeling guilty for making her do this shit.

“I’ll see you for lunch; just wait for me outside your English lit
class okay?”

“Okay....”

Fuck,
did she have to look at me like I was abandoning her?

I spent more time worrying
about her than studying all morning, there was a knot in my stomach, and since
our classes were now on opposite sides of the building I wouldn’t even get a
glimpse of her until lunch period.

Matt
had a few classes near her and was supposed to keep an eye out, lunch was going
to be a trial because Patti was going to be there, although I wanted to be done
with that bitch already, it didn’t fit in to my plans, I had to bide my time,
besides Matt had the worst deal there.

Patti had fucked up, see she
doesn’t quite get how our family works either, her little behind the scenes
actions hadn’t gone unnoticed, partly because she thought it was okay to have
some of her conversations in front of Matt, they’d been together for so long I
guess she thought she was in for life, she really doesn’t know my brother if
she thought that shit.

I think that glow had pretty much burned out; whatever hold she
had on him was gone, not only because I’m his brother and it was my woman she
was scheming against, but because of her callousness, her disregard for Carrie’s
life.

While my girl was fighting for her life, Patti was setting up ways
to get Josie back in my bed, cold fuck.

I’d spent a lot of time laying it out for Matt, he’s my brother,
the love we share can never be broken, Carrie is the woman I will spend the
rest of my life with, and Patti can never be a part of that.

Thankfully
he had already seen it himself; he was the one who told me what she’d been up
to after all.

Lunchtime took forever to
come around and I was running to get to her even before the bell had finished
its first peal.

No one was bothering her when I got there but there were some kids
off to the side watching and waiting I guess.

I gave them my get the fuck gone look and they scampered away,
that fucker Dyson didn’t even look in our direction, Matt had told me what had
been going on in the diner that night before he got there, I had some asses to kick,
but they could wait.

 Patti was sitting at our table when we got there so I kept going
to the table lamb had been sitting at while we were on the outs.

She looked a little skeptical when first Vanessa and then Matt
came to join us.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing for you to worry about babe, what did you tell her?” I
turned to Matt.

“Just that I had something to talk to you about so she should sit
with her friends for today, she wasn’t too happy I can tell you that.”

I give a fuck, today was the first day in her humiliation, I’d had
enough of her shit, she was never going to accept Carissa for some reason and I
wasn’t about to have any more stress in her fucking life, the girl needed a
fucking break.

“Here, eat your veggies.”

“Joshua that’s disgusting, who eats broccoli for lunch?”

“It’s full of iron, it’s either this, or liver, you said no to the
liver....”

“I want to go back to the hospital, at least there I got some
peace and quiet, and I didn’t eat if I didn’t like it.”

“Too damn bad, now eat unless you want me to spoon feed you in
front of the whole school.”

If looks could kill I’d be a goner, whatever.

“Open.....”

“Oh alright I’ll eat the nasty shit...shut the hell up Matt.....”

“I didn’t say anything lil sis.”

He held his hands up even as he fought his laughter, Vanessa was
still a little tentative since Carissa hadn’t said two words to her but she too
was smiling.

It didn’t escape my notice that everyone was focused on our table
or that Patti and her posse were shooting daggers at us with their eyes.

I
wondered about those girls, I mean she treated them like shit and yet they
clamored to her every wish, I guess that might be one of her grievances against
Carrie, this one wasn’t a follower.

When she was finished eating
I pulled her onto my lap so I could whisper reassurances in her ear, I knew she
felt self conscious and her weakened state kept her from being her usual bad
ass self so I was going to have to keep her spirits up.

None of the fuckers had the balls to say anything out loud so
there were just a lot of whispers and hand gestures, I didn’t give a fuck about
them either, but if they made her uncomfortable I’d knock some heads together.

“You feeling okay lambkin, think you can make it the rest of the
day?”

“I’m a little tired but I’ll be okay, I miss you though.”

Damn, a couple weeks ago she would never have admitted that shit, “I
miss you too baby but it’s only for a little while, I told you I already fixed
it for next term.”

“Those kids bothering you?”

“Nope they’ve pretty much just been staring and whispering which
is beginning to get on my nerves but I guess they’ll get over that soon.”

“Want me to fuck anybody up?”

“No crazy boy, if I have to behave then so do you.”

“Uh huh, I promise to behave with you; the rest of them could go
fuck themselves.”

She laid her head on my shoulder, she was tired, maybe a full day
was too much, I’ll see how she was at the end of the day.

There was a spate of laughter from the table where Patti was
holding court, the evil witch was sneering in our general direction, her days
were numbered, that’s the only thought that kept me from going over there and
slapping her across her fucking face.