Perfectly Broken (22 page)

I hadn't eaten all day and that meant neither had Lili. I went back into the bedroom and grabbed my phone from the charger. Ordering a pizza took several minutes and when I finished, Lili still hadn't emerged from the bathroom. I dropped my phone on the bed, walking back to the bathroom door.

"Pix?" I asked, tapping my knuckles against the wood.

"It's open."

I pushed on the door, watching her as she stood in front of the mirror, carefully combing through her still wet hair. She moved slowly, using her left hand as the bandages on her right made it impossible to close her fingers. She was obviously still sore and it hurt to watch.

"Here. Let me." I stepped forward, my hand outstretched for the comb before I could think twice.

Lili's eyes narrowed, scrutinizing me in the mirror. "You want to comb my hair?"

"I want to help," I said, shrugging and not dropping my hand. I waited, suddenly feeling like some sort of pansy as she debated. This was a bad idea. I was pushing.

Just as I was about to drop my hand and blow it off, she placed the comb on my palm. Her eyes met mine again and I could see our reflections in the glass as I smiled.
 

I carefully avoided the fresh bandages on her forehead and behind her right ear, pulling the hair to the side as I ran through comb through it slowly. Her eyes fell closed, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips
.
I continued moving through the sections of her long hair more times than necessary just for the excuse to make her keep smiling.

I knew — though I never realized before now that I'd actually paid attention — that Lili rarely left the bathroom with wet hair. I grabbed the hair dryer from the messy side of the counter that was hers and straightened out the cord. The smile on her face widened and she laughed softly but didn't protest as I flipped it on. She grabbed a brush from the mess and passed it to me, switching it out with the comb.

I struggled at first, blowing her hair into her face as we both laughed. After several failed attempts, she reached up, covered my hands with hers
,
and used the brush to pull the hair away, aiming the dryer downward at the section. I still had trouble but eventually, with only a few minor setbacks, it was dry. I brushed through it again just to make sure before I set the brush on the counter.

"Thank you," she said and my eyes found hers again in the mirror. She smiled, turning to face me
.
I realized just how close our bodies were when her arm lightly grazed my stomach. I clenched my muscles, willing my body not to react to her
,
but it was far too late. "I don't think anyone has ever dried my hair for me."

I stared down at her, forcing aside thoughts of leaning in and kissing her as they invaded my mind. With her smiling at me that way, looking so happy over such a small act of kindness, it took everything I had.

Then
,
it happened.

Her smile faltered only slightly as her gaze dropped from my eyes to my lips. I knew that move, I'd seen it on more women than I wanted to think about right now. I didn't give myself a chance to think twice as I bent down, lowering my face to her level. My heart pounded against my chest and it seemed to be the only sound I could hear. I reached up, cupping her cheeks in both hands as her eyes drifted closed. I could feel the apprehension and anticipation between us but I couldn't tell which feelings belonged to me anymore. It felt like it was both of us, blending.

I closed my eyes, taking a breath as I moved to close the distance between us.

The sound of the doorbell shocked us both. I paused, my lips just barely grazing Lili's as she gave a small gasp. I opened my eyes and hers were wide. She pulled back just slightly and
,
as much as I hated to do it, I released her.

"That's probably the pizza," I said, clearing my throat and taking another step back. She didn't respond. After a second, the sound came again, followed by a knock.

I closed my eyes, fighting back a string of expletives as I sighed. "Yeah."

I turned, not sure what else to say. The moment was gone, lost to the over-thinking that I could already see her doing. I grabbed my wallet from the dresser and jogged to the door, trying to shake off my irritation.

"I'm coming with you."
Don't leave me.
I hear beeping as I'm jostled
.
I try again to open my eyes. To hold on to the voice.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Hush, Hush

LILI

I leaned against the bathroom counter, adrenaline pulsing through my veins as I listened to the deep tone of Zane's voice as he answered the door. What the hell had just happened? I touched the fingers of my uninjured hand to my lips, feeling myself tremble as I replayed the last several minutes in my mind. I moved to shut the door as I heard Zane coming back down the hall, the smell of pizza invading the house as he walked to the kitchen.

How had this happened? My knees felt weak, like the rest of my body at this point, and I lowered myself slowly to the cold tile floor. I had made a fool of myself. I had gone to Zane's room in the middle of the night and sobbed like a child so he came in here to take care of me like one. I covered my face with both hands, unable to stop the tears from spilling over. Pathetic. That's what I was.

But
,
that didn't explain why he almost kissed me. Or why I almost let him. I started when he knocked on the bathroom door, leaning forward and making a face as my ribs protested the movement.

"Pixie? You okay?" His voice sounded tight and I cringed at the thought of how much he probably regretted what had almost happened.
 

I cleared my throat as quietly as I could, trying to make my voice sound as normal as possible. "Yeah. I'm good. I'll be out in a second," I said. I grabbed the towel that was dangling from the counter and pressed it to my face carefully as I wiped my eyes, taking several deep breaths to stop the sobs. What the hell was the matter with me? I had perfected the art of controlling my emotions and suddenly it was like they were controlling me.

When I slowly rose to my feet, I stared in the mirror for a moment. The redness of my eyes was barely noticeable given the massive bruises and swelling that covered most of my features. It hurt to look at myself. I had never been
beautiful
in the way guys find girls. Pretty, yes. Sexy, definitely. But not beautiful. Now
,
I barely recognized the face staring back.

I splashed water on my face, attempting to calm myself further. I had to pull it together. Zane already knew something was wrong. He already regretted what almost happened. Now
,
I just had to go out there and face it.

I could just start talking first. Tell him that I totally understood that he got caught up in the whole "caretaker" thing.

That's exactly what I would do. Just pretend I knew what he was going to say and that it wasn't any big deal to me either. I felt my eyes start stinging with tears at the thought and I quickly blinked them away. Maybe it would be easier to just go back to bed. To
my
bed. I just wanted to forget this day ever happened. That would be for the best.

I grabbed the towel again and wiped the fresh tear that escaped.

"Get a grip, Lili," I said to myself, staring at the disfigured face in the mirror. I swallowed hard once more and took a deep breath before pulling open the bathroom door.

I stopped short when I saw Zane leaning against the wall directly across for the door. He was chewing on the inside of his cheek the way he did when he was thinking
,
his eyes searching my face. I forced a small smile, deciding in that moment I couldn't do it. The only way out of this shithole I'd dug was to pretend nothing happened.

"I'm starved." I moved to pass him, heading toward the kitchen
.
But he reached out and grabbed my hand
,
pulling me to a stop. I didn't turn to face him as I fought the urge to start crying again. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to hear him say the words.

After a moment of silence, he pushed off from the wall and took a step toward me
.
Tugging lightly on my arm, he turned me to face him. I kept my head down, not sure if I could handle the regret I knew would be on his face
,
but it didn't matter. He wrapped both arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest.

"I'm sorry," he whispered the words into my hair
.
I immediately lost the tenuous hold I had on my tears. I tried to sob quietly but every breath hurt and the pain radiated from my head all the way through my chest. Zane never shushed me, he just held me and whispered the same two words over and over into my hair, softly pressing his lips to spots along my head.

I gave in, wrapping both my arms around his middle and holding on tightly. There was something warm and comforting and familiar about everything that was Zane — his scent, the way his arms felt, the sound of his voice — all of it spoke to something inside me, proving safety and security in a way I hadn't known possible.

Zane tightened his hold as I did. I could feel my ribs protesting
,
but I didn't care. The pain kept me grounded and the feeling of being held calmed me.

"Deep breaths, Pix," Zane said, his chest rising and falling against my cheek. I pressed my ear to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. I breathed in time with him, the hitches in my chest becoming further apart until they stopped altogether. "There you go."

He didn't release me completely but unwound one hand, using the side of his index finger to lift my chin. "Better?" he asked, his thumb softly grazing along my jaw
.
The breath I had just recovered seemed to be caught in my throat. I couldn't speak so I simply nodded twice, my eyes on his.

"Good," he said before lowering his face to mine. My heart and my breathing stopped the moment his lips touched mine. Like everything else, his lips were familiar. But, just like the night of his birthday, I could feel something different in this kiss. I felt it tearing away at my resolve, crumbling the last pieces of any sane and rational thought I possessed. I wanted him. I'd always wanted him and I knew that but
,
in this moment
,
it was too easy to pretend he wanted me too. So, I did.

I let my body respond to his. My hands tightened on him, my uninjured fingers twisting into the back of his shirt as I pushed onto my tiptoes. He groaned against my lips, his hand on my back moving to lightly cup my other cheek. His lips were fierce against mine but his hands were soft, careful around my injuries even though his eyes were firmly closed. My lips parted for his as he deepened the kiss and I lost myself completely, pressing my body fully against his. I could feel his body's response and he pulled back just slightly, slowing our movements. He planted several soft kisses along my lips before he opened his eyes, meeting mine with a look of something close to contentment.

His face was still close to mine, our breaths mingling as we stared at one another. I started to apologize for my meltdown, embarrassed that I'd cried in front of him
,
yet again
.
But
,
as I opened my mouth, his words from earlier came to mind. He was still staring straight into my eyes and I smiled softly, hoping to keep his mood positive.

"I guess you're done apologizing?" I asked and was rewarded with a slow grin creeping across his face.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine once more before he spoke. "Not even close."

"Did you really think I would just let you run away?"

I groaned, my entire body aching as I blinked through tears. I was tied to a chair in the center of the hotel room. This wasn't happening. It wasn't real. I kept trying to remind myself, to somehow break through the haze and wake up. But
,
it felt real. Every injury and every hit hurt as he paced in front of me, his hands behind his back now.

"This isn't real," I said the words through my teeth, hoping it would somehow be enough to pull free of the hold the dream had on my consciousness. Jordan's hand came out, striking me across the cheek so hard I tasted blood. I let out a cry and Jordan laughed.

"Feels pretty real to me," his voice was cold. There was a knock on the door and Jordan and I both looked toward the sound. This was new. Every time the nightmare was a little different but there had never been a knock before.

"Pix. Open up," Zane's voice floated through and I waited for my mind to pull me from the dream. It was time. Zane was waking me up again. Jordan moved behind me, covering my mouth with his hand.

"How does he know where you are?" Jordan's voice was low as he extended his arm forward, just inside my line of vision as the doorknob shook. The metallic click of the bullet entering the chamber of the gun resonated in my ears and I sobbed against Jordan's hand. I was so tired of this nightmare. I didn't want to die again. I didn't want to watch Zane be shot.

"Pixie
,
I just want to talk to you. Please," Zane begged, his fist slamming against the door three more times. "I know you're in there."

I sobbed again, squeezing my eyes closed.
It's just a dream. It's just a dream.

The sound of the doorknob forced my eyes open and the second Zane came into view, I threw myself to the side, knocking the chair over and causing Jordan to lose his focus. Zane stared, frozen and wide-eyed and I felt the bite of the metal against my temple.

"Bitch!" Jordan cried and I kept my eyes on Zane's as the sound tore through my thoughts.

I woke with a sob caught in my aching throat. All my muscles were tight, tensed from the nightmare and my body was drenched in sweat. My arms were shaking as I pushed myself up to a sitting position, glancing around the room.

The bed was empty and the room was semi-dark. The pinkish hue that splashed the walls told me it was early evening. I'd been asleep for several hours. My breath stuttered in my chest as I pushed to my feet, my heart still hammering against my aching ribs as I moved toward the door, wondering where Zane was and why he wasn't in the room.