Perfectly Broken (4 page)

The crowd went crazy when the song ended and Lili blinked, seeming stunned as she looked around. I glanced up from her to a sea of camera phones that no doubt captured Lizzie's embarrassing ass stomping by Lili. I grinned at her and let her slide slowly down my body but she looked past me.

"And it's EX-wife, you… repulsive tramp!" Lili stuttered as she spat the words. With an irritated huff, she moved quickly through the crowd. I could barely see the top of her head as she passed through the door toward the street. I glanced at the table to see Tish and Kas were already moving that way so I turned to follow Lili.

"Zane!" Lizzie whined, grabbing my arm. Half an hour ago, I would've fought myself not to fall for her shit again but right now, all I could think about was getting to Lili and finding out what the fuck all that was.

"Maybe you should've thought twice before you fucked my best friend," I said as I pulled free of her grasp, rushing after Lili.

"Fuck! This wasn't supposed to happen!"
What? What wasn't supposed to happen?
I want to ask Jackson but his voice is far away.

CHAPTER THREE

Drunken Mistakes

LILI

I sat in the back of the cab, my anxiety rising as the house came into view. Hopefully they were all in bed by now.

When I ran out of Lust a few hours ago, my only thought was of escape. I had to get away from there. I couldn't believe I'd screwed everything up so royally. I was trying to protect Zane in the same way he always protected me when I needed him and I let it become about my overwhelming competitiveness.

"Fucking idiot," I mumbled. The cab driver huffed from the front as he pulled to a stop at the driveway. "Not you," I clarified, laughing as I fumbled for a moment with my money. I handed him a few bills and gave him a quick smile before stepping out into the night air.

One of the things I loved most about Las Vegas was the dry air. Away from the crowds and grit of The Strip, the air smelled clean. It always seemed to relax me. It smelled a million times better than the inside of that cab, that’s for sure. I tripped over a crack in the driveway, laughing as I landed hard on my hands and knees. I held my right hand up, my index finger over my lips.

"Shhhh," I reminded myself quietly. I didn't want to wake them. I didn't want to have to answer questions. I carefully pushed back to my feet and started toward the door again. The tights I was wearing under my black skirt were now torn across the knees but I straightened my blue top again and brushed a hand through my hair. I used my key to open the door as quietly as I could manage in my current state
.
Immediately
,
I heard the TV in the living room.

"Fuck," I grumbled. Lifting my chin, I tried to walk straight and keep my eyes forward. Clapping came from the living room as I attempted to pass by unnoticed. Tish was in the recliner with a very satisfied looking Kas on his lap as they both applauded. Zane was stretched along the couch and he turned, taking one look at me before returning his attention to the TV. I gave Tish and Kas a small bow, knowing I couldn't handle much more without falling over. I wobbled slightly as I stood up, thankful again that I had worn my boots and not heels tonight
.
I would've broken an ankle for sure. I hadn't been this drunk in a while, if ever. I struggled to find words.

"Thank you, thank you." I started to turn away, hoping they would leave it alone if they thought I was blowing it off.

"What the fuck, Lili? What was that tonight? I thought you said you couldn't dance
,
" Kas questioned, watching me
.

I shook my head, groaning at the movement. I closed my eyes, trying to center my mind on one thing. Words.

"Nope. I said I
didn't
dance," I clarified, opening my eyes to meet Tish's wary stare.

"Bathroom. You're going to chuck." He nodded in the direction of the hallway. I shook my head again
,
swallowing hard against the feeling that he may be right. Zane glanced over a second time but he didn't speak. I felt instantly guilty. He'd texted me several times in the last few hours to check on me after I disappeared but I ignored him. I'd wanted to put what happened out of my head. Though it worked for a short time, I'd obviously upset him. I shouldn't have assumed he wanted me to keep saving him from Lizzie but I let my own desire to beat her push any thoughts of what he wanted from my head.

"I'm fine," I said, moving to lean against the wall behind me. I misjudged the distance and hit harder than I intended, my shoulders slamming against the drywall. Laughing, I slid down to sit on the floor. "Fucking ouch."

"How much did you drink?" Tish asked, scooting Kas from his lap before moving to kneel in front of me. I shrugged, making a face as I tried to count. A few drinks at dinner, then four shots at the club and three beers. That was pretty normal for me. The four Jägerbombs the guys at the bar had talked me into were what put me over the edge.

I brought my hands up to my head, rubbing at my numb face. "A lot," I conceded, laughing again at Tish's expression.

"You need to go get rid of some of that. I don't want to have to take you to the hospital tonight." He pulled me to my feet but I leaned against the wall for support.

"Would you stop worrying? I'm fine," I repeated, feeling the bile trying to rise in my throat. Everything happened quickly after that. I found myself bent over the toilet in the bathroom I shared with Zane, expelling my poor decision to drink so much with someone holding my hair up and wiping a cold rag across the back of my neck.

I groaned as I swam back into consciousness, the cold tile against my cheek feeling somehow comforting while my entire body ached. I blinked slowly, letting my eyes focus in the semi-darkness. It was daylight outside the small window but the bathroom light was off. There was a plastic cup in front of me with a bottle of Ibuprofen, the same thing I'd left for Zane on the few occasions he'd made himself sick trying to forget his pain.

"Oh, God," I rasped the words as I pushed myself upright
.
The blanket that had been placed over me slid to my waist as I reached slowly for the cup, wishing I didn't have to move again. Ever.

"You going to make it?" Zane asked from the doorway where he leaned against the frame
,
his hair disheveled
.
His glasses didn’t mask the pale blue of his eyes but made the dark circles under them more prominent.

I cleared my throat after swallowing three pills from the bottle, my mouth tasted horrible. "I'd rather not at this point."
 

"It'll only get better from here. The next few hours will be rough, though. I recommend a shower first." Zane sighed and grabbed a washcloth from the counter, running it under the water before handing it to me.

I raised my hand slowly to take it, wishing I could just go back to sleep. I laid the cool fabric across the back of my neck and took a small drink of the water, feeling the heaviness of it in my hollow stomach.

"I'm sorry," I said after I swallowed. I knew I was apologizing for a lot of things. Zane leaned back against the counter, gripping the edge with both hands as he looked down at me. I stared up at him, noticing the grey pajama pants he was wearing and how low they hung on his hips, bearing a tiny flash of tanned skin along his abdomen where his shirt didn't quite meet them. He cleared his throat and I forced my eyes back up to his face, catching his raised eyebrow.

With my legs curled off to one side covered by a blanket and my hair pulled back in a sloppy bun, I suddenly felt like a child. I hated that feeling. I wanted to stand strong and pretend that even this, even last night, couldn't bring me down. It's what I needed to do. I tossed the blanket aside and started to push myself up, ignoring the throbbing pain in my head and blinking away the dizziness.

"Whoa. Slow, Pix. You trying to make it worse?" Zane steadied me as I leaned against the wall across from him. I noticed the rugs from our long bathroom had been removed at some point during my stay last night but I pushed the thought aside and looked up at him.

I waited, wanting him to acknowledge my apology. After a moment
,
he glanced at the door
.
Reaching a long arm over to knock it with his fingertips, he closed it partway so our voices wouldn't travel down the hall. "What exactly are you apologizing for? Making yourself sick? Because I've done that
,
too
,
and you've taken care of me. It happens. I just don't like that you got
that
drunk out there alone."

"I wasn't alone," I muttered petulantly, crossing my arms
.
The need to defend my actions bubbled up, rolling inside me along with the water on my empty stomach. His eyes moved to my arms with the motion.

He ran both hands through his hair, locking his fingers behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. "Exactly."

"I'm sorry for all of it… for the competition with Lizzie. I know I upset you and it was your birthday. I promise I only started it to help you
,
but I got caught up in winning. You know me." I shrugged. He slowly lowered his gaze back to mine as I spoke. "I should've backed off. It wasn't my place."

"You think I'm upset because you mopped the floor with Lizzie? Fuck, Pixie, that was epic. I've never seen anyone move like that
.
I was mad because… well, I wasn't even really mad… but, I ran outside to find you and you were already gone," he said. He dropped his arms as he pushed off the counter, taking a slow step toward me. "What I don't understand is why you've told us all this time that you don't dance when you obviously do."

He must have seen the response in my eyes because he continued before I could speak. "Yeah, I know, you're not going to talk about your past. I get it. But
,
why did you leave? I thought…" He popped his knuckles, a nervous habit I rarely saw from him when Lizzie wasn't around. I waited patiently for him to finish. "It doesn't matter what I thought, I guess. The only thing that upset me was you disappearing and not answering my calls or texts. We were worried about you." He lowered his voice as Kas' laugh echoed down the hallway along with the first scents of food cooking in the kitchen. I made a face as the nausea returned and Zane leaned over to shut the door the rest of the way.

"I'm sorry for running off
,
but I thought I screwed up your birthday and I just needed to clear my head." I didn't look away from him, even though a part of me wanted to hang my head. He was right, I acted selfishly when I didn't reply to him to at least tell him I was okay. I was completely careless last night.

Zane made a face, seeming to debate for a second before he nodded and turned toward the door. He paused with his hand on the knob, glancing over his shoulder at me. There was something different in eyes and I stared, trying to pinpoint the change. He turned back to face me and took two quick steps to close the distance between us. He wasn't touching me but I felt trapped between his body and the wall as I looked up at him.

"Last night was really about Lizzie? There wasn't anything else?" Zane's eyes never left mine. I could feel the same little spark of panic I'd felt last night when the crowd was cheering and Zane was kissing me. It wasn't anything more than my need to beat Lizzie. It couldn't be. He was obviously concerned I was developing feelings for him and I couldn't let him think that was true. Besides, that's not what it was. I was caught up in the moment.

"It was just about Lizzie," I promised. Zane frowned, obviously not buying it. I was about to continue, to saying something, anything, to try to convince him
,
but a knock sounded on the door. He took a step back and both of us turned toward the sound.

"You okay in there, Lee?" Tish asked, thankfully without barging in.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah. I'm fine," I said back, clenching my hands into fists to keep them from trembling.

"Just checking." Tish's footsteps moved down the hall and Zane took a deep breath, obviously irritated by the disturbance.

"Zane, I—" I started but he cut me off, not looking at me as he headed to the door.

"I'll let you shower," he said and slipped out before I could reply. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, wondering if the sick feeling was the residual alcohol or some sort of emotional response to the conversation.

"Fuck. My. Life," I grumbled each word separately as I shuffled over, starting the shower. I slowly and carefully slipped out of my clothing, taking brief note of the nasty looking scrapes on my knees. I lifted a foot to the side of the tub, hissing a little as I dusted dirt from the wound. The pain brought with it a vague image of falling in the driveway.
 

Once the water was warm, I stepped under the spray. I washed my hair meticulously, trying to keep my thoughts off of Zane's expression. I was sure he didn't believe me and I'd have to find a way to prove to him things were normal between us. I didn't want things to change. And I certainly didn't need any of them thinking I was out doing things they wouldn't approve of after I left. I couldn't handle it if Tish or Zane looked down on me because of what happened.

 
When I first moved to Vegas, I didn't need anyone. As much as I liked to pretend that was still true, Tish and Zane had grown on me. Honestly, I was even becoming attached to Kas. Thinking about any of them disapproving of my life caused an odd, empty feeling to settle in my stomach. I hated that. The one I knew I didn't have to worry about before last night was Zane. Once Zane and I started talking, it was like finding a kindred spirit. He had his own set of issues that had turned him into a skeptic on this whole ridiculous concept of love.

When I met Tish, he was just a guy who lived alone since his family had moved out. His younger sister, Paige, was starting her freshmen year in college halfway across the country. His brother
,
Zane
,
was married, living just outside of Las Vegas with his wife and son. I'd been living with Tish for almost three months when Zane came home looking for him. I'd never met Zane, not that Tish kept my being there a secret
.
I'd always just stayed busy with work and building a new life here.