Perfectly Broken (10 page)

"That was a low blow," Tish said, his voice hard.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, not saying a word as I headed down the hall toward my room. I took one more deep breath before I entered, finding Conner sitting with his arms crossed on his bed, crying. I didn't say a word as I shut the door and went to sit on the foot of my bed, facing him. He didn't look at me but it was breaking my heart to watch him cry. I'd never heard him say anything like that — to anyone. I wasn't sure where all this was coming from but I was going to put a stop to it.

"What was all that about?" I asked after he finally calmed down some.

"Mommy said—" he started but I held up a hand.

"I heard what mommy said. Why did you say it? Has Lili ever been mean to you? Has she ever kept me away from you?" I asked Conner directly.

He fidgeted for a moment, staring at his hands. "No," he whispered, still sniffling.

"You hurt her feelings. What do you think you should do about it?" I asked.

"Say sorry," he replied, kicking his feet slightly.

"That's a good start. But
,
for now, why don't you lay down for a while and think about what it means to be a friend to somebody."

Conner wailed dramatically as I pulled the blanket over him and kissed him on the forehead, letting him cry it out for a bit. I wasn't sure what had brought on this sudden hostility but, as soon as I talked to Lizzie, I was going to put a stop to it.

"We have to call for help!" I try to ignore the panic in the voices, focusing solely on moving my hand, reaching toward the sound. "Where's your phone?"
 

CHAPTER SEVEN

Change of Heart

LILI

I waited in my room until I absolutely had to get ready for work. Grabbing my clothes, I made a mad dash for the bathroom, quietly shutting myself inside. It was easier than dealing with the issues. I was even considering asking Nikki if I could crash at her place tonight. Keeping my mouth shut when Lizzie was obviously talking shit was going to be hard. I wanted so badly to tell Conner exactly what I thought of his mommy but he's four. It's best to keep my mouth shut and that's accomplished flawlessly if I avoid Conner altogether.

Showering quickly, I continued my normal routine in a rush. It was ridiculous to avoid a child and probably more than a little insane but that was how it needed to be for the moment. I didn't want Conner, or more directly, I didn't want
anyone
to know how much his little outburst hurt me. I didn't get hurt. Especially by words. But
,
in all honestly, having something so venomous spewed at me from the mouth of a child I had come to care for so deeply was harder than I ever would have imagined. I'd seen Conner angry when he didn't get his way, but I'd never seen him look so resentful. The malice in his normally innocent blue eyes was hard to forget.

I blinked my own eyes as I felt them start to burn. If I didn't get hurt by words, I certainly didn't cry over them.

A knock at the door made me jump as I yanked the brush through my hair. So much for not getting caught.

"It's open," I said, pulling my still wet hair up into a bun.

I focused on my reflection instead of Zane as he poked his head in and watched me.

"You okay, Pix?" he asked, the concern in his voice causing me to give in and look over at him.

"Fine. Why?" I asked, attempting to keep my words even.

"I was just checking." He swallowed and stepped inside as the sound of Conner's laughter floated into the bathroom, mocking my somber mood.

"Well, no need. I'm good. Not like I didn't already know what a dirty tramp I am," I said, meaning the words to be a joke but realizing too late that the hurt I'd been trying to mask was fully on display. I straightened my expression, focusing on my reflection in the mirror as Zane shut the door behind him.

"Look. I'm so—" he started
,
but I cut him off.

"Don't. Okay? I get it. I do. He's four and he loves his mom. As he should. He's confused and impressionable and Lizzie is a manipulative bitch. It's not your fault and it's certainly not Conner's."

"That doesn't make it right."

"No
,
it doesn't
,
" I sighed tossing my brush onto the counter and leaning forward, resting the heels of my hands on the edge of the tile. "But
,
I know a little something about shitty parents." The words came out before I had a chance to rethink them.

My past was not something I talked about. At all. Ever. It wasn't even something I thought about. It was all locked away, packed in huge metal boxes, welded shut
,
chained, and padlocked in some dusty corner of my mind that I never visited. It was easier to be me, who I was today, without that baggage weighing me down. But, with the events of the morning, the fact that I saw a four year old being used as a weapon to hurt someone else, brought some part of the old me to the surface.

I looked over at Zane who was staring at me with wide eyes. In two years, he'd never heard me utter a single word about my past. The topic was off limits and all of the people in my life knew that.

"I should go. I don't want to be late," I said, uncomfortable with the sudden attention. I hadn't given away any big secret. I had sucky parents. So what? I knew from what Tish had told me when we first met that he and Zane's parents were pretty crappy too.

"I… Uh… Conner needs to apologize to you," Zane said, stepping away from the door to let me open it.

I stopped with my hand on the knob, closing my eyes for a moment. Conner wasn't the problem. Logically, I knew that.

"Okay. I'll be putting my shoes on." I headed down the hall and left my bedroom door open.

In my rush to get ready, I hadn't done much with my makeup
.
So, I decided against my boots and dug out a pair of my heels, wanting the extra bit of sexy tonight to help me feel better.

"LeeLee?" Conner's voice was hesitant and I glanced over, seeing him in the doorway. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking at me through his lashes. In that moment, I didn’t know how it was possible that he wasn't Zane's biologically. He looked so much like him.

"Come here, Boog." I held out an arm toward Conner and he grinned at the nickname.

When he'd first started coming around after Zane moved home, I had a problem keeping myself from cussing in front of him. It had been a while since I'd had to worry about my language and I got in the habit of using the word 'booger' in place of all my 'bad' words. Conner was smart and he caught on quick, deciding it was a game. At some point along the line, I started calling him Booger. Although Zane hates it, it makes Conner laugh.

He leaned against my side where I sat on the foot of my bed and I wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, LeeLee," he said solemnly and the look in his eyes fully supported his words. I nodded, leaning in to squeeze him tighter.

"I forgive you," I said pulling him in front of me so I could look him in the eyes. I saw Zane standing in the hall, watching us, but I ignored him. "I hope you know how much you mean to me. You and your Daddy both. I would never do
anything
to hurt you and I would never do anything to keep you apart."

"I know." Conner looked down again and I tugged him in for a hug. "I love you, LeeLee."

I tensed, shocked at his words. He'd never said that to me and I wondered momentarily if Zane had told him to say it. I glanced over Conner's head to Zane, catching his eyes
.
He shook his head, clearly just as surprised as I was. I let the words settle around me for a moment, a tiny sliver of fear creeping in as I thought about the incredible meaning behind his statement. But
,
the warmth created by the honesty of this little person’s love quickly overtook the fear.

"I love you, too."

I should've expected Jordan to show up at my work again on Saturday night, perhaps a part of me did. But
,
I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy to see him. He stayed through the rushes, taking the same seat as the night before while he watched me work. He grinned at me every time our eyes met.

"Isn't that the same guy that was here to talk to you
last
night?" Nikki asked as she passed me. I just nodded, smiling widely. She stopped, narrowing her eyes as she looked me up and down. "The same guy? Two nights in a row?"

"We didn't… he's just a nice guy who helped me out when I needed someone," I said dismissively, making sure to keep my voice low so Jordan couldn't hear me.

Nikki gasped, looking over at Jordan and back to me. "Do you actually
like
him? Oh my god! Do you have your very own hotness monster?" She looked back at Jordan, being obvious about checking him out. "He is really sexy."

I glanced at Jordan, who was blushing, obviously having heard Nikki's remark as he met my eyes and looked away quickly. I shoved Nikki toward the other side of the bar. "Would you shut up? He can hear you!" I shook my head, trying to get back to work. "And
,
by the way, your obsession with Greek is weird considering you never went to college."

"Maybe that's exactly why I love it!" Nikki blew a kiss toward Jordan and I smacked her hand down.

"Leave. Him. Alone," I hissed
.
We both laughed as his face turned an even deeper shade of red. "He's sweet."

"You really do like him, don't you?" Nikki pursed her lips. "I approve. You two would make pretty babies. Hopefully they'll have his nose, though."

"Ugh. Kids. Sweet Jesus you are so in dreamland right now." I rolled my eyes before turning to the customers approaching the bar, hoping for a busy night. After this morning, I needed to get the thought of children as far from my mind as possible.

When I finished my shift, I stepped out into the street, finding myself actually looking for Jordan's smiling face.

He was leaning against the wall with two cups of fresh coffee in his hands. We walked, drinking our coffee, and I took him to one of my favorite places in Vegas.

We were on the top floor of the parking garage behind one of the casinos, the lights of the city on our side as we stared at the dark shadows of Mount Charleston and the sprawling Spring Mountains in the distance.

It was here, sitting side-by-side on the concrete, that Jordan kissed me. It was a sweet kiss, exactly as I expected from him. What I didn't expect was my reaction.

I felt more in the brief moment our lips touched than I had with any of the men I'd been with in the past. His lips were soft and as he turned his body toward mine, his fingers found the nape of my neck, holding me to him as he deepened the connection.

I leaned into the kiss, my own hands finding his waist, tracing the hem of his shirt. When my fingers skimmed his heated skin, he drew back, his breathing heavy.

"I… we should stop," he said. He immediately leaned in again, pressing his lips to mine in what started as a small kiss but quickly reignited the fizz of electricity that seemed to be passing between us. He pushed his body into mine, holding behind my head with one hand as he guided me backward. I tugged at his shirt and he broke the connection just long enough to remove the obstruction.

I splayed my fingers across the tight skin of his stomach, pulling him closer as he rested on his weight on his hands above me. His lips explored my throat, working down to my collar bone where he grazed me with his teeth. I drew in a sharp breath, my hips moving against his as my back arched. He pulled back again, resting his forehead on my sternum as he tried to regain his breath.

He shook his head slowly, his words broken between ragged breaths. "I can't… we have to… not tonight."

I gripped his hips, tugging him against me as he spoke. When our bodies aligned, I could feel his arousal through his jeans and we both groaned in appreciation. His lips crushed against mine as he pressed himself harder into me, our bodies finding a frantic rhythm. I could feel his heart hammering against my fingers as I traced them along his chest to his shoulders. I noticed the pounding of my own heart as his hand slipped under my tank top, working its way up my stomach quickly.

When my hands found their way back to the waistband of his jeans, he pushed off of me quickly. He sat back with his hands on his knees, dropping his head and shaking it before standing. "Fuck
,
" he said under his breath, adjusting himself slightly and clasping both of his hands behind his head as he paced.

I leaned up on my elbows, my heart still pounding as my eyes followed his movements. He grabbed his shirt from the ground and pulled it back over his head before offering me his hand.

I let him help me to my feet, taking a moment to straighten myself out, unwilling to speak first. I could see my hands shaking and hoped he didn't notice.

He placed his hand under my chin, using his index finger to lift my face to his. "I want to take you out first. I don't want it to be like this but
,
God…" He shook his head. "I want it." I let out a breath, noticing the weight lift as I realized the reason behind his rejection. “Do you work tomorrow?"

"No
,
" I answered too quickly, causing us both to laugh. The tension seemed to melt away as he slipped his fingers to my cheek and leaned down, giving me just the softest brush of his lips.

"Then
,
may I take you out to dinner tomorrow?" he asked, leaning his forehead against mine.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek. A date. I didn't really do the whole dating thing but I couldn't find it in me to say no. More so, I didn’t want to say no.

"Yes."

He grinned and
,
even in the darkness, his eyes seemed to shine with excitement at my answer. He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me for a moment before leading me by the hand toward the stairs. When he said good night to me at the cab, his kiss was a little more lingering than last night. It left me filled with promise for our date on Sunday.