Phantom (Endlessly Book 3) (11 page)

13 FORGIVE ME

As Tyler realized he was unwanted, the bond between Ash and me grew more relaxed. Ash avoided the blond werewolf. When she entered the room, I made room for her to sit beside me. Whenever he looked her way, I stared him down. It was as if I were becoming Ash’s big brother.

With jealousy g
one, I could see things clearly. Though I still didn’t have any reason, something about the guy made me distrust him. There was just something about him that was wrong. I took to sleeping on Ash’s sofa and every night I made sure her door was locked. Though I knew she could take care of herself, I couldn’t turn my back on the guy.

It was similar to the feeling I’d gotten from Jesse, the demon. I wasn’t going to let something like that happen again. Tyler’s presence was a looming shadow suffocating the place.

A few nights later a faint clicking of metal stirred me from my sleep. Had someone turned the doorknob? I ran to the door, listened, and thought I heard faint footsteps. I opened the door — no one. I listened at Tyler’s door — nothing.

The next morning Tyler was gone. Josh and Lex thought I’d killed him, but Ashley knew. He just left. No note, no nothing, just vanished into the night. Hania sensed the truth.

Having grown some courage with the virus, Jack checked Tyler’s room. “It’s as if he’s never been here,” he said.

We barely saw Jack, Sarah or Abigail. They were in the process of moving into the abandoned house where we kept the cars. They sp
ent time and money fixing it up and soon it would be completely livable. They wanted the privacy.

The day after Tyler left, Ashley and I were in the game room. She kidded me, saying: “I thought I was the only one who could run people off, but that’s not true. I read his mind;
he was terrified of you, Jason. Tyler was really afraid for his life.”

Jenny came in, asking: “Where’s Tyler?”

“He left,” Lex sighed.

“Ha!” Jenny barked at Lex. “You owe me twenty bucks.”

Josh laughed. “Pay up sucka.”

“Pay up?” Ash looked at Lex.

Lex shrugged. “We kinda had a bet.”

“What kind of bet?” I asked.

“Whether or not you and Tyler would get into a fight,” Josh said.

“It’s so nice to know that you had faith in my patience,” I sneered at Lex.

Lex shrugged in surrender. “Come on, Jason, even you thought you were going to kill him. I’m just glad he’s gone. You really know how to dish out some nasty thoughts. You’ve wreaked some havoc on Jenny and Josh.”

“And what about you?” I asked. “Didn’t it fuck you up?”

“I wanted to win the bet. I quit helping.”

“I’m glad I kept you all entertained,” I grumbled.

Sarah, Jack and Abby appeared. Sarah had colored her hair a light brown and she wore a thick layer of makeup. Abby had some on too. Sarah held Abby’s hand as the young girl went on about waterfalls she wanted to visit. Jack wore a baseball cap, trying to pass for albino, a lot like Verloren once had. He slung a duffle bag over his shoulder and approached me. “You don’t mind if I borrow your bike do you?”

“I’m not going anywhere for a couple days,” I said.

Jack smiled. “Thanks man.”

“Be back in a couple of days,” Sarah said.

“Jack,” I called. “You should buy one of your own.”

“I am, I just don’t know what I want yet.”

After they left I took my normal spot beside Josh and picked up the video game controller. After helping Hania to his apartment, the girls headed to the pool.

Josh and I were busy with our video game when a thump was followed by awkward footsteps.

“Did you hear something?” I asked Josh.

“Quit trying to fuck with me,” he said, focused on the game.

I looked over at the other TV. Someone with dark hair came down the steps. I glanced at the mudroom door. Abby had left it open again. I jumped up and ran to it, shouting: “Intruder!”

“Whatever,” Josh said, thinking I was trying to distract him.

As I entered the mudroom the man came in from the stairs. He was a scrawny six-footer covered in tattoos, with black hair falling over his eyes. Something made me think of Oz. My stomach dropped. As he started to say something, I reacted, lunging forward, grabbing him by the throat. We went down together, through the door and onto the stairs. I kicked the door to the mudroom closed, determined to keep him out. Now neither of us could get in unless someone let us in.

He clawed at my hand
as I cut off his air. He was human and couldn’t budge me. Even in the dim light I could see his muscles were drawn and thin. He was weak even for a human. He fumbled in his pocket and I loosened my grip so he could talk. He spoke a strange word and laid a green rock on my chest. The rock repelled me, hurling me into the heavy door. I growled and jumped to my feet. He coughed and rubbed his throat.

“What the hell is going on?” Lex called over the speaker.

“Don’t let this guy in!” I yelled. “He’s a witch. He just attacked me!”

“Only because you were choking me, asshole,” he rasped. His accent was familiar. He crouched on the bottom stair. Clutching his throat, he glared up at me through a blanket of dark hair.

“Who are you?” I cried, leaping down at him.

He held up the rock. That stopped me. I wanted to destroy him. “You’ll never get in,” I said. I looked up at the camera. “Even if he kills me, don’t let him in.” My whole body shuddered as I struggled to remain human.

“You have to,” he said. “I have to see Ash.”

My eyes narrowed. “What do you know?”

“Damn it, Jason, let me see her,” he said, rushing at me.

I pushed him in the chest and he fell back, yelping. I towered over him.
He threatened me with the stone again.

“How do you know my name?”

Ashley whimpered through the speaker. Her emotions were in chaos.

He pushed the hair out of his eyes. “Jason, it’s me… Verloren.”

“Is this some kind of sick joke?” I reeled back, ready to punch him. Somewhere on the other side of the door, Ash wailed.

He looked at the speaker. “No, it’s not a joke.”

“Prove it.”

His brown eyes blinked rapidly —
not the light blue of Verloren’s.

“I saw Jessica,” he said.

Jessica Quinn — the redheaded witch Verloren had put down. The Guard would have tortured her, so she’d asked him to have mercy and kill her body. This guy might’ve known about Jessica. He might be a Quatre guard with a grudge.

“You’re going to have to do better than that,” I said.

His eyes flashed with fury. “You kissed her. At the hotel in Aberdeen, you kissed her. She called my name… then you were groping her.”

Ashley cried
out from inside. He pursed his lips and scowled.

“Every time someone spoke my name, I was there.” He stood up slowly and his hair fell back over his eyes. “It was like a beacon that pulled me in. You said my name, and
she was lying in our bed, dying, as you and Hania stood by her side. I thought she would be joining me soon.” He stepped toward me. ”She said my name… you were there, undressing her… I had to find a way back.”

Ash bawled over the speaker, pulling me out of shock.

“Let us in,” I said, dazed.

We heard the lock click. He hit me while holding the rock, flinging me against the door. The force of it pushed
the door open. I hit the floor and saw the mudroom upside down. Josh shoved the game room door closed, but there was a commotion on the other side. I stared up at the two of them.

“Let me in
, Josh,” Verloren said, clutching the rock.

Josh’s voice remained low and calm. “I can’t, she’ll kill you.”

“What?” he asked, laughing.

I jumped up off the floor and staggered. Verloren turned on me, fuming.

“Some things have changed around here,” I said, backing away from him.

“Or maybe things never change. What have you done now, Jason?”

“It wasn’t him.” Josh butted in. “It was the demon. After she killed him, her abilities were… different. If she touches you now, you’ll die.”

A silence fell. Ash begged from inside. Lex and Jenny tried to comfort and calm her.

“She can take a life? Like a demon?” Verloren asked.

“Yes, and it works when she’s really emotional,” I said.

Ashley grew frantic and Verloren’s face twisted. It was killing him.

“Lex, get her a drink!” I yelled.

Josh told him: “It’s the only way we know to shut it off. For some reason, drinking disables it.”

Ashley, we will let him in if you calm down,
I told her.

I want to see him now! I have to! I can see it in his mind, it’s him! Please let me see him!

Verloren’s voice broke: “Ash.”

On the other side of the door Lex talked Ash into taking a drink. We heard glass break, and I felt Ash fall into a peaceful state. She was ready to see him.

“We’ll let you in, but wait before you let her touch you,” Josh told him.

Lex had Ashley on the sofa. Josh led and I followed behind this possible Verloren. Josh stepped on the broken glass of the vodka bottle. The new guy shook and stumbled — not at all like Verloren’s graceful motions. This one was a clumsier-than-normal human. He trembled when he saw her; I thought he was going to pass out.

Jenny and Lex blocked Ash’s view. She strained to see him, dark tears streaking down her face. Their eyes met, and they reached for each other.

“Verloren!”

“Love!”

Josh stepped between them, and Verloren gave him a venomous stare. I could tell Ash was under control.

“Let him go,” I said. “They’ll be ok
ay.” Josh withdrew.

Verloren took her face in his hands, and they searched each other’s eyes.

“You don’t look like Kurt Cobain anymore… more like… Davey Havok,” Ash whispered.

“Bitte verzeihen Sie mir,” Verloren replied. He laughed weakly, his eyes brimming with tears. He touched
the rock hanging from her neck and closed his eyes.

Ash interpreted:
Please forgive me.

A tear rolled down her cheek. She kissed him; pulling him onto the sofa. He gasped as I felt a strong sexual longing.

“Ash, you have to stop that,” I said. I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head.

Verloren crushed his body into hers and started running his hands under her shirt. Lex and Jenny started giggling.

I panted: “Ash… remember… you’ll drive him insane.”

She pulled away from the kiss, and kept her eyes locked on his. “I don’t care.”

Verloren continued to caress her and she gave into him.

I hadn’t noticed that Hania was
standing in the doorway leading to the apartments. “But what about your bite?” Hania asked.

14
HUMAN SACRIFICE

Ash tried to calm Verloren. He gasped repeatedly as he gripped her shirt. Lex and Jenny giggled.

Josh whispered: “We might have to hose him down.”

“Not a bad idea,” I said. “We’re going to have to separate them, if we’re gonna keep him from getting bit.”

As Ash gave into her yearnings, I could feel her internal struggle. She wanted him, but at the same time, she was terrified of being with him. I grabbed Verloren, pinning his arms, as Josh grabbed Ash’s wrists. Verloren yelled something indecipherable. Ash cou
ld have thrown Josh off easily, but she didn’t. She knew what was right.

“You guys have to cool it!” I shouted.

Verloren bucked, but he was no stronger than an infant. When he realized his weakness, he whimpered with longing.

“Come on, Ash, think
…” Josh told her. “What would he become?”

Ash stared, glassy-eyed. Verloren’s body went limp. Josh released her. Swooning from the liquor, she sank back into the sofa. I let go of Verloren and he edged back to her and gripped her hand. He was like a blind man given sight.

“Sarah and Jack are going to be sorry they missed this,” said Jenny.

Verloren looked her. “Jack made it okay?”

We all looked at him.

“So it was you,” Jenny said. “You’re the unknown caller.”

“Hold up,” Josh said. “Start at the beginning.”

Lex rushed to help Hania
as he shuffled toward a chair.

I watched the guy on the sofa. Everything was different. His eye color, height, and the colorful tattoos contrasted with Ashley’s pure white coloring. I didn’t like it.
Verloren looked at Hania and furrowed his brow. “I don’t know where to start. There’s so much information.” He looked at Ash. “We have souls.”

Hania raised his eyebrows.

“Incarnate vampires have souls,” Ash said. “Jessica was right.”

Verloren smiled at her. “All vampires have souls,” he said. “What they become is less than desirable, and no one ever remembers them. That’s why people believe a vampire soul is lost.” He looked back at Hania. “It’s just like they said it would be. You’re everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I could see everything and nothing. The most overwhelming thing is… I remembered everything.” Verloren’s face lit up. “Not just my vampire life, but all of my lives. After all the years of living as a vampire, I’d forgotten, but when I died, it all came back, all my lives, and all the spells… as if I’d never forgotten them.” He looked at Ash. “And you… I remembered all of our lives together. I remembered every moment I was a vampire, everything that I had forgotten. The tortured years that I searched for you, the painful times when I knew I was forgetting as I struggled to hold on to your memory… centuries when I didn’t even know you existed.”

Ash searched his eyes. Suddenly, I was plunged into a different world. The scene changed, yet it was the same. It happened over and over, like a slide show through time. Finally I stood dazed in the game room, looking at the faces around me. They all wore the same stricken expression. It was just as I’d seen Ash’s dream. This time she was showing us Verloren’s memories. It was like nothing she’d done before. We stood there in shock.

“Sorry,” Ash whispe
red. “That’s something I’ve been working on.”

Hania smiled at her, then said to Verloren: “And you saw the connections.”

Verloren nodded. “I saw every connection between soul mates. It was a jumble of lights stretching from one person to another. Some were left out, alone.”

“People don’t meet their soul mates in every life,” Hania said. “There are gaps in time and distance that prevent it.”

Verloren glared at me. “Every time someone spoke my name, I was there for a brief moment, and then I was nowhere again.” He looked back at Hania. “Sarah was talking about me to Lex and I was here for only a few seconds. I heard a small bit about the demon being dead and I was relieved. When I drifted away into nothing, I saw Sarah’s line drawn directly to Jack. Jason said my name, and I saw Ash. I thought she was dying so I waited. Now that I could remember, and was free of the virus in death, I would be able to remember whenever we could be reborn.” He turned to Ashley. “But then I saw a different scenario, and I knew you weren’t dying. I had to come back, I couldn’t wait… I thought you were moving on… forgetting me…”

Ash sobbed, and drunkenly attacked him with a passionate kiss. He touched her neck. We all heard her thoughts.

It wasn’t like that, it was completely my fault. I would rather be dead than have you think I would ever forget you.

She played the
whole hotel scene for everyone and I burned with embarrassment. My body tensed and I wanted to make her confess that she’d started it. I’d been trying to comfort her. I took another deep breath and realized I was being pulled to her now. Verloren broke from her kiss and smiled at me. He was such an ass. He found it funny that I was still drawn to her even as she pulled him in. He had her and I never would. It was as if he were crowing with triumph.

“That wasn’t the only time I kissed Jason,” she said.

She replayed the night we had gotten drunk and then the day I had forced her to kiss me and she’d kissed me back — when she admitted she loved me.

“Yeah,” I jeered at him. ”How do you like them apples, asshole?”

His face fell. Doubt started to eat at him.

“I’m sorry,” Ash said.

He laughed. “Don’t be sorry, love. I know the love you feel for Jason could never compete with what you feel for me.”

Ash whispered: “I feel like I betrayed you.” She dropped her head.

He lifted her chin to look in her eyes. “If there were ever anyone keeping score, you’re still ahead. I abandoned you. You kissed Jason. I think my crime is far worse than yours. Besides, I know you would have never done it if he hadn’t provoked you.” He thumbed away her tears, glanced at me, then kissed her.

I could’ve killed him.

“You said vampire souls become something no one remembers?” Hania asked.

“Vampire souls become reapers. They transport souls from death to a new life. The only trick to being reborn is getting help from one of these transporters. No one remembers them; the process is too quick for that. The reapers themselves aren’t meant to be reborn until long after their deaths. For some souls it’s punishment. Being a reaper is a vampires penance for crimes in this life.”

“Like shinigami?” Jenny asked.

“What’s a shini… say that again,” Josh said.

“Shinigami,” Hania replied, “is what the Japanese call death spirits. They’re a band of reapers. The Japanese don’t believe in one death deity, like the Grim Reaper, but in several different death gods.”

Josh looked at Jenny. “You’re not Japanese, you’re Chinese.”

“Why do I have to be Japanese to know about their culture?”

Josh threw his hands up in surrender and took a step back from her.

Lex brought the focus back to Verloren. “So obviously you weren’t reborn.”

“I had some help swapping souls,” Verloren said.

“You fucking possessed someone?” I asked.

Verloren looked at me. “He was already gone. I wasn’t pushing the soul out of the body. The soul had moved on to be reborn because the body had died; I waited for a doctor to revive the body. If the body didn’t get revived, my soul couldn’t live there.”

“Wow, that’s fucked up,” Josh muttered.

“I had a lot of help from a reaper that owed me big. This is the body where I succeeded. The soul l
eft it vacant for a few minutes and, before it was revived, I got in. Months later, I woke from a coma. The body had been injured in a car wreck. The muscle atrophy was severe, and I’m still having problems adjusting to the new height.” He pushed his hair out of his eyes and it immediately fell back. “I feel sorry for the man’s parents. They hovered over me every day, the doctors wrote off my strange behavior as part of the coma’s effects. The physical rehab was grueling. I left the hospital as soon as I could.”

Lex spoke: “You said you had to have help, from someone who owed you. Another reaper?”

“Yes.”

“Who?” Jenny asked.

Verloren hesitated. “Kale.”

“Wha
t?” everyone shouted at once.

“A penance for his crimes,” Verloren said. “He won’t remember; he was only human before he was a vampire.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be reborn,” Ash said.

“Some people get a second chance whether they deserve it or not,” Verloren said.

Verloren and Ash stared at each other, sharing a private conversation. A hazy picture formed:

I stood among a group of people on top of a large stone structure. The sky was pitch-black and a few of the people held torches. In the center a woman was sprawled across a stone surface. Men stood by holding bowls while two others held her down. Another man raised a crude pointed stone above his head.

I groaned as I recognized a scene of human sacrifice. The picture wavered and vanished.

“What the hell was that?” Jenny asked.

“I was showing Ash another of our lives, and the origins of the vampire virus,” Verloren said.

“Sorry,
” Ash whispered.

“I was a Mayan priest.” Verloren turned to Hania. “In that life the born knowing had a pact with the werewolves. The people needed faith in gods. The werewolves gave them shape-shifting deities who would use inhuman powers to dish out justice. We fed them the lawbreakers and they protected our cities. We saw it as an even trade.”

Hania asked: “So the born knowing did as they always did, helping people… and learning.”

“Learning?” Verloren asked. “I guess you break a few eggs to make an omelet.”

Ashley frowned.

Verloren nodded. “The priests conducted experiments to help the sick. A strange sickness was spreading, making people waste away. One of the born knowing had this idea… about mixing the sacrificed blood into potions… and it worked. The virus mutated and made the sick stronger… much stronger. Then they found quicker ways to get medicine.”

Lex spoke: “They started attacking people.”

“Yes,” Verloren said, “and the werewolves were sent to dest
roy them. Some of the sick fled and went into hiding… and I believe this is how the vampire virus was born. Over time it mutated into what it is today.” He looked back at Ash. “You were my bride in that life.”

Ash beamed at him.

“A married priest?” Josh asked, confused.

Hania responded: “Not all religions enforce celibacy on their religious instructors.”

Verloren and Ashley fell all over each other. It made me sick. They were happy, while I was still miserable. I’d lost Ash again. “So that’s how you ended up with the clunker,” I said, mocking Verloren’s scrawny frame.

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” he said, looking down at his tattooed arms and hands.

“I think you’re beautiful,” Ash whispered. “So colorful… like a peacock.” She pushed his bangs out of his eyes and fell into him clumsily.

“That’s because you’re wearing beer goggles,” I told her.

“Funny,” Verloren snapped at me. “I thought you viewed tattoos as… battle scars.” I felt the blood drain from my face. For a split second I allowed myself to feel the tug. It was strong still. I ached to punch him in the face. How had he read my thoughts about Oz’s tattoos?

“How’d you know…?” I started.

He said arrogantly: “You shouldn’t let a born knowing touch you. It doesn’t have to be palm-to-palm.”

His eyes shifted from me to the door then back.
I looked over my shoulder and realized… Jack, him, and now she would be coming.

“You… you wouldn’t. No… you asshole!” I dashed out from the room and took refuge in my apartment.

Fuck! She was really coming. I paced franticly. I wanted to stay and give in to her. I’d promised Ash. But Ash’s situation wasn’t completely settled, was it? After all, Verloren was practically human now.

I had to g
et out. I opened my closet and veered toward the bathroom. I couldn’t even decide what to take. So I lit a cigarette. I’d started shoving clothes in a duffle bag when Josh called through the door: “He didn’t mean it. He just wanted to see you sweat.”

What a dick! I was the butt of the joke for the rest of the day.

Hania was right, I was afraid to commit to this girl. It took Verloren’s jackass joke to make me realize how badly I wanted to escape her arrival.

I was terrified of being a lifelong prisoner to someone else’s needs. What if she wanted kids? It would be the end of fun. I felt sick to my stomach. I hated responsibility and stress. I wanted the freedom to be an irresponsible asshole. I wanted to be Peter-fucking-Pan.

I blocked my thoughts, not wanting Ash in my head. I didn’t need to. She was busy reuniting with her soul mate, and besides, she was drunk. Why would she bother with me?