Pieces of Paisley (40 page)
“You don’t know me, you don’t know what I have done. You can’t want me, Jake.” Those words couldn’t have shocked me more.
“I do, Pais. I know the way your eyes change color depending on your mood. They are the purest color jade when you are upset or turned on, they turn murky green when you are stressed, and my favorite color is the sapphire they turn when you are happy. That is the color that makes my world right again, it is the same color I have been staring at these last few weeks. I have placed our pictures all over our home.”
She takes a step towards me, and I feel myself exhale, and a calmness envelops me because in two more steps she will be in my arms. I should have been more prepared, and I could have stopped her when she reached me. “I love you, Jake. Please don’t do this; I can’t survive the way you will look at me when you find out the truth. Forget about me.” She quickly makes her way past me and is out of the front doors before I know what happened. I can’t follow her because I am no longer on my feet; I have fallen to my knees and stare helplessly as her form disappears out of the door. I can’t do any of those things she asked of me, I can’t forget her . . . she is burned so deeply in my soul, I don’t fully exist without her.
I want to run after her, my feet start to move but my eyes land on the bathroom counter. I take a step closer and realize I am staring at a positive pregnancy test. I want to tell her it isn’t too late, and we can work it out. Logically, that isn’t an option. I would never rip a child away from its father, and I can’t relocate Laura and myself so Wayne can be a part of his child’s life. This was supposed to be our time; we were finally going to get it right. My breathing is uneven and my eyesight is getting blurry. I grip on the counter and will my emotions away. I have a little girl downstairs that I have to crush her heart without letting her know that her daddy is just as broken.
Chapter 46
Paisley
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
He came. I have no idea how he found me or why he even came after me, and now I can’t contemplate how I can face anyone again. I run down the stairs not even feeling guilty for standing Wayne up, and when I reach the door, I hear, “Stop!” I catch Eric and Wayne out of the corner of my eye but don’t stop moving forward. “Don’t throw this away,” Eric pleads. Wayne tries to block my path, “Go to him, live your life please,” he pleads with me. I wish they understood. Nobody understood the situation; I had a baby that was created when I cheated, I was that girl I never wanted to be, and Jake’s love would fade. Our demise was over a child he didn’t want me to know about and children he didn’t want with me. All my dreams were in my grasp and I foolishly let them slip through my fingers by one lapse in judgment.
I am almost to the road and searching my mind as to where I parked my car when a tiny voice stops me, “Paisley?” I turn around and find the most the precious child I have ever seen. She has the same soulful eyes I was drawn to and is the spitting image of her father.
I don’t know what to say to her. I am mesmerized, and the feeling seems to be mutual. I bend down to her level and let her study me closely because she seems to be intent on doing that. “Where is my daddy?”
“He is still inside, Laura,” I tell her. I want to reach out and caress her soft cheek and rub those little lines out of from in between her brows. She is obviously thinking about something.
“He said he was coming out with you. I asked him if you could be my new mommy.” I gasp in shock. She wants me, and I was going to disappoint yet another innocent person.
“You already have a mommy, Laura.”
“I know, silly, but I have two daddies, and I want two mommies. That way daddy can always have the goofy grin on his face when he looks at your picture.” How can one little girl make me question everything I think is right? He brought her here to meet me and that rocks me to the core. He loves me, and wants me to be a part of his life, his entire life, not just pieces.
“Laura, go back to Grandma for a minute,” I hear him say behind me. I have to find the strength to cross this hurdle, as I am the only obstacle in the way of us. I see Laura wavering and I don’t need to make this any harder on Jake than I have. I shoot her a wink and smile, and she claps as she runs back towards Rose and Brian.
I turn around and see a broken man. His shoulders are slumped, and he isn’t looking at me. “Sorry about that, she is curious,” he tries to explain Laura away.
“Jake, I’m pregnant,” his head whips up. A gamut of emotions passing across his face, realization of what I just said, sadness, and then determination.
“I know,” he whispers. “I would love your baby like it was ours, but I can’t relocate Laura, I can’t take a child away from its father. I just waged war with myself up there, Paisley. I don’t have a solution to this. God, I wish I did.”
I fall in love with him all over again. He doesn’t think it is his, and he is willing to do whatever he needs to have me, to have our life. “It’s yours.” I watch as the words sink in.
His lips part on a gasp, and before I can blink he is in front of me, erasing all distance between us. His gaze never wavers from me and he cups my cheek, “Can I have that last piece now, beautiful?”
“You have every piece of me, but be sure . . . I can’t do this again.”
“I am more than sure, Paisley. I should have come after you the first time. The same feet that chased you down today will be the same ones I walk the floor at night with our child, the arms that will hold you close to me every night will be the same arms I cradle our baby with. The heart inside my chest that beats for you, will beat for our family. Every piece I have is yours, and I promise I will be the one to hold the puzzle together. You are the glue to my existence. Without you I am not whole, and I don’t want to live like that again.” He bends down and takes my lips in a gentle kiss while possessively covering my stomach with his hand.
The giggling behind us breaks our moment, “Come meet your step-daughter,” he begins pulling me towards her.
“I already met my daughter . . . this will never be a family divided. No halves, steps or any other degree of separation.” I tell him, and mean that with every beat of my heart.
“God, you make me love you more each day.”
“Remember that when I am trying your patience,” I tell him before I walk over to Laura.
“Well?” she says with as much patience as a nine-year-old can who is watching her own Disney fairytale play out in front of her.
“Looks like you are stuck with me. You are okay with this?” She nods her head exuberantly and tackles me in a hug.
Jake chokes out a laugh, “Easy there, sweetpea, you don’t want to crush your brother or sister.” I guess we are telling people. Rose loses all sense of control on her emotions and Brian is grinning from ear to ear.
“Shut up,” comes out of that sweet little mouth. I laugh as Jake chastises her.
“We might have to come up with a new saying when you are shocked, little lady,” I tell her. Personally, nothing is wrong with a little shut up sometime, but I can see where others not appreciate it. “And the brother and sister thing . . . totally true.” She starts talking a mile a minute and I can’t keep up. Nobody else seems to be able to so we all watch her with smiles on our faces and our hearts full. Throats clear behind us, and I turn to see Wayne, Eric, my mom, and Marcus there.
I look to Wayne for acceptance, and it is shining in his eyes. I didn’t lose him, and he makes sure I know it, “Way to go, baby girl. I am proud of you. Thank you for showing me how true love lives on.” He engulfs me in a hug.
“I need you to keep your distance for a while. You were about to marry my girl, so I am not okay with the touchy feely shit,” Jake says, kind of in a menacing time. I feel Wayne chuckling.
“Dude, you are the one who knocked up my fiancée, no reason to get pissy with me.” Are you fucking kidding me right now? This is not a joke.
“Hey, assclown, little ears are around.” I reprimand Wayne.
“She is occupied, and assclown is so appropriate. Damn, Jake I may take your advice on distance because your kids are gonna be like Bebe’s kids and bad as hell.” I roll my eyes at him. I don’t have a clue where my life is taking me but I know it is surrounded with these awesome people.
Eric steps forward, “You feel that?”
“What?”
“The sunshine . . . that is Krista’s smile shining down on you.” I choke back tears and Jake pulls me to his side. He knows I need his strength right now. I glance at my mom and Marcus, I turn around to make sure Rose has Laura out of hearing distance because I have no clue what will happen.
“I wish you would have figured this out before today,” she is reprimanding me in a church parking lot, with my jilted groom and my baby daddy watching.
“Yes, mother. There is a lot I am sure you wish I would have done differently. Doesn’t matter how we got here, what path we took . . . the end result is the same. We are here, and this is what happened.” She is actually shocked into silence. That only lasts for a moment.
“What is the plan now?”
I shrug my shoulders because I have no idea. “Well, hopefully, your daughter will finally marry me and move back to Kansas with me. I have to have Laura back in school by Thursday, so she flies out with my mom and Brian Wednesday. I am driving back with Paisley if she agrees.”
“Sure,” I say nonchalantly like he didn’t kind of make that decision for me. I am perfectly okay with them. I realize he is making them for us. We are older and wiser and will figure everything out in time. Together.
He looks down at me in disbelief. “You sure were agreeable.”
“Give it a minute, I am sure something will set me off,” I smile at him.
“That’s our girl,” Wayne cheers.
“Dude, I can only take so much. We don’t share, there is no our in regard to my girl.” This is going to be interesting in the coming years.
Jake spins me around to face him and whistles. Laura is at his side in a hot second, he drops to his knee, “Paisley, will you marry me?”
“Us, Daddy. Marry us,” Laura admonishes him as she hands me the ring. It is my original engagement ring.
“You still have it?” I am shocked.
“I have everything, Pais.”
I look at him, then reach for Laura and take her hand, “I will marry you.” I glance back and forth between them so Laura knows I am including her.
“When? I have a test I have to take Thursday.”
“Maybe during summer when you are off.” I want to make this as easy and seamless as possible. This little girl is like her daddy, has our lives planned out.
“Nope, Daddy said you are coming back as his wife and my other mommy.” She is no nonsense. I glare at him.
“I have an idea,” he sheepishly tells me.
“I have no doubt, Jake. I have no doubt, at all,” I roll my eyes at him.
“We don’t roll our eyes in this house,” Laura schools me. Oh little one, you have so much to learn. Eye rolling with a big sigh will be in all of our futures.
I try not to giggle, “You are so right. I will have to learn your rules.”
“You could just make your own; you are an adult. I think yours will be better than daddy’s.” I think she is right.
“Deal,” I smile down at her and listen to Jake’s groan. “Want to tell me about this plan you have?” He nods at me and fills me in on what will happen over the next three days.
Chapter 47
Jake
It is important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn from our errors and move on
Steve Maraboli
I can take a deep breath, finally. After almost nine years since we fell in love, we will be joined legally and spiritually. I couldn’t believe how agreeable she has been today. She never fails to shock me. “Okay, this is enough for me. I need to get out of this dress,” she announces to all of us.
“We will meet you back at the hotel, Mom,” I tell her. Laura is torn about riding with us or my parents. “We just have a few errands and then we will be there,” I reassure her.