Plain Paradise (9 page)

“No, Linda. I have much to do around here.” Mary Ellen took a step backward, waved, and said, “Now, go and have a
gut
time.” Mary Ellen continued to ease backward until she had almost rounded the corner into the other room. “Have fun,” she hoarsely whispered, and Josie could see Mary Ellen’s eyes clouding with tears.

“Are you sure you don’t want to join us?” Josie’s heart ached for Mary Ellen.

“It’s okay. Let’s go,” Linda said to Josie when her mother shook her head again. “
Mamm
, I’ll be home this afternoon.” Then Linda said something in Pennsylvania
Deitsch
to Mary Ellen—something Josie didn’t understand—but Mary Ellen smiled, then she left the room. Linda followed Josie out to the car.

“Does this car have air-conditioning?” Linda climbed into the passenger seat up front and strapped on her seatbelt.

“Yes, it does.” Josie turned on the air conditioner as soon as she started the engine.

“Some of the
Englisch
don’t use their air-conditioning, or they don’t have it in their cars. I don’t know which.” Linda looked out of the window as they drove down the driveway.

“I can’t imagine not having air-conditioning. Even though it’s only May, it’s already really warm.” Josie glanced at Linda, who was staring at her. “I mean, I know you’re used to not having air, but I guess it’s just hard for me to imagine.”

Linda finally pulled her gaze from Josie and looked straight ahead. “It’s not so bad.”

A few awkward moments of silence ensued. “So, would you like to see my home?”

Linda shrugged. “Sure.”

“It has air-conditioning too,” Josie said with a grin, trying to lighten the mood. Linda didn’t say anything and kept her eyes on the open road ahead of them. Josie turned off of Black Horse Road and turned left onto Lincoln Highway.

“That’s Barbie Beiler’s place.” Linda pointed to a bed and breakfast on the right. “Do you know her?”

“Uh, no. I haven’t met very many people since I’ve—since I’ve been back.” The questions were sure to come, and Josie hoped she could explain things in a way that Linda could understand. And forgive her.

“She’s a
gut
friend. She gives us rides and helps us with things.” She turned toward Josie, twisted her mouth to one side, and then asked, “Are you married?”

Wow. That came without much warning
. “Uh, yes, I am.” Josie pushed a strand of hair from her face. “His name is Robert.”

“Is he . . . ?”

Josie turned her head to face Linda.

“Is he . . . my father?”

“No, oh no. He’s a wonderful man, but he isn’t your father. We’ve been married for twelve years.”

“Do you have other . . .” Linda drew in a deep breath. “Do you have children?”

“No, we weren’t able to have any. I mean, I wasn’t able to have any more children after you were born.”

“I have a lot of questions.” Linda’s voice was soft as she spoke, void of much emotion, and Josie worried what must be going through her head.

“And I will answer them all, as best I can.” She pulled into her driveway.

Josephine’s house was a big brick mansion and looked a lot like Barbie’s bed and breakfast. “Just you and your husband live here?”

“Yes.” Josephine turned off the car and opened her car door. Linda did the same, then walked alongside Josephine on the way up the sidewalk. She smelled good, sweet like honeysuckle. “Are you wearing perfume?”

“Yes, I am. Do you like it?” Josie turned the key in the front door. Linda nodded and tried to see through the fancy glass, but Josephine pushed the door open before Linda could preview what she was walking into. A whoosh of cool air hit her in the face, and she could hear soft music playing. Josephine pushed the door wide, and motioned for Linda to walk in ahead of her.

Linda was barely inside the door, but she knew for sure that this was the fanciest house she’d ever been in. Her eyes drifted upward to a light that hung high in the entryway with lots of twinkling bulbs and dangling crystals that shone onto a white tiled floor. Farther in front of her, she could see wooden floors spreading throughout a large den area, but these floors were glossy and bright, unlike those at home. Josephine’s furniture was rich-looking, and her blue couch spread in a half-circle around the room.

“Come on into the kitchen, and I’ll pour us some tea.” Josephine walked ahead of her, and Linda followed, walking slow, taking it all in.

When she entered the kitchen, she immediately felt more comfortable and was glad Josephine had suggested talking in here. The yellow walls and blue countertops made this room seem warmer, not so fancy. She saw familiar electric gadgets on the counter. Nothing out of the ordinary. She’d been in plenty of
Englisch
homes. Then her eyes rested on something new.

“What’s that?” She pointed to a silver-shaped box with some sort of metal pipe coming out of it.

Josephine was pouring two glasses of tea, but looked up. “Oh, that’s an espresso machine. Robert and I often have a cup of cappuccino at night.”

Linda stepped closer to the appliance to have a better look. “Is it like
kaffi
?”

Josephine placed two glasses of tea on a kitchen table that didn’t look like any table Linda had seen before. It was all glass and had six high-back chairs with thick blue cushions. In the center, a pretty glass vase held a mixture of flowers and greenery, although the flowers weren’t like anything Linda had seen in Amish gardens either.

“It’s coffee, Italian coffee. It has milk foam on top.” Josephine raised her brows. “Want me to make us each a cup?”

Linda stepped back from the elaborate coffeemaker. “Oh, no. That’s all right. You’ve already prepared us tea.” She nodded toward the two tall glasses of iced tea on the table, but glanced back at the coffee machine on the counter.

Josephine ran her hand through hair that was the color of wheat, not brown like Linda’s, and then she smiled. “You know, I think a cappuccino is just what we need. It sure sounds good to me. Why don’t I make us some?”

“Okay.” She liked coffee, although
Mamm
didn’t encourage drinking too much of it. But she was anxious to see the machine work and to see coffee with foam on top.

Josephine began a process that captured Linda’s attention, especially when Josephine poured milk into a small pitcher, then placed it under the pipe that made all sorts of odd sounds.

“We’re steaming the milk now.” She smiled at Linda. “I like to sprinkle nutmeg and cinnamon on mine. Do you want me to do that to yours too?”

“Sure.” Linda watched her add white foam on top of two cups of steaming coffee, then sprinkle the spices on top. “Josephine . . .” She stopped and realized she had yet to call this woman by name. “What do I call you? I mean, I have a mother and all.”

Josephine carted the two cups of coffee to the table, pushed the two glasses of tea to the side, and pulled out a chair for Linda. “Here, sit down,” she said.

Linda sat down and waited for her answer.

“My name is Josephine, but my friends and family call me Josie.” Her face shone with kindness, and Linda took a deep breath and tried to settle her nerves. “Linda . . .” She paused, placed an elbow on the table, then rested her chin atop it. “I would never expect you to call me mother. Of course, you have a mother. I am just hoping to be your friend, in whatever capacity you will allow me. I just want to get to know you.” She smiled. “Taste the cappuccino.”

Linda brought the porcelain cup to her mouth and blew. “Hot,” she whispered, then took a sip. “It’s
gut
.” She took another swig. “It’s very
gut
.” It was the best coffee she’d ever had.

“I’m glad you like it. Robert and I became fans of cappuccino about six years ago. Now it’s our thing to curl up on the couch and have a cup in the evenings. Some people can’t do that because the caffeine will keep them up at night, but it doesn’t bother us.”

Linda took another sip and thought about how she’d like to drink this kind of coffee every day.

“Josie? It’s okay if I call you that?” Linda set the cup down and Josie nodded.

“Of course. Josie is just fine.”

Linda’s stomach churned with anxiety, but she had to know. “Why did you give me away? What would make a mother not want her baby?”

Josie’s eyes instantly clouded with tears, but Linda knew she needed this question answered first, before she and Josie could even move forward as friends. Josie stirred uneasily in her chair and tried to blink back tears.

“I wanted you very much,” she said as a tear rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away. “But my parents didn’t want me to raise a baby. I was only seventeen at the time. Your age.” She smiled at Linda, even though another tear trickled down her cheek. “But I wanted you very much. Handing you over to your parents two weeks after you were born was the hardest thing I have ever done. I prayed each day that you would be cared for and grow up to live a good life. My parents said that I was doing what God would want me to do, since Mary Ellen and Abe couldn’t have children. Or, they didn’t think they could at the time.”

Linda was relieved to know that Josie had wanted to keep her, but equally as relieved to hear her speak of God. “I only found out about all this yesterday. My parents never told me that I was given to them.”

“I know. Your father told me that on the phone when we arranged this meeting. I’m sorry, Linda. I know this must have been a shock to you.” Josie took a sip of her coffee, then leaned back against the blue cushion. “But not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you. I wanted you to be old enough to understand why I did what I did, and to know that I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you.” Long black lashes blinked feverishly to keep more tears from falling. “I have a whole box full of pictures that I took that first two weeks after you were born.”

“You do?” Since photos were not allowed, Linda had no idea what she looked like as a baby.

“Do you want to see them? Do you think your parents would mind?”

“They won’t mind.
Ya
, I’d like to see them.” Linda thought for a moment. “Do you have other pictures? Of you?”

Josie’s eyes lit up. “I have lots of photo albums of me as well, but do you really want to see those?”

Of course I do!
“
Ya
, I do, but . . .” Something was still looming over them.

“What is it, sweetie?”

Maybe it was the way Josie called her “sweetie,” but Linda felt warm inside and comfortable enough to ask, “What about my father? What happened to him? Why did the two of you not get married?”

Josie rubbed her forehead with her hand, the one with the big ring on her finger. “We didn’t love each other. He was older than me . . . and I didn’t want to do what he wanted to do, but he forced me to, and . . .” She paused. “Linda, are you following what I’m saying?”

Linda shook her head. “No.”

“Linda, he forced me to have sex with him, and that’s how I got pregnant. He was not a very good man. He died a long time ago. I’m sorry to tell you this.”

Linda could feel the flush in her cheeks. “Oh,” she said softly, unsure how she felt about this news. They were quiet for a few moments. “Did he hurt you? This man who is my father.”

Josie reached over and placed her hand on top of Linda’s, and it felt strange, but nice. “My biggest hurt was losing you. And all that matters at this point is that we are becoming friends, and that you know that I always loved you, and never wanted to be away from you. Each year on your birthday, I’d have a cake, and I’d light candles for however many years old you were, and I’d sing to you.”

“Really?”

Josie nodded. “Do you want to look at pictures now, while we have time before we go to lunch?”

“
Ya
, I would.”

Linda had helped Josie lug several photo albums from her bedroom to the kitchen. Josie looked at them, scattered all over the kitchen table, most of them she hadn’t opened in years. She’d tried not to bring the albums with pictures she wouldn’t want Linda to see, like the one of her with her girlfriends at a bachelorette party when she was in her twenties, the time when a male dancer showed up. It was innocent, but Linda might not understand. Then there was the one when she and Robert were in Mexico, and Josie remembered the skimpy bikini she’d bought for that trip. Her mind was racing when Linda reached for one of the photo albums and opened it.