Playing Pretend (32 page)

Caleb

I SIP MY WARM
beer and stare out at the city that no longer feels like home. It’s funny how you can spend a lifetime in one place, and then suddenly feel like you don’t belong there.

I feel like a fraud. And worse still, I’m an asshole.

An asshole who made the biggest mistake imaginable, and paid the ultimate price.

That thought alone makes me open another bottle, and swallow it one go.

I put Braelynn to bed an hour ago, and now I’m feeling sorry for myself.

Heels click loudly, and I’m pretty sure I smell Natalia before I see her. Her perfume is as pungent as both her personality and her mothering skills. She comes around the corner, and steps onto the terrace dressed in a long, lacy evening gown with a slit that stops just below her hip. Her dark hair is slicked back, hanging down her exposed back. One would think seeing the mother of your child would make your heart race or some shit, but she doesn’t even make my dick twitch.

“Caleb,” she whines. She thinks it’s sexy but I find it annoying as fuck. Like skinning a cat. “You’re not dressed. We’re going to be late.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not going.”

And then I wait for it.

Three.

Two.

One.

“You can’t not go, it’s my premier. You promised you’d be my date.”

Again with the whining.

How does she not make her own fucking ears bleed with that screech?

Okay, maybe it’s not exactly a screech but everything about Natalia rubs me wrong the way, even if she’s the woman who had my kid.

“I’m sure you can call one of your male model friends and have them take you. I don’t have a sitter in any case, I gave Henry the night off.”

“This is New York,” she retorts. “I’m sure you can find someone to watch the baby while we go out.”

I hold the bottle tighter, and try to keep my cool.

“I’m not leaving our child with a stranger. Just go without me.”

In my peripheral I see Natalia cock her hip, and fold her arms across her chest. Here we go.

“You can’t plan your life around a baby, Caleb. We need to get out once in a while. I’m losing my mind being stuck here all day.”

Doing nothing,
I want to add, but don’t. With Natalia I’ve learned to pick my battles.

“She’s not just a baby,” I remind her. “She’s my
daughter
, and she comes first. Always.”

The fact that I have to explain this is telling.

She huffs. “You know, I’m getting tired of not being a priority in your life Caleb. I’m the mother of your child.”

“Then start acting like it,” I tell her.

“What is
wrong
with you? You have been moping around the house for almost three weeks, and I’ve had enough.”

As much as I want to tell her
she’s
what’s wrong with me, I decide against it.

When I don’t respond, she feels the need to keep complaining.
Oh joy…

“This is about that Kadence woman isn’t it? Why can’t you just forget about her and move on? You have me now. There’s no need to pine over her anymore.”

My jaw ticks. I can tolerate almost anything from Natalia, and God knows I have, but mentioning Kadence is not one of those things.

“Be careful,” I warn, not even bothering to look at her. “Your jealousy is starting to show.”

“Me? Jealous?” Again with the screeching. Jesus. “Why would I be jealous of
her
?”

“You tell me.” I reply coolly. “You’re the one who sold our story to the paper.”

I turn my head just in time to see her mouth snap open, and then close again. Poor woman is speechless.

Thank God.

“Oh, you thought I didn’t know?” I stand up, and close the small gap between us. I take a look at her, wondering what the fuck I was thinking when I started seeing her.

She’s the only part of having Braelynn that I regret.

“How exactly were you planning on getting away with it?”

Natalia has that wounded deer look on her face for a whole five minutes before the infamous catty bitch makes her appearance. It’s the only thing that makes her so successful in the entertainment industry because she sucks at acting.

I would know. She acted with me right up until the day she walked out on me and our child.

I can’t escape the irony.

I’m no better than Natalia is. I was acting with Kadence the entire time she lived with me. Until I wasn’t anymore, and in the end, I was the loser because I lost her.

“I know you,” says Natalia. “You were stringing that poor girl along and all so that you could get revenge on her father. You don’t do love, Caleb. That’s why we work so well together.”

The feint glimmer of victory flashes in her eyes as if she’s won, as if she believes that she knows me, and maybe for a time she did. For a time, I was exactly the kind of man she’s describing, but that’s the thing about love. It can change the hardest of men into pussies.

“The only thing that has
ever
worked with us is the little girl in the nursery. If you think we have a future after the stunt you and Jennifer pulled, you’re more delusional than I thought.”

Natalia scowls, and I’ve never seen a woman as ugly as she is.

“You’re leaving me for
Kadence
?” She makes it sound as though the idea is ludicrous.

“No, Natalia. I’m leaving you for me, and Braelynn.”

“You can’t keep her from me,” she replies. “I’m her mother.”

‘Mother’ is nothing more than a title to her, and Braelynn is nothing more than an accessory. Natalia can use me for her own gain all she wants, I’m a big boy who can handle himself, but she can’t use our daughter.

“I would believe you if you took the time to take care of her, but I’m sure you don’t even know what color her hair is, or what color her eyes are. Do you know how to sooth her when she’s crying? Do you know how she likes her formula? Do you know how she likes to sleep?” I pause. “She was a total accident, but she’s the only thing you ever gave me that was honest, and real, and she deserves better than a woman who wants to cart her around only when it can be photographed. She deserves to be loved, but in order for that to happen, you need a heart, and you don’t have one.”

Natalia looks furious, and she’s quick to jump to her own defense instead of admitting the obvious. She doesn’t want Braelynn, or me.

“That’s rich, Caleb. You’ve been heartless from the time I met you. You’re a fucking hypocrite.”

“That may be so, but I’m the only one here who loves Braelynn.
She
is my heart.”

Natalia has the audacity to roll her eyes.

“Fatherhood has turned you into a fucking sap. If I’d known this is what you’d be like, I would have made you wear a condom.”

I grab her by her upper arms. “We both know you would have left eventually because if it’s not about Natalia, you’re not interested. And you want to know who I feel sorry for? You. Because you will never see Brae take her first steps, or say her first word. You’ll never be there when she starts her first day at school, or attend her first prom. You won’t be there when she starts dating or when a boy is dumb enough to break her heart. You don’t
want
that, so why not save me the trouble of kicking you out of our lives and just
go.
”

Natalia growls. “You’re going to be sorry.”

I drop my hands, and take a step back. “The only thing I’m sorry for is letting you back into my life, and for thinking you could ever deserve being in Braelynn’s.”

“Fine, but once I go, I’m never coming back.”

I huff. “I’m counting on it.”

After Natalia storms out, I sneak into the nursery and take a seat on the recliner. Braelynn is fast asleep, her little lips pouting, her little hands fisted as she dreams. She’s so perfect, so innocent, and the only thing I can do right.

I think back over the last few months, and how nothing has gone as planned. It was supposed to be simple. Easy. Cut and dry. Black and white. But unfortunately, I couldn’t anticipate what would happen when I put it all into motion, and for someone like me, anticipation is everything. I’ve grown my father’s company to what it is today by anticipating what my competitors are doing, and not doing, and what I could do to stay ahead. It’s what makes me so formidable in the corporate world.

And then I fucked it all up with a plan.

A plan to get Henry Archer back on American soil just to see the fucker rot in hell for screwing my mother. They say that rage is blinding, but what they forget to mention is that nothing is as blinding as vengeance.

I thought I had it all figured out, and when I found Kadence living in her car I’d found the perfect excuse to help her. It was ideal – I was going to use her to lure her father home from his hiding hole in the United Kingdom. I’d spent years gathering information, using every connection and resource I could to dig up all the dirt on Kadence’s father. I was going to nail the bastard on money laundering in the first degree, and make sure he never saw the light of day again.

And it was all going the way I wanted it to.

Until I remembered what it was like to love Kadence.

She was fifteen the first time I noticed her. We were at a party at her parents’ place and she was wearing a light purple gown. Her hair was curled, and she reminded me of a porcelain doll. I was twenty-two with the world at my feet, and didn’t bother taking much seriously. I was all about the parties, the girls, and having fun. But then Kadence caught me staring, her bright green eyes alive with inexperience, and virtue. I knew I was fucked, and not in the way I was accustomed to. She was so off limits to me that she shouldn’t have even been on my radar, but every time I attended a party or event after the first time I saw her, I found myself searching the faces in the crowd until I found hers. The moment I did, I thought about her in ways that would have sent me all the way to Hell, and the more I thought about her, the bigger the flames became.

When she turned seventeen, I couldn’t wait anymore, so when I found her lurking on the terrace at yet another social event, I cornered her and kissed her.

I was never the same after that.

Neither was my life.

So I poured myself into work, took my father’s company to new heights, forgot all about my mother and plotted the downfall of Henry Archer. With a bit of help – namely from my Head of P.R, Macy, and my receptionist, Aaliyah – I strategized.

Too bad I ended up plotting my own downfall in the process.

Braelynn stirs, bringing me back to the present moment. I stand up, and gently lift her from her crib. It only brings back memories of when Kadence used to help me, and how she had a natural way with my daughter that more often than not took my breath away. And Braelynn loved her. When Kadence left for good, Braelynn missed her almost as much I did.

Almost as much as I
do.

I look down at Brae, wondering how a man like me could ever be enough for her.

“Well, baby girl, looks like your old man has made a real mess of things, but at least we have each other. Just you and me.”

Deep down I wanted it to be enough, but without the love of a good woman, it wouldn’t be.

Without
Kadence
it wouldn’t be.

“YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT.”

I frown at Aaliyah from behind my computer screen. It’s much too early for her lectures. She’s been yapping like a poodle all week, and it’s starting to grate my balls.

“You might be my friend, Liy, but I’m still your boss.”

“Oh fuck you, Caleb. You and your diplomacy.”

I look up.

“You have one more strike, Aaliyah, and I’ll fire you.”

“Perfect.” She throws her hands up in the air. “Things get tough and you take the easy way out. You’re a damn coward.”

“Excuse me?”

I push away from my desk, and stand.

“You heard me,” replies Aaliyah. “You’re a damn coward. You’ve been miserable for the last week, and don’t even have the balls to fix it.”

Anger makes my blood race. The only person who really knows what the past week has been like is my Father, even if he thinks I’m an ass too. He told me as much when we argued about my ridiculous plan and he made it quite clear how disappointed he is in me.

I told him to join the club because he wasn’t the only one.

“I fucked up,” I tell her. “But you’re not exactly innocent either.”

“Oh no,” she points her finger at me. “You’re not playing that card with me. I told you it was a bad idea, that your plan was going to blow up in your face, but you always know better. And when Macy told you to be honest with Kadence, you still didn’t listen.”

“Why not say
I told you so
and get it over with, Liy, because that’s pretty much what you’re telling me.”

“No, what I’d like to tell you is that you’re a dumbass, and you ruined the best thing that has ever happened to you.”

I’m quick to tell her, “Braelynn is the best thing that has happened to me.”

“And do you think she wants to grow up seeing you
alone
? Because Kadence isn’t only the best thing that has happened to you, but she’s also the best thing that could have happened to Braelynn. I know how much your love her, anyone would be crazy not to see that you’re an amazing father, but you also deserve to happy.”

“I
am
happy,” I snap. “Everything’s fine.”

“You know what,” Aaliyah walks closer to my desk. “You haven’t been fine since your Mother screwed Henry Archer.”

I scowl. “You know better than to bring up my Mother.”

I hate talking about the woman who gave birth to me, because she’s nothing more than that to me. I haven’t seen or heard from her since my Father had her committed for mental illness after her affair, and the last we heard was that she’d checked herself out and married a scuba instructor in the Bahamas. That’s fine with me, the further away from me she is the better.

“Stop being so full of shit, and
let it go
. It’s been five years, and Kadence’s Father is
dead
. She doesn’t deserve what you did, what
we
did, and I think it’s time you made it right.”