Positively Yours (13 page)

‘That's the new playground and primary school. It's got some great facilities.'

Grace didn't comment on the school, or the throngs of children and their parents entering the park. Finally they got to the cemetery. As Grace put on her long winter parka jacket, Patsy fixed her hair, put on her Sunday best gloves and hat and headed for her beloved Teddy's grave. Grace still couldn't believe it had been five years since her dad had died. Five years since she had talked to him. He had been a quiet man; well, as everyone said, he had had no option but to be quiet, what with a complete chatterbox like Patsy as a wife. But even in his quietness he had been a great person to talk to. He had believed in family and hard work, and his life had been about making sure his family were close, cared for and well. It was while worrying about his wife and children that he had ignored his own ill-health, and the signs of his heart problem. Grace placed a new bunch of flowers on the grave, as her mother silently said a prayer and touched the stone. Patsy was very quiet. Grace knew that even with all of her friends to call on, neighbours to gossip with, local children to mind, and Grace's arrival, it still was her husband Patsy missed and loved the most. Grace put her arm around her mum. The two women stood arm in arm until the chill got to them.

‘Why don't you come home for dinner? I have some lovely steaks. You look like you could do with some iron. Ethan can come, too,' said Patsy as they got back into the car.

Grace rang Ethan, but he said he needed to work late, and would just get food back in the hotel. He was enjoying living in the hotel, with its room service, gym and bar. Grace decided she would eat with her mum, and maybe even stay the night at home.

Once in the house, Patsy lit the fire, and Grace was surprised to see her old slippers in the hall. ‘I washed them for you. There's nothing like a pair of warm slippers to come home to after a few hours in the cold.'

Grace smiled. Her mum didn't need fancy things to enjoy herself, it was simple pleasures that made her happy.

After a lovely home-cooked meal, they sat down to watch TV. Patsy never missed her soap operas. As the wind howled outside the window, Grace thought back to two weeks ago, when she and Ethan had thrown their going-away party. She had filled the house with candles, flowers and very expensive champagne. They had gotten caterers to serve some wonderful food, and it had been a great party. At the end of the night everyone had ended up down on the beach, slugging wine and promising to stay in touch.

Now, as Grace sat watching the TV, wrapped up warm in a big woollen jumper, with her slippers on and a big mug of tea in her hand, she felt like the party had been a dream. San Diego was only a plane ride away, yet she felt like she had left it years ago. She also really missed Coco. She couldn't wait until he was in Ireland. Grace felt tired, sad and a bit homesick for California, so she decided to go to bed. She stood up, but suddenly felt very faint. She immediately sat back down.

‘Grace, pet. Are you OK?' asked a shocked Patsy.

Grace said nothing, she felt awful.

‘What's wrong? Let me get you a glass of water. No, forget that, you're as white as a ghost, I'll get you a glass of whiskey. You've been looking awful all day. I should have made you go to the doctor earlier. I'll never forgive myself.'

‘Mum, calm down,' said Grace, who was starting to feel a little better. ‘I'm fine. I told you earlier, I'm just tired from the move. And I'm so hot. You've the flipping fire and heating on! The place is like a furnace.'

Grace removed the warm jumper she'd had on her all day. Herself and Ethan had both been wrapping up warm all week, they just couldn't adjust to the freezing cold Irish weather.

‘God!' said Patsy, looking at Grace, who was now sitting in her T-shirt.

‘What?' said Grace, looking at her T-shirt, too, embarrassed that it might be dirty or sweaty.

‘Well it's just you've always had a great figure, Grace, but unfortunately like myself you're not very ample-chested. But my God, it's grown! That T-shirt is too tight! No wonder you're all hot and bothered. Do you want me to get you one of your brothers' old T-shirts? I've lots upstairs.'

‘Go away, Mum,' said Grace, pulling her jumper back on. ‘God, I faint and all you comment on is my breasts. I think I might go back to the hotel instead. I'm sure my husband will look after me there. Thanks for being so mean,' Grace shouted, as she flung off her old pink slippers and went to put her shoes on.

Suddenly Patsy went very quiet and pale. She almost started to shake. Grace immediately felt guilty for shouting at her.

‘Oh, Mum. I'm sorry. Don't get upset. I'm just so tired, and emotional about the move and all, and embarrassed now for wearing this stupid T-shirt. Listen, let's forget my big chest, and go back to watching the TV. I'll get you a glass of whiskey, you look like you could do with one. I'm sorry for almost collapsing on your floor! But don't be upset, I'm fine.'

As Grace walked to the sideboard and poured her mum a small glass of Irish whiskey, Patsy kept gazing at Grace, but then she began to smile.

‘How could I not have seen it before? You've looked different all week, but I was so caught up in your move home, and seeing Ethan, that I just didn't put two and two together.'

‘What are you talking about?' asked Grace.

‘You're tired, pale, washed-out, your chest is huge. But
more importantly, you just look different from when I last saw you. It can only mean one thing.'

Grace frowned at her mum, she didn't know what she was on about. Patsy was behaving like a lunatic.

‘You must be pregnant!'

Grace dropped the tumbler of whiskey all over the cream carpet. The golden liquid seeped into the thick carpet. Neither moved to clean it up, they had more important things to worry about.

‘What the hell are you talking about?' said Grace, who was starting to feel light-headed again.

Patsy pulled Grace on to the couch beside her.

‘Were you keeping it a surprise? Is that it?'

Grace said nothing.

‘It's just such amazing news! I should have guessed, though. And there was me at your father's grave today praying for you all to be happy, healthy and safe, but mainly praying that He would send us a little grandchild. God, He answered that prayer quickly!'

‘Mum, stop right there. I'm not pregnant, OK?'

Patsy said nothing.

‘Just because I'm tired, or I've maybe put on a little weight, doesn't mean I'm pregnant. God, you're so obsessed with me having children.'

‘Whether I'm looking forward to you having kids or not is irrelevant. I think you're pregnant, pet. You should be happy! OK, I really need a glass of whiskey now to celebrate. I would offer you one, but I suppose alcohol is off the menu for you!'

Grace groaned. Her mum wasn't listening. Grace didn't want to go into every detail with her, but decided to tell her that she was on the pill, and had been for years.

‘Oh,' said Patsy as she poured herself a large glass of whiskey. ‘But the pill isn't 100 per cent guaranteed to work. Sure, loads
of people get pregnant on it. Didn't Martha across the road get pregnant after forgetting to take it for a few days?'

‘Well, I never forget to take it. So end of discussion. I'm not pregnant, just tired. And I'd ask you not to talk about this again. It's hard enough to be going through all this change this week without you harping on about kids, pregnancy and wanting to become a granny.'

Patsy looked unhappy, but decided to bite her lip.

‘Thank you,' said Grace, as she picked up her things and headed for bed.

An hour later, as Grace lay staring at the ceiling with the thought of being pregnant playing in her head, she heard her mum at the door.

‘Are you warm enough, pet? I could get you an extra blanket? And what about some more pillows?'

‘I'm fine, Mum, thanks,' replied Grace curtly.

‘OK. Well sleep tight. I love you.'

‘Thanks, Mum,' Grace said, softer this time.

‘And don't forget it's better for the baby if you sleep lying on your left side. Now good night and sleep well!'

And with that Patsy almost skipped out of the bedroom with joy. Grace went to protest and remind her once again that she wasn't pregnant, but Patsy was long gone.

Grace was fuming. She knew she urgently needed to curb her mum's fantasy about her being pregnant. If she didn't do this it was certain Patsy would tell all the neighbours and be buying baby clothes by tomorrow afternoon. No, tomorrow morning she had to explain again to her mum how she was on the pill and took it every day.

Grace was just nodding off when she sat up with a fright. The sushi. The flipping sashimi!

It had been well over a month since her bout of food poisoning from her sushi bar dinner with her mum, but Grace
suddenly had a bad feeling. She had continued to take her pill that week, but it had never occurred to her that she must have thrown it up when spending all those hours sitting beside the toilet bowl. Oh Christ, she thought, maybe her mother wasn't insane and imagining things.

Mum could be right, I could be pregnant, she thought, as she felt her world turn upside down.

‘CONGRATULATIONS. YOU'RE PREGNANT,'
said Dr Collins.

Grace almost collapsed. She went white, and started shaking. The doctor passed her a small plastic cup of water. Grace sipped the cool liquid.

‘Are you sure?' she finally mumbled.

The doctor looked at Grace and nodded. ‘The blood test came back positive. And I'm positive, too. You're pregnant.'

‘But how is this possible? I took the pill every day, and I still got my period this month. The blood test must be wrong.'

‘I know it's a shock, but from what you've told me about that bout of food poisoning, I would imagine it caused the pill not to work effectively. And the bleeding was just a little breakthrough bleeding, it wasn't a proper period.'

‘You don't understand,' Grace started to explain. ‘This was an accident.'

‘Most babies are,' interrupted the doctor, with a smile on her face.

Grace didn't know what to say. There was complete silence.

‘Listen, I know this is a shock, but it's good news. I had two patients in with me this morning heartbroken because they just can't get pregnant. You're fortunate: you're over thirty
and got pregnant without even meaning to. Consider yourself lucky.'

Grace didn't feel lucky at all. Herself and Ethan didn't want kids right now, or maybe ever. God, she cursed her own stupidity for not taking more caution after being sick. Of course the pregnancy explained her tiredness and even paler than normal skin, but to hear she was over two months' pregnant was a complete shock.

‘OK, I'm going to give you a list of gynaecologists' names; you need to book in with one urgently. I'll also give you some leaflets on healthy eating, and foods to avoid while pregnant. There are some great websites nowadays that will answer any questions you have, and trust me, once the news sinks in, you will have lots! But don't worry, you will be fine,' said Dr Collins, as she handed a shell-shocked Grace the leaflets and lists.

‘I'll see you again in a few weeks. Keep well, and remember this is great news. I'm sure your husband and family will be delighted when they hear.'

Oh God, thought Grace, how was she going to tell Ethan? She left the doctor's surgery in a daze.

She didn't know where she was headed, but she just started walking. Before long she found herself going down O'Connell Street. As she passed shop windows she looked at her reflection. Could people guess? Would people know she was pregnant? She felt so different, but looked the same.

As throngs of people passed her by, she watched a little girl and her mother cross the busy road. Grace remembered what a treat it had been when her own mum used to bring her into town for the day. Up at the crack of dawn, they would start off with a big breakfast in Bewley's, followed by hours of clothes shopping, with a pit stop for an iced bun in Anne's Hot Bread Shop. They would then head home exhausted, and laden down
with bags. Colm and Aidan had hated being dragged into the city centre, and only went when they had to get new school uniforms or shoes. But Grace had loved the buzz of the shops, and the treat of eating out. But as she watched the little girl clasp her hand tightly around her mother's she realized that really she had loved just spending time alone with her mum. God, Mum is going to burst with excitement when I tell her the news, Grace thought, as she walked through Temple Bar and headed for Starbucks.

Before long she had found a nice quiet table to sit, enjoy a coffee and let the pregnancy news seep in. She ignored her mobile phone as it rang. It was Patsy again. For the last two days she had been ringing Grace non-stop to find out how she felt. Grace thought she had finally convinced her last night that she was not pregnant, and that Patsy was not about to become a granny. But now, as she read the blood test result again, she knew she would have to tell her mother soon, but she couldn't face it now. Patsy's excitement would be too much for her to handle. Normally when people told their family that they were expecting they were so excited and bursting with the news. They weren't supposed to feel appalled, and dread telling their husbands.

Being pregnant was not something Grace had planned, so she couldn't rustle up the joy most mums-to-be would have felt. Grace ran her hand over her belly. Never had she imagined that there would be a little person living and growing inside her. I'm a bad mother already, she thought. I never even knew my child was alive. I never felt it, or dreamt about it; I don't feel anything.

Grace sat alone in the busy coffee shop for an hour, watching the rain hit the window pane. I would do anything to be back in San Diego, she thought – no rain, no problems, no baby. Suddenly Grace looked at her watch; she hadn't noticed the time, she was late. She was meeting Ethan and the estate agent
at some fancy apartment down on the quays. Grace quickly hurried out of the coffee shop and hailed a taxi.