Promises (Book One of The Syrenka Series) (27 page)

“
Eviana,” he breathed. “I
love you. I will always love you…”

“
But…” I cut in with
desperation.

“
But things have changed.
You’ve changed.”

“
Brendan, no.” I took a
step closer to him and attempted to reach out for his hand. He
flinched and pulled away from me. It was a very slight movement,
but it was still there. “I can’t lose you too,” I managed to get
out. “Not now. Please.”

Both of my parents were dead, I’d
become a clan leader less than an hour ago, and now the only person
in my life that could help me get through all of this was trying to
push me away. I felt the numbness taking over my legs and tried to
keep myself standing.

Brendan finally looked up at me and I
could see that his eyes were glistening with fresh tears. “I just
need some time to think,” he said.

“
What is there to think
about?” I shrieked. “We love each other! We’re meant to be with
each other. I…I don’t understand what else there is to think
about!” I was sobbing so hard that most of the words were
muffled.

“
Evs, please don’t cry,” he
begged. All I could do was huff. I turned my back towards him and
looked out over the waning river. What kind of reaction did he
expect me to have? He wanted to “think” about our relationship
which really meant that we were on track towards a breakup. And he
was doing this right when I needed him the most. I knew that he’d
be upset, but I was hoping we could work through it.

“
I won’t do it again,” I
whispered.

“
What?”

I twisted my head back so that I could
see him again. “I won’t ever control you again. I swear
it!”

“
Oh, Evs.” He came closer
and hugged me against him tightly. “It’s not just that.” I tried to
pull away to question him, but he held me still. “You are a leader
now. Everything is going to change. Everyone around you will
change. There won’t be room for me anymore.”

“
How can you say
that?”

“
Because it’s true. You
will not be allowed to associate with me any longer.” He paused and
took a deep breath. “They will want you to marry Kain.”

I pushed away from him so hard that I
nearly stumbled to the ground. The sadness and desperation were
apparent on his face and as he wiped his eyes, the words began to
soak into my bones. Marry Kain? We’d already been through
that.

“
I will dictate who I can
and cannot see.” When he just looked at me with pity, I continued.
“If I truly am the new leader, I can do as I please. Besides, Kain
won’t marry me anyway. I’ve already messed that up well beyond
repair. I don’t even know if we will be able to work together. He
hates me right now.”

Brendan smiled although it seemed
forced. “He doesn’t hate you.” His tone was almost disappointed but
I didn’t understand why.

“
Well it doesn’t matter
because I don’t want to be with him. I want to be with
you
.”

He shook his head. “I don’t
know…”

“
Brendan! I love you. I
need you! Why isn’t that enough?” The tears were back and this time
my legs did give out. I collapsed to my knees, sobbing
uncontrollably. My world was falling apart around me and I honestly
didn’t know how I would survive. He was my best friend. I knew that
his presence by my side would cause some uproar, but I didn’t care.
I was in charge of one of the most powerful clans amongst our
people. Soon, I would be responsible for making all kinds of
decisions, so why did this one have to be out of my control? It
just wasn’t fair.

I felt Brendan’s long, lean arms pull
me against him as he knelt down beside me. He rubbed his hand in
circles along my back while I continued to cry, staying silent for
a very long time. When he finally spoke, the last of my heart
shattered in pain. “I just need some time away from you to sort
this out, okay?”

What was I supposed to say? Did I want
him to leave me? Absolutely not. I couldn’t imagine my life going
on without him. Did I want him to take some time? I guess if it
gave me a chance to prove that we could make this work, then that
was my only option. It would be hard and painful but if it brought
him back to my side where he belonged, then I was willing to give
him his space.

With his impeccable timing, Julian
walked through the tree line and called to us. “They’re here.” I
could feel Brendan nod in acknowledgement but I didn’t want to look
at him right now. I just couldn’t.

We stood and joined the rest of the
group without saying another word to each other. He stayed next to
me, but it felt like an invisible barrier had been erected around
each of us. I was heartbroken over his words, devastated that my
parents were gone, and somewhat embarrassed that everyone seemed to
sense what was happening with my relationship. Daniel discretely
moved to my side and squeezed my hand, nearly causing me to lose
all control again. I squeezed back and looked out at the road where
a large multi-passenger van had just pulled off the side. We all
started to walk in that direction in silence. Keith, at least I
think it was him, began passing out bath towels as we got closer to
the van. If I was feeling anything at that moment, I would have
thanked him for being considerate, but I just couldn’t muster the
strength.

Since I was the last one to climb into
the van, I noticed that there was only one seat left. I sat down
next to Kain and Carissa, giving Brendan his space in the seat
behind us. Apparently some of the selkies had either left already
or walked to Keith’s initially, because there were only three of
them now in the van. As we pulled away from the forest, I could
feel Kain’s eyes on me. I couldn’t look at him right now either, so
I turned and watched the scenery out the side window.

The trees flew by and soon gave way to
manicured lawns and residential buildings. I still didn’t know
exactly where we were, but I really didn’t care right now. I
couldn’t feel anything. Didn’t want to.

When we arrived at Keith’s house,
Julian ushered us inside and kind of took charge. It was obvious to
everyone that I had mentally checked out back at the forest, and
for the most part they left me alone. Dawn was rising before Julian
volunteered to take the five of us back to the beach and our
hotel.

We piled in the van once more, and
although Brendan came along, he sat in the passenger seat which
left me in the rear one. Daniel sat next to me, but I just rested
my head on the back of the seat and closed my eyes. The gravity of
the night’s events was drowning me right now. I focused on my
breathing which helped me swallow the tears.

Every once and a while I would listen
to the conversations between Kain and Carissa or Brendan and
Julian. But if someone asked me to repeat them, I wouldn’t have
been able to. Background noise. That’s all they were.

It was well after lunch before we
pulled into the visitor’s center at the Bay Bridge. Surprisingly,
Brendan’s car was still there and without saying a word to anyone,
he jumped out of the van to drive himself to the hotel. Something
about that burned in me and I was forced to lie down in the back
seat so that no one would see my anguish. Daniel, understanding
that I was not going to be good company, moved up front with Julian
for the remainder of the ride. I was exhausted, in every sense of
the word.

So much of me wanted to sleep and
pretend that all of this was a dream. I would wake up with Brendan
by my side in our bed at the hotel. He would brush the hair out of
my face and make fun of me for drooling in my sleep. We would
pretend to fight, make up in bed, and then swim in the ocean
together for the rest of the day. That was the dream I had always
wanted. The dream that I’d left my family for. The dream that I’d
hurt Kain over. And now I feared that it was a dream I could no
longer have. I didn’t want anything else. Nothing else in this
world mattered if I couldn’t have Brendan. Nothing.

We finally made it to the hotel and I
went about my tasks in a daze. Julian waited outside while Brendan
and I packed up our meager belongings and set them by the door. At
some point, Brendan left to check out, giving me a moment to grieve
over the loss of the life I so briefly got to enjoy.

Holding a small framed picture of the
two of us at sunset, I couldn’t help but smile. I don’t think that
I was smiling at the memory, but I was laughing at the situation.
Everything I ran away from had come back to haunt me. I avoided
marrying Kain, I never wanted to lead my clan, and most
importantly, I never wanted to have a life that didn’t include
Brendan. In just a few days, my world had disintegrated. Maybe
Brendan was right. Maybe things were going to be different
now.

The door to our room bounced open
against the wall causing me to jump. “Sorry,” Brendan said. He saw
me sitting on the edge of the bed and sat down by my side. “That
was a good night.” I looked at him to see that he was referring to
the picture in my hand.

“
Yeah?”

“
Yeah. Remember all of the
rays we saw?” I smiled and shoved the photograph into his
hand.

“
You keep this. To
remember.” My voice was shaky but I managed to go on. “You remember
how great it is when we are together. No one can ever take that
away from us, Brendan. No one.”

“
I’m not going back to
California right now,” he suddenly blurted out.

“
What?” The giant lump in
my throat had returned and it took everything I had to swallow it
back down.

“
I’m going with Julian for
a while.” I paused, trying to get a handle on my
emotions.

“
And where is
that?”

“
Seattle.”

“
Oh,” I whispered.
Time.
He needed time
I told myself. It was the only way I could get him back. “For
how long?”

“
I don’t know,” he said
quietly.

“
Oh.” He let out a breath
and brushed his fingers over the photograph. “I’ll try not to be
too long.”

In the most grown up thing I’d ever
done in my life I said, “Take all of the time you need. I will be
here, waiting for you when you’re ready to come back.” What I
really wanted to do was kick and scream and beg for him to stay by
my side. I couldn’t live without him; therefore I didn’t care what
he wanted as long as he stayed. But I had to grow up
now.

He rested his hand on my thigh,
sending a different kind of chill through me. “Thank you,
Evs.”

With that, he stood and walked out the
door, not once looking back over his shoulder.

Twenty
One

I stayed in the room long enough to be
certain that Brendan and Julian had left. I didn’t want to face my
friends, but it was inevitable. We were all driving back to
California together. Two days in the car would mean that at some
point I would need to speak to them. Unfortunately, that happened a
little sooner than I expected.

“
Can I come in?” Kain
asked. He was standing in the doorway and I hadn’t yet moved from
my perch at the edge of the bed. It may have been five minutes,
twenty minutes, or an hour. I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting
there.

“
Sure,” I choked out. “Are
you guys all ready?” Wiping my eyes and nose, I tried to put on a
mature face. He sat down next to me.

“
Yeah, we’re ready when you
are.” After a long pause he asked, “Brendan’s not coming?” I just
shook my head, afraid that speaking would break open the
floodgates. “I’m sorry,” he said solemnly.

I just stared at him. He appeared
sincere, but for the life of me I had no idea why this guy was
still being nice to me. Wasn’t it obvious by now that I screwed up
every relationship in my life? That I was incapable of keeping
friends, lovers, or family members close to me? Wasn’t it obvious
that I was a horrible person?

“
So, Julian had a few
things to discuss while you were packing,” Kain
continued.

“
Julian?”

“
Yes. He seems to think
that we are going to need his help for the upcoming
war.”

“
War?” I questioned. “What
war?”

“
The one that you incited
against Lucian?” I just stared at him again. “He’s going to come
after us all, Eviana. You are just as strong if not more powerful
than he is and now that he’s seen that, he will not stop until you
are gone. And along with the Dumahls come the Matthews so he’ll be
coming after both of us.” This was just too much right
now.

“
Kain…I can’t.” Shaking my
head back and forth I finally pushed my face into my hands. “I just
can’t deal with this right now.”

“
You don’t have a choice,
Eviana. You are the leader now, whether you like it or not. And
with that comes a responsibility for the safety and security of
your people. Your personal issues no longer take
precedence.”

“
I understand that
but…”

“
No! You don’t get to sulk.
You don’t get to grieve for your loss. Your time is over. A war is
coming and we need to prepare.
You
need to prepare, Eviana. You need to act like the
leader everyone knew that you were meant to be.” He grabbed the
shield on my chest and pulled it far enough away that I could look
down and see it. “This means that you were destined, Eviana. Your
mother was an amazing leader but now it’s your time. People are
counting on you. I’m counting on you.”