Psion (21 page)

Dere Cortelyou had come in on the next ship. The turnover of workers on Cinder was high to start with because of the radiation levels-even with an energy shield projected around the planet to keep most of the pulsar’s radiation
out,
the background levels on Cinder itself were still too high-and because of the boredom and isolation. Rubiy’s people had been raising the turnover even more by spooking the deadheads with psionic suggestion, playing on the negatives that were already lying in their minds.

I watched them do it, looking into their own minds-some of them tight-woven and always
shielded,
so that I had to use everything I’d learned and more to measure their skill; some of them almost as tangled and sprawling as any deadhead. Most of the psions weren’t criminals, not the types you’d expect to find plotting to take over a world. But most of them were hungry, and angry, and all of them were ready to take any chance to get what they thought the Federation owed them.

And none of them had ever known anything to match what I’d felt when my mind had been joined with the Hydrans. I began to understand that no joining of human psions ever did. None of the psions I probed matched what I could do, either. No one even tried to; I never felt anyone test my own shield, and by now I was sure I’d know it if they did. Rubiy himself was the only one I wasn’t sure about-remembering how afraid I’d felt the last time I’d seen him. Jule said that he’d disappeared right after they’d found me; he’d gone off-world, and she didn’t know when he’d be back. She was glad he was gone; so was I.

I could find Jule anywhere in town, any time; a part of her mind was always open, listening for me, in case I needed her. It made me rest easier to realize she was always there, even when I didn’t see her: someone quiet and kind watching out for me, who wasn’t just waiting like death to catch me when I couldn’t fight back. I touched her thoughts a lot through the days, without letting her know it. Making contact with her wasn’t like reaching a
stranger,
it was more like finding another part of myself. But I never went deeper than the surface of her thoughts, or tried to take anything that wasn’t my right. Just touching her with my mind was enough.

After a while my strength began to come back, and I finally began to face up to life again. And lying alone in a room with four blank pale walls, staring out the single window at the same view you can’t ever reach, gets old. Jule was the only thing I had to look forward to; I couldn’t help it if I began to wait for the sight of her, the sound of her voice, her touch, the soft sigh of air as she materialized at my bedside. And now that I was really a telepath, I couldn’t help it if I began to wonder how it would feel to make love to someone while I was sharing her thoughts-sharing every desire, every pleasure, every secret hidden in our souls. . . .

(Cat?)

I turned around on the table where I was sitting, beside the wood-framed window, to see Jule appear in her usual spot-by the bed I was still supposed to be lying in.

“Here.” The dim sunlight coming through the streaked panes barely warmed the back of my head.

The scattershot confusion of her thoughts collected into relief as she saw me. “What are you doing there?”

“Looking out.”
I shrugged like it was the simplest thing in the world. It had taken me five minutes just to get from the bed to the window, and the hospital tunic I was wearing was soaked with sweat.

Objections surfaced in her mind, half angry, half reluctant. She didn’t bother to say any of it out loud; she didn’t need to.

I got up, feeling my legs tremble under me. They carried me a whole couple of steps before they gave out. Jule caught me and helped me back to the bed. I held on to her a little harder than I needed to.

“You’re sick,” she said, like I needed reminding. She pushed me down; her hands were gentle and strong. I noticed that she wasn’t biting her nails anymore.

“I’m sick of lying here like a corpse.” My heartbeat was so loud in my ears that I could hardly hear myself talk.

Her mouth tightened a little at the image. “There are worse things.”

I glanced at the bond tag on my wrist.
“Yeah.”
I covered it with my hand, remembering when a week in bed had seemed like all I could ask of heaven.

“I brought you lunch.” She bent her head at the two plates on the bedside table, one for her and one for me.

I looked at it, but suddenly I wasn’t hungry. “Jule . . .”

She raised her eyebrows, sitting down at the foot of the bed.

“
What’s
gonna happen to me?”
Asking it at last.

“I don’t know.” Her voice got faint. She pulled her shawl closer around her. “I don’t know what’s going to happen to any of us now. But Rubiy wants you back; that’s why they’re sheltering you. He’s been searching for a way to get hold of you ever since you arrived on Cinder.”

“Me? . . .
The mines.
It’s what I know about the mines?”

She nodded. “It must be. His people have been on Cinder for nearly an earth-year, some of them, but they’ve never been able to get into the mines compound. They’re beginning to get desperate. Whoever is backing them is losing patience, and the psions who’ve been here the longest can’t stay much longer without suspicion. Our only hope has been that Rubiy would fail because of time-we’ve been watched all along, we haven’t been able to do anything to stop him, or even to get a warning out. But now that he has you, everything’s changed again.”
(For the worse.)
But she didn’t say it.

“When Rubiy gets back . . .” She didn’t hide the disgust she felt when she thought about seeing him again. She remembered his dead man’s eyes searching every centimeter of her body, peeling away even her skin, probing for her soul. . . . Humiliating her-not because he thought she was a spy, but just because her name was taMing. He knew that she’d been born into all the wealth and luxury anyone could claim; but she’d still been born a psion-and there wasn’t enough money or power to make that stain on the taMing honor disappear. He hated everything she stood for and was heir to; he enjoyed the pain her Gift had caused her family. And he’d let her know that he’d brought her here because of all that, as a pawn in his private game with the Federation’s mortal gods. But he wouldn’t show her what the game was. . . .

I grimaced and looked down. But I only said, “Where’s Rubiy now?”

She shook her mind out. “We think he’s gone to meet with his backers again. There are several combines involved in this, but we don’t know which ones. A woman named Galiess is in charge, but she doesn’t give anything away. Dere can’t read her.”

“How come Dere ain’t been to see me?” He hadn’t even been into my head to say, (Hello). I wondered if he didn’t trust me now, either.”

“Ardan won’t let him. He won’t let anyone see you until you’re stronger.”

Strong enough to betray them.
A prickle of anger made my skin itch. I took a deep breath, and said, “What about Siebeling?”

She looked away, twisting dark shiny strands of hair between her fingers. Suddenly she was the woman I’d known in Quarro again, frightened and uncertain. I realized how much she’d changed in the time since then-the confidence she’d found, the control of her psi talent and her life. And at the same time I understood that Siebeling had been the one who’d made her reach out again-not just because of what he’d taught her about controlling her psi, but because of the thing I’d felt between the two of them, a sharing and a healing each gave to the other. . . . I touched it again in her mind, and pulled away like I’d been burned. That was why she couldn’t answer me: because she couldn’t make how she felt about me match up with what he felt about me, and what she felt about him.

I lay back, not knowing what to say; staring at her but thinking about Siebeling . . . until it didn’t even seem like a surprise when I caught the pattern of Siebeling’s thoughts, and realized that he was coming here. Someone else was with him, a psion-a telepath-a mind I’d never seen the inside of. . . . But I had seen it before. Just once, on the edge of consciousness there in the Hydrans’ underground world. I sat up just before the door opened, and watched them come in.

“You aren’t supposed to be up” was the first thing Siebeling said to me. He was wearing a medical coat under his parka.

“I’m not,” I said, looking past him at the stranger. It was a woman.

“You were.” Siebeling pointed at the hospital monitor. “That lets me know everything about your condition. You’re recovering from radiation poisoning; your body can’t take that kind of stress yet. Don’t do it again unless you have my permission.”

My mouth twitched, caught somewhere between anger and laughter, because this was nothing like the meeting I’d imagined. But then the stranger caught my eyes. I felt her probe my mind, and knew it for a challenge-knew her for Galiess, Rubiy’s watchdog. She was a small, fine-boned woman, who looked like she belonged in a salon somewhere, not in a frontier port town. She wore a long, heavy gown-nothing fancy, but still it looked out of place. And it couldn’t cover the truth-
that
she was an old woman, even though she tried to hide it. Her thick silver-tipped hair was a wig, her face had a stretched look to it; her mind was full of musty rooms. The look in her washed-out blue-green eyes said I’d done something to her, without even knowing her. I let her think she was getting a look right into my soul, without giving her anything; using her own concentration against her while I tried to find out what she really wanted. I didn’t get much-she was a good telepath. But she didn’t catch me, either. That meant I was a better one-and that I had one less thing to worry about. I made myself look away from her and down, knowing that was what she expected.

“My name is Galiess,” she said, like she was talking about the weather. I tried to look like it was news to me. “And you are
Cat.
I suppose you know that we’ve waited a long time to have you here.” Her voice was brittle.

“Not half as long as it seemed to me.” I glanced from Jule to Siebeling. His mind was like mirrored glass. I kept my back straight and my voice strong, knowing like I’d always known that when you were in enemy territory you had to hide any weakness. “And I guess I know what you want me for. Rubiy’s got bigger eyes than I figured.” I rubbed the bond tag on my wrist.

She nodded. “Your time at the mines makes you a risk, but it also makes protecting you worth any risk. He was right about that much. . . .” Her mind shifted. “And I don’t expect working for Contract Labor left you with much loyalty to your employers.”

I laughed once. “Not much.” I couldn’t help looking at Siebeling again. He was frowning, and holding his thoughts in a cage woven of perfect half-lies; I knew they were half-lies only because I knew the truth. Galiess already knew there was bad feeling between us; but it barely covered the deeper anger and fear in his mind as he waited for what I said next. “I told Rubiy I wanted in, before. I sure haven’t changed my mind. What do you want me to do-just name
it.
” I didn’t have to force the hardness in my voice.

“I only want you to obey Siebeling, for now. Nothing more is expected or required of you until Rubiy returns.” The way she spoke his name made it sound like the Holy Name of God. “But you’ll need your strength back then. I hope your recovery continues to be as rapid.” While a hidden part of her mind wished I’d been dead when the Hydrans had handed me over to her.

She was beginning to realize that I’d been playing with her mind, and she made a sudden, stupid try at getting past my guard. I tied my mind up tight and shut her out completely. She stared at me like she didn’t believe it. Finally she said, tripping over the words, “Dr. Siebeling has been told how important you are to us. I’m sure he’ll see that you keep improving.” She gave Siebeling a warning look. Then she turned to Jule, and the look changed. “Why are you here? Why aren’t you at the spaceport? Is working as a clerk too demeaning for you?”

“I brought Cat a meal.” Jule waved a hand at the food. “I always do.” The words were soft, her voice was even; she almost perfectly blocked the resentment that rose up in her. But I saw her eyes turn cold. “I’ll be back at the shipping counter when they expect me to be. If they have any complaints, they’ll let you know, I’m sure.” It wasn’t the first time she’d had to give those answers. Galiess didn’t miss a chance to bait her, and I knew from Jule’s anger that it wasn’t because she deserved it.

“Be sure you remember where you are-and who.” Galiess nodded to us all and left the room with her own mind in a snarl.

Jule and Siebeling glanced at each other, their faces grim and tight, with unformed questions passing between them as they waited. When they were sure Galiess was gone for good, Siebeling turned back to me, and I stopped thinking about anything but him.

He caught my wrist, the one with the restamped bond tag. “What the hell are you doing here?” The words dropped on me one by one, like stones. He didn’t really expect an answer. He let go of my arm again. I knew for certain then that he hadn’t arranged my transfer. Jule stayed where she was at the foot of the bed, her hands clenched in her lap.

I leaned back against the wall, trying not to let him see that I couldn’t sit up any longer.
“Nothing personal.
I just figured I’d rather freeze to death than drown in mud. That’s all the choice they gave me. . . . You think I came to Cinder on purpose?”