Authors: Mark Ravenhill
Nadia
And how does that make you feel?
Nick
Just . . . ancient.
Nadia
You’ve got a great face. It’s a face with character.
Nick
I used to look a lot better than this.
Nadia
You are where you are.
Nick
I mean I was never Steve McQueen . . .
Nadia
Steve McQueen?
Nick
Yeah. I was never . . .
Nadia
Who’s Steve McQueen?
Nick
He was . . . he must have been before your time.
Nadia
You’re not trapped by your face though, are you? You’re not going to let that trap you.
Nick
I’ve never been bothered with appearances.
Nadia
Yeah. It’s what’s inside that counts, isn’t it? And I only have people in my life who’ve got really beautiful insides. Because I’m a nice person, you attract nice people, you know?
Nick
Really?
Nadia
Which is why you’re here now.
Nick
Simon didn’t seem like a very nice person.
Nadia
Simon’s alright.
Nick
He was hitting you. And I think he would have gone on hitting you . . .
Nadia
It was good that it happened. Really. Because if Simon hadn’t got frightened . . .
Nick
Frightened?
Nadia
Yeah. If Simon hadn’t got frightened then I wouldn’t have met you.
Nick
I don’t think Simon was frightened.
Nadia
Oh he was.
Nick
I think Simon is a person who hates women. I think Simon is the sort of bastard who likes to beat up / women.
Nadia
But if you look inside . . . Simon is frightened and Simon was expressing his fear in the only way he knows how.
Nick
He cut your lip.
Nadia
I don’t remember.
Nick
You must remember.
Nadia
That’s in the past.
Nick
There was blood.
Nadia
Was there?
Nick
Of course there was. There was a lot of blood.
Nadia
I’m not holding on to that.
Nick
No?
Nadia
I’m letting that go. I’m not going to hurt myself by holding on to those feelings. That would be hurting me.
Nick
Maybe I’ll do something. Maybe I’ll kick the shit out of Simon.
Nadia
And that would hurt you.
Nick
I’m gonna do it. Where does the bastard live? Where the fuck is he?
Nadia
Hey. Hey. Hey. Easy.
Nick
You’ve gotta fight back.
Nadia
No.
Nick
You can’t let them walk all over you.
Nadia
Them?
Nick
Men. You can’t let them . . . you’ve got to make a stand.
Nadia
Hey. Don’t generalise. Don’t label people like that. ‘Men’. What does that mean? ‘Men’. Simon is a person.
Nick
Simon is a sexist bastard.
Nadia
He is a child inside. And we’re all children inside.
Nick
I’m not. / I’m not.
Nadia
Oh, you are.
Nick
I’m a great big fucking angry adult, that’s what I am. I’m someone who doesn’t let the bastards get at me.
Nadia
I don’t think Simon / was getting at you.
Nick
Someone who gets the bastards before they can get me.
Nadia
No one’s getting at you . . . you’re projecting . . .
Nick
Oh come on, come on. There’s loads of them. Yeah . . . The police, the . . . multinationals . . . . The arms dealers . . . the dictators. / They’re out there and you and me, we’ve got to stand up and . . .
Nadia
laughs.
Nick
What? What?
Nadia
You’re funny.
Nick
Funny? Funny am I?
Nadia
Yeah. All that anger. It’s . . .
Nick
It’s not funny, it’s not . . . it’s not funny when . . . because Simon is a symptom, Simon is . . . when all the time they can smack you in the mouth.
Nadia
Don’t generalise . . . / don’t . . .
Nick
You’ve got to do something, you’ve got to . . .
He starts shaking
Nadia
violently.
It’s like you’re sleepwalking. / You’re a sleepwalker. Come on. Wake up. Wake up.
Nadia
Hey. Off. Off. Off me.
She pushes
Nick
away.
Pause.
Blood’s starting again now. You’ve made the blood start again.
She applies the towel to her lip.
Pause.
Nick
Listen. I’m . . . I’m sorry.
Nadia
Yeah. Well . . .
Nick
Fuck. I’m . . .
Nick
moves to exit
.
Nadia
What are you doing? Why are you going?
Nick
Because I think I should.
Nadia
Well, don’t do what you think you should . . .
Nick
I think I’m a bastard and I don’t think I should be here.
Nadia
Do what you feel. What do you feel?
Nick
I don’t know.
Nadia
Well, get in touch with what you feel, okay?
Nick
Okay.
Pause.
Nadia
And . . .
Nick
And . . .
Nadia
What do you feel?
Nick
I think you’re really attractive.
Nadia
Thank you.
Nick
And I think I’m really attracted to you.
Nadia
Well, that’s good. Because I’m really attracted to you.
Nick
Right. So . . .
Nadia
So I want you to stay. What do you want?
Nick
I want to stay.
Nadia
Okay. Then . . .
She moves to
Nick
. They kiss.
You gonna stay?
Nick
Yes.
Nadia
undoes her coat. Lets it drop to the floor. She is wearing table-dancing gear.
Nadia
Is this what you meant? A little ‘thing’? Is this it?
Nick
Yeah.
Nadia
I’d just finished my shift. I was on my way home. You wouldn’t have got me dancing on your table. You would have got some other hussy. Who wouldn’t have been as good as this hussy. Need to ring anyone?
Nick
No.
Nadia
Nobody expecting you back?
Nick
No.
Nadia
Right. Live with anyone?
Nick
No.
Nadia
So you live . . .
Nick
I’m sort of . . . I’ve been away for a while and so I’m in sort of temporary . . .
Nadia
I see.
Nick
Yeah. Temporary.
Nadia
Travelling? You’ve been away travelling?
Nick
No. Not travelling. Prison. I’ve been in prison. Since nineteen eighty-four.
Nadia
A convict.
Nick
I thought I’d better tell you that.
Nadia
That’s cool. Are you a rapist?
Nick
No.
Nadia
That’s cool. Paedophile?
Nick
Fuck. No. Do I look like a paedophile?
Nadia
I’ve never met a paedophile. Well, only my father. But I don’t count him. So not a rapist, not a paedophile . . .
Nick
No. I . . .
Nadia
No. I’ll get it . . . murderer? Attempted murder?
Nick
Well . . .
Nadia
Yeah. I’m right, aren’t I?
Nick
Sort of.
Nadia
A sort of attempted murder.
Nick
I never wanted . . .
Nadia
But you’ve moved on. You’re a changed person and . . . that’s cool.
Nadia
moves to kiss
Nick
.
Nick
You must want to find out.
Nadia
No. I don’t want to know anything.
Nick
But you’ve got to want to know. You must want to find out . . .
Nadia
I don’t want to find out anything. The past is gone, okay?
Nick
But what if I’m a psychotic / killer who wants to . . .
Nadia
I trust myself. You’re a good person.
Nick
No. Let me tell you. I want / to tell you.
Nadia
It’s safe. We’re safe. Everything’s fine. Sssshh.
They kiss. The phone rings.
Nadia
stops
Nick
from picking up the phone as . . .
Ansaphone
(
male voice
)
, ‘Who is he? Who the fuck is he? I know you’re both there. I know you’re both listening to this. So what is he you fucking slut? Where did you find him?’
Nadia
Let’s go to bed.
Ansaphone, ‘I hope he’s a fucking serial killer you cunt. I hope he fucking slices you right open. Yeah. And boils you away.’
Terrace of the House of Commons.
Helen
is sitting looking at the Thames. Enter
Jonathan
, dressed very smartly.
Jonathan
Marvellous, isn’t it?
Helen
Mmmm.
Jonathan
Thames always stirs something, doesn’t it?
Helen
Yes.
Jonathan
Are you stirred?
Helen
Oh yes, definitely stirred.
Jonathan
Are you a regular? Do you regularly take a breather from the business of Government? Take a moment to just stand here and say ‘I may be a very powerful person, I may be holding the nation’s destiny in my hands . . .’
Helen
No, no, no.
Jonathan
Oh yes, I know Government can do so very little nowadays. You all say that now, don’t you?
Helen
No, I’m . . .
Jonathan
There’s the multinationals, the World Bank, NATO, Europe and there’s the grass roots, there’s roadshows where you listen, listen, listen, but still when all’s said and done . . .
Helen
No.
Jonathan
The nation’s destiny in your hands. But you look at the Thames and you feel humbled, yes?
Helen
The Thames, yes. But actually, strictly day pass, I’m afraid.
Jonathan
I see, so you’re . . . ?
Helen
Visiting.
Jonathan
I see. Forgive me. I really did think . . .
Helen
Just wanted to say I’d been on the terrace really.
Jonathan
I could have sworn I’ve seen you . . .
Helen
No, sorry.
Jonathan
Weighed down by the burden of the office and snapped at by some media studies graduate on late-night television.
Helen
No.
Jonathan
Ah well, you have the air . . .
Helen
Yes?
Jonathan
Of someone who . . . Maybe some future date.
Helen
You think so?
Jonathan
Oh yes. At some future date the Party will call.
Helen
Well actually . . .
Jonathan
Yes?
Helen
No, nothing.
Jonathan
Please.
Helen
There has been talk. My work . . .
Jonathan
Your work?
Helen
Yes, my work has been noticed.
Jonathan
Straightening out the single mothers? Dealing with the dealers?
Helen
I do what I can. My work in local government . . .
Jonathan
Normally so thankless.