Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) (38 page)

BOOK: Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists)
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Nick
     Thanks.

Jonathan
     And me? Are you . . . ?

Nick
     Yeah. Pleased to see you.

Jonathan
     Nostalgia’s a tricky bitch, isn’t she? But really now, just at the moment, I feel rather nostalgic about the time we spent together.

Nick
     I came to say sorry.

Jonathan
     There’s no need for that. You look terrible. Would you like to take a shower? We’ve got a splendid shower just through here.

Nick
     I’m alright.

Jonathan
     Maybe later. And then how about some clean clothes?

Nick
     I don’t think so.

Jonathan
     I can send the girl out. It’s not a problem. She enjoys shopping for me. The offer’s there.

Nick
     It was much easier. Before. When I hated you. I knew where I stood.

Jonathan
     I know. You know the territory and then suddenly . . .

Nick
     Lost.

Jonathan
     Horrible, isn’t it?

Nick
     Wish I had the strength left to hate you.

Jonathan
     I think we both miss the struggle. It’s all been rather easy for me these last few years. And I start to feel guilty if things come too easily. But really money, capitalism if you like, is the closest we’ve come to the way that people actually live. And, sure, we can work out all sorts of other schemes, try and plan to make everything better. But ultimately the market is the only thing sensitive enough, flexible enough to actually respond to the way we tick.

Nick
     There’s nothing better?

Jonathan
     Maybe in a thousand years but for now . . .

Nick
     It’s the best we’ve got.

Jonathan
     Exactly. So. You can spend your time like Helen. Rush around, regulate a bit. Soften the blow for a few of the losers. All very necessary. Important work. Absolutely. But rather dull. I think it’s made Helen rather . . .

Nick
     Dull. Yeah.

Jonathan
     Or you can say hey-ho – this is the way things are. So let’s get in there and make the most of it. How about that shower?

Nick
     Alright. Thanks.

Exit
Jonathan
.
Nick
starts to undress. Sound of shower starting. Enter
Jonathan
with towel.

Jonathan
     Warming up nicely. New clothes and you’ll feel much better.

Nick
finishes undressing, wraps himself in the towel.

Jonathan
     Maybe you’d like to join me this afternoon. I’m making a trip. Eastern Europe. I’ve got a foundation. We’re doing some fantastic things. I had rather a run on currencies a few years ago. Governments were behaving in a spectacularly stupid fashion. Western governments. And I made the most ridiculous amounts of money. So, I’m doing what I can in Eastern Europe. Schools and hospitals and rehab centres. We’re really doing things. Oh – little flash of hatred in your eyes.

Nick
     No.

Jonathan
     Yes. Just for a moment – a flash of the old hatred.

Nick
     I don’t think so.

Jonathan
     Please. There’s no need to lie. You felt . . .

Nick
     Yeah. You cunt.

Jonathan
     Schools and hospitals and . . . but still . . .

Nick
     You cunt.

Jonathan
     Why do you think that is?

Nick
     I don’t know.

Jonathan
     Don’t worry. You’re not alone. That’s what it’s like out there. I fly in to some orphanage, or college, or festival of new plays and they treat me like god – a demi-god – thank you, thank you, thank you – but still: that little flash of hatred in all of them. And I don’t quite now why that is. But I rather like it. Time for your shower. Then, if you feel like it, you can come with me and look at all the good work.

Nick
     I don’t think so.

Jonathan
     Think about it.

Scene Twelve
 

Helen
’s flat
.

Enter
Helen
. She wears a rosette. Hunts for leaflets. Finds them. Enter
Nick
from shower.

Helen
     I forgot these. What do you think? (
Shows him photo on leaflet
.)

Nick
     Terrific.

Helen
     How do I look? Suitably middle-aged?

Nick
     Yeah. No. You’re getting my vote.

Helen
     Good. Shall we send a car round? Get you to the polling station.

Nick
     It’s alright.

Helen
     It’s pissing with rain.

Nick
     I don’t mind a bit of rain.

Helen
     My hero.

Helen
moves to exit
.

Nick
     Thanks for having me back.

Helen
     Still time to change the locks, eh?

Nick
     Course. Why did you take me back?

Helen
     I’m all heart.

Nick
     Why?

Helen
     I don’t . . . Maybe because I can’t always wake up and think: let’s manage this, let’s organise that. Because sometimes I think . . .

Nick
     Yeah?

Helen
     This is all wrong. I want to change everything. I want to smash everything up.

Nick
     You think that?

Helen
     Sometimes. Just for a moment after I’ve woken up and then I think: no. Get on with the day. Do what I can.

Nick
     That’s what grown-ups think.

Helen
     Yeah. That’s what grown-ups think.

Nick
     We’re old, aren’t we?

Helen
     Fucking old. But you . . . I want you to be angry.

Nick
     I can’t do that any more.

Helen
     Nobody does that any more. I miss that.

Nick
     I can’t be your memory.

Helen
     I want to make you into what you used to be.

Nick
     That’s going to be difficult.

Helen
     Well I’m going to have a fucking good try.

Nick
     Just you try.

He moves to kiss her.

Helen
     I’m damp.

Nick
     So am I.

They kiss.

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Methuen Drama Contemporary Dramatists

9 10

Methuen Drama, an imprint of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
50 Bedford Square
London WC1B 3DP
www.bloomsbury.com

Shopping and Fucking
was first published by Methuen in 1996
Copyright © 1996 by Mark Ravenhill
Faust is Dead
was first published as Faust (Faust is Dead) by Methuen in 1997
Copyright © 1997 by Mark Ravenhill
Handbag
was first published by Methuen in 1998
Copyright © 1998 by Mark Ravenhill
Some Explicit Polaroids
was first published by Methuen in 1999
Copyright © 1999 by Mark Ravenhill

Collection copyright © 2001 Mark Ravenhill
Introduction copyright © 2001 Dan Rebellato

Mark Ravenhill has asserted his rights under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the author of this work

Available in the USA from Bloomsbury Academic & Professional,
175 Fifth Avenue/3rd Floor, New York, NY 10010.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

Paperback ISBN: 978 0 413 76060 9
E-Pub ISBN: 978 1 472 51555 1

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BOOK: Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists)
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