Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) (5 page)

Mark
     That’s all.

Robbie
     Just Lick and Go.

Mark
     It wasn’t a personal relation.

Robbie
(
lets trousers drop
)     Well, if you can’t kiss my mouth.

Mark
     No. With you – there’s . . . baggage.

Robbie
     Well, excuse me. I’ll just have to grow out of it.

Robbie
pulls his trousers up. Pause.

Mark
     I’m sorry.

Robbie
     Sorry? No. It’s not . . . sorry doesn’t work. Sorry’s not good enough.

Pause
.

Mark
     You’re dealing?

Robbie
     Doesn’t matter.

Mark
     Thought so.

Robbie
     Listen, this stuff is happiness. Little moment of heaven. And if I’m spreading a little – no a great big fuck off load of happiness –

Pause.
Robbie
picks up an E between thumb and forefinger
.

Mark
     It’s not real.

Robbie
     Listen, if you, if this, this . . . planet is real . . .

He takes an E. Pause
.

Waiting for you. Do you know what it’s like – waiting? Looking forward to this day – for you to . . . And you – Oh fuck it. Fuck it all.

Robbie
takes another E
.

Enter
Lulu
with two microwaved ready meals on a tray
.

Lulu
     I . . . They let you out. It’s sooner . . .

Mark
     Yeah. They let me out. Thought I’d come back. See if you’re alright.

Pause
.

Lulu
     I’ve only got enough for two.

Mark
     Never mind.

Lulu
     It’s just hard to share them. They’re done individually.

Mark
     Oh well.

Lulu
     Well . . . hello.

Mark
     Hello.

Lulu
     We’ve got really into the little boxes with the whole thing in it. One each.

Robbie
     Looks great, doesn’t she?

Gonna be on TV, aren’t you?

Lulu
     They’re . . . considering it. It’s just a / little . . .

Robbie
     Just she says. Only. It’s TV.

Mark
     Great.

Robbie
     You see, we’re doing something? Aren’t we?

Lulu
     Yes.

Robbie
     We’re working. Providing.

Mark
     So will I. Yes. I’ll sort myself out and we’ll be OK.

Lulu
     They’re really not made for sharing. It’s difficult.

Mark
     It’s OK. I’ll go out.

Robbie
     Back to Wayne?

Mark
     No. Out. Find some food. Shopping.

Robbie
     Don’t just – don’t stand there and judge us.

Mark
     Cheeseburger. Some chocolate maybe.

Robbie
     I want you to be part of this.

Mark
     I’ve hurt you. I see that. But – please just let me . . . I’ve got to take this a step at a time, OK?

Exit
Mark
.

Robbie
     Cunt. Cunt. / Cunt.

Lulu
     I know, I know.

Robbie
     Hate the cunt.

Lulu
     That’s it. Come on. / Come on.

Robbie
     Hate him now.

Lulu
     Yes. Yes. Yes.

Robbie
     I want him to suffer.

Pause
.

Lulu
     Did you count them?

Robbie
     Oh. Yes. Yesyesyes.

Lulu
     And was it? Three hundred. Exactly.

Robbie
     Yes. Three hundred. Exactly.

A bedsit
.

Gary
is sitting on a tatty armchair.
Mark
is standing.

Gary
     Course, any day now it’ll be virtual. That’s what they reckon.

Mark
     I suppose that’s right.

Gary
     I’m planning on that. Looking to invest. The Net and the Web and that. You ever done that?

Mark
     No. Never.

Gary
     Couple of years’ time and we’ll not even meet.

We’ll be like holograph things. We could look like whatever we wanted. And then we wouldn’t want to meet ’cos we might not look like our holographs. You know what I mean? I think a lot about that kind of stuff me.

See, I called you back. Don’t do that for everyone.

Mark
     Thank you.

Gary
     Why d’ya pick me?

Mark
     I liked your voice.

Gary
     There must have been something special.

Mark
     I just thought you had a nice voice.

Gary
     How old did you think I was – on the lines?

Mark
     I didn’t think about it.

Gary
     How old do you want me to be?

Mark
     It doesn’t matter.

Gary
     Everybody’s got an age they want you to be.

Mark
     I’d like you to be yourself.

Gary
     That’s a new one.

Mark
     I’d like to keep things straightforward.

Gary
     You’re in charge. Make yerself at home.

D’you want porn? I mean, it’s mostly women and that but it’s something.

(
Indicating porn
.) She looks rough, doesn’t she? Would you shag her?

Mark
     No. Let’s leave the porn.

Gary
     Or we could do some like . . . stuff, y’know.

He pulls out a packet of cocaine.

Share it with you.

Mark
     No. Thank you.

Gary
     It’s thrown in. There’s no / extra cost.

Mark
     I don’t want any.

Gary
     It’s quality. He don’t give me rubbish.

Mark
     Put it away.

Gary
     I int gonna poison ya.

Mark
     Put the fucking stuff away.

Gary
     Alright, alright. Don’t get knocky.

Pause
.

Mark
     I’m going to have to go.

Gary
     You only just got here.

Mark
     I can’t be around people who use.

Gary
     Alright. Look. I’m putting it away.

He puts the packet in his trouser pocket.

See? All gone.

You stopping?

Mark
     I’m sorry. I’m really sorry but I suppose I was threatened by your actions. And my fear led me to an . . . outburst. Which I now regret. It’s just very important to me. And I’d like you to acknowledge that.

Gary
     You God Squad?

Mark
     I’m sorry?

Gary
     I had ’em before. We’re at it and he kept going on about Lamb of Jesus. Hit me. I give as good as I took.

Mark
     No. I’m not God Squad.

Gary
     Just got a thing about druggies?

Mark
     I have a history of substance abuse.

Gary
     You’re a druggie?

Mark
     I’m a recovering substance abuser.

Gary
     You’re not a druggie?

Mark
     I used to be a druggie.

Gary
     Got you. So what you into?

Mark
     You mean . . .

Gary
     Sexwise.

Mark
     Sexwise, I’d say I’m into the usual things.

Gary
     So, you’re looking for regular?

Mark
     Pretty regular. The important thing for me right now, for my needs, is that this doesn’t actually mean anything, you know?

Which is why I wanted something that was a transaction. Because I thought if I pay then it won’t mean anything. Do you think that’s right – in your experience?

Gary
     Reckon.

Mark
     Because this is a very important day for me. I’m sorry, I’m making you listen.

Gary
     Everyone wants you to listen.

Mark
     Right. Well. Today you see is my first day of a new life. I’ve been away to get better, well to acknowledge my needs anyway, and now I’m starting again and I suppose I wanted to experiment with you in terms of an interaction that was sexual but not personal, or at least not needy, OK?

A distant sound of coins clattering
.

Gary
     Downstairs. The arcade. Somebody’s just had a win. You gotta know which ones to play otherwise all you get is tokens. I’ve a lucky streak me. Good sound, int it? Chinkchinkchinkchinkchink.

Mark
     I suppose what I’d like, what I’d really like is to lick your arse.

Gary
     That all?

Mark
     Yes. That’s all.

Gary
     Right. We can settle up now.

Mark
     How much do you want?

Gary
     Hundred.

Mark
     A hundred pounds? No, I’m sorry.

Gary
     Alright. If it’s just licking, fifty.

Mark
     Look, I can give you twenty.

Gary
     Twenty. What d’you expect for twenty?

Mark
     It’s all I’ve got.

I’ve got to keep ten for the taxi.

Gary
     You’re taking the piss, int ya?

Mark
     Look, I’ll walk. Thirty. It’s all I’ve got.

Gary
     I should kick you out, you know that? I shouldn’t be wasting my time with losers like you. Look at you. Druggie with thirty quid. I’m in demand me. I don’t have to be doing this.

There’s a bloke, right, rich bloke, big house. Wants me to live with him.

So tell me: why should I let you lick my arse?

Mark
     Why don’t you think of him? You could lie there and think of him.

Just a few minutes, OK? Thirty quid.

Just get my tongue up, wiggle it about and you can think of him.

This isn’t a personal thing. It’s a transaction, OK?

Gary
pulls down his trousers and underpants.
Mark
starts to lick
Gary
’s arse
.

Gary
     He’s a big bloke. Cruel like but really really he’s kind. Phones me on the lines and says: ‘I really like the sound of you. I want to look after you.’

Clatter of coins
.

Listen to that. They’re all winning tonight.

So I’ll probably move in. Yeah, probably do it tomorrow.

Mark
pulls away. There’s blood around his mouth
.

Mark
     There’s blood.

Pause
.

You’re bleeding.

Gary
     Didn’t think that happened any more.

Thought I’d healed, OK? That’s not supposed to happen.

I’m not infected, OK?

Punter gave me a bottle somewhere. Rinse it out.

Mark
goes to take the money
.

Gary
     You can’t take that.

Lick me arse you said. Licked me arse didn’t ya?

Mark
     I’ll leave you ten.

Gary
     Rinse your mouth out.

We agreed thirty.

Mark
     Twenty. I need ten for the taxi.

Gary
     Thirty – look, I need the money – please – I owe him downstairs – can’t live on tokens – give me the thirty. You promised.

Mark
     Have the thirty.

Mark
gives
Gary
the thirty pounds
.

Gary
     Stay. Rinse it out. You’ll feel better. It’s champagne.

Gary
exits
.
Mark
sits
.

Pub
.

Robbie
hands
Lulu
a drink
.

Robbie
     After ten minutes I thought I’d got the wrong name. Checked the name. And then I thought: maybe it’s the right name but the wrong pub. Because there could be two pubs with the same name. But probably not on the same street. So I checked. And there wasn’t. The same name on this street. But then I thought there could be other streets with the same street name. So I looked it up, borrowed the book from this bloke and looked it – listen. Did you know? There’s blood.

Lulu
     On me?

Robbie
     On you. You’ve got blood on you face.

Lulu
     I thought so. Get it off.