Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) (7 page)

Robbie
     Yeah.

Lulu
     Gone limp on me.

Robbie
     Yeah.

Lulu
     Why’s that then?

Pause
.

Robbie
     I was there. I was all ready. I was ready to deal.

Lulu
     Right.

Robbie
     There’s a few other dealers. Stood around the dance floor. I take up my position. I’m ready.

And this bloke comes up to me. Really, really nice-looking.

And he says: ‘You selling?’ Yeah, I say. Fifteen quid a go.

And the way he looks at me I know he fancies me, you know?

And he reaches in his pocket and – oh shit. So stupid.

Lulu
     It was the knife yes?

Robbie
     There wasn’t a knife.

Lulu
     Gun?

Robbie
     He. Look. He reaches in his pocket and says:

‘Shit I left my money in my other jeans. Oh shit, now how am I gonna have a good time, now how am I gonna enjoy myself?’

Lulu
     Right. Yes.

Go on.

Robbie
     And he looked so . . . I felt sorry for him, alright? But then he says: ‘How about this? How about you give me the E? Give me the E now then later, at the end, you can come back to mine and we can get the money from my jeans.’

Lulu
     Right so he was luring you. Luring you back to his / place.

Robbie
     No.

Lulu
     Get you back to his so that he could pull the gun / or whatever.

Robbie
     No.

Lulu
     And get the Es off you.

Robbie
     No, it didn’t happen. That’s not it.

Lulu
     No?

Robbie
     No.

So I said yes. It’s a deal. And I gave him the E and he takes it and I watch him and he’s dancing and he’s sweating and smiling and he looks – well – beautiful and just really really happy.

Lulu
     How many?

Robbie
     What?

Lulu
     You broke the first rule – yes? Yes?

Robbie
     Yes.

Lulu
     How many?

Robbie
     I was out there on my own.

Lulu
     How many?

Robbie
     Three. Maybe four.

Lulu
     Shit. I told you. Rule number one.

Robbie
     I know.

But then, a few minutes later. A bloke. Even better, yes, even better looking than the last bloke. And he says: ‘Look, you gave my mate some E and I was wondering, I get paid at the end of the week and if I give you my phone number will you give me a couple of E?’

Lulu
     You didn’t?

Robbie
     Yes.

Lulu
     Fuck.

Robbie
     And I felt good, I felt amazing, from just giving, you see?

Lulu
     No, no I don’t.

Robbie
     But imagine. Imagine you’re there, imagine how it feels.

Lulu
     No.

Robbie
     And then – it sort of rolled. It flew.

Lulu
     You prick. Three hundred.

Robbie
     Until there’s these guys, they’re asking and I’m giving and everyone’s dancing and smiling.

Lulu
     Three hundred E. / Silly prick.

Robbie
     Listen, listen to me. This is what I felt.

Lulu
     I don’t want to know. / You gave away three hundred.

Robbie
     It’s important.

Lulu
     No. Stupid. Fucking. / Cunt.

Robbie
     Just listen for a moment, OK?

Listen, this is the important bit. If you’d felt . . . I felt. I was looking down on this planet. Spaceman over this earth. And I see this kid in Rwanda, crying, but he doesn’t know why. And this granny in Kiev, selling everything she’s ever owned. And this president in Bogota or . . . South America. And I see the suffering. And the wars. And the grab, grab, grab.

And I think: Fuck Money. Fuck it. This selling. This buying. This system. Fuck the bitching world and let’s be . . . beautiful. Beautiful. And happy. You see?

You see?

But now you see, but then I’ve only got two left and this bloke comes up and says: ‘You the bloke giving out the E?’ I give him the two but he says ‘What two? Two. Two’s not going to do shit for me. You gotta have more.’ And he starts to hit, he starts to punch me.

Lulu
     Fucking fucker arsehole. Fuck.

Pillowbiter. (
Hit .
) Shitstabber. (
Hit .
)

Boys grow up you know and stop playing with each other’s willies. Men and women make the future. There are people out there who need me. Normal people who have kind tidy sex and when they want it. And boys? Boys just fuck each other.

The suffering is going to be handed out. And I shouldn’t be part of that. But it’ll be both of us. And that’s not justice. Is it?

You look like shit now. Look like you might get (
Throws the bottle of TCP into
Robbie
’s eyes
.) gangrene.

Exit
Lulu
.

Robbie
     Nurse. Nurse.

Bedsit
.

Mark
and
Gary
.

Gary
     I knew it wasn’t right. I went to the council.

And I said to her, look, it’s simple: he’s fucking me.

Once, twice, three times a week he comes into my room.

He’s a big man. He holds me down and he fucks me. How long? she says. About two years, I say. I say he moved in then six months later it starts. I told her and she says ‘Does he use a condom?’

Mark
     Yeah?

Gary
     Yeah. I mean ‘Does he use a condom?’

When it’s like that he’s not gonna use a condom, is he? Just spit. All he used is a bit of spit.

Mark
     On his – ?

Gary
     Spit on his dick.

Mark
     Of course.

Gary
     And then she / says –

Mark
     / And you –

Gary
     The next thing / she says –

Mark
     Does he / spit –

Gary
     I told her that and / she says –

Mark
     Does he spit up you?

Gary
     Listen. I tell her he’s fucking me – without a condom – and she says to me – you know what she says?

Mark
     No. No, I don’t.

Gary
     I think I’ve got a leaflet. Would you like to give him a leaflet?

Mark
     Fuck.

Gary
     Yeah. Give him a leaflet.

Mark
     Well –

Gary
     No, I don’t want a leaflet. I mean, what good is a fucking leaflet? He can’t even read a fucking leaflet, you know.

Mark
     Yes.

Gary
     And there’s this look – like . . . panic in her eyes and she says: What do you want me to do?

Mark
     Right.

Gary
     Tell me what you want me to do.

Mark
     And you said.

Gary
     Well, I don’t know. Inject him with something, put him away, cut something off. Do something. And I’m – I’ve got this anger, right? This great big fucking anger – here in front of my eyes. I mean, I fucking hate her now, right?

Mark
     So did you / attack?

Gary
     I go: Fuck. Fuck.

Mark
     Maybe a knife or something?

Gary
     So. In this little box, little white box room . . .

Mark
     You attacked / her?

Gary
     I stand on the table and I shout:

It’s not difficult this is it? It’s easy this. He’s my stepdad. Listen, he’s my stepdad and he’s fucking me.

And I walk away and I get on the coach and I come down here and I’m never going back. Gonna find something else. Because there’s this bloke. Looking out for me. He’ll come and collect me. Take me to this big house/

Mark
     Look, this person that you’re looking for . . .

Gary
     Yeah?

Mark
     Well it’s not me.

Gary
     Of course not.

Mark
     No.

Gary
     Fuck, you didn’t think . . . ? No. It’s not meant to be you. You and me we’re looking for different things, right?

Mark
     Right.

Gary
     Mates?

Mark
     Mates.

Gary
     So – mate – do you wanna stay?

Mark
     I don’t know.

Gary
     Stay if you like. Room on the floor. Someone waiting up for you?

Mark
     Not exactly.

Gary
     You stay long as you want.

Mark
     Thank you.

Gary
     Stay around and you can keep yourself busy. Give us a hand. Getting the messages, cleaning up. Chucking out the mental ones.

Tell you what, you hang around long enough we can . . .

He pulls out a holdall from behind the chair.

He unzips the bag. It is full of fifty-pence pieces. He catches up handfuls and lets them cascade through his fingers
.

See? I’m a winner me. Every time. And I don’t let them give me tokens.

I can pay for what I want.

Stick around, you and me could go shopping yeah?

Mark
     I don’t know.

Gary
     It’s only shopping.

Mark
     Alright then. Yeah. Let’s go shopping.

They both listen to the coins as they run through
Gary
’s fingers.

Flat.

Brian
,
Lulu
and
Robbie
.
Brian
inserts a video.

Brian
     Watch. I want you to see this.

They watch a video of a schoolboy playing a cello. They sit for some time in silence
.
Brian
starts to weep
.

Sorry. Sorry.

Lulu
     Would you like a – something to wipe?

Brian
     Silly. Me a grown man.

Lulu
     Maybe a handkerchief?

Brian
     No. No.

He pulls himself together. They sit and watch again for some time, but eventually he starts to weep again
.

Oh God. I’m so – I’m really sorry.

Lulu
     No, no.

Brian
     It’s just the beauty, you see? The beauty of it.

Lulu
     Of course.

Brian
     Like a memory, you know, memory of what we’ve lost.

Pause
.

Lulu
     Are you sure you don’t want – ?

Brian
     Well –

Lulu
     It’s no problem.

Brian
     Well then.

Lulu
(
to
Robbie
)     Could you – ?

Robbie
     No problem.

Robbie
exists. They continue to watch the video.
Robbie
enters again with a toilet roll, takes it over to
Brian
.

Brian
     What’s this?

Robbie
     It’s for your – you know to wipe your -

Brian
     I asked you what it is.

Robbie
     Well.

Brian
     So tell me what it is. What is in your hand?

Robbie
     Well –

Lulu
     Darling.

Brian
     Yes?

Robbie
     Toilet paper.

Brian
     Toilet paper exactly. Toilet paper. Which belongs in the –

Robbie
     Toilet.

Brian
     Exactly.

Lulu
     Darling, I didn’t mean . . . that.

Brian
     And we use it to – ?

Robbie
     Well, wipe your arse.

Brian
     Exactly. Wipe your arse. While I – what is this? (
Wipes eye.
)

Lulu
     I didn’t mean toilet paper.

Robbie
     It’s a – like a tear.

Brian
     It is a tear. Little drop of pure emotion. Which requires a – ?

Robbie
     Well, a hanky.

Brian
     Handkerchief.

Robbie
     Handkerchief.

Lulu
     Of course, I meant a handkerchief.

Brian
     This is disrupting you know that?