Ready to Love Again (Sweet Romance #2) (21 page)

Lys’s hands move to my ass and she pulls me closer. She pushes my boxers down with one hand, slipping the other down the front of my boxers and cupping my straining cock in her hand. Soon my boxers are lying discarded on the floor and all that remains between us is her panties. I cup her mound in my hand and feel a warm dampness to her, that’s all I need to assure me that this is what she wants. I lie on my side of the bed next to her and run a finger underneath the flimsy material and slip a finger inside her. Her walls clench around me and it’s all I can do not to rip the material away and ravage her, but I want to go a little slower than that. I pull out of her and run my wet finger in lazy, slow circles around her clit. I see her back arch slightly and hear her gasp as I continue to tease her. I slowly dip my finger back inside her, adding a second finger—making her breathing hitch—as I gently plunge them in and out of her. I lean into her and kiss her, she nibbles at my bottom lip, making my cock twitch against her, which makes her smile. She takes my cock in her hand and runs the tip of a finger around the pre-cum on my head. I jerk involuntarily, making her grip me even harder in her hand. I love the way her skin feels against me, how wet she feels around my fingers, the hardness of myself in her hand. I bask in the glory of having this sex goddess in my bed.

“Oh Chase,” Lys murmurs as I moved my fingers deep inside her.

Her words are like music to my ears. I want to make her come like this but I also want to be buried inside her when she’s finally ready to explode around me. I remember only too well how it feels to have her squeeze her walls around my cock, it feels like heaven. Thinking this is only serving to make my cock throb harder as she moves her hand up and down in that sweet rhythmic way.

“Lys,” I whisper as I lean down to claim her lips with mine.

I kiss down towards her breasts, flick my tongue over them one at a time until they are nice and hard, then I move to kiss down her torso and down to her panty line. She lifts her hips from the bed and I use my free hand to pull them down without having to move my other hand from her body. I slip them down to her ankles and she discards them with a swift kick. I move back to kiss her navel and use my free hand to push her legs apart. She doesn’t protest and that’s all I need before I kiss my way down to my fingers and replace them with my tongue. She tastes like the sweetest thing on Earth and though her hand is now gone from my cock, it twitches and throbs with desire for this beautiful woman.

“Please, Chase, please make love to me,” she whispers into the night.

I stop what I’m doing and manoeuvre myself above her. I reach for my nightstand and withdraw a little foil packet. I hand it to Alyssa and she doesn’t hesitate to tear it open and sheath its contents over my cock. When I am fully covered, I give in to what we both want most and am inside her in an instant. Mere words cannot express how fucking fantastic she feels. She’s warm, wet, and inviting. Her body remains still until I bury myself in as deep as I can go, then I lift her ass and pull her against me. She has her arms above her head, stretched out in all her glory before me and it’s all I can do not to come right there and then. I begin to move and she begins to moan softly. The harder I thrust, the louder she moans. I move so that my one hand is bracing me above her and the other goes to her breast. I gently tug on her erect nipple, this earns me the loudest groan yet. I trace my fingers down her side and grip her hip. She meets my every thrust and I know it won’t be long for either of us, but somehow I hope that we can do this again tonight.

“Chase,” she pants, “harder.”

I do as she asks and thrust harder into her. I go slowly at first but then her nails dig into the cheeks of my ass and I am drawn into moving faster.

“Yes, Chase, harder, faster…”

I brace myself above her with both arms and give it to her harder and quicker than moments before.

“Oh fuck,” she whispers as she begins to unravel. Her body writhes against me as she comes hard and the feeling of her clenching tight around me is my undoing.

I lower myself gently towards her and capture her lips. I seek entrance to her mouth and it is instantly granted. I kiss her softly before getting up and going to the bathroom.

I dispose of the condom in the bathroom bin and am back by her side in seconds. I look at her curled up one side and I slip myself behind her. I drape an arm over her waist and nuzzle into her back.

“If anyone had told me that I would meet the woman of my dreams at work and fall fast in love with her, I never would have believed them,” I whisper against her skin. “But I did and I have.”

She is silent for a long moment and I shit myself as I realise I have just told her I love her. I hadn’t meant to tell her tonight, but it felt right in that moment. Now I am silently praying she doesn’t get dressed and walk out of my life.

Chapter Thirty

Alyssa

I could scarcely believe what Chase said. He was wrapped around me and I enjoyed the feeling of his body pressed up against my back, but he’d just said he loved me. What the hell was I meant to say or do? I couldn’t deny I had feelings for him, but was I ready for the ‘L word’?

“I’m sorry, Alyssa.” His tone was hushed but I still detected the hurt in them.

I turned in his arms and looked at him. Cradling one side of his face in my palm, I looked straight into his eyes as I spoke.

“It isn’t that I don’t care about you, Chase. It isn’t even that I don’t love you. It’s just…I can’t explain. What we have, it’s good. More than good, it’s great. Tonight especially was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. As first dates go, this has been the best, and the sex was phenomenal. But I’m not ready for more yet.”

I saw tears shine in his eyes as he closed them for a long moment before opening them to look at me.

“I’m sorry, Alyssa, I shouldn’t have said that. It was stupid. It’s far too soon to be saying that to you.”

I put a finger to his lips and he stopped talking.

“First of all, you never have to apologise to me for how you feel. Second, it may be too soon as in tonight has been our first real date, but come on, Chase, we’ve known each other since I first moved here. I’m not saying that I don’t feel the same as you do, I just can’t say the words right now. There are things you don’t know about me and maybe when you do, you’ll understand what I mean. For now, can you be content knowing that I care deeply for you?”

There was a long moment of silence, though it probably seemed longer than it actually was.

“I can, Alyssa,” he finally breathed into the still night air.

I breathed a long sigh of relief before tilting my head to kiss him. I put all my unspoken feelings into the kiss and though he seemed reluctant at first, he kissed me deeply in return.

We pulled the covers over us and fell asleep in each other’s arms. I couldn’t help my mind wandering as I drifted off to sleep. I thought about how it would feel to be with Chase properly, to have him know all my secrets. Could we be happy? There was only one way to find out and that involved telling him about the past.

***

Waking the next morning, I saw Chase’s handsome face next to mine on the pillow. His face relaxed in sleep, he looked at peace. I hated to think that in a few hours’ time he might think differently about me, pity does that to some people and I couldn’t help but hope Chase wasn’t one of them.

I walked to the bedroom door and pulled down a robe that hung from a hook. I tied it round my waist and went on the hunt for my morning caffeine fix. Everything seems better with caffeine in hand. I made my way to the kitchen and found everything I needed relatively easily. I crept back upstairs with two mugs of steaming coffee in hand.

Opening the bedroom door, I saw Chase smile as his eyes raked over me and drank in the sight of me in his robe.

“Good morning,” I said as I sat on the edge of the bed and handed him his drink.

“Good morning,” he said, sitting up in bed.

“How did you sleep?” I asked as I slipped my legs back under the cover and rested my back against the headboard.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he asked, smiling at me.

“Well, I slept quite comfortably, thank you,” I replied, nudging him playfully in the ribs with my elbow.

“Good to know.”

There was that dimple again. He really was handsome. We sat and drank our coffees in a comfortable silence. It wasn’t until his mug was empty that Chase spoke again.

“What are your plans for today?”

“I don’t actually have any. I thought maybe we could spend some time together. There are some things you should know. If you don’t have any plans yourself, that is.”

“I don’t, as it happens. I can give you a lift home for a change of clothes if you would feel more comfortable?”

“That would be great.” I smiled at his thoughtfulness.

I stood and retrieved my clothing from the floor, suddenly remembering that I had left my t-shirt downstairs.

“I’ll fetch it for you.” Chase read my mind.

“It’s okay, I’ll grab it.”

I went to fetch my t-shirt, then went upstairs to get dressed. Chase was already dressed when I returned.

“Would you like some breakfast?”

“Some toast would be great.” I smiled as he walked by me and kissed my cheek.

“Toast it is. Would you like a glass of orange juice or another coffee to go with it?”

“A coffee would be good, thank you.”

With that, Chase left the room, leaving me to get dressed in private.

***

I didn’t want to have ‘that’ conversation with Chase—I couldn’t see it being pretty—all I could see was ugly crying and the need for a box of tissues. I sat and took several deep breaths as I sat on the edge of Chase’s bed. Part of me wanted to grab my things and run, but I knew I wouldn’t get far without my car. All Chase would have to do is get in his car and follow me down the street. Would he do that? Was it worth the risk? I sat and contemplated my options.

I couldn’t make up my mind what I should do, so I picked up my phone and dialled.

“Hey Lys, what’s up?” that voice soothed my frayed nerves.

“Umm…I have a bit of a situation and I don’t know what to do,” I confessed.

“Okay, tell me what’s going on. You know I’ll help you if I can,” came the calm reply.

“I…umm…” I took a deep breath before plunging in, “well, I stayed with Chase last night…”

I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. My hands were shaking and I felt a few stray tears roll down my cheeks.

“Lys, sweetie, take a breath and tell me when you’re ready. I’m here for you, even if that means listening to silence while you gather your thoughts.”

That was the thing about Clark, he was always a shoulder to lean on. He’d become my closest friend other than Justine and she and I weren’t on the best of terms right now. I knew I could trust him with my life and he knew about Ethan too, which should have made it easier to talk to him. With that in mind, I picked up where I left off.

“Well, staying the night with Chase isn’t the issue. I have to tell him about Ethan, I can’t put it off any longer.” As I spoke, tears raced freely down my face. Ethan, my husband, the love of my life. How did I summarise it for Chase?

“Okay, Lys, firstly, take a few calming breaths. I can’t begin to imagine how hard this is for you. Telling me was one thing. First of all, because I am only a friend, and second of all, because your mother confronted the issue.”

“That’s my mother for you.” I sniffed and walked to Chase’s en-suite for some tissue.

“Yeah, she’s a whirlwind, wonder where my girl gets it from.” Clark’s laugh comforted me like a blanket. Calling him before talking to Chase was definitely for the best.

“I’m more of a train-wreck.” I laughed.

“Well, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings,” I could hear him trying not to laugh, but the light tone of this conversation was easing the ball of nervous energy that had gathered in my abdomen.

“Thanks. You’re such a good friend,” my tone was sarcastic and more at ease than I felt.

“I know.”

“Jerk.” I pulled a face at the phone, though he couldn’t see me.

“Ouch, that hurts. Me a jerk? Never!”

“So what do I do?” I steered the conversation back to the point.

“Well, how much do you want him to know? I’m guessing the more you tell him, the better it will be in the long run. I know it’s going to hurt, but it has to be for the best. You like Chase, a lot, I know you do. I’ve seen the way you look at him, and I know he feels something for you too.”

“That’s just it. I shouldn’t feel anything for him. My husband is dead and I’m walking around with my head in the clouds if I think I could have anything real with Chase.”

“Lys, you’re not a daydreamer. Life isn’t so cut and dried, so black and white. Sometimes there are grey areas. Ethan died two years ago, he’d want you to move on. I’m sure he would want you to be loved, to be cherished the way he can no longer do. He would want you to find peace and happiness.”

“I moved here because I couldn’t deal with the constant reminders of Ethan, reminders of the life we were supposed to live together. I didn’t move here in order to find someone else. Love was not on my agenda.”

“Does life have strict rules? Have you ever thought that everything happens for a reason? Maybe you met Chase because you were meant to. Somehow, Ethan guided you together, he made sure that there would be someone in your life to love you the way you are meant to be loved.”

“Is that straight from your mother’s self-help book?” I couldn’t help but snipe. It sounded like a bunch of hippy bullshit and Clark knew how I felt about that.

“Be snippy all you like, Lys, you know I’m right. You think that Ethan would want you to mourn forever? You’re wrong if you do. There’s no time limit on mourning, just as there’s no time limit that you have to reach before it being okay to love again.”

I didn’t know what to do. Clark was right about there being no rules. Why couldn’t someone write a rulebook, then it would be as easy as flipping to the right page for an answer.

“I’m sorry, Clark. I just…Oh I don’t know. I want this to be easy.”

“It’s only as hard as you make it, Lys. You need Chase to know the truth before you can move on with things together. So you have a choice; a) chicken out and prolong the inevitable or b) tell him the truth. He’s a big boy, he can handle it. And if you two are meant to be together, shouldn’t a relationship be built on honesty and trust?”

“Of course it should, but…”

“No buts, Lys. Just plain honesty. He won’t run because you tell him you are a widow. He’s my friend. Trust me when I say I know this man will not hurt you.”

“What if I hurt him?”

“Would you intentionally hurt him?”

“Never.”

“Then there’s your answer.”

He had a point, but I could end up unintentionally hurting him and then what?

“Okay, look, I should go. He’ll be waiting for me downstairs, I guess I’ve kept him waiting long enough, and I don’t just mean today.”

“Go. Tell him everything and then you can tell me I was right! See you soon.”

“See you soon,” I said, ending the call.

***

I’d eaten two pieces of toast, had a glass of OJ, and now had a cup of coffee in hand, but I still wasn’t ready to open up. I had to get a grip. His reaction would be the same if I told him now or waited a day or two. He’d probably be hurt I hadn’t told him sooner, but fundamentally his reaction would be the same. I looked across the kitchen island at Chase and took a steadying breath. I could and would do this.

“The truth is Chase, I’m…well, there’s no easy way for me to say this but, I’m a widow.”

His hand shot across the island and grabbed onto mine. His eyes looked straight into mine, the kindness in his heart reflected in them.

“I was seventeen when we got together and we married when I was twenty. We had such a great life, we had plans for the future and they were cruelly ripped from us when he was diagnosed with ALS. The disease took him faster than anyone would have guessed. He was twenty-eight when he found out and just thirty when he died.”

Tears tumbled quickly and quietly down my cheeks. Chase got up and fetched me a box of tissues. Handing me a tissue, he brought his stool round the island to sit next to me. He didn’t say anything, just held his hand out palm up on his knee. I placed my hand in his and felt slightly comforted as he stroked his thumb across the back. He hadn’t run so far, time to pull my big girl panties up and tell him everything.

“He didn’t die from the ALS. He committed suicide.”

I saw the look of shock register on Chase’s face.

“I wasn’t there when it happened,” I continued. “I was out doing the shopping. Looking back, I should have known what was going to happen, but hindsight is useless really. Something about that day though, I should have cottoned on sooner. He all but pushed me out the door…” I blew my nose. My eyes were blurry and I knew they’d look bloodshot and awful from where Chase was sat.

“You don’t need to do this now, Lys,” he whispered.

“I do. If I don’t get it all out now, I may never say it.”

I had always carried the deepest well of guilt with me since that day. Looking back, I should have known that Ethan pushing me to go shopping was a bad sign, but I hadn’t known. I was a damn fool.

“Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Like I said, he was twenty-eight when he was diagnosed. We thought he’d have longer than he did. The disease progressed more rapidly than anyone would have liked. Ethan never talked about dying, he liked to be positive. Then when he got to thirty, he started talking about life and what it would be like for me once he was gone. He told me that I had to promise to let love into my heart again but I made him no such promise. He talked more and more about when he was gone. It broke my heart on a daily basis.”