Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1) (30 page)

“I had…well,
have
a song like that too. It tears me up to hear it. I’d sit wherever I could and stick my ear-buds in and listen to it when I was alone.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Really? Which song was it? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“It was… It came out after I left but…the words spoke to me.” He cleared his throat as if just thinking about it made him emotional. “It was “Here Without You”
by 3 Doors Down. There’s one particular verse that just…well, you can probably figure it out.”

She stood and slowly walked to the stereo system. She pressed a few buttons, and then the familiar sound of a guitar and the voice of 3 Doors Down’s Brad Arnold broke through the silence. She strolled back across and held her hand out to Jason. “Dance with me?”

He gazed up at her for a moment. She looked so beautiful. He slipped his hand into hers and pulled himself up carefully, feeling the strain in his ribs. The stinging sensation returned to his eyes as he cupped her face and bent to kiss her forehead. Pulling her close into his chest, he wrapped her in his arms and let those damned raw emotions of the past few days…the last month and the past ten years…overflow. The grief for the loss of his best friend and first love…the grief for the loss of his mother and his pain and anger toward his father all poured out.

Suddenly he was sobbing. His body shuddering as the tears spilled from his eyes, soaking into her clothing as she held onto him. At the particular verse that got to him the most, he pulled away and stared into her eyes as if to convey the message within the lyrics directly into her soul. The message that no matter where he'd gone when he was away for all those years, no matter how difficult times had become, the love he felt for her had never faded.

She tiptoed and covered his mouth with her own. Kissing away the pain and anguish. He held on tight to her, never wanting to let her go. Why could this not work? Why could they not figure this out? He wished he knew why she was so reticent. But then he remembered the words she had spoken only minutes before, and he had his answer. Regardless of the reasons behind his leaving, the fact that he left and was gone…lost for so long that it had broken her. Not just her heart, but her trust and her spirit too. He sobbed again, leaning his face into the crook of her neck as she stroked his hair.

“I want to make this better, Jason… I want to help but I don’t know how.”

Jason knew what he wanted. He wanted to be with her. To hold her. To make love to her and to get lost in her again. To forget the fact that this was temporary. To forget that the last ten years had been spent apart. For tonight he wanted to just
be
with her.

Pulling away he gazed into her eyes. “I understand why we’re temporary…or why there is no we. I know what I did hurt you too much. But…just for tonight, let me love you. I just want it to be you and me…for however long we have…even if it
is
just tonight. I want to stop thinking about all the bad stuff. I want to love you… I
do
love you…so much.” He stroked her hair as he poured his heart out.

She took his hand and silently led him toward the stairs and up. Jason wiped at his eyes as he followed her. She opened a door and led him inside her pretty bedroom. He glanced around but his gaze soon came back to her. She stepped closer to him, and he caressed her cheek with his thumb. Bending to kiss her, he closed his eyes and breathed in her scent.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Stevie pulled at Jason’s T-shirt and he bent forward, lifting his arms stiffly. Once she had removed it, she dropped it to the floor and smoothed her hands over his chest tracing his tattoos with her fingertips. He watched her as she moved her hands over his taut skin. She bent and kissed the bullet scar and bruising at his side and continued to trail kisses back across his stomach and up to his pecs. He closed his eyes and inhaled, expanding his chest under her touch. He really was stunning.

When his eyes were locked on hers once again, she took hold of the hem of her own shirt and lifted her arms over her head, removing the item and discarding it on the floor. She unfastened and stepped out of her jeans and stood before him in just her pale blue satin underwear. They had seen each other undress when she visited him in Scotland, but this was more intimate, emotion hanging thickly in the air between them as they gazed at each other longingly.

She took control once again, freeing Jason from his jeans and pushing them to the floor so that he could step out of them. Kneeling before him she continued to cover him in gentle kisses as she gazed up at his dark, hooded eyes. While she caressed him with her tongue and clung to his hips, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose as he clenched his jaw. He ran his hands over her hair as she revelled in the taste of his skin. Suddenly, he grabbed her and pulled her to standing again without speaking but winced as he moved, the bruising clearly giving him some discomfort

She pulled her brows into a frown. “Why?”

“It felt too good and I want this to last as long as possible,” he whispered. She closed her eyes as she smoothed her hands up his muscular back and he unclasped her bra and pulled it down her arms, discarding it along with everything else. Tilting her chin upward he placed a tender kiss on her lips; his were still wet from the tears he had shed. The taste of salt water mingled with the taste of the wine he had drunk not so long before. The last remaining clothing was removed and left wherever it fell.

Stepping back, she pulled him with her and they lay together caressing each other and placing feather light kisses wherever they touched. Her fingers caressed him gently where the purple hue of bruising scarred him temporarily. He touched her cheek and kissed her forehead tenderly without speaking. Carefully, she pushed him onto his back and straddled his torso, staring down at his toned, muscular chest and thinking to herself that even bruised and battered she had never seen such an erotic, breath-taking sight as Jason’s body and his lust filled gaze staring back at her.

She bent to kiss the bruises at his side, his chest, his neck, and then his mouth, where she lingered cautiously for fear of hurting the cuts that were only just beginning to heal, running her hands through his shaggy hair. Her tongue explored his mouth, teasing and tasting as it moved and eliciting a deep moan from within him. He didn’t seem to care about his cut lip as he kissed her back with increasing fervour.

She broke the kiss, reached over to her nightstand, and opened the top drawer. She was sure she still had protection hidden in there but was beginning to think she was wrong when her fingers eventually touched the edges of a small box. Finding what she needed, she silently opened the packet, moving back slightly so that she could cover Jason’s arousal. He hissed air in through his teeth as she touched him, and he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he pulled her face down to his, once again ignoring the wounds he carried, and took her mouth in a hungry kiss that set her skin on fire, one hand in her hair and the other squeezing her bottom and hip as if he couldn’t get her close enough.

Manoeuvring herself so she could take him in, she did so, slowly and without taking her eyes away from his. He smoothed his hands up her thighs to her hips and continued up until he cupped her breasts, kneading them and toying with the pink buds that were already peaked. As she moved on him, she relished the feeling of being connected so intimately to, and filled by, the man she had always adored. He closed his eyes as she placed her hands over his and slid her hands down toward his shoulders where she gripped him as she began her ascent to ecstasy. She tried to focus on locking her eyes on his, wanting him to see her and wanting to see him too as they made love, but the pleasure coursing through her body made it difficult.

She leaned into him, and he pulled himself up so that he was sitting, to meet her in another needy, urgent kiss, their breathing a mirror of each other’s desire as they climbed and soared skyward together. Their bodies, now slick with sweat, slipped over each other, and she glanced down to where they were joined, watching in awe and thinking how amazing they looked connected in this way. Jason reached down between their bodies and massaged her tender spot making her cry out as she moved on him, taking him deeper.

As she climaxed and clenched around him, Jason followed close behind. They clung to each other desperately, mumbling heartfelt words of love and adoration. She held him and he enveloped her in his arms. She could feel his heart pounding against her body as he held her close. She stayed in his arms with him still buried inside her until they calmed, floating back to earth and sharing tender kisses and touches.

****

Jason lay there with Stevie curled into him as she traced his tattoos again. They seemed to fascinate her and it made him smile.

He inhaled deeply and kissed her head. “Thank you.”

She propped herself up on one elbow looking down at him. “For what?”

“Taking my mind off all the crap in my life. It felt good to concentrate on you and me for a while.”

She kissed his shoulder. “It was a purely selfish act.” She grinned and blushed.

He pulled his brows into a frown. “How so?”

“Because you’re really good in the sack, Mr. Reynolds. I mean
really
good.” Her mischievous smile was contagious, and he couldn’t help returning it with a wide one of his own.

“Oh
really
? Well that’s good to know. Maybe you’d like to write me a reference.”

She pretended to think, looking to the ceiling and tapping her chin. “Hmmm, we could build you a website and offer your services out. I could write a testimonial.”

He chuckled. “Oh yeah? Thanks, but a career change into becoming a male escort is one I think I’ll pass on… I think I’ll stick to running my camp.” He turned slightly, cringing at the pain as he moved. “Seriously though…thank you.” He touched her cheek with deep tenderness. “When I’m with you…when we…make love…it’s…there’s this connection… I know I’ve said it before, but it’s the truth. It’s like the rest of the world ceases to exist whilst we’re joined to each other in that way.” Heat rose in his cheeks, and he rolled his eyes, covering his face for a second. “God that sounds
so
bloody corny and a bit too deep for me.” Embarrassment curled around his gut as he watched for her reaction hoping she didn’t laugh.

She shook her head. Her face was completely serious. “No…it’s not corny, Jason. I feel it too.” Her voice was just above a whisper as if it pained her to admit it.

“When you were with Miles…was it ever this good?” He cringed as soon as the words had left his mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry, that’s none of my business. Scrap that question. Forget I asked.” He closed his eyes, wishing he could take the question back.

“Jason, look at me.” He opened his eyes again cautiously and hers were locked on his now with such clarity.

“Nothing has
ever
been as good as this. No one has
ever
made me feel the way you do. I’ve never experienced pleasure like that with anyone else. Only you.”

Deep sadness reflected in her eyes back at him. “You don’t sound too happy about it.”

She turned her face away from him. “That’s because I’m not. If it was
just
sex I’d know that I’d be able to walk away with my heart intact…well, what’s left of it anyway, but now I somehow doubt that I will.”

Feeling encouraged by her admission, he cupped her cheek. “Then
don’t
walk away, Stevie. I want you. And I get the feeling you want me too. We’d be so good together. We always were. Can’t we just see where this goes? There’s so much history between us, and I feel like we
could
do this together. I mean…it’d be difficult admittedly, but I think—” He was on the verge of begging but stopped in the nick of time, biting his tongue.

She reached up and touched the bruising under his eye with her fingertips. “Please…can we
not
talk about this now? Can we just
be
together? We know where things will go if we set foot on that road again and…I can’t…not now.”

Jason nodded reluctantly again. He sat awkwardly holding his side and wincing. “Okay. Look it’s late…I should get a cab—”

“Just stay. It’s silly to leave now. And you were comfy. I’ll cook breakfast for you later, and you never know, Dillon might call. He only lives a short distance away from me. It seems silly to go all the way back to the hotel when you could walk to his flat from here.”

In his mind, Jason fist bumped the air victoriously. He didn’t need to be convinced. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Absolutely.”

Jason lay back down, pulled her next to his body again, and closed his eyes. It wasn’t long before sleep took him.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Jason awoke to the delicious aroma of bacon and eggs permeating the floorboards into the bedroom where he had slept wrapped around Stevie for the remainder of the night. His stomach growled in response, and his mouth watered in readiness. He began to stretch but stopped when pain stabbed his side—a stark reminder of the events that had transpired the day before. Grabbing his clothing, he quickly called into the bathroom to examine his purple tinged features and flinched at the battered face that peered back at him from the mirror. He shook his head and turned to make his way downstairs.