Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1) (7 page)

Thank fuck.

He paced up and down again, becoming more and more agitated. Checking the clock for the hundredth time, he realised it was eleven thirty.

She wasn’t coming.

Surely, she wouldn’t come to see him now? He checked out of the window but there was no sign of her.
Fuck it!
She would
have
to listen to him. This week would be his only chance to explain. Now that the past had come back to haunt him in female form, the only
other
option would be going back down
there
to talk to her when she had left. And that wasn’t happening. There was no way he would be setting foot in that hellhole. No, he would just have to force the issue whilst she was here.
Make
her listen.

He switched on his iPod in its docking station and paced up and down a little. The soothing voice of Soundgarden’s Chris Cornell sang “Black Hole Sun”.

Why am I so fucking restless?
The last time he remembered feeling like this was out in the war zone before going out on patrol. It was his fight or flight mentality kicking in, and this was definitely one time he
wanted
to fight. Not literally of course. But he wanted the chance to explain everything. Although it would depend on whether or not she gave him a chance
to do that, and her lack of presence at his cabin wasn’t helping the situation. The hairs on the back of his neck stood to attention and he walked over to the kitchen window to look out one last time.

****

Trying to get twenty fifteen-year-olds to go to bed at eleven o’clock was no mean feat, especially when most of them came from households where a specific bedtime routine didn’t exist.  By the time the last teen was safely tucked in bed, David and Stevie were exhausted. They said their goodnights and headed off to their respective cabins.

Closing the door on the night, she showered and slipped into her pyjamas. Thankfully, she had remembered to pack her favourite Stewart tartan bottoms and red tank top. At least, she had
something
comforting and familiar. It was quite a balmy night, and she was sure that sleep would evade her, thanks to the days rather perplexing events.

Before flopping onto her bed, she fumbled around in her bag for her iPod, plugged in its mini speaker, selected the random song mode, and hit play. So what if it was almost eleven thirty. Music usually helped her to get to sleep. Unfortunately, her iPod seemed to have other ideas. In fact it seemed to be totally conspiring against her. The first track was “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette. It was a track that reminded her of Jason.
Typical
. They had first heard it on a music channel that was having a nineties day. She had thought it was one of the most honest songs she had ever heard. She had told Jason that she could have written the words especially for him. He had kissed her and held her close as the song had played.

When tears began to sting her eyes, she reached over and hit the forward button. Next, “
It’s Been Awhile”
by Staind took over her senses, another track that reminded her of Jason.
Aaargh!
He had learned the song especially and had played it to her on his guitar in her room. She had cried silently as she had absorbed the words. There had been such a look of anguish on his face as he sang with his eyes closed. It was as if there was some hidden meaning behind the lyrics that he was trying to express. But whatever it was she couldn’t decipher it at the time, and so she had just listened to his soothing voice and watched him play, his fingers caressing the fret board in a way that made her stomach twist. She always loved to hear him play, and in the ten years since he disappeared, her heart ached every time she heard acoustic guitar.

Heaving a deep sigh and feeling very frustrated and far too melancholy, she hit forward again. The next song didn’t help at all. “White Flag” by Dido. This song had been released not long after Jason’s disappearance. The lyrics had tugged at her broken heart, and she had spent hours listening to the song, curled into a ball on her bed, sobbing at her memories. She had played it over and over, somehow hoping that wherever he was he would hear it or feel it at least. The words told the Jason that she couldn’t see or touch that her heart would be his no matter what. They told him that she would
never
give up. She would
never
love anyone like she loved him. It was the song that sealed her fate. And she had held true to her promise. It was the song that stayed with her.

Of all the hundreds of songs on her iPod, why were
these
the three that played? Why did it seem that an inanimate object was out to get her? To break her heart all over again and bring the hardest memories back to the forefront of her mind? She questioned herself internally as to why the hell she hadn’t deleted the songs long ago. But secretly she knew the answer.

She had never let go of him.

She gave up on the idea of music and turned the player off, choosing to lay there in silence with tears streaming from her eyes, trickling past her ears, and soaking into her hair. She wiped them away, but the more she wiped, the more they appeared. The relentless tears taunting her and adding to her heartache at seeing Jason, alive and well and only a few hundred yards away right at that very minute.

Chapter Four

Day Two Of Hell

Stevie awoke on the top of her bed covers. Thankfully, she had fallen asleep before giving in to the powerful urge to go to Jason’s cabin. She wondered if he had waited for her, telling herself that she didn’t care if he’d sat up all night.

She quickly showered and towel dried her hair before dressing in cargo pants and a T-shirt. Mountain biking was the delight she had to face today, and she had as much enthusiasm for that as she would for running naked down Wilmersden High Street.

From the direction of the main hut, the smell of bacon infiltrated her nostrils and made her tummy growl. As she walked, the sound of giggling and conversation floated through the air as the kids chatted excitedly about the day ahead whilst they ate their hearty Scottish breakfasts. They were being collected by coach and taken to a cycle hire place in the Rothiemurchus Forest. This was a first for her.

The most she had ever done on a bike was when she and Jason went for a ride by the river, stopping off at their favourite spot for a picnic. She had always loved their trips down by the river. There was a little meadow that led to their favourite spot. They would sit chatting and kissing for hours, relishing each other’s company. They never had much time for other friends. Every available minute was spent together, the fact that made Jason’s disappearance all the more painful. It was like she’d lost half of herself when he’d gone.

David tapped her shoulder and smiled widely. “Morning, Mrs. Norton. Sleep well?”

“Yes. I just crashed and didn’t move,” she told him truthfully.

“Yeah. Comfy beds, eh?”

“Very. Are you eating?” She backed away and gestured to the hot buffet.

He patted his belly with a smile. “Already had my fill. I reckon we’ll need the energy! I hope you’re feeling fit today.”

“Fit to bloody drop,” she muttered.

He frowned. “Sorry? I didn’t catch that.”

“I said, yes, I hope the temperature drops.”

“Ah, yeah, it’s a warm one. But drink plenty of water and you’ll be fine.”

He walked over to a group of kids who had finished eating and were chatting to Dorcas. He joined their conversation, which had the boys rolling their eyes and the girls simply choosing to walk away.

Smiling and shaking her head at the kids’ negative reactions, she grabbed a plate and spooned on some of the fluffy scrambled egg, realising she was starving after the emotional exhaustion of the bizarre events the day before. She placed two slices of wholemeal toast on her plate and made her way to an empty table. Looking around her, she checked for unwanted company and breathed a sigh of relief as she sat down.

“You decided not to come then.” She jumped as the heat of Jason’s breath at her ear made her shudder.
Where the hell did he spring from? And
for goodness sake, why can’t he just let me be?

She snapped her narrowed eyes up to his. “I fell asleep.”

“Whatever.” He snorted derisively. “It’s maybe just as well.” He sat down beside her, as the rest of the room seemed to clear.
Great bloody timing again
. He looked stunning. Long shorts and a tight black T-shirt. His dark hair scraped back off his face in that half ponytail thing again. The stubble along his jaw line made her fingers ache to touch it.

She bit her lip and rolled her eyes, wishing he would just leave. “And why would you say that, Jason?” She sighed.

“Because I’m not sure you could handle being in my presence…
alone
.” He widened his eyes infinitesimally for a split second as he gave her a lascivious grin.

Oh God, he was off with the arrogance again. Clearly, something he resorted to when not getting his own way. She turned to face him. “You seem to think you’re some kind of stunning gift to women all of a sudden. And how
wrong
you are.” She shook her head as if to emphasise her point.

He chuckled, and after checking around conspiratorially, he leaned in to whisper again. “Really? Is that why your nipples were poking through your top when you were ogling me yesterday?” His eyes drifted down to her breasts.

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms to cover them. “Oh, for goodness sake. Really? Please
get over
yourself.” Her voice was just above a whisper in case little ears were close by. She snorted incredulously.

He smiled before standing to leave. Relief washed over her. But just when she was beginning to feel safe, he bent so that his mouth was next to her ear again. “You and I both know how turned on you were yesterday when you were watching me. Don’t bother trying to deny it. You liked the view. And
I
had an effect on you. You wanted me to touch you, to run my fingers down your stomach and into your panties. I
know
you did.”

A shiver travelled from the point where his hot breath singed her skin, down her body, and spiked at the junction of her thighs. She clamped her knees together and closed her eyes. Her body’s betrayal again made anger well up inside her.

With flared nostrils and clenched teeth, she bit out, “Fuck off, Jason.”

“Tut tut…and you a teacher too.” He chuckled darkly and walked away.

What the hell was
wrong
with the man? One minute he was desperately trying to get her listen to him and the next he was talking dirty and being an arrogant, self-absorbed arsehole. Clearly, she didn’t know him at all.

****

Once all the teens were on the coach, David and Stevie climbed aboard. David went straight to the back to settle the usual suspects down from their raucous state whilst she took her seat. Dorcas stepped on the bus next and sat at the opposite side giving her a wide grin.

Stevie forced a smile. “Oh, I didn’t realise you were joining us on the coach, Dorcas.”

“Yes, it makes more sense for me and Jason to tag along with yous lot. Saves taking the Landy or the bike.”

Her eyes widened. “J-Jason’s coming on here too?” She swallowed hard just as David returned.

“Oh hi, Dorcas. Mind if I sit with you?” he asked enthusiastically with a friendly smile.

She patted the seat beside her. “Not at all. We can continue our chat from earlier.”

Panic rose in Stevie's gut. “But, David, shouldn’t you sit with me?”

“What’s up? Scared I’ll bite?”

She snapped her head up and was met with the dark chocolate eyes of the mercurial man she was hoping to avoid. “Of course not…I just…I thought…”

Jason sat down beside her with a bounce and a wide teasing grin, his thigh rubbing up against hers. “Well, stop thinking. It’s not good for you.” He winked. Oh great, and now he was in a playful mood. She was seriously struggling to keep up.

Turning her face away, she gazed out of the window, hoping that he’d take the hint and leave her alone. But his cologne invaded her nostrils. There was no denying the fact that he smelled delicious, masculine, and earthy. And although it was very different to what she remembered from the Jason she’d known before, there was something strangely familiar about it. Maybe it was the underlying smell of just
him
. Whatever it was, it evoked unwelcome feelings from deep within her that she very much wanted to stamp on.

She was
not
going there again.

Leaning in closer to her, he whispered, “You’re going to have to talk to me at some point, Stevie. You can’t avoid me all week.”