Rebel Kiss: A Historical Romance Novel (Scottish Rebels Book 1) (11 page)

“I’ve not spoken
of it since it happened,” Quinn said, swallowing hard.  “Now that I’ve started,
it feels right tae let it out,” Quinn confided, speaking softly.  “And ye seem
tae be a good listener.”  He guided the horse up the road, making a subtle
clicking sound with his tongue.

“Just know that
you may stop if you wish.  I will not press you further,” Anna insisted,
feeling another pang of guilt as Quinn continued with his story.

“Before her Da
left, he asked me tae take care of her.  And I asked for his blessing on our marriage. 
I should have marrit her right then, found a priest and…” his words were
wrought with emotion.

“You couldn’t have
known, Quinn,” Anna whispered softly, knowing how miserable memories could be
when you wished that you had done something differently.

“But I told him
that I would take care of her, and I failed,” Quinn said, tears now threatening
to flow from his eyes as he grieved Mairi’s loss again.  Using his shoulder, he
wiped harshly at his eyes.  “Rowan wanted tae go along with Da.  He has always
been a rebel and he wanted tae fight with our clansmen in the Rising, wanted
tae help defeat the English.  Da wouldna allow it and forced Rowan tae stay
behind so that he could help me protect Mairi and raise Malcolm.  Da saved
Rowan’s life.  Rowan’s always been hot headed, probably would have gotten
himself killed tryin’ tae do something heroic in battle.”

Anna began to
understand the challenges and struggles that the Murrays had suffered in their
short lives.  Her heart went out to the brothers; losing both of their parents
must have been so difficult.  Anna felt a pang of guilt as she realized that
her financial problems were not so terrible.  Her problems paled in comparison
to the hardships that the Murrays had endured.

“Mairi left her
parent’s farm and moved in with us.  She took up in Mam and Da’s bedroom.  We
had a couple of months of happiness.  Those were the best weeks of my life,
havin’ her there by my side, working on the farm and having her tae come home
tae at night,” Quinn said, swallowing hard and trying to prevent tears of
weakness from falling.  “I can remember so clearly how it felt tae kiss her,
tae touch her…”

“I’m so sorry,
Quinn,” Anna said, unable to find any words that might be of comfort to him. 
“You don’t need to tell me anymore.  I see that it’s difficult…” she stammered.

“I ken that I
doona have tae tell ye this.  I wouldna if I didna want tae,” Quinn said
frankly.  “It feels right tae let it out now, tae tell someone,” Quinn
whispered, clearing his throat.

“Thank you for
trusting me,” Anna whispered.

“Ye have a way that
puts me at ease,” Quinn confided before clearing his throat again and
continuing.  “I was out working in the field when the English arrived at our
farm.  Malcolm came running from the house, eyes wild with fear.  He told me
that they were holding Mairi in the house.  I’ve never felt such fear or such blinding
rage in all of my life,” his voice was thick, muscles stiff as he recounted his
emotions.  “There were just sae many of them.  It was a whole company of English
soldiers sent tae clear out the Highlands, trying tae rid the land of any
further uprising against their King.  We had done nothing wrong,” Quinn said
angrily, controlled rage ringing heavy in his voice.

Anna drew in a
shaky breath. 
Her
people had done this to Quinn.  A flood of shame
washed over her. 

“When I got tae
the house, they grabbed me, it took at least three of them tae restrain me from
getting tae her.  Rowan was knocked out on the floor by the hearth.  I wasna
even sure if he was alive at that point.  He had fought mightily tae protect
her, but there were just tae damn many of them.  They beat him within an inch
of his life.”

Anna swallowed
hard.  She was English.

My people did
this to you, Quinn.

Anna thought of
Rowan and the courage it must have taken to fight off the English soldiers,
knowing that he was so vastly outnumbered.  She could visualize Rowan, beaten
and bloodied on the floor.  How had his spirit remained unbroken after this?

“He loved her
almost as much as I did,” Quinn chuckled, remembering how Mairi and Rowan would
go after one another.  “They fought like brother and sister.  Both of them were
bloody stubborn, and they had a few rows fit tae bring down the roof.  But
there were other times when they were the best of friends.  I think that their
personalities were just tae similar for them tae get on well all the time. I do
ken that he loved her, and he almost died tryin’ tae keep her safe.”

Quinn glanced over
his shoulder to check on his brothers, thoughts having come back to Rowan at
present.  Rowan was still walking next his horse, leading her by the reins,
chatting amiably with Malcolm, who was kicking the larger rocks out of the
roadway with his boots.  Quinn could tell that Malcolm was frustrated about
something, and it appeared that Rowan was counseling him about whatever plagued
him.

Quinn turned back
around and readjusted himself in the saddle, collecting his thoughts.  A few moments
passed in silence before he began to speak again.

“Malcolm was so
brave.  He wasna yet seventeen at the time.  It couldna have been easy for him
tae watch them beat Rowan.   I’m still not sure how he managed tae get away and
come find me in the field.  Malcolm thought that they had killed Rowan.  I just
remember how wild his eyes were with fear.”

Anna now realized
the importance of Malcolm reiterating to her that he wasn’t a child and had
been forced to grow up fast after the death of his parents.  This sweet boy had
seen far too much over the course of his short life.  His brothers were now everything
that he had left in the world.

“I can still
remember the way that she looked at me, the piercing look in her eyes when I
walked intae the house.  Her bottom lip was swollen and bloodied.  She had the
beginnings of a black eye and her hair was all amiss.  I ken that she must have
fought like the devil against them, she and Rowan made quite the pair when they
were riled up, but there were just tae many of the soldiers for them tae fight
off.  Seein’ her like that made me want tae kill them, but there was nothing
that I could do.  There were just tae many…” Quinn said, swallowing hard as he
relived the helplessness and regret that he felt about not being able to save
Mairi.

Anna gripped
Quinn’s hand more firmly, trying to show him that she now understood his pain
and offering her support as he continued to relive his horrible memories.

“The leader of the
soldiers threw her up on the kitchen table.  She fought like hell, screaming
and punching at him, but he was just sae much stronger than her… I tried tae
get tae her, tae fight them off, but I couldna.  He beat her badly tae get her
tae stop fighting him, but she wouldna, stubborn as she was.  He had tae get
another man tae come and restrain her on the table.”

Hot tears flowed
down Anna’s cheeks as she listened to Quinn recount the painful memory.  These
soldiers were English.  They were her people and she hated them for what they
had done to the Murray brothers.

“They took great
joy in beating me, laughing and taunting me as I continued tae try tae get to
Mairi.  There was nothing more that I could do…she was beaten sae badly, she
finally gave up and lay still against the table.  When I saw the fight go out
of her, I stopped resisting them sae that I could lock eyes with her.  I wanted
tae be there for her in the only way that I could,” he said, voice trembling,
tears flowing freely down his cheeks.  “Her eyes said everything tae me.  They
pierced my soul with the depth of her love, and I knew that she was saying
goodbye.  I mouthed the words telling her that I loved her in Gaelic, and she
smiled ever so slightly.  She held my gaze as he raped her, and there was
nothing that I could do tae stop it.”

Anna squeezed
Quinn’s hand sympathetically and wiped the tears from her eyes with her other
hand.  She could not find words to express her sorrow for Quinn.  She now fully
understood why he was “broken.”

“They pulled
Malcolm and me outside sae that he could finish alone with her,” Quinn said
quietly, wiping away his tears with his shirt sleeve.  “Pulled Rowan out as
well, he was still breathing, but just barely clinging tae life.  They tossed
him on the ground next tae us and tied us all together with a length of rope.”

Quinn was silent
for a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing. “I’d hoped that he would
finish raping her and leave her be, at least give her a chance tae make it,” he
said, his voice wavering.  “But it ‘twas not tae be.  They drug us over towards
a wagon.  Malcolm and I had tae pull Rowan between us because he was still
unconscious.   I saw Mairi through the open door of our house, lying up on the
table. She was completely still.  Her eyes were blank, lifeless.  Right then, I
felt my heart die.”

“Oh my God,
Quinn,” Anna whispered, bringing her hand up to her mouth to muffle the sound
of her crying.  Tears streamed down her face and she wiped at them with the
sleeve of her gown, trying desperately to hold herself together, to be strong
for Quinn.

“Raping her wasna
enough.  He had tae kill her too,” Quinn said angrily, voice ringing with rage. 
“I dropped Rowan and lashed out at the soldier nearest tae me, screaming for
him tae kill me too.  That’s the last thing that I remember before he punched
me square in the jaw and knocked me out.” Quinn reflexively reached up and
rubbed his right jaw as if still feeling the pain of the blow.  “I woke up in
the back of the wagon later that day and I remember looking up at Malcolm.  He
had Rowan laid out on one side of him and me on the other.  He was just sitting
there with this look of shock, of utter disbelief on his face.”

“Poor Malcolm,”
Anna said, the soft spot in her heart for the boy growing.  She thought of how
Malcolm had professed his love for her in the chapel and her heart wrenched. He
was right; he was definitely not a child anymore.

“I wondered why
they hadna just killed us with Mairi.   Malcolm told me that the Colonel had
decided to spare our lives because we reminded him of his own three sons who
were similar to our ages.  Being ever sae merciful and not wanting tae see
further bloodshed,” Quinn seethed, remembering the words of the English Colonel
who had raped Mairi, “he chose tae have us transported tae the New World
instead of killing us.  I’ve wished a thousand times over that I could have
died right there with her,” Quinn said, his voice tortured, “because all I do
now is wish that I was dead sae that I could see her again.”

“Is that what she
would have wanted for you?” Anna whispered cautiously, afraid to anger Quinn by
speaking of Mairi’s memory.  “I think that she would have wanted you to keep
living, to live for both of you.”

Quinn roughly
pulled the horse to a stop.  “Malcolm!” he shouted over his shoulder, to which
the boy immediately responded by jogging up next to the large black horse.
“Help Anna down, we’re takin’ a break.”

Malcolm reached up
and lifted Anna down carefully from the horse.  She looked up at Quinn, sorry
that her words had hurt him.  He was looking into the forest blankly, lost in
his memories and regret.

                                                           
..ooOoo..

“Ride with me,”
Rowan said, grabbing Anna’s hand as she prepared to climb back onto Quinn’s
horse.

Anna regarded
Rowan quizzically and jerked her hand away.

“You’re riding
with me now,” Rowan said more firmly, glancing up at Quinn with eyes that
challenged him not to interfere.

“You’ve not spoken
to me all day and now you expect me to obey your orders?” Anna’s temper flared
as she squared her shoulders and crossed her arms defiantly.

“Ye have been
quite rude tae her today,” Quinn chimed in, smirking at his brother.

“Bugger off,”
Rowan said dismissively at Quinn.  He shifted his gaze to Anna and exhaled
slowly, collecting himself.  She could be so stubborn, so frustrating at times,
but damn she was beautiful.  Especially when she was mad.

“Alright, I have
been rude today,” Rowan admitted reluctantly. “Will ye please ride with me,
Anna?”

Anna’s defenses
softened and she let out her breath slowly.  “Alright,” she said, conceding as
butterflies of uncertainty went wild in her stomach.  What would she say to
Rowan after what had transpired between them last night?

Rowan did not
speak as Anna followed him to where the mare was tethered.  He helped Anna up
onto the horse and then swung himself into the saddle behind her.

“I’m still cross
with you.  I was not planning to concede.  I wanted to speak to you about what
happened last night, but you were too occupied with ignoring me,” Anna said
coolly as she tucked her wayward blonde hair behind her ear.  “I simply did not
want to cause a scene in front of your brothers, and it is very difficult to
say no to you when you look at me like that, Rowan.”

“Look at ye like
what?” Rowan asked innocently, kicking the mare into motion and trotting up the
road ahead of Quinn and Malcolm.

“Like
that
! 
You get this lopsided smile and when you look at me like and it makes me feel…I
cannot explain it…” Anna trailed off shyly, unable to find the right words to
describe how Rowan could affect her rational thoughts just by looking at her in
a certain way.

Rowan smiled
mischievously into her hair and didn’t respond.  He was angry at Anna’s refusal
of his attentions last night, but his heart could not reconcile staying angry
when he held Anna in his arms.

“Why did you leave
me last night in the hallway?” Anna asked suddenly, her emotions still stinging
from Rowan’s rebuff last night.  “You left without allowing me to explain…”