Red Hot Touch (4 page)

CONDOMS: NEW USES FOR THE OLD RELIABLE RAINCOAT

Of course, you should keep condoms stashed in your nightstand if that’s your method of birth control and to guard against sexually transmitted diseases. But what you might
not
know is that rubbers can be used in other ways. If you’re up for exploring the back alley—aka anal penetration—putting a condom over your finger before you head in can help immensely on the hygiene front. For one, this will protect both partners from STDs. Two, since fingers that have been in the exit can’t subsequently enter the vagina due to risk of infection, using a raincoat out back allows you to keep the fun rolling without a time-out to wash your hands.

While condoms may be the most widely available method to cover up before an anal excursion, there are alternatives, including dental dams (also known as latex shields), cleaning gloves (either latex, vinyl, or nitrile), and female condoms (which are made out of vinyl). Just remember, latex will break down if it comes in contact with massage oil, Vaseline, or any oil-based substance. If this limitation concerns you, stick with non-latex options. P.S.: We know female condoms haven’t caught on like wildfire yet, but for what it’s worth, we’ve tried them and give them two thumbs up.

A SENSUAL MASSAGE TO REMEMBER

Y
ou look like you could use a massage …”

This single phrase has probably launched more sexual mayhem than all other come-ons combined. And for good reason: A thorough rubdown relaxes what’s tense, perks up what’s tired, and sends an unmistakable message to the brain that says,
Wow, that feels good. Give me more.
The perfect warm-up to more serious sexcapades, a massage can even convince people who swear they
aren’t
in the mood to rethink matters a little. Even if your partner’s bushed, stressed, or glued to a
Law & Order
marathon, try kneading his shoulders or rubbing her feet and watch the temperature rise.

Pretty much all massages feel good; your hands have a general idea what to do. Still, if you want to stand out from the sea of amateurs and give an extraordinary massage, this chapter will help you raise the bar. In addition to providing step-by-step instructions to giving a phenomenal massage, we have also addressed some key issues that people often
wonder about but are too embarrassed to ask, such as
Does my recipient need to be completely naked? Should I strip down to my birthday suit, too? What if he pops a boner when I’m caressing his pecs? What if, out of the blue, she bursts into tears?
(Believe it or not, crying mid-massage is extremely common; we’ll explain why it happens and what to do.)

STEP 1: SETTING SOME GROUND RULES

We know you’re probably raring to strip down and get your hands wandering, but the very first thing you should do—and we know this sounds dull—is talk. Granted, giving a massage isn’t like drawing up a UN peace treaty, but still, you’d be surprised how different people’s expectations can be, and how awkward things can get if you find out mid-massage that you’re not on the same page. For example, the massager for the evening might be thinking,
Boy, I’ll bet the sex we’re gonna have will be amazing!
Meanwhile, the massagee might be looking forward to getting a rubdown—period. Such misunderstandings will lead nowhere good, so that’s why it’s best to lay your cards on the table by broaching the following questions:

• What does your partner want to get out of the experience—to relax, get revved up for steamy sex, alleviate lower back pain, work out the kinks in a foot cramp, or something else? Massagers should also reveal their hopes and not despair if their dream scenario is light-years from their subject’s. Try to strike a middle ground, or if none can be found the recipient should get his or her way and promise to return the favor later. Of course, once you’ve begun the massage and are in the thick of things, it’s entirely possible one or both of you might change your mind. That’s fine (and we’ll show you a tactful way to change course later), but still, it helps to air what you’re thinking at the outset so you don’t set yourself up for disappointment.
  

• Does your partner want to kick back and just enjoy the massage without lifting a finger, or would he or she prefer to take on a more active role and touch you, too? For that matter, do you even
  want
  to be touched? Some might actually prefer to focus 100 percent of their energy on giving without any distractions. While such a one-way exchange may feel a little strange since most sexual exchanges involve more give-and-take, consider trying it for a refreshing change of pace. You can have fun and even role-play—masseuse/client, maharaja/courtesan—if that allows you to more easily switch gears and embrace this new experience.
  

• What would you both like to wear—and bare? Clothing does tend to get in the way, so if you’re both fine in the buff, great. However, if you’re on the shy side, or have just started dating, or would otherwise like to maintain a little more mystery, then you might wear a bathing suit, pajamas, your stretchy yoga outfit, a sarong, or use what professional masseuses call “draping”—strategically placed bed sheets or towels that cover what needs covering but keep the body free from the constructing confines of clothing.
  

• How long will the massage last? Will there be breaks? Establishing a rough time frame is helpful for you since you can pace yourself accordingly and not get tired. But it’s also beneficial for your partner who might get sleepy or, conversely, start feeling antsy. Knowing the time frame can help ease jitters.
  

• Would your partner like you to use massage oil or lubrication on the genitals? These are not the kinds of things you want to spring (or rather, squirt) on someone unawares. Also ask if your partner has any allergies or is prone to rashes or yeast/urinary tract infections so you can avoid products that might result in a nasty post-massage surprise.
  

• Are there certain areas on the body where your partner would like to receive a little extra attention? Even if as the massager you think the answer’s obvious, ask anyway: You may be surprised to learn your guy loves having his ears rubbed, or that your gal’s knees are her own personal sweet spot. Also ask if there are any areas that are best avoided. Some people are cursed with a ticklish stomach or feet so it would be pure torture to have these spots touched; others might just say that shoulder rubs just don’t do much for them. Identifying these no-go zones clearly ahead of time not only will make for a more personalized, pleasurable massage, but will increase peace of mind, since the recipient won’t have to worry that you may start heading in an undesirable direction.
  

STEP 2: SOME PRE-MASSAGE PREP WORK

Now that we’ve got all that yakking out of the way, you can start setting up shop. Here are a few other things you should take care to do before you dig in.

Trim/File Your Nails

Sure, long talons may have a certain sex kitten appeal, but they’ll lose their allure pretty fast once they’re gouging someone’s shoulders. So do your partner a favor and make sure your claws don’t extend more than a millimeter or two beyond your fingertips. If you’re a nail biter, file off any scraggly, gnawed-off edges that might scrape the skin. If
your hands are dry, massage oil (particularly coconut oil) will do wonders to soften them. To further sand down any rough patches, make a salt scrub by mixing one teaspoon of salt per one tablespoon of coconut oil and wash your hands with it.

Time It for When Your Partner Isn’t Too Tired

Massages can turn even bright-eyed, bushy-tailed types into sleeping beauties. To avoid a snooze fest, schedule your session for a time when your partner will be awake enough to enjoy it.

Hold Off on Eating Until Afterwards

Heavy meals and massages don’t mix well for a couple of reasons. For one, it’s uncomfortable to have your stomach pressed if it’s stuffed with a hoagie or half a pizza. Two, after you eat, your blood makes a beeline for the digestive organs, while a massage attempts to increase circulation
throughout
the body, which means you’ll be fighting an upstream battle. So hold off on getting a massage for at least an hour after you’ve eaten, or at the very least, stick to light snacking, and plan a post-massage feast.

STEP 3: THE INS AND OUTS OF BREATHING

Breathing—you know, where you draw air in and out of your lungs—probably isn’t something we need to remind you to do, during a massage or otherwise. Still, there are ways to enhance your massage experience through breathing:

Breathe Deep for a Better Massage

Many people breathe too shallowly while receiving a massage. Remind the recipient of the massage to take deep, slow breaths,
inhaling through the mouth as if sucking on a straw and exhaling as if letting loose a long sigh. Many also make the mistake of inhaling just into the chest when the abdomen should also expand to fill the lungs to their full capacity. The deeper and slower the breathing, the more relaxed and pliable the body’s muscles will be, and the more pleasurable the massage.

Breathe Together for a Deeper Bond

In some cultures, inhaling and exhaling in sync with someone is considered a bonding experience. In fact, according to the ancient traditions of the Maori tribe in New Zealand, it’s actually considered
more
intimate than sexual intercourse. We’re not sure if we’d go that far, but still, breathing together can be a way to get on the same wavelength and tune into each other’s bodies on a whole new level. So try it for a few minutes at the beginning and end of your massage—with you following the pace of your partner—or for longer periods if you can. Or try a variation where one of you inhales as the other exhales. In Tantric traditions, a set of beliefs that aim to attain spiritual enlightenment through the body, alternating breaths is a way to exchange energy, maybe even merge souls a little. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

STEP 4: ASSUME THE POSITION

There’s more than one way to give (and get) a massage, and since everyone’s setup may be different—you may use a bed, the floor, or a massage table—it can help to know all your options. Here’s the gamut, and while some are pretty obvious, there are tricks and tweaks to each that will make them considerably more comfortable for you both:

• Your partner lying on his/her front or back, with you straddling his/her butt or pelvis. If you’re sitting around the thigh or knee area, make sure not to lean your full weight on those body parts.
  

• Your partner lying on his/her front or back on a massage table, bed, or other surface, with you standing to the side. For better leverage, keep a wide stance with your knees slightly bent.
  

• Your partner lying on his/her front or back, with you kneeling to the side. Since kneeling can be hard on your knees, put a pillow under them or consider this non-kneeling alternative: Sit with one leg folded out as a prop and the other folded in. You can also sit in this position with your leg underneath your partner’s head, which can feel very nurturing and be great for massaging the face, head, and arms.
  

• Your partner lying on his/her side, with you standing or kneeling on either side. This position is especially comfortable for pregnant women, who may find it uncomfortable or downright impossible to lie on their front or back.
  

• Your partner lying on his/her back, with you seated between his/her legs, which are bent and draped over your thighs. This position is great for people with lower back pain or tight hamstrings since it relieves tension in those areas. You can also raise your partner’s legs so they’re resting on your chest or shoulders.
  

• Your partner kneeling back on his/her haunches with torso and arms flopped forward onto the floor, with you standing and straddling his/her back. If you’ve ever taken Pilates or yoga, you might recognize your partner’s position as the Child’s Pose—and it does wonders for stretching and relaxing the back while you knead that area.
  

HEAVY PETTING: SOME GUIDING PRINCIPLES

In the next chapter we’ll show you specific techniques to try on various parts of the body. But first let’s fill you in on some general advice that will improve the overall experience.

Know How to Rub Someone the Right Way

An amazing massage boils down to a few basic strokes. Master these three and you’re well on your way.

• The Glide. Using massage oil, press your palms and fingertips firmly into the recipient’s flesh and slowly push away from yourself. Then circle back around to your starting point, either moving your hands back down the same way they came (as if you were painting a fence) or moving them in more of a long oval shape. The longer your stroke, the more soothing and relaxing it will feel for your partner; try it on his or her back, arms, chest, and legs.
  

• The Brush. Use your fingertips, fingernails, or the back of your hand to stroke the skin with the lightest, barely there touch. This technique tends to tease and turn on nerve endings, and can give your massage more of a sensual vibe. Try tracing circles on the stomach, breasts/chest, and face, or use this touch on the downstroke for The Glide. When you combine heavy strokes with feathery ones, the contrast will feel sublime.
  

• The Squeeze. Sore muscles will melt under this stroke, which works wonders on the shoulders, butt, and the back of the legs. Your hands should form a C shape for squeezing tissue in the space between your thumb and forefinger. You can alternate kneading with one hand then the other, or squeeze your two Cs toward one another to knead even larger muscle groups (which is great for the butt). Just make sure to squeeze as much tissue as possible to avoid pinching the skin, since this can be painful.