Redeeming Justice (50 page)

Drae heard the angry emotion in his voice and dialed it back a bit. No use in scaring
the shit out of her. What’s done is done where that fucking war was concerned. It
was his job to just tell the story and try not to rage out while doing so.

“Every minute of every day that he was in command literally chipped away at his soul.
He felt every tragedy, mourned each lost life, and regretted the civilian reactions
and the inevitable collateral damage. It wasn’t a good time. Not for a man with Alex’s
moral code. But war and the drive to survive have a way of overriding all those virtuous
principles. Not even Cam and me, as close as we were to the Major, knew most of the
horror and shit he dealt with. When the suicide bombing happened, the one that took
your fiancé’s life and almost blew Alex to bits, everything changed in a heartbeat.
He actually believed that had he known in advance what the enemy was up to that he
could have prevented what happened. Losing control of the perimeter and being attacked
from within was a cross he felt was his and his alone to bear. It’s bullshit, of course,
but that’s Alex at his core.”

He saw Meghan shudder. “It must have been horrible, Draegyn. The way you talk about
the war gives me chills. Back then, I couldn’t understand how David could be so blasé
about all of it but hearing you explain what it was like for the men and women in
harm’s way, I think I understand better now.”

“Here’s the thing Meghan. The way Alex reacted to the anniversary was fucking inevitable.
He feels those things deeply. Maybe too deeply and until you came along he was weirdly
at peace with spending the rest of his days atoning for what he thought were personal
failures. Being around you changed that, and we all saw it but him. Even though his
rational mind now admits that he overreacted, it really doesn’t change what goes on
inside his head. Or his soul. You need to understand that before you make any decisions
about the future. He’s
always
going to struggle with it. It’s who he is. Not even the way he feels about you is
going to change that.”

“I don’t want him to change,” she exclaimed. “Truly, I don’t. Survivor’s remorse is
something I understand. Honestly, that he feels that way only makes me care for him
more.”

“I’m relived to hear you say that. Cam and I, we’d lay down our lives for Alex. I’m
not shitting even a little bit when I say that every day of my life I hope to be half
the man he is, and I know Cam feels the same. This wasn’t his first moral crisis nor
will it be the last. Personally, I hope you two can work this out. You’re good for
him.”

Fixing her with a sly grin he added, “And my wife thinks you’re the tits
and
the balls so that obviously has to count.”

It was good to see a small smile light up Meghan’s face. In fact he would have sworn
that as his sad tale was drawing to a close he thought some of the green sparkle was
returning to her eyes.

“Do you understand what I’m trying to get at, Meghan? Can you take him on those terms,
knowing that he’s gonna carry that shit inside him forever?”

Tears started spilling down her cheeks again but this time she held on to her composure.

“He’s everything to me Draegyn. It nearly killed me to leave but I knew he had to
work it out on his own. If being with me was going to cause him pain…well, that’s
the thing
I
couldn’t live with.”

Satisfied, Drae drew her into a major bear hug.

“You have a lot of thinking to do, honey. This isn’t a rehearsal. You need to be sure
how you feel about all of this so you make a decision that’s best for you, okay?”

“Should I call him?” she asked.

“Fuck no,” he chuckled.

“But…I don’t understand. Is he here? In Boston? What am I supposed to do?”

Grinning from ear to ear he laughed. “We’re all here. Cam is holding Alex’s fucking
hand as we speak. That’s how this shit goes.”

Meghan threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you guys.”

“Well, good. Remember to say that to my interfering wife.”

“What should I do?”

“You need to think all this through, Irish. Alex knows what’s in his heart. You have
to be sure of what’s in yours.”

“Understood,” she replied.

“Call me when you’re ready, and I’ll tell you what happens next.”

She rolled her eyes and groaned. “Really?”

“Yep.” He thumbed a dark smudge under one of her eyes and mumbled, “He needs a serious
ass kicking for putting you through this and that’s the very reason why you have to
really think this through. It’s not going to be easy. Just ask Victoria and Lacey
too. We’re fucked up, the three of us. Happily ever after comes with a price. The
moment you’re one hundred percent clear on what you want, you call me, okay?”

“Thanks Draegyn. Will do.”

She called him later that afternoon. “I want to see him. Hear what he has to say before
I make a decision.”

“Wise move,” he told her as he swatted Alex’s hand away when he tried to grab the
phone. “Here’s what you’re gonna do. Head to the Four Seasons hotel and go to the
front desk. Identify yourself and ask for an envelope left for you by Mr. Marquez.”

“Are you friggin’ kidding? An envelope? What the hell Draegyn!”

Glaring at Alex again for trying to get in on the conversation, he ended the call
saying, “What the hell does my wife always say? Bitches like romance? Well, have a
little faith Meghan. Ask for the envelope.”

He heard her sigh heavily into the phone. “There better be romance in that envelope
Mr. St. John, or I swear….”

“That, my dear, is entirely up to you,” he laughed.

Dressed to the nines in her new white dress and sexy shoes, Meghan arrived at the
swanky Four Seasons in a bit of a fog. Draegyn’s explanation of Alex’s time in Afghanistan
gave her a lot to think about. She completely understood why he implored her to think
it all through before she came to any decisions. Loving Alex Marquez as she did was
not a guarantee of an easy future. He had demons and if she took him on, those nightmares
and the emotional aftermath were going to be coming along for the ride.

After much deliberation she felt she knew what was in her heart but she needed to
hear from the man himself. Needed to know what he was feeling and understand how he
saw the future and if there was any place in his life for her.

After stating who she was and asking if anything had been left for her at reception,
the terribly proper and uptight man behind the marble counter handed her the envelope
Drae had told her to expect.

With trembling hands she peeked inside the envelope and found a room key along with
a piece of hotel stationary on which Alex had scribbled,
Another message to follow
.

Meghan struggled during the elevator ride to pull it together as her heart thumped
wildly in her chest. It took several tries with the room key to open the door whether
from her shaking fingers or the fact that she twice inserted it the wrong way.

She’d never stayed at the Four Seasons in Boston so when the door finally swept open
she gasped at the lavish charm of the magnificent Presidential Suite complete with
a fireplace and a baby grand piano. Remembering their shared love of music and the
many times they’d played the vintage piano at the Villa together, her heart skipped
a beat.

In front of her on the table in the foyer was an open laptop next to a display of
white roses with a single green rose in the center. Spying a card amongst the flowers,
she bit her lips to stop them from quivering when she saw what was written. Once again
in Alex’s distinctive handwriting he’d scrawled, ‘A green rose is the symbol of hope
and optimism.’ Pushing her face into the elaborate arrangement, Meghan inhaled deeply
of the intoxicating scent and willed her nerves to calm.

For a second she had to grip the edge of the antique table for support as her senses
and emotions overloaded. When her eyes eventually drifted to the laptop she saw a
post it note on the computer that said, ‘Press Enter.’

When she did, a picture appeared on the screen. The one she recalled Alex took of
her and Zeus snoodling in the bed of the truck that day in the desert. Along one side
of the picture were Alex’s words.

For me, these past years have been about penance. Atoning for my failings, my actions,
and my faults. That’s what the war did to me. Living with regret became the air I
breathed.

I watched Cameron and Draegyn overcome all that and find happiness. I even helped
them see that the past doesn’t have to devour the present, all the while, cursing
myself for things that can’t be changed. Salvation wasn’t an option for me.

And then you came along, sweet lady. Unexpected. Without judgment. A heart so open
and giving, it humbled me.

In a moment of weakness, I was tested ~ and failed again. Something I’m not proud
of.

But I’m just a man. Flawed, and yes, afraid. Terrified of what loving you would mean.

Now, it’s your forgiveness that I seek.

Meghan~ even though I don’t deserve it, you are my absolution and redemption in every
way that matters.

I’m not making excuses. I’ve been an ass, know what I’ve done - know that I hurt you
and let you down. Leaving that morning was unforgivable. Pushing you away was the
biggest regret of my life and that’s saying a lot.

If it’s too late ~ I’ll understand.

If there’s even the slightest chance ~ go to the bedroom and open the box on the bed

P.S. Your dog misses you

Meghan’s heart was beating so fast she had a hard time swallowing. Looking toward
the open doors leading to the bedroom, she saw a blue box lying on the muted gold
bedspread.

On feet that didn’t feel like they were touching the floor, she drifted toward the
box like a fragment of metal being drawn by a powerful magnet.

Alex had given her so many gifts during their time together. All of which she left
behind in Arizona. This one however, felt gigantic. She knew, whatever it was, some
sort of crossroads was involved.

Shaking like a leaf, she lifted the lid with trembling fingers and separated the blush
colored tissue paper to find a stunning gold bracelet hung with two small hearts.
On one heart the word
Mine
was engraved and the other read
Yours
. The hearts faced each other when they dangled, so the evocative words touched. Just
like the words lovers whisper in the night, they were meant for just the two of them.

Underneath the bracelet was a small card. Her heart clutched as she read what he’d
written.

If the hearts have no meaning, leave the bracelet, and I’ll understand.

But ~ if you feel the way I do, put the bracelet on and text me the first thing that
comes to mind.

Meghan was having one of those out-of-body moments that she knew would define her
life from this moment on. If she put the bracelet on, she’d be opening herself up
to a future with her fucked-up, damaged Major that she knew in her soul would be no
easy ride. But if she walked away, she’d be leaving her heart behind and that was
something she just couldn’t do.

There really wasn’t a decision to make. Fate had already made it for her. Fastening
the bracelet around her wrist, she felt tears welling in her eyes at how right it
felt and how perfectly the two hearts lay against each other.

“Oh baby,” she murmured in the silence of the empty room.

Retrieving her bag from where she’d dropped it in the foyer, she fished around for
her cell phone as she walked aimlessly around the magnificent living room. Bringing
up a message screen, she paused. What should she say? He asked her to text the first
thing that came to mind. Taking a deep breath she typed in ‘
Yours’
and pressed send.

Less than five seconds later she heard a sound across the suite and spun around in
time to see Alex walking through the door, his phone clutched in his hand and a look
of utter astonishment on his face. In that moment she knew with absolute certainty,
when all his defenses were down, that he hadn’t been at all sure what her answer would
be. She’d never loved him more.