Redemption (18 page)

Alicia spoke up. “I tend to agree with you, sir,” she said, and then looked at Jake. “And I understand your concern with Jason’s well-being. There must be a middle ground here. How long will it be until the judge shows up?”

“Middle of next week,” the lawman replied. He looked down at his coffee cup. “I was thinking about putting Jason to work around the jailhouse in the meantime.”

“Doing what?” Jake asked darkly. “I don’t want everyone in town looking at him and pointing their fingers.”

The sheriff lifted his head and gave Jake a long, steady look. “He should have thought of the town’s disapproval when he pulled this stunt, McPherson. He’s gonna learn a lesson if I have anything to say about it. I don’t want to be hauling him into custody a few years down the road, just because he thinks he can get away with breaking the law now.”

“What sort of work do you have in mind?” Alicia asked, as if she would try to smooth ruffled feathers.

“Sweeping the floors and the sidewalk every morning,”
the sheriff said. “And washing the windows a couple of times a week. My wife will appreciate that, seeing as how it’s been her job up till now. He’s gonna miss school as it is, so I thought you could give him some schoolwork to get him ready for going back to classes.”

“That wouldn’t hurt, I suppose,” Alicia said slowly. “And the rest of it might be good for him.” She cleared her throat, and Jake aimed a questioning look at her. She was about to speak her mind if he was any judge of it.

“I wonder if he might not be sent home for a certain number of hours each day, perhaps do some chores here to keep him busy, and at the same time give his father time to spend with him. I think Jason needs to know that we love him and we’re concerned about him, Sheriff.”

The lawman leaned back in his chair, settling his coffee cup on the end table. “Now, I don’t know about that Mrs. McPherson. It might jeopardize keeping him in custody.”

“If it were a simpler crime, would it be feasible?” she asked.

“Sure,” he said agreeably, “but it’s not. And I don’t know how the judge will feel if he comes to town and finds the prisoner off doing chores at home.”

Alicia leaned forward in her chair. “The whole thing is, Jason is a boy, and he needs the influence of his father.
As I said, he needs to understand that his father loves him and cares about him. That’s the whole crux of this matter, Sheriff. I fear the boy was trying to get our attention in a big way, so we seem to bear part of the blame for what he did.”

The man eyed Alicia with respect. “You might be right, ma’am. I’ll think about it and see if Jason is willing to listen to me. Maybe we can work something out here.” He rose and took his leave, shaking Jake’s hand and following Alicia to the front door.

Jake waited impatiently for her return, but in vain. She walked past the parlor door and back to the kitchen. “Damn,” he muttered under his breath, and rolled his chair in her wake. “Fool woman is bound and determined to fuss with me.”

She was in the pantry and looked up as Jake wheeled his chair to block the doorway. “We’re gonna talk,” he said bluntly. He looked down to where his hands lay, seemingly helpless, in his lap.

He’d give much to be able to touch her right now. But she was aloof, and unless he missed his guess, Alicia was not fond of him right now. He’d come to the awareness that he was becoming more than fond of her, which presented a real problem.

“I don’t know any other way to say I was wrong,” he continued. “You’ve been good to me, and Jason, too, for that matter. You have as much right as I to put
in your two cents’ worth with the sheriff or with my brother. And I can see how frustrated you are with me and my refusal to leave this house.”

He risked looking up at her, noting the sadness that drew her mouth into a soft line and gave her blue eyes a sheen of sorrow. He’d hurt her, and words were not adequate to convey his deep regret. “I seem to be doing this on a regular basis, Alicia, this apologizing to you and trying to make amends for my behavior. I fear you’ll reach the point of saturation with my bullheaded performances, and I don’t want to see the back of you again, as I did earlier today.”

“You do this so well,” she announced, biting her lip, as if to hold back a smile. Then the smile was there, a bit weak, but present, nonetheless. “You make me feel as if I’m beating my head against a stone wall sometimes. I’d hoped to remain untouched by your shenanigans, but it hasn’t worked out that way.”

His brow tilted in surprise and she heard amusement color his words. “Shenanigans? I’ve been up to shenanigans?” And then he reached for her, bending forward to touch her hand. It lay within his palm, limp and unresponsive, and he looked down at it in surprise. Alicia was many things…sharp of tongue, amused at times, and always astute and observant. Never had he seen her as an unresponsive woman.

“Your hand is cold,” he said quietly, and tugged her
forward a bit to lift her fingers to his mouth. His lips caressed the cool flesh and he bowed his head over it, his eyes closing as he murmured words he’d never spoken aloud to another woman.

“I need you, Alicia. More than I’ve ever needed another human being in my life. I know I’ve told you this before and, understand, it’s not easy for me to admit my dependence on you, but there it is.”

He looked up at her. “You’ve become the center about which this house revolves. Both Jason and I owe you a great debt. The only problem is that he’s too young to understand just what you’ve done for him. I appreciated your suggestions to the sheriff today. I hope he listened well. Maybe he’ll consider doing as you asked.”

She nodded at him, and he knew she suppressed tears, tears she was unwilling to shed in front of him. Alicia had her pride, too.

“Will you reach the saturation point with me one day?” he wondered aloud. “Will I chase you away, Alicia?”

“It would take more than you’ve thrown at me thus far,” she said quietly. “I told you, I love you, Jake, and that leaves me open to hurt. But there’s always the chance of pain where love exists, and I’ve found that out in a mighty way lately.”

“I’d like you to stay with me tonight,” he said softly,
and bent his head to kiss her fingers once more. Then he released her hand and rolled backward from the pantry door. She left the small enclosure and he waited silently for her answer, knowing she would not walk away without some sort of reply.

He was not disappointed.

“I’ll stay with you, Jake. I think we need each other tonight. Comfort is a warm blanket to my mind. And that’s what I need from you right now.”

His heart sang, the melody one he’d thought he might never hear again. He rolled his chair out of the kitchen and he heard the lamp chimney being lifted as she blew out the flame, leaving the room in darkness. Ahead of him lay the dim hallway, night having fallen as they spoke, the moonlight spreading across the wide boards through the narrow panes that framed the front door.

“Can you see all right?” he asked, his voice soft as suited the quiet gloom of the house. “Do you need to go upstairs for anything?”

“Yes,” she said, “I can see just fine. I have enough down here for tonight.”

She followed him into his room and crossed to the window. “I’m going to close this. It’s getting nippy out and I don’t want you to take a chill.” Framed against the window, she pulled the sash down and then turned to him. In profile she seemed to exemplify the very foundation of his life she’d become. Strong and sturdy,
womanly and giving, Alicia was a wife to be cherished, he decided.

To that end, he spoke her name. “Alicia? Get undressed and pull back the sheets for me, would you? I don’t think we need the lamp or a candle lit. I’m used to doing this in the dark.”

He unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it on the chair, then worked at his trousers. Down to the drawers he wore, he rolled to the bed where she’d drawn the sheets aside. As he watched, she fluffed the pillows, bent over the bed, wearing her vest and petticoat. From beneath the pillow she’d slept on, she removed her nightgown and drew it over her head, offering him the same view of her nightly performance he’d seen before.

“One of these days you’ll leave the gown off,” he told her. “When you’re comfortable enough with me to know how I feel about you, you’ll let me watch you.”

She laughed softly and tossed aside her underclothing. “That may never happen, Jake McPherson. I’ve been doing this ever since I can remember.”

“I yearn for the day when you no longer object to my eyes on you,” he told her. “Then I’ll know that I’ve convinced you of my regard.”

“Regard?” she said musingly. “What a strange word to use.”

“What would you prefer?” he asked, already knowing her reply.

“Maybe affection,” she whispered. “Perhaps devotion, or fondness or maybe even love, one day. Any of them would do, Jake. But not unless they’re from the heart. And I’m not sure you have any of those thoughts about me.”

She sat down on the edge of the bed and reached down to remove her stockings. “I know you need me, you’ve made that clear, but eventually I want more than that from you. I’m not sure I’ll ever get it.”

He moved himself into the bed with his usual efficiency. His drawers were cast to the floor and he settled against the sheet, pulling it up to cover himself. Alicia punched her pillow, then turned to lie beside him.

“I’ll do my best to speak my thoughts, Alicia,” he said quietly. “I’m not good at this. I doubt very many men are. To speak of our affection aloud is difficult.” He reached for her hand and lifted it once more to his lips. “I’ll try. I’ll do my best. That’s all I can promise.”

“Then I’ll have to be satisfied with that, won’t I?” She turned her head and her face was but a dim, ivory oval in the gloom. “I’ve not asked much from you, Jake. Only that you treat me with respect, that you allow me to speak my mind. I’m not asking you for your love. I’m not certain you are capable of giving it to me, anyway. But I need to know that what I do for you and Jason is important.”

“Important?” He laughed, a rusty sound that choked
in his throat. “Only about as important as every breath I take,” he admitted. “You’ve brought us back to life, Alicia. You’ve given Jason the presence of a woman in his life, and for that Rena would be thankful, if she knew.”

“I think she does know, Jake. And I think she’s at peace now,” Alicia said gently.

He closed his eyes, grateful for her words of comfort. “She’d love you, Alicia. If she’d known you, she’d have wanted you as her friend.”

“I think I agree,” Alicia told him.

“I don’t believe in ghosts, Alicia. Rena lives inside a corner of my heart, and maybe it’s from there that I’ve felt her presence and heard her voice.” He felt an easing of the loss he’d suffered with Rena’s death, and he reached for Alicia, his fingers touching her shoulder, drawing her down next to him.

“Lie with me,” he said. “Sleep beside me. Tomorrow we’ll face all our problems. For tonight, let’s just be at peace.”

“D
O YOU THINK
I could try to play the piano, Pa? Maybe I could take lessons from you, too.”

It wasn’t a question Jake had expected, and he found himself groping for an answer. “I didn’t know you were interested,” he said after a moment.

“I might’a thought about it before, but you’ve had it all covered up for a long time,” Jason said diffidently, halting in his raking of the front yard to look up at his father. Supervising from the porch, Jake had been surprised by the question, one he thought seemed to have come from out of the blue.

“So it has,” he said, nodding his agreement. “But it isn’t anymore, Jason. And if you’d be interested in it, I’d be happy to teach you.”

Jason ducked his head. “I just thought if Toby can do so good at it, maybe I can try.” He laughed scoffingly then, and his eyes glittered as he spoke. “Heck, even old Catherine can play with both hands now, Pa. There’s hope for me, don’t you think?”

Jake felt his heart swell within his breast. “Of course there is, son,” he managed to murmur. “You’re a talented young man, Jason.” He watched his son for a few moments, aware of the boy’s dark hair that curled against his collar, of his tongue stuck between his teeth as he concentrated on raking the leaves with precision.

Then he spoke his thoughts, deciding it might be better if Jason were aware of his father’s concern. “I hate to think that you’re having to pay such a high price for your actions lately,” he told him quietly. “All your energy and your considerable talent should be going toward your schoolwork and the abilities you possess.”

“Abilities?” The word seemed foreign to the boy as he paused in his work and looked up to meet his father’s eyes. “You think I’ve got abilities, Pa?” His tone was dubious.

“You’re a smart boy, Jason. You’ve just been directing your intelligence in the wrong direction over the past weeks. You’ll make Alicia and me both very proud of you one of these days, provided you straighten up and do as you should.”

Jason bent his head to his task. “I’m tryin’, Pa,” he said. “I told the sheriff I’d do whatever he wanted me to. I hate that you and Miss Alicia are—” He hesitated, searching for a phrase that would better explain his thoughts. “You’re both kinda embarrassed about me, aren’t you?”

“No, not embarrassed, Jason. Just wondering what we could have done to make things better for you. I know it was a shock to you when Alicia moved into my bedroom. But it was the right thing to do. You have to understand that, first and foremost.”

Jason dared a quick look at Jake. “I guess I do now. It just made me mad, that she left me all alone upstairs and that she likes you better than me.”

He hadn’t thought of that angle, Jake decided; it would be worth his consideration. “Well, she likes you an awful lot, son. You just don’t realize it.”

“Yeah, I do,” he said, shamefaced. “She’s been good to me, Pa, and I didn’t treat her the way I should’ve, did I?”

Jake shook his head. “No, you didn’t. It’s about time for you to make amends, don’t you think?”

T
HE WALK BACK TO
the jailhouse was getting to be a regular part of her schedule, and Alicia set out with Jason in tow right after supper. The sheriff had allowed him to spend most of the day at home, for which she was thankful. The judge was to arrive in the morning, and she planned on appearing at the hearing, as did Cord.

“I need to say somethin’,” Jason said abruptly as they neared the center of town.

She looked down at him and nodded. “All right.
Have at it,” she told him, and then waited, acknowledging that his words might not be to her liking.

“I really like you, ma’am,” he said softly, glancing up at her as if to gauge her reaction. “I know I haven’t always been real nice, and I know I said some things that were pretty nasty to you the other day.” He drew in a deep breath.

“I’m really sorry, Miss Alicia. I didn’t mean the stuff I said. I was mad at Pa and I guess I was feeling sorry for myself, that you wanted to move downstairs. I kinda liked you being upstairs with me.” He shot her another look, bordering on hopeful, she decided.

“I liked being upstairs with you,” she told him. “But your father is right. I’m his wife, and I belong in his bedroom with him.”

“I won’t give you any more trouble about it,” Jason said firmly. “I don’t want you to get upset and think about leavin’ us.”

“I’ll never leave you, Jason. I’m here for the duration.” Pleased at the effort behind his words, she refrained from her first impulse to lean down and press her lips against his cheek. He’d be humiliated should anyone see such a gesture, so she settled for a pat on his shoulder.

“Thank you for saying all of that,” she told him. “I think we understand each other a bit better, don’t we?”

He nodded, his steps slowing as they saw the sheriff
in the doorway of the jailhouse, awaiting his prisoner’s return. “Will you be here in the morning, ma’am?” Jason asked her softly.

“Of course I will. And so will your uncle Cord,” she told him firmly. She raised a hand in greeting to the sheriff and spoke politely. “I hope we didn’t make you wait too long,” she said. “I cleaned up the kitchen first.”

“That’s what I left my wife doing,” he told her, then his attention shifted to the boy beside her. “You ready for bed, young’un?”

Alicia thought Jason’s answering nod held a degree of sadness, his shoulders slouching as he crossed the threshold into the sheriff’s office. The lawman turned to her and winked. “It’s gonna be fine,” he said in an undertone, lifting her spirits immensely.

I
T
WAS
FINE
. In fact, Alicia thought it was downright wonderful. The judge peered over his spectacles at the prisoner, reading aloud the list of community projects Jason had participated in over the past week, then the long line of work details he’d completed at his home and around the jailhouse. Most important, the escaped prisoners had been captured without incident.

“I’d say you’ve complied with everything the sheriff asked of you, young man,” he said in a booming voice. “I hope you recognize that you’ve been given a
very light sentence for the seriousness of your crime, Jason. I’ll tell you one thing. If ever I see you standing before me again, I’ll not be nearly so lenient. Is that understood?”

Jason nodded and voiced a wobbly, “Yes, sir.” His words spoken in a shuddering breath. He repeated the reply, this time more strongly, and raised his chin, his shoulders becoming straighter, as if he recognized that his ordeal was almost at an end.

“Go home to your family,” the judge said. “And keep your nose clean.”

Jake was waiting on the front porch when Cord’s surrey pulled up in front of the house. He bent forward in his chair, his hands holding the chair arms as if he yearned to stand erect and meet his son halfway.

Alicia thought Jake’s eyes were a bit damp, but she ignored it, focusing instead on the meal she had cooking on the back burner of the cookstove. “Will you stay for dinner, Cord?” she asked.

“No, I’ll be in the doghouse if I’m not home by the time Rachel has mine on the table,” he answered. “She was making chicken soup and had bread in the oven when I left.”

“Maybe I’ll go with you,” Alicia said with a laugh. “We’re only having leftovers.” Turning to Cord, she offered her hand and her sincere thanks, the words unspoken but acknowledged by Jake’s
brother as he leaned forward to press his kiss against her cheek.

She swept through the screened door and into the house, her own tears close to the surface.
If only Jake had been there to support Jason with his presence
. Cord was a wonderful substitute, but a substitute, nevertheless. The prospect of convincing Jake to rejoin society seemed an insurmountable task to her today.

There must be something she could do. Some way of giving Jake the impetus to go out in public once more, yet she felt unable to find a solution.

She began setting the table. From the front of the house, she heard Jason’s high-pitched laughter and she halted where she stood, a smile touching her lips. Then Jake’s low, deeper tones of good humor blended with those of his son, and Alicia knew a moment of contentment such as she’d yearned for over the past days.

A
LICIA WAS KEPT BUSY
in the evenings, making certain that Jason was caught up with his classmates. The boy was eager to make amends, it seemed, and though she’d recognized his potential before, Alicia found herself astounded at the intelligence he displayed.

“Miss Alicia, the other kids are gonna think it’s not fair for me to be having you teach me at home. It’s like I have my own special teacher. They all liked you a lot, and I don’t think that new Mr. Smithers is near as nice
as you were to everybody. Now I get to have you here all the time because you’re my…”

“Stepmother?” she asked, providing the word he had difficulty speaking aloud.

“Yeah,” he agreed, relief apparent in his voice. “Seeing’s how you live with us and all, I get a lot more attention than the rest of the kids in school. Maybe it’s not right for me to—” He halted again and eyed her with a measuring look. “I know you’re tryin’ to help me, ma’am, but I don’t want to take up all your time.”

“What my son is attempting to convey in his own sneaky way, is that he’s feeling put upon, Alicia,” Jake said dryly. “He thinks you expect him to spend more time on schoolwork than the others do.”

“You’re right. I do expect more of him with his studies. He’s a bright boy and I have reason to know that he’s more capable than many of the other children. I want him to do his best.” She studied Jason for a moment, watching as his cheeks reddened at her words. “If you like, I’ll back off. I only want you to be all you can be.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said agreeably. “Now, can I go read my book?” Fleeing from arithmetic problems seemed to be his goal; Alicia granted his request, then watching as he picked up the adventure story he was deeply involved in, choosing a spot to sit where the lamplight fell directly on his book.

“He reads more than I did at his age,” Jake said quietly. “I was glued to the piano, even then.”

“He might be, too, if you choose to give him lessons as he asked,” Alicia told him.

“He hasn’t mentioned it again,” Jake said. “But I’ve been thinking about that. Maybe after Toby’s come and gone this week, I can spend some time with Jason.”

He did as he’d proposed, and on Thursday Alicia listened from the hallway as Jake introduced his son to the piano. It was more than half an hour later when she heard the first sound of impatience in his voice as he explained some small thing for the third time to the boy, and she swept into the room as if on a mission.

“I think perhaps we’ve had enough music for now,” she said, shooting a warning glance at Jake. “I’d like Jason to wash up and set the table for supper.”

The boy slid from the piano bench with a nod and headed for the doorway, turning back as he left the room to grin widely at his father. “Thanks, Pa,” he said. “I’ll do better next time.”

“He did fine,” Jake told Alicia with a wry look of impatience. “I was the one who was having a hard time. It’s more important when it’s your own child, I think. I can be patient with Toby and Catherine, but with Jason, I seem to want to teach him everything I know in one sitting. All he’s ready for right now is locating middle C and learning the scales.”

“Have you played for him?” she asked, knowing as she spoke that he would frown at her and shake his head in a negative reply.

“You know I don’t play anymore,” Jake said shortly. “Don’t push me, Alicia.”

She turned away. “All right. Supper is almost ready.” Hurt stiffened her backbone as she walked from the room, but she hid the pain his quick temper caused.

He rolled through the long hallway behind her. “Alicia.” He called her name and she halted by the kitchen door, waiting for him to catch up with her.

“I doubt I’ll ever touch those keys again,” he said. “It’s difficult to teach when I have to tell my students instead of showing them, but that’s the way it is. Try to be content with what you’ve accomplished.”

“I’m trying.” Opening the kitchen door, she stood to one side, waiting for Jake to roll past her, and pinned a smile on her face for Jason’s benefit. “Let me check the potatoes,” she said, and then looked at the table. “You’ve done well, Jason. Don’t forget the napkins.”

T
HE WEATHER WAS GROWING
chilly, the nights bringing frost to paint the trees with the colors of autumn. Alicia had settled in nicely, arranging her nest with the confidence of a woman who knows her worth. She rose early each morning to prepare breakfast for the three
of them, confident that a good meal would hold Jason in good stead during the long day he spent in school.

The next Tuesday morning began as any other weekday, with Jason dragging his feet, Jake sitting at the table with his coffee before him, and Alicia trying her best to keep them both happy. It would behoove her to snatch a piece of toast, she thought. Her stomach was protesting its lack of food, and even as she considered that idea, a wave of nausea swept over her.

“What do you have planned for this morning?” Jake asked, watching as she put together a thick sandwich for Jason’s lunch. An apple from the pantry was added to Jason’s lunch bag, and she counted out four cookies and wrapped them in waxed paper. Preparing food was not sitting well, she decided, reaching for a piece of bread.

“I’m going to help at the church for a couple of hours,” Alicia said. “They’re getting ready for a quilting bee and I promised to lend a hand.”

“Have you thought about what you’ll fix for our lunch?” Jake’s eyes followed her around the kitchen and she turned to face him head-on as he spoke.

“Mrs. Bates will be here today,” she said. “I’m sure she’d be happy to fix you a fresh sandwich or get out some chicken left from last night’s supper.”

“It won’t taste as good if you don’t make it.” She thought his mouth drew into the same sort of pout as
Jason’s when he was in a bad mood, and she almost laughed aloud at the sight.

“Did you forget that Cord’s coming today to fix a trapeze in the bathing room for you? That’ll keep you busy, giving him orders.” She whispered in his ear, bending over to kiss him. “I’d have thought you’d had enough of my company. You kept me awake half the night.”