Redemption (19 page)

He shot her a quick glance and she noted the smile he could not contain curving his lips. “Are you complaining?” he asked dryly. Reaching for her hand, he drew her back toward him and tugged at her until she bent again to kiss his brow.

“Is that the best you can manage?” he asked.

“For now, yes.” With a look toward Jason, she mouthed words for Jake’s benefit only.
Later. Much later
. He grinned, his mood cheered considerably by her foolishness and she felt relieved.

Turning to go to the bedroom where she would change into a nicer dress for her jaunt to the church, she felt a moment’s dizziness and reached to balance herself on the doorjamb. It passed quickly and she covered the momentary lapse with an excuse, spoken in an undertone.

“I’m getting clumsy in my old age,” she murmured, then came to a halt in the hallway in front of the back bedroom door.

Again, nausea rolled from her stomach to her throat, and the taste of bile was sour in her mouth. She closed the door behind her and fled across the room to where the chamber pot sat beneath a wooden table. Thankful that she’d already washed it out for the day, she bent over it and lost what little coffee she’d drunk and the half slice of bread she’d eaten.

“Oh, my word,” she whispered, sinking down on the chair, wiping her forehead with a damp cloth from the basin. “What on earth is wrong with me?” Her hands were trembling, and as the dizziness returned she searched her mind for possibilities. Only one made itself known, and the possibility of that was highly unlikely, she decided.

A woman of thirty who’d never been married, never conceived a child heretofore, would not be prone, she thought, to have fallen pregnant so easily. Then again, she’d been sleeping in Jake’s bed long enough for such a thing to happen.

She blushed as the thoughts circled in her mind. It could not be, she decided firmly. And yet, the niggling thought of monthly times, and the lack thereof, would not be banished. She’d known that her time was late, but that happened sometimes, especially to a newly married woman, she’d heard.

Didn’t it?

With determination, she decreed it time to talk to
someone who knew a whole lot more about this situation than she did. Perhaps Rachel would be the best choice. For although she had a fine education, there were areas in which she was sadly lacking—and this one headed the list.

She dressed quickly and hastened from the room, almost plowing into Jake’s chair as she met him in the hallway.

“What’s wrong, Alicia?” His voice was stern, as though he would not swallow any excuses, and she sought a plausible explanation for her haste.

“I’m going to be late,” she said with a smile. “I fiddled around too long this morning and now I’m having to hurry to make up the time.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” he told her. “You weren’t clumsy in the kitchen, and you know it. You’re about the most graceful woman I’ve ever known, and losing your balance that way wasn’t because you tripped.” He looked at her, his eyes narrowing, his gaze seeming to penetrate her very pores.

“Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

She shook her head, unwilling to speak aloud the fears she harbored.
Fear
was the wrong word to use. For if she was indeed carrying Jake’s child, it would be the most wonderfully exciting thing ever to happen in her life. As to whether or not Jake would feel the same, she had no idea, and this morning wasn’t a good time to find out.

She bent to him and kissed him quickly, her lips warm and soft against his, seeking to distract him. It didn’t work. He reached for her and his fingers grasped her wrist. “Alicia.” It was a warning, one she recognized. Jake would not be thwarted in this. He wanted an answer.

“Hey, Pa. I’m leavin’now,” Jason said brightly, sailing through the kitchen door and pausing momentarily beside his father’s chair. Then he looked up at Alicia. “Are you walkin’ to the church, Miss Alicia?”

“Yes,” she said. “It’ll be a few minutes till I’m ready, so you go on ahead.”

They watched as Jason went out the front door, his jacket undone, his books under his arm. Jake shot her a look that she recognized.

He would not be denied.

Kneeling abruptly beside his chair, she leaned on his leg, placing her forehead against the fabric of his trousers. “Alicia, what is it?” His voice deepened, and his hand touched the crown of her head, where her braids were coiled and pinned in place. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he said firmly. “I won’t let you go until you do.”

“I don’t know for sure,” she said, her voice muffled against his knee.

“You don’t know for sure.” He repeated her words slowly as his palm moved to her nape and cupped it, rubbing the tender skin there with easy movements. “What don’t you know for sure, sweetheart?”

“I can’t remember if I’ve had a monthly time lately,” she told him.

His hand ceased its movement, and she thought he’d stopped breathing. “Are you sure?” And then he laughed aloud. “Of course you’re sure!”

She lifted her head and peered up at him. “Do you think…?” She could not finish the sentence, could not speak aloud the thoughts that spun through her mind.

“Yeah, I think,” he whispered, and his hand cupped her chin now, lifting her higher on her knees until he could reach her lips with his own. “I think you’re going to have my child, Alicia.”

“I’m such a dummy,” she whispered. “I didn’t even think it might be that.”

“And you weren’t going to tell me?” His face drew into stern lines and he shook his head. “I’m not sure you’re well enough to be helping at the church today.”

She looked down at her lapel watch and inhaled sharply. “I’m fine, Jake. I feel up to snuff now, and I’ve got to hurry. I promised to be there early to set up the quilting frames.” She smiled, the pleasure of this revelation building within her.

“I’m so happy, Jake. I didn’t know how badly I wanted to have a child.”

“Thank you for that, for wanting to bear my child,” he said quietly, and then helped her to her feet. “Go
on, then,” he said. “I’ll let Mrs. Bates in when she comes and ask her to start supper for us. I fear you’ll be tired when you come home.”

She nodded her approval of his plan and crossed to the hall tree where her heavy coat hung on a peg. Sliding her arms into the sleeves, she turned back to him, catching him with a foolish grin on his lips. With six long strides, she was beside him once more and she bent again to kiss him.

He laughed again and playfully swatted her bottom. “Go on now, before you end up staying home altogether,” he warned her.

The nausea was gone, the dizziness had passed, and she felt invigorated by the brisk air as she marched along the road toward the church. The ladies were waiting for instructions, and since Alicia had volunteered to be in charge of this project, they welcomed her with open arms. Within minutes she had begun to organize things and the clutch of women set to with a will, Alicia tending to each facet of the preparation.

Yet beneath her surface calm there beat a heart that overflowed with anticipation. She felt as though she walked on a cloud, that her sensibly shod feet barely touched the wide-planked floor. Just to think, she’d be cradling a baby boy or girl by the time the flowers were in full bloom next summer.

C
ORD HAD HUNG THE TRAPEZE
from the center of the bathing room, directly over the claw-footed tub. It rose and fell with a pulley and the rope could be bound around a fixture on the wall to keep it out of the way when not in use. Jake’s pleasure at the arrangement was obvious, his grin wide as he showed the apparatus to Alicia after supper.

“Did you try it out?” she asked, attempting to visualize how the contraption would work. At Jake’s negative response, she made a suggestion she knew would please him. “Why don’t I fill the tub after a while, when Jason’s gone to bed, and we can figure out how to do this?”

His nod signified instant acceptance of her suggestion, and he waited with a decided lack of patience until it should be bedtime for his son. Alicia had already put the largest containers on the stove and filled them with water to heat. In no time at all, she had carried them into the bathing room and emptied them in the tub, adding enough cold water to make the temperature of his bath comfortable.

“I want it good and hot,” Jake said, reaching from his chair to test the waters. “You have no idea how I’ve dreamed of this, sweetheart,” he said in a low voice. “Washing in bits and pieces is frustrating. I never feel like I’ve got all the parts clean.”

“You’ve always been clean, Jake,” she told him. “This will just make it easier.”

“Not for you,” he said, waving a hand at the empty containers she’d lugged over the threshold during the past fifteen minutes.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, rolling up her sleeves. “I’m planning on enjoying this.”

“Oh?” His brow lifted as he watched her actions. “How’s that?”

“I’m going to wash your back and lots of other places, as well,” she said smartly.

His grin was wide and she thought for a moment that she barely knew this man, hardly recognized him as the same individual she’d met months ago. He’d gone from being a cantankerous recluse to the man before her, emerging from his solitude and learning to smile, to enjoy life once more.

Within moments, he was stripped from his clothing and had placed his chair next to the tub. Alicia lowered the trapeze, then secured the rope. Jake reached for it, balanced himself on the chair with his strong arms and then swung into the hot water, lowering himself to the bottom of the tub with a gasp.

“Damn, it’s hot.”

“You’re the one who set the temperature,” she reminded him, reaching for a bucket of cold water. Before she could add it, he held up a hand.

“It’s all right now. I like it this way, Alicia.” He leaned forward, balancing himself and reaching for the washcloth she’d placed on the side of the tub. But she would not have it, and snatched it from his hand.

“I’m doing the honors this first time,” she told him, kneeling beside the tub and sloshing the cloth in the water. A bar of soap was handy and she rubbed it against the cloth, forming a lather that promised to cover his whole back with a layer of suds.

She began there, and listened to his groan of pleasure as she scrubbed the muscular lines of his shoulders and then down past his waist. The cloth was rinsed and she splashed water on him, allowing it to sluice away the soap. In turn, it was time for his chest and neck, his arms and hands.

As if he were a babe, she washed him, and he allowed it. His hair received a long sudsing and she rinsed it with cool water, bringing low growls of protest from him as the water made him shiver. Then she handed him the cloth.

“You get to finish,” she told him firmly, nodding as he bent to peer through the sudsy water to where his male parts were showing proof of her efficiency. His arousal was apparent, and she felt a twinge of embarrassment as she recognized her effect on him.

“Coward,” he whispered.

“Am not,” she retorted firmly.

“Are, too,” he returned. Then watched her with glittering eyes as she considered his state of readiness.

With a toss of her head she knelt beside him once more, took the cloth in hand and rubbed the soap against the fabric. “You asked for it,” she warned him.

“Yeah.” His voice was husky, the single word a satisfied groan as she completed the task she’d begun.

A
LICIA WAS HALFWAY HOME
from the general store, the mare high-stepping its way down the street. As if anxious for more exercise than she received with these short trips to town, the horse pranced within the traces. If only she could somehow get Jake into the buggy, especially now that the shed at the house had made outings so convenient. A ride in the country would be just the ticket, and the mare would enjoy the outing.

The building of the shed and corral had gone quickly once Cord arrived to handle the project. Recruiting three men from the lumberyard and hardware store had been a good move on his part, Alicia thought, remembering the speed at which the small building had been erected. A lean-to on one side provided a place for the buggy and future plans included fencing in an acre of land for a pasture. Small, but sufficient for one horse. Now her horse and buggy were handy, requiring only a trip to the back yard, where she could harness the pretty mare to the shiny new buggy, and do her errands in style.

Her mind was spinning, awhirl with plans for the coming week. Christmas had ever been the most important day in the year, so far as she was concerned. Although she hadn’t had much opportunity to celebrate in previous years, except for the services at church and being included in preparations in whichever home she was living at the time, she’d still been attuned to the holiday spirit, enjoying the music and decorations that made it such a wonderful time of the year.

Living with Jake and Jason opened up a whole new world of celebration, one in which she could indulge her fantasies to the fullest extent. Oblivious to everything but her own thoughts, she was caught by surprise by Cord’s appearance. His farm wagon moved beside her as she traveled, pacing her, and his laughter caught her attention.

“You’re in another world, Alicia,” he said with a wide smile. “Here I’ve brought you a gift, and you’re too wrapped up to take notice.”

“Me?” she asked in surprise. “A gift for me? Whatever are you talking about?”

“Follow me to the house and I’ll unload your present, and put away the buggy for you.”

She turned to peer into the back of the wagon and her mouth dropped open in amazement. The tallest pine tree she’d ever laid eyes on was in the wagon bed, green and bushy and very obviously intended to be
used as a Christmas tree. She looked at Cord and was filled with mixed emotions.

“Jason told me that Jake won’t have a tree in the house since Rena died,” she said sadly. “They didn’t even celebrate for the last three years.”

“Don’t I know it,” Cord said fervently. “Rachel about had a fit when she found out that Jake had deprived the boy of all the holiday fun. We ended up coming into town and taking him home with us for a couple of days. That might have been a mistake, since it only served to put Jake in the doldrums even more.”

He waved at the tree with one gloved hand. “This is my solution to the problem this year. I figure you’re capable of decorating the thing with Jason’s help, and you can certainly hold your own against Jake, no matter how ornery he gets.”

“Well, thanks for the vote of confidence,” she said dryly. “I hope there’s room for me out at your place if you’re wrong.”

Cord pulled his team up short in front of the big white house and jumped to the ground. Alicia slid quickly from the buggy and opened the gate, allowing Cord to pass through before her. At the porch, she turned and shot him a long look.

“Don’t be surprised if he shoots the both of us,” she warned him. “If he didn’t want a tree decorated last year, I doubt if he’ll have changed his mind.” She
opened the big door and watched as Cord carried the tree into the parlor.

“What the hell is that for?”

Closing her eyes, she sent up a brief prayer for patience, then scurried in Cord’s wake, recognizing the need to serve as buffer between the brothers. “Isn’t this fine?” she asked heartily. “Cord brought us a tree, and I was thinking I’d have to go out and find one on my own.”

“We’re not having a tree,” Jake said harshly. “Cord can just turn right around and drag it out of here.”

Alicia strode to where Jake sat beside the fireplace and faced him, determined he should not win this battle. If for no other reason than for Jason’s sake. “You needn’t be involved in this, Jake. If you don’t want to enjoy our Christmas tree, that’s fine with me. Jason and I can decorate it by ourselves. I’ve done a lot of things to please you, but this isn’t going to be one of them. This tree will be put in a stand and will be placed in front of the big windows.”

“The hell it will.”

She’d never heard his voice so firm, never known his stance to be quite so rigid. For a moment, she hovered between backing down and taking a stand of her own. Her hopes for a joyous Christmas hung in the balance, and she determined that Jake McPherson would not rob her of the beauty of this season.

“I say the tree stays,” she told him. “You can park in your room for the next ten days if you like, but the tree will be here in the parlor.”

“Who gave you control over my life?” he asked bluntly, ignoring Cord’s uneasy presence.

Alicia turned to Cord, refusing to be baited by Jake’s sullen query. “Shall I find some pieces of wood to make a stand?” she asked.

“I’ll handle it,” he told her, obviously thankful to take his leave with haste.

She turned back to Jake, only to watch as he left the parlor, his chair heading at a rapid speed into the hallway and toward the back of the house. The bedroom door closed with a bang, and she felt quick tears come to her eyes.

“Miss Alicia?” From the kitchen, Jason called her as he stomped his way across the hallway, seeking her whereabouts. “What’s goin’on?” he asked. “I saw Uncle Cord’s wagon out in front.” Then he caught sight of the pine tree, and his eyes opened wide. “Is that for us? Are we really gonna have a Christmas tree this year?”

It was enough to solidify her resolve. “We certainly are,” she said firmly. “You’ll need to show me where the decorations are, Jason. We’ll do this together.” She saw the boy’s face light up and it was enough to make this whole fuss worthwhile, she decided. “Your father doesn’t want it here, but it’s staying, anyway.”

“He’s gonna be really mad at you,” Jason murmured, looking over his shoulder as if seeking Jake’s presence.

“He already is,” Alicia said agreeably. “He’ll just have to change his mind, won’t he?”

C
ORD BUILT THE TREE STAND
quickly, and Jason helped him secure it in place before the windows, then called Alicia in from the kitchen for her approval. She nodded, pacing from one side to the other, and then smiled. “It’s perfect,” she announced.

“I took care of the buggy, put the mare in her stall and hung up the harness,” Cord said. “My good deed for the day.” He looked around with a frown. “Where’s Jake?”

“In his room. I suspect he’ll be staying there for the duration.”

“Won’t Pa come out to the kitchen to eat?” Jason asked, his mouth turning down.

“We’ll see,” Alicia answered, not at all certain what would be the outcome of this whole undertaking.

As it turned out, Jake chose to eat in his room, silent and morose, looking put-upon. As well he might be, Alicia decided, trying her best to be fair with him. This
was
his house and she probably didn’t have the right to override his objections. But the house was her home, too, and she felt she was within her rights on
this issue. She’d thought he was beyond the foolishness of honoring Rena’s death by denying the joy of Christmas to his son.

Jason took her to the attic after supper and they found dusty boxes of ornaments and candle holders, plus a wooden, hand-carved set of angels and shepherds in a box. Beneath the miniature figures was a manger, complete with a tiny child, and accompanied by figures which could only have been meant to represent Mary and Joseph.

It brought tears to her eyes as Jason carefully explained that his mother had ordered the set made especially for the last Christmas they’d shared as a family. Jason’s fingers touched each individual piece as he spoke, and Alicia was touched by the sadness in the boy’s face.

“She’d be happy if she knew you were going to set it up in the parlor this year,” she told him.

“Do you think she knows?” Jason asked, his eyes hopeful.

“I suspect she might,” Alicia said carefully. “We don’t always know about things that are beyond our understanding, Jason. So long as your mother is alive in your heart, and you cherish her memory, she will have an influence on you.”

“She’d be mad if she knew I’d let those men out of jail, wouldn’t she?” he asked glumly. “She’d probably have cried.” He looked up at Alicia. “She cried one
time when I got in trouble with Pa, and she made him let me off easy.”

“Your mother loved you, Jason. I’m sure she was sad when she realized she was leaving you.”

“Miss Alicia,” he began slowly. “Do you think my mama would be happy if she knew you were here with us now?”

Alicia’s heart pumped more rapidly as she responded. “I’d like to think so. She loved you, and I’m sure she would’ve wanted you to have someone to look after you and make sure you were kept clean and well fed.” She reached to him and ran her fingers through his hair. “Speaking of that, you need a haircut, young man.”

He wrinkled his nose, a reaction she’d expected, and she laughed. “I love you, Jason.” Before she thought, the words were spoken aloud, and the boy looked up at her with astonishment.

“You do?” he asked. “How come? I’ve been bad a lot, Miss Alicia.”

“No,” she said firmly. “You’ve done some things you shouldn’t have. But you’re not a bad boy, Jason. Don’t ever think that of yourself.”

She thought his eyes teared up, but it was difficult to tell, for he stepped closer to her and his arms circled her waist and his head pressed against her bosom. “If you say so, ma’am,” he whispered. He looked up at her, and his smile was like sunshine on a dreary day.

“I love you, too, Miss Alicia. I really do. I’m glad you married my pa.”

She sighed. “I’m not sure he’s too happy about that right now,” she murmured. “But I’m sure he’ll come around.”

It took two days. Two long, dreary days in which Alicia discovered the depths of Jake’s stubborn streak. He stayed in his room, venturing forth finally on the third morning. “Why haven’t you been sleeping with me?” he asked harshly, rolling his chair into the kitchen.

Alicia stood by the table, a knife in her hand, midway through slicing a loaf of bread.

“Are you gonna throw it at me?” he asked.

“The bread or the knife?” She continued her task as she spoke, averting her gaze from his.

“I’ll take the bread gladly. I’m hungry,” he told her.

“You know where the food is kept. You’ve no need to be hungry in this house,” she said. She looked up at him. “Are you planning on eating breakfast at the table with me?”

“I suppose so,” he answered, rolling closer to the spot where he normally sat for meals. “Am I welcome?”

“It’s your house, Jake. As you so nicely reminded me the other day.”

“So I did.” He reached for a piece of the bread and she lifted the knife, pointing it in his direction.

“You can wait till I have the food on the table,” she told him sharply.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said humbly. But she thought she caught a glimpse of his rare good humor in the smile he had trouble suppressing. He folded his hands and watched as she finished with the meal preparations, his gaze fixed on the plate of eggs and sausage she placed before him. “I don’t suppose you made pancakes, did you?” he asked hopefully. “I thought I heard them sizzling on the griddle when I opened the bedroom door earlier.”

“I made pancakes,” she said, turning to the warming oven to bring forth a platter rounded with the light, golden-brown circles.

“Oh, boy.” Jason stood in the doorway, his eyes bright with anticipation as he surveyed the meal she’d prepared. “I’m sure glad it’s Saturday, Pa. We got all day to do stuff for Christmas.” Then his face sobered and he shot a brief glance toward Alicia.

“Can I help?” Jake asked quietly, and Alicia sent up a quick prayer of thanksgiving for the minor miracle wrought in this moment.

“We can use all the help we can get,” she said. “I’ve cookies to bake, and Jason has something he needs help wrapping. The two of you can frost my cookies and cut up the fruit for my fruitcake.”

“How come we hafta do all the hard work?” Jason
asked, his eyes twinkling as he shared the moment with his father.

“It’s just the fate of the men in the family, I guess,” Jake told him. “What would Alicia do without us?”

Jason sidled closer to his father and stood at his elbow. “Pa? Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Jake assured him. “Is this a secret? Or can Alicia hear, too?”

“She doesn’t know about it,” Jason said quietly. “But I don’t care if she hears, I guess. It’s about her, anyway.”

Alicia’s hands stilled as she filled Jason’s plate and delivered it to the table, and then turned back for her own. Her back was toward the two of them as Jason’s words were spoken in a faint whisper. Words she’d thought never to hear.

“Pa, I think it would be good if I called Miss Alicia something else. What do you think?”

“You going to call her Mrs. McPherson?” Jake asked soberly, and Alicia caught the smile buried beneath the query.

Jason laughed aloud, and she turned as he shook his head and crinkled his nose. “Of course not. I thought I’d just call her my mama.”

Alicia held her plate before her and placed it on the table, sliding into her chair when she found her legs felt weak. The boy wanted to name her as his mother.

She looked up at him and saw the hopeful look he could not conceal as he awaited his father’s opinion.

“I’d be pleased if you’d do that, Jason,” Alicia managed to say, then included Jake in her reply. “If your father thinks it’s the right thing to do.”

Jake nodded, and she suspected he was having a difficult time putting words together. His arm enclosed Jason in a firm grip. “Your mama would be pleased,” he said. “I know it for certain, son.”

I
T WAS A MAGICAL TIME
, Alicia decided. The baking, the decorating and the wrapping of gifts filled the house with a combination of scent and sound, of activity such as had not taken place within these walls in far too long. The candles were lit at dusk, and the parlor became a fairyland of lights and tinsel and the reflection of glowing, glittering lights in the big front windows.