Redheads are Soulless (3 page)

She just
stuck her middle finger up at me.

Gah, she’s so immature. “If you don’t go to work, you can’t afford beer.”

She sat up when I s
aid that. “Fine! I’ll go
, freaking slave driver.
”

It w
orks every time.

Later that night, after my mom
left for
work, I
decided to
do
my homework and study for nothing in particular. Every textbook I have, I’ve read a hundred times over.
What else am I going to do? We don’t own a TV, I don’t own a computer, and I don’t have texting on my pre-paid cell phone. Let face it, even if I
did
have a text mes
sage package, who would I text?

Suddenly, I hear
d
a peck on my wind
ow
. It made
me jump.
I realize
d
it was probably just a bird. But then, I heard it again. I got off my bed and slowly tiptoed to my window and peeked out my
blind
s
. I jumped when I saw somebody standing there… Jason.

I
started to open my window, but stopped myself.

“Go away,” I
yelled at
him
through the glass
.

“Nice to see you too,” he smile
d
. “May I come in?”

“No.”

“Come on, Sofie. You said we could be friends,” he
pretended to
pout.

“I said we could be friends. I didn’t say you could come to my house.”

“Please, can
I just come in?”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine. But come in the front door.”

“What about your mom?”

I wondered why he just said
mom
. How did he know I didn’t have a dad? But
I just shrugged it off…
small town. Of course he had
heard everything about my life.

“She’s at work.” I wondered for a moment
if I should have told him that. He could be a psychopath for all I know,
but it was too late now. I
walked around to the front door
,
unlocked it, and Jason walked in.

“Nice house,” he said looking around.

I wanted to hide my face. My house was what most would call a ‘
hole in the wall
’. And for a good reason, there literally were holes in the wall
s
.
The ceiling was stained from the leaky roof, the
carpet was worn down and stained from years of
beer
spills, and the air smelt strongly of alcohol and stale cigarette smoke.
Instead of hiding my face though, I just rolled my eyes. “Did
you come here to make fun of me
?”

He narrowed his eyes at me
. “I wasn’t making fun of you, R
ed. Sheesh, calm down.”

“My name is Sofia, not R
ed,” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Noted.” He smiled, a
nd it made my heart flutter and my knees felt weak.

Dust literally poured
from my
mom’s
ugly
1980 floral print couch as we sa
t down.

Jason nod
ded
to the empty beer
cans
on the coffee table. “Hitting the alcohol heavy tonight, eh?”

I want
ed
to literally disappear right then and there. I start
ed
to get up so I c
ould go hide and cry, but he grabbed my arm and stopped
me. I didn’t put up much
force.

Jason look
ed
me in the eyes. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

One lone tear rolled
down my cheek. Unable to speak, I just nod
ded
.

He reached up and wiped
away my single tear. “I’m sorry I made you cry. I was just making a joke. I didn’t realize it was such a sensitive subject.”

I took a deep breath before
I trust
ed
myself to speak
. “Maybe you should just go. I don’t really feel like company tonight.”

He nodded
,
walked to the door, turned aro
und, and winked at me. “Goodnight
, Sofia.”

After he walked
out, I softly say, “Good
night
, Jason,” to the door
.

That whole night after Jason left, I tried not to think about him. I knew that it was only a matter of time before he started ignoring me, or taunting me, like the other students.

I wanted a friend. I craved
another human being to talk to, especiall
y if that other person was sober. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, but I just wish that I could talk to her – the real her that isn’t high on pain killers, or drunk on whiskey.
I haven’t seen that side of her for many years.

I sighed. There was no sense in thinking about it. Thinking about it doesn’t help, and only makes me depressed.
When I’m down, my mom always suggest I go to the doctor and get depress
ion pills. Honestly, she’d
take them
all
, so what
’s
the point? Plus, I don’t want to be like her. I made a vow to never take a
prescription pill
, ever. I didn’t want to take my chances
of
crazy
being hereditary
. I’d rat
her suffer than take the chance of becoming
addicted.

Unable to sleep any longer, I finally got up at 6:30. After a quick shower, I start
ed
to put my r
ed hair in a pony tail, but it was
surprisingly
not frizzy. I had never seen
my hair so tame, so I just left
it down and head
ed
to
wards
school. When I got there, I noticed it was 7:40.

Weird, I never leave early
.

I decided
I w
ould sit in my truck and study
for my u
pcoming history test until it was
time to go in.
I was interrupte
d by a tap on my window. I jumpe
d, and then opened my door carefully.

“What do you want, Jason?” I asked. I grabbed my backpack off my seat and carefully shut my door.

“I
can fix your door, if you like,” he said, eying my door that was about to fall off.

“Well, it would be fixed, but I don’t have the money to
fix it
,” I snap
ped
at him.

He looked shocked for a moment. “Did you honestly think I would make you pay me? That’s what friends are for.”

I shook my head. “No thanks. Soon, you will make new friends
here
, and you will forget all
about
me. I don’t want to owe you.”

“What do I have to do to convince you, Sofia Black?” He got closer and whispered in my ear. “I’m not going anywhere.” It made me shiver, in a good way.

I took a step back
, and pretend
ed
to be unaffected by him
. “Well, I am. See you later
.”

I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away. I allowed myself one peek back.

“Stop looking at my but
t,
”
I said over my shoulder.

He looked me in the eyes. “Sorry.”

I
rolled my eyes and kept walking, but I couldn’t help the smile that came to my face. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Jason had a crush on me. But, that’s crazy. No boy would ever like me. And, even if he
did
like me, it w
ouldn
’t last long.
Ignoring him is the best decision I could make, not just for him, but for me too. In the end
,
he will conform like everybody else, and when that happens I don’t want a broken heart.

I did a good job of ignoring him for the rest of the day. After school, I didn’t wait around. I just headed
straight
out to my truck.

I opened my door carefully, but I didn’t need to. My truck door was securely fastened to its hinges and was no longer in danger of falling off. I blinked back the tears th
at
threatened to escape.

Jason
Morgan
, what are you doing
?

He
grinned
and
waved at me from across the lot as I left.

Three

A
ccident

I managed to make
it
through Friday without speaking to Jason. I wanted to tell him ‘thank you’ for fixing my door, but I decided against it. I knew it would be
for the
best if I just left it alone.

Jason
, however,
wasn’t any less persistent.
If anything,
ignoring him made him try harder.
On numerous o
ccasions he tried talking to me
and even defended me when the other students made fun of me. He quickly
recognized my need to be alone
and gave me my desired space… But I always
caught
him looking at me.

He se
emed to be just as much of a lo
ner as me. He wasn’t even trying to make friends, and when other people talked to him, he just brushed them off. He even brushed off the head cheerleader,
Marie
.
I couldn’t believe it
.
N
o guy
ever
turned her down. Wh
y would they? She was beautiful. She had perfect
, natural,
blonde hair that most people
wish
they could get from a bottle. She was a perfect size 2. She was popular and had an outstanding personality. She was nice to everybody, except me of course. I envied her. The thought of him turning her down, for me, kind of made me happy in a twisted way.

When I got home from school, my mom was already getting ready for her weekend out. I threw my books down on my bed and walked back to the living room where my mom sat on the couch drinking a beer.

“Hey
, Sof,” she greeted me. “Did ya
have a good day at school?”

Friday afternoon
s were
always my favorite. Mom was always in a good mood because of the upcoming weekend. She wasn’t completely wasted
, yet
, and it was almost like I had a normal mom for a few hours.

“It was good,” I lie
d
. I always lie
to her about sc
hool. What was I supposed to say
? I get made fun of because she’s an alcoholic? That they laugh at my yard sale c
lothes? There is no sense in rui
ning her night.
I would suffer in silence, as always.
Besides, today was
sort-of
good. With Jason standing up for me, the teasing had cut down a lot. I
almost
liked him looking after me.

“I can’t believe you’re a senior this year,” she
almost
looked
as if she w
ere
going to cry. “My baby is growin
’
up.”

I smiled at her. In her own way, she
is a good mom. She provides
food and a place for me to live.
Just somewhere along the way, she lost sight of what was right and wrong. Trauma does weird things to people.

At
6
o’clock
sharp, I drove my mom to Billie’s
. She used to drive herself,
but a few years ago,
I suggested driving her since I
always pick
her up anyway.

Before getting out of the truck, she turned to me. “I love y
a
, Sof.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

With that, she got out of the
truck and walked into the bar. It br
oke
m
y heart
to know that i
n a few hours I w
ould
be carrying her out of the very same bar.

I drove home with the windows down. It was 85 degrees, which was
n’t
uncommon for late September.
I love living in the south.

When I pulled into my driveway, I was surprised at the sight. Jason was stand
ing
there beside
a
motorcycle.
I gritted my teeth as I got out of my truck, slamming
the door
harder than
necessary
.

“Sof,” he greeted me. “Get on.”

He motioned for me to get on
the
motorcycle, and I shook my head. “I can’t. My mom will need a ride in a little while.”

“And you’re not allowed to have fun while you wait?”
He looked very tempting standing there. He held out an extra helmet towards me, and I took it from him and put it on.
I have no clue why I did, but I couldn’t say no. The thought of spending yet another Friday night alone just didn’t sound appealing.

“
Is this your motorcycle?”
I asked.

“Yes, it’s mine,” he said laughing.

“How did you get it?”

“
I bought it,” he said giving me a
duh
look. “
Seriously, get on.”

“I need to be back by 11:30,” I said as I climbed on behind him.

“O
k
, I promise,” he answered. “Hold on tight.”

I did as he instructed, and I
wrapped my arms
very tightly
around his
abdomen
.

As we drove further and further out of my neighborhood
,
I felt a weight being lifted off of me. I liked bein
g on the back of Jason’s bike… e
ven if I didn’t like sitting this close to him
, or at least that’s what I was telling myself
…
I liked the wind blowing through my hair.
I felt free and alive. For those few moments
,
I imagined
what
my life
would be like if it
was
normal
. It felt great to forget about the crazy life I had left behind.
I wished that I was leaving for good.

We eventually did stop though. I was disappointed
, but
thrilled to be at least out of
town
.

“Where are we?” I asked as I climbed off the back of his bike.

“We are not in Peckville,” he answered, trying to sound mysterious.

I didn’t push the matter any further. To be honest
, I was glad to be anywhere
but home
. I went to sit down in the grass on the side of the road, but Jason stopped me.

“Follow me,” he insist
ed
.

So, I d
id
. I follow
ed
him through the path of trees. We walked in silence for about 10 minutes or so before we came to a stop. We were standing on top of a hill in the
middle of the clearing. We were completely surrounded by trees. Jason sat down
on the grass
, and motioned for me to do the same.

“Look,” I followed his fin
ger that
pointed directly in front of us.

I was
speechless by the
beauty. The sun was just starting
to set behind the clouds. Pink, purple, orange and blue clouds were painted in the sky. I had
never seen a more beautiful sun
set. Within only minutes, the sun disappeared behind the
hills
,
and I couldn’t help but be disappointed.

“That was beautiful,
”
I finally said breaking the silence.
It was the first thing that either of us had said in the past 15 minutes. No words were needed. We were just enjoying each
other’s
company.

I pull
ed
out my phone to check the time once more. It was only
8:30
, so we didn’t need to head back
just yet
.

“Isn’t your mom supposed to take care of you, not the other way around?” I knew that it was only a matter of time before Jason started judging me. I only hoped it wouldn’t start so early, but just the same, it was probably for the best. I didn’t need to become friends with the guy.

“Can you take
me home? I’m pretty tried.” It wa
s a lie.

“I offended you, I’m sorry.”

“No, really I just want to go.”

He looked me in eye. “I can tell that you’re lying, and I know that I upset you. You may think you hide your feelings
well
, but
to me,
they’re pretty obvious.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being nice to me,” I answered. “Seriously, there is nothing
remotely interesting about me
.
I watch
ed
my own father die
when I was 10
, my mother is a prescription addicted
,
alcoh
olic,
and
I don’
t have an outgoing attitude.
I’m not pretty. I have nothing good going for me
.
”

“You just don’t see yourself
clearly,
”
he said
as he
turn
ed
his face towards me.

“Well neither does anybody else, obviously. Or maybe you’re not the one seeing clear
ly
. I am a nothing, a nobody. Why are you trying so hard to be my friend? Did somebody pay you?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Why would somebody have to pay me to be
come
your friend? Have you thought that maybe I like being around you?” When I didn’t respond, he continued. “And if somebody doesn’t like you because of your parents, than they aren’t worth your time.” He paused for a second, looking me longingly in the eyes. “You are the most wonderful girl I have ever met. You’re smart, and funny. And you’re certainly not ugly. Your beauty is nearly breath-taking.”

My heart was beating in my chest so loud, I was certain he could hear it. I
opened my mouth
to respond when my phone started ringing.

Crap
.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Sofia Black?” an unfamiliar voice asked.

“Yes
.”

“
This is Nurse Patricia Oswald at Peckville Hospital.
There’s been an accident. Your mother is in surgery right now, but it’s not looking good. You might want to get down here if
you want to say goodbye
,” the voice said mechanically.

I suddenly found it hard to breath. “I’ll be right there.” I hung up the phone, and forced myself not to start screaming right here in front of Jason.

Without even knowing what was said on the phone, Jason took my hand and pulled me forward. We ran towards his motorcycle as fast as my legs would allow me.

Once we pulled onto the road, I let my mind wander.

I shouldn’t have
c
ome
tonight, this I know. If I hadn’t, I would be by my mother’s side the second she got out of surgery.
Instead, I was
a good 30 minutes away from the hospital.

I was scared that she would die before I got to her.
And what if she did die? What would happen to me? I didn’t have any family, I had nowhere to go.
I would be all alone
… But I wouldn’t allow myself to think like that. She would be ok.

On the drive back, Jason drove faster than before, so it didn’t take as long to get there. To me though, it felt like an eternity. As soon as we pulled in front of the hospital, I climbed off the bike and handed
the
helmet to Jason. The second he grabbed it, I was running towards the entrance of the hospital.

I ran up to the first desk that I saw.

“I’m looking for my mom. Sarah Black.” I took deep, even breaths.
I felt as though I was going to pass out.

The nurse didn’t even look up at me. She just shuffled through the papers on her desk. “The doctor will be right out to see you,” she said.

I could feel myself start to hyperventilate.
I leaned against a nearby wall for support, but found myself sliding down onto the floor.

I would not allow myself to cry here. I couldn’t have a break down.

“Sofia
,” I heard Jason’s voice.

When I look
ed
up at him, I notice
d
tears
were
blurring my vision.