Refuge (39 page)

It took him a minute to compose himself. He
wiped his eyes. “You are an absolute delight. I have not enjoyed
myself this much in a very long time.”

“What’s so funny?” I asked, starting to feel
a little insulted.

He smiled affectionately. “If I was going to
fall for a young lady, you would be at the top of my list. In fact,
you would be the list. But alas, you and I have too much in common
for that to ever happen.”

“I don’t understand.”

“That is one of your most endearing
qualities, little one.” He stunned me by leaning across the small
table and kissing my forehead. “And if you were a man, I would fall
madly in love with you this instant.”

If I was a . . . oh.
“Oh!”

“Let’s just say I did not spend time with
Pyotr Tchaikovsky for his musical genius alone.”

Heat flooded my face. I couldn’t believe I’d
suggested Desmund had a thing for me. God I was such a moron. I had
always been stupid when it came to guys, but this took the
cake.

“I did not mean to make you
uncomfortable.”

I gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s not you.
I just can’t believe what an idiot I am sometimes.”

He shook his head. “I find your innocence
charming.”

“That’s because you are a gentleman,” I
replied, feeling a little less embarrassed.

“And because I am a gentleman I am very glad
I am not enamored of you.”

My eyebrows rose. “Why?”

He chuckled. “Because then I would have to
fight Nikolas Danshov for you and I like my head right where it
is.”

THE NEXT DAY, Nikolas showed me how to
execute an uppercut punch and a front kick. Then he put me to work
on the punching bag for an hour before he switched over to a
grueling workout on the weights. The entire time we were together,
he was all business and did not try to talk about the night at the
barn or anything about us. In fact, he did not say much at all
unless it was directly related to my training. As soon as our
session ended, he left and I did not see him again that day.

It wasn’t until that night, as I was creating
magical whirlpools in my bubble bath, that I remembered I hadn’t
told Nikolas about seeing Aine or about using my power on the
vampire at the barn. The last thing I wanted to do was bring up
that night, but it was Nikolas who had helped me learn to call on
that power and he was still my trainer.

I waited until after we’d practiced my
punches and kicks the next morning to bring it up. I wiped my face
with a towel and took a long drink from my water bottle before I
blurted it out.

“I zapped a vampire at the barn.”

Nikolas set down the pair of dumbbells he was
holding and turned to face me. It took me several seconds to
realize he was not surprised by my announcement.

“Tristan told you.”

“Yes.”

I tried to guess what he was thinking, but
his tone and expression gave nothing away. “Why didn’t you say
something?”

He leaned against the wall with his arms
folded across his chest. “I figured you would tell me when you were
ready, and when you felt like you could trust me again.”

“I never stopped trusting you.” I flushed but
refused to look away from him because he needed to know I was
sincere. If there was anyone I would trust with my life it was
Nikolas. My heart I wasn’t as sure about.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?
Tristan said you were able to sense them.”

I told him everything as I had described it
to Tristan. Nikolas’s eyes flashed with suppressed fury as the
story unfolded, but he merely nodded when I explained the cold in
my chest and how I was able to take down the vampire. I could tell
he was fighting his demon for control. His angry outbursts whenever
I was in danger made sense now. What I didn’t understand was why
the bond made him react so strongly, or why I felt a growing need
to go to him and soothe away the furrows in his brow and the hard
line of his mouth.

Clenching my hands behind my back, I focused
on my story instead. “I tried to call on the power like we
practiced, but it wouldn’t come until I touched him. Then it just
jumped out of me like it did with the other demons. I don’t
understand why it burned him, but it didn’t burn you.”

Nikolas gave me a tight smile. “A vamhir
demon is always close to the surface because it controls the body.
You couldn’t feel my demon until I called it forth.” He stared at
the window for a long moment, and his face betrayed the battle
going on inside him. He wanted to train me, to help me become
strong enough to protect myself. But at the same time, he didn’t
want me anywhere near a vampire.

To my relief, his pragmatic side won. “This
is good. It means you have a built-in defense against vampires,
young ones at least. We need to keep working on it to make sure it
is reliable.”

“What about my vampire radar? Can we go
somewhere and test it?” I knew he was going to refuse, but it was
worth a shot.

“Not until we spend a lot more time on your
training. There will be plenty of time to test your other
abilities.”

“Okay.” I was willing to wait if he was
willing to accept that I would have to fight vampires someday. It
was a small step forward for both of us. “When can we work on my
power again?”

He picked up a jump rope and held it out to
me. “Let’s finish your workout and we’ll meet up after lunch for
your other training.”

I groaned as I took the jump rope. I had a
feeling my days were about to get a lot more exhausting.

Over the next week, Nikolas and I fell into a
pattern. Each morning, he taught me a new strike or kick, and then
he put me through another punishing workout. After lunch, we spent
two hours working with my power. For this he enlisted Chris’s help
since he was the only other person here besides Nikolas and Tristan
who knew my secret.

I could feel my power growing stronger the
more I used it, but it was impossible to test its full strength
without a demon. I refused to give Nikolas or Chris anything more
than a mild shock no matter how much they provoked me. I would not
take a chance of hurting either of them even if they made it
difficult to resist at times.

My control grew as well, and I was soon able
to call as much or as little power as I needed. I demonstrated that
one day when Chris began amusing himself by zipping by and tugging
on my hair. He got too close and I caught hold of his hand. The
little jolt I gave him made his blond hair stand on end and his
knees buckle. When he was able to speak a few minutes later, he
said it was like being paralyzed. He didn’t pull my hair again
after that.

Even though we spent hours training together,
Nikolas and I barely spoke, and a polite distance grew between us
until I began to miss the way things used to be. If the quiet
tension between us bothered him, he gave no indication of it, and I
wondered if he even cared about it. The more time that passed, the
more I was convinced that he didn’t want the bond.

I began to dread the day he would show up and
tell me he was breaking the bond and leaving. The thought of never
seeing him again hurt more than I wanted to admit, and I threw
myself into training to avoid thinking about it. After my training,
I would take the hounds and go to the lake, hoping to see Aine
again. She didn’t come, but I thought I caught a glimpse of Feeorin
in the water twice. I wanted to practice my water magic in the
lake, but it was impossible with warriors watching over me the
whole time. After I’d told Tristan about sensing a vampire in the
woods, and he’d told Nikolas, they made it clear that I was not to
go out alone, even with two ferocious hellhounds at my side. I
didn’t argue even if it meant I was limited to practicing my magic
in my bath tub. It amazed me how quickly I was able to master
elemental magic when none of my Mohiri abilities came easily to me.
I could make mini waves and water spouts with ease and raise the
temperature of the water when it began to cool, but I doubted I
would ever feel the same connection to my Mori that other Mohiri
shared with theirs.

I ended up asking Chris to take me to town to
pick up supplies and food for Oscar. I could hardly ask Nikolas to
do it when we were barely talking. As Chris and I loaded my
purchases into the SUV I felt a pang when I remembered the light
banter between Nikolas and me the day I’d asked him to take me to
the pet store. Would it ever be that easy between us again, or was
it gone forever?

David emailed me twice that week to say he
and his friends were closing in on Madeline. His excitement was
infectious. As soon as he found her, I would let Tristan know so he
could swoop in and pick her up, if she didn’t slip away again. My
mother was proving to be very adept at evading everyone, especially
her own people.

After my talk with Michael, I’d also asked
David to see what he could dig up about Matthew. I gave him every
detail I could find on Michael’s family in Atlanta and the
circumstances around his mother’s death and his brother’s
disappearance. I wasn’t hopeful but I had to try for Michael’s
sake. David confirmed what I already knew – Michael had been to
hundreds of sites and message boards, searching for his brother –
and he told me he was unable to find a single bit of evidence that
Matthew was alive. He would keep searching, but I already knew the
truth, even if I didn’t know how to make Michael accept it.

My spirits shot up when I woke up on the
Tuesday of Thanksgiving week and my first thought was that Nate
would be here tomorrow. I grinned to myself in the shower, and I
could barely sit still at breakfast. I even smiled at Nikolas when
I walked into the training room. It didn’t make him ease up on my
workout, but I was too happy to care. Nothing was going to bring me
down this week.

When my phone rang that evening, I saw Nate’s
number and laughed. Nate was such a creature of habit. He called me
every Tuesday night without fail, and he wasn’t going to miss a
night, even if he would see me tomorrow.

“Hey, Nate!”

“Hey, yourself. How are things going?” He
sounded tired, and I hoped he wasn’t overworking himself.

“Oh you know . . . the same.” Lightning was
probably going to strike me for that whopper, but I couldn’t tell
Nate about everything over the phone. “So, you all packed for
tomorrow?”

“That’s actually what I’m calling about.” He
coughed, and I listened to him wheeze with a growing sense of
dread. “I have some bad news. I haven’t been feeling too good the
last few days so I went to my doctor today. He says I have
pneumonia and I can’t travel this week.”

A pit opened in my stomach. “What? No! They
have all kinds of medicines here. They can treat your pneumonia in
no time.” I was already calculating how long it would take to bring
the medicine to him.

He coughed again. “Sara, you know how I feel
about that. My doctor prescribed something, and I just need to take
it easy for a few days.”

And miss Thanksgiving? I started for my
closet to find my suitcase. “Then I’ll come to you.”

“No,” he said sharply, and I stopped halfway
across the room.

“Nate?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bark at you. It’s
just that you’re supposed to be hiding and we can’t risk someone
seeing you. I won’t be good company for you anyway. I’d rather you
stay there and I’ll come later.”

“But you’ll be alone for Thanksgiving.” The
happiness that had carried me all day drained away.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,” he
rasped. “I’ll come as soon as I can travel. I wouldn’t miss seeing
you for the world.”

“It won’t be the same without you.”

“I know, but we’ll see each other soon.” He
breathed deeply, and I could hear the rattle in his chest. “I need
to take my meds and get some rest so I can get rid of this. I’ll
talk to you in a few days, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, even though I was anything
but okay. Ever since I got here, I had been counting down the days
until Thanksgiving when I would see Nate again. Disappointment cut
through me deeply, and I just wanted to curl up in my bed and
cry.

God, I am an awful person.
Here I was wallowing in
self-pity and Nate was suffering from pneumonia. He’d be all alone
for the holiday and I was thinking only of myself. I couldn’t even
call Roland or Peter and asked them to drop in and check on Nate
because the family was leaving tomorrow to spend the holiday with
their grandmother up near Bangor.

The urge to go to home despite his arguments
was so strong that I grabbed a backpack and had it full of clothes
before my common sense took over. Nate was right; it wasn’t safe
for me in New Hastings right now. All I’d be doing was putting both
of us in danger, and I couldn’t forgive myself if he was hurt
because of me again.

It was a long sleepless night, and it left me
tired and cross the next morning. Less than ten minutes into
training, Nikolas stepped back and asked me what was wrong.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, trying unsuccessfully
to kick the heavy bag like he’d taught me yesterday.

“You are obviously upset about
something.”

“I’m fine,” I lied. Tears threatened and I
punched the bag angrily. I wanted to tell him what was wrong, but
things were so weird between us that I didn’t know how to talk to
him. And I didn’t want to run to him whenever things didn’t go
right. I wanted to prove to both of us that I could stand on my
own. “Can we get back to work?”

He moved forward to grab the bag again, and
when he spoke his voice had lost some of the coolness that had been
present the last few days. “Just know I’m here if you want to
talk.”

Neither of us spoke much for the remainder of
the session, but Nikolas’s words played over and over in my head
all afternoon. The longer I thought about it, the more guilt I felt
for brushing him off like I had. None of this was his fault, and
when he had reached out to me, I’d behaved like a brat. Was it
because I wanted to be strong, or was it really because I was
afraid to open up to him, afraid of where that might lead? The two
of us were in a strange limbo right now because I could not deal
with
us
and
because he wouldn’t press me. It was unfair to him, and it was time
I stopped behaving like I was the only one with feelings.