Release Me (2 page)

Sweet bitter words

Unlike nothing I have heard

Sing along mockingbird

You don’t affect me

Chapter Two

Cal

“What’s up?” Shamus says when he meets me at Craig’s office. I am in the parking lot smoking a Marlboro red. Not the wisest choice considering I am trying to get custody of my son I met not more than three hours ago, but this old habit never really got broken and it’s the only thing keeping me calm right now.

I flick my smoke and smother it with the toe of my shoes and stuff my hands in my pockets trying to figure out how to not choke on my next words. Shame knows me better than anyone though and he can tell I am freaking out.

“Bro whatever has you stressed we can figure it out.” He says and places his hand on my shoulder.

“Guess who’s gonna be an uncle?” I say and rely on my lame jokes to break tension.

“What?” He says and claps his hands with a huge smile. “Jace and Krissy are having a baby?” He asks and I didn’t think he might assume I meant my brother and his wife.

So, I do what I always do and just blurt it out. “No dude. I am a dad.”

I watch his smile go from happy to confused in a flash. “What?”

I nod and look to Craig’s office. “That’s why I asked you to meet me here dude. I am freaking out.”

“Tay?” He asks and then I see his face go completely pale. “Jesus Cal, please tell me it’s Tay that’s pregnant.”

Oh shit is all I can think. It isn’t just bad, but really bad. He didn’t hear me right. “No it isn’t Tay, and no one is pregnant dude. I already have a kid.”

Ah, there it is. The 'oh fuck' face I was expecting.

“Yep! Pretty much dude.” I say and roll my head to crack my neck making him cringe at the sound, a small joy for the moment.

“Who’s the mom?” He asks the most obvious of questions.

“Remember Jenny Pope?” I ask with my head down, looking at him over the top of my sunglasses.

“No way? Fuck Cal seriously? Jenny Pope without protection?” He shakes his head and starts pacing, his nerves now shot too. I knew he would take this news hard because of how tight we are, but that bond is why he was my first call.

“I know what you’re thinking dude and I have no doubt that boy is mine. He has a set of matching Dorian peepers.”

He is still shaking his head but as I answered the one question I knew he’d ask I saw the realization set in. “How old is this kid?” He asks and stops pacing when he leans against the side of my Jeep.

“She told my mom he’s almost two.” I say and now I am shaking my head as I am reminded of how neglected he has been and in the same blink of an eye I vow to never let him feel an ounce of neglect again.

“So I assume it’s why you wanted me to meet you here? For a DNA test?” He asks and I am again shaking my head.

“I know I’ll need one, but I am certain he is my kid. Thing is though, this little boy is so far off of how Noelle acts dude and his head is not shaped right. He hasn’t been anyone’s priority. He can barely stand, he can only say momma and he just sits and stares at me. He doesn’t play or laugh.”

“So it’s about getting DNA and then custody?” He asks and he knows he is right but I nod a yes anyway. “Good. Fucking nail her ass with abandonment too.”

“Dude she wants money, plain and simple.”

He now nods in agreement and watches me as I light another Red. “What’d Tay say about all of this?”

It isn’t a secret to the people we love that Tay and I had a pretty intense fling, but only Shamus knows it was a hell of a lot more than a fling. “I haven’t told anyone but you, and now I am about to bring Craig in hoping he knows the biggest baddest child advocate lawyer in the nation.”

“I agree with finding the shark, but hell no on keeping this from Tayla. Fuck whatever went down between you two, she needs to know this now so Coven can handle Jenny when she comes looking for cash. This is totally about getting rich dude and if Tay finds out the hard way you’re fucked, but it could damage the band too.”

He must have forgotten who I am. “What the hell happened to you just now? Did you have a lapse in memory and forget who the fuck I am? I am aware of every possible outcome down to being dramatic here Shame. Right now this is personal and I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have.”

“Look Cal, I know you love her. She doesn’t and nobody else does either, but I know and this secret will crush any chance dude and secrets are a bitch to the one in the dark.” I know he is speaking from personal experience. Cassa hid more skeletons from Shame it was a fucking graveyard in her closet. I know he is right, but I have to do this with grace.

“I know it, but I want to have a plan of action when I do this. I want a lawyer on it, I want at the very least temporary custody and I want proof beyond any doubt that he is mine. Only then will I go and fess up to all my fucking around.”

He nods and looks to the building we are about to enter. “You gonna tell Noah and Chad?” He asks.

“Yeah as soon as we meet up for Saturday dinner.” I say and I will ask the guys to talk in the studio where there can be no eavesdropping.

He nods again and we stand in shocked silence. We get in the elevator and I push the twenty two for Craig’s floor. Shame looks at me and he is still shaking his head. “Do you know his name?” He asks, and this is the uncle in him curious of the new guy in our family and I find it oddly comforting.

I smile a proud fatherly smile. “Dude yeah. His name is Axe.”

“No shit?” He says with a smile.

I nod. “No shit.”

“Dude that is bad ass!”

I laugh as the doors open. “Right!” I say and we laugh making our way in to change little Axe’s fate.

By the time I left Craig’s office I had an appointment scheduled with Shelby Clintwood the number one custody lawyer in the nation at eight am in the morning. Axe would be going with me and that was when Shame dropped the loaded question. “Dude he is two. You got a car seat right?”

I called my mom assuming that Jenny left a car seat for Axe, not surprised at all that she hadn’t. Worked up with injustice on my son’s behalf I toss my phone on the floor of my Jeep and hit the wheel. Shame standing just at the window sighs and grabs his phone and starts typing. I assume or at the very least hope he is googling how to buy a car seat, install a car seat, and buckle a car seat...

I watch wondering what the hell he is doing and trying not to panic when he looks at me. “You need to come clean now. I just text Carrie and Chad and told them we were stopping by.” He slaps the side of my Jeep door when I go to protest. “Dude they have a kid about the same age, not me. We need facts about how to parent this kid safe Cal.”

I laugh. “We?” I say and roll my eyes.

“It takes an entire band to raise a TAT kid.”

Cal

By the time we get to Carrie and Chads I can’t help but notice Noah’s car parked there. Things have been strained between us for the last few months since he left the band, a decision I am not ever going to accept.

By the time I am out of my Jeep I see Cassa pull in behind Shame. The major grin on her face tells me Shame spilled the beans already. The fact she is skipping and squealing in glee as she charges me confirms all suspicions. “Oh my God Cal! Congratulations! What a fucking bitch but congratulations to you.”

I wish I could feel her excitement but instead all I feel is worry and a hell of a lot of anger and I am so confused. Here is this little kid who I will do anything to protect because the only good thing his mom ever did for him was bring him home to me... and name him Axe. Seriously, kid has ‘son-of-a-rock-star’ all over that name.

“I don’t know if this is a celebration yet.” I say and fist my hands in my pockets.

“No matter what hun, this little boy is a gift and you celebrate that.” I know that Cassa would give her very soul to have a child and I feel like shit.

“You’re right baby girl. Absolutely.”

Her smile has me believing those words, and I follow them into the house in hopes of leaving with a damn clue.

I look at my friends, the second family I have by any rights, as they all look at me like I have two heads. Shame and Sass on the same side of the kitchen counter as me, Chad, Noah and Carrie, sitting stunned on the bar stools across from us.

“Oh, and no Tayla doesn’t know and I want this top secret until I have answers to the questions I know she’ll ask me.” I say and watch as Noah gives me a look with a hint of anger in it. He holds against me the fact I denied my love for Tayla the very night Cans died. I don’t know if he will ever forgive me for it. “I don’t want to kill any possible chance when I am hoping for a small one with her. Until I have the facts I don’t want this in her head.”

“Cal that is a pretty bold plan.” Noah says and I don’t know why that all I feel when I am around him anymore is that he wants to egg me on.

“Look I already have so much to make up for, but bringing this kid into it after the hell I can guess he’s been in his whole life, I don’t know man, I don’t want to fuck this kid up anymore. I know Tay; she’ll want to be involved. She will research every law out there and make it her mission and there are no guarantees he is mine. I need it separate for now.”

Noah watches me intensely for what feels like forever then nods. “I get it. It makes sense to keep them separate until we know. Just don’t want this to blow up in your face man. If you really are going to fix this thing with Tay then you need to do it honestly. When you know, she needs to be your first call.”

I nod and sigh completely burnt out on the day’s events.

“I don’t know what to say other than congrats Cal.” Carrie says and comes to hug me tight. “One of my most favorite things about you is how you are with Noelle. Axe is a lucky boy to have you for a father.” I hug her close, grateful for what she said.

“Dude congrats on the new dude and the killer name. At least she did right by him there and didn’t name him something un-rock star like Carl or Bradly.” Noah says and he has a soft smile as he holds his fist out and we tap knuckles.

“That is what I said earlier. That name and bringing him to me are the smartest choices she made in her life for damn sure.”

“Okay seriously you guys are acting like idiots with the name choice. Axe is a tool for chopping wood.” Carrie says and Chad clears his throat.

“No baby that is a bad ass name.” He says and we guys agree.

“Why is it so amazing?” She asks and as if on cue myself, Shamus, Noah and Chad all answer in unison.

“Axel Rose.” And then we start laughing while Carrie groans and Cassa laughs with an ‘Oh good hell.”

We laugh and chat more on all the shit that comes with a kid. That feeling of missing out is back though as I listen to Carrie and Chad and the plethora of questions I have no answer too. Finally it is all so much I snap.

“Look. I just met him today. I have no clue if he can crawl let alone walk but I am guessing no. I highly doubt he has seen a doctor since the day he left the hospital. I don’t know what he eats, drinks, sleeping patterns I don’t even know what a sleeping pattern is. I don’t have a single damn thing for him and so just get your shit and take me shopping because talking is making me freak out.”

Carrie is on it, grabbing her purse and my arm telling Chad over her shoulder that she will be back later. I don’t know how she knew what I needed but I was grateful for the lack of my personal peanut gallery seeing my panic attack. She links her arm through mine as we walk to my Jeep. “You are going to be fine Cal. I got your back, we all do. Now first things first we need a car seat and then we are getting little Axe and going shopping.”

I let her lead the way and trust she knows her shit.

By the time Axe and I get home from spending more money in a single store than I ever thought imaginable, I feel like I have a head start on getting this boy in a stable situation. I bought him everything Carrie pointed at. I bought him toys that will help him learn as well as some toys that I most definitely will be able to play with him.

We got his entire bedroom set and this crib that will turn into a regular bed when he is ready and everything is being delivered tomorrow.

“What are you thinking for a nursery theme?” Carrie asked me earlier when we walked into the furniture store in Renton. We had swapped kids for a minute and I think it was because Carrie being a female made Axe feels a little more comfortable, so I had Noelle on my shoulders and Carrie held my son in her arms with his little arms wrapped around her neck.

“Theme?” I ask and grab Noelle letting her slide off my back as we come to a Disney Princess display for a young girl’s room. “And we are losing her.” I say as Noelle runs toward the princess room.